Yuugiou Duel Monsters MCGT
by Ronriou
Summary: A group of three Yuugiou fans get themselves wrapped up in the darkest, most bone-chilling aspect of their favourite anime and manga franchise, the stories from it's fandom...
1. The Cruelest Review

The year 20XX. During times of political and economic, no human alive is tackling the true crisis that grips the Earth, measuring the quality of Yuugiou works on . In a world mostly lacking heroes willing to risk live, death, and certain boredom to carry out such a mission, only three people will step up and take the challenge head on.

Our heroes are;

1. Biggs Norton, an ex-Fanfic writer with a serious chip on his shoulder.

2. Eric A. Wedge, a honest-to-Osiris hardcore Yuugiou fan, owning all manga volumes, with every anime episode downloaded, and little to no knowledge of the card game.

3. Jessica Chomsky, no relation to the 'Other Chomsky', as rabid and misinformed as rabid misinformed Yaoi fan girls come.

Today our heroes plunge straight into the deep end (well, not exactly..) and tackle WhiteAsukalover's 'The Cruelest Heart'.

------------------------------------Yuugiou: Duel Monsters Fiction Theatre------------------------

Six o'clock in the evening and our three heroes are sitting around a coffee table in Biggs' flat. There is a general air of poverty about his apartment. Eric cannot help but stare satisfied at Biggs' many _many_ posters of anime women of ambiguous ages that decorate the walls. Jessica meanwhile has distracted herself by doodling pictures of Junk Warrior and Kuribon in suggestive poses when Biggs sits down at the table with three fresh sets of print-outs. He distributes them accordingly to Eric and Jessica.

Biggs: Alright guys, seeing as this is just our first outing, I figured I'd choose a nice easy and short one.

Eric: Ooh, so we can read more if we want to?

Biggs: ……we'll see Eric, we'll see…

Eric: You don't sound keen on the idea…

Biggs: It's just uhh… I read the first line of the fic when I was waiting at the printer, and uhh, you'll see yourself…

Jessica: So lesse, today's fic is WhiteAsukalover's (no periods) fanfic 'The Cruelest Heart'?

Biggs: Cruellest

Jessica: What?

Biggs: It's spelt 'cruellest' Two Ls

Jessica: Wha? Does that really matter?

Biggs: It does to me

Jessica: It's probably the Americanised spelling

Biggs: English English is proper English

Eric: C'mon Biggs, don't be a language Nazi

Biggs: Get a dog to stop sniffing his 'nads first

Eric: Can we leave this for now?

Biggs: Yeah, regrettably, we SHOULD really get on with the fic. Okay… ah, here's what got me dubious from the off…

'**A/N: Here****'****s another short story of my own desires'**

Jessica: ……..is this a female writer?

Eric: Eh?

Jessica: Male or female?

Biggs: Male I think

Jessica: Shame… well, he could be.. Y'know…

Biggs: You're hoping s/he means 'Yaoi desires' don't you?

Jessica: Pretty much, too much for a girl to ask? I mean, surely it's okay if I want to know whether two male characters, possibly related by blood are tying each other up and violating one another with assorted fruit and blunt instruments…

Biggs: You've issues and I'd like to move on…

'**A/N: Here****'****s another short story of my own desires. This time Yubel meets Asuka in the spirit world realm and taunts her about her past with Judai and eventually turns her against Judai. Enjoy!'**

Eric: Hey why'd they repeat the first part again?

Biggs: Get out my mind Eric…

Eric: You think it's a mistake or do you think it's intentional?

Biggs: Yeah, probably a mistake, but either I think it's forgivable since it's not part of the main fic.

Eric: The benefit of the doubt… if I knew the moon was gonna be blue tonight I'd have gone stargazing instead

Biggs: Your sarcasm is not appreciated Eric Abe-

Eric: Don't you dare say my middle name!

Jessica: Eh? Eric has a middle name? What is it?

Eric: Uhh, look here. Seems like it's gonna be a hetero' fic Jessica, sorry.

Biggs: Changing the subject much?

Jessica: Aw dammit, maybe next time

Eric: Though, if it ships all three characters mentioned, only one is a straight pairing since Yubel's kinda a hermaphrodite, ex-man, lady-devil…. thing… Ack, it's times like this I wish the GX writers weren't trying to out-mindf*ck NGE…

Biggs: In my eyes, the more pressing matter is the 'taunts her about her past with Judai and eventually turns her against Judai' line

Eric: What about it?

Biggs: WhiteAsukalover uses the same proper noun twice in the same sentence when WhiteAsukalover should've just used 'him' since it's grammatically correct and reads aloud a lot smoother

Eric: But you just did the same thing

Biggs: It was to highlight my point. I was also kinda hoping you'd call me on it

Eric: Why?

Biggs: Just so anyone listening in to our conversation wouldn't be able to remark about any hypocrisy in my analysis, you know how SOME people would probably use anything like that to disregard our opinions…

All three: ……………………

Eric: You're gonna have to fix that wall…

Jessica: Can we move on?

Biggs: Before we do I just wanna mention that the phrase 'spirit world realm' will invade my nightmares and do unspeakable things to my body. And the disclaimer manages to give out spoilers… Anyway…

'**A voice giggled softly in the distance.'**

Eric: Sooo, no set-up eh?

Biggs: Hell, even we had a set-up of sorts when we're being written in a script fic-style

Eric: You're aware of the medium?

Biggs: What do you mean, why would I? This isn't a séance so why would there be a medium here?

Eric: Listening to that pun was like being raped by bad humour

Biggs: You think that's bad you should bless your soul we didn't decide to read fanfics for a comedy anime

Eric: I wouldn't mind being spirited away right now

Jessica: I don't think you have a ghost of a chance on that one…

Eric: Uhh, betcha you can see the spectre of defeat over me now…

Biggs: Okay, now that we've exhausted the medium puns…

Jessica: I've got more!

Biggs: No you don't, shut up. Anyway, I can't understand this choice. I know it's good to leave some things up to the reader's imagination, but leaving every last detail is a bit much to ask the reader. Where is it set? What's the atmosphere like? What about the pathetic phallusy?

Jessica: heh heh… Freudian slip…

Biggs: (giving Jessica the ol' stink eye) ……pathetic fallacy… I mean, how're you supposed to imagine this in your head?

Eric: Be creative

Biggs: That's not the reader's job

Eric: Fair point..

Jessica: …….

Biggs: ……

Eric: ……..punch-line goes here

'"**Who****'****s there?****"**** The dirty blonde duelist Asuka Tenjoin asked.'**

Biggs: I choose to subvert the meaning of that line for my own benefits

Eric: She's not really dirty blonde in the sense s/he means it either

Biggs: I think he was clutching at descriptive straws… after one previous sentence. Then there's the incorrect spelling of 'duellist'

Jessica: For Christ's sake Biggs! Let it go, they can change the English language as they see fit if they want to, they ARE sorta offshoots of England after all

Biggs: You're wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. They're mainly Irish and German. Both those countries have their own languages, so yeah….

Jessica: Language fag…

Biggs: You're just pissed that you got futtbucked by logic.

Jessica: Okay fine, next sentence… or paragraph… even if the paragraph break isn't necessary for this one.

'**The voice chuckled evilly softly and revealed herself as the spirit Yubel.'**

Biggs: 'Evilly softly'? What a delightfully awful oxymoron.

Eric: Somewhere in there is a good sentence buried under stylistic turd

Jessica: Shame really…

Eric: ….so that's all we have to say about this?

Jessica: Kinda speaks for itself

Eric: I guess so, next is…

'**Asuka gasped in terror. ****"****Y-Yubel?****"**** She asked shakily.'**

Biggs: Hm, not too disastrous. But the gasping in terror could have been used to describe the speech.

'**Yubel grinned maliciously and nodded.'**

Jessica: So she's the strong-silent-type in this fic?

Eric: That's bad characterisation, typically, Yubel was prone to endless amounts of teasing and very rarely shut up

Biggs: At least I've no grammatical qualms this time

Eric: That's true, so they obviously did something right.

'"**What d-do you want?****"**** Asuka asked, a bit frightened.'**

Eric: Asuka seems to be sliiiiiiightly better written, though, I suppose it could be too early to say. In any case…

'"**Asuka…your called the Obelisk Queen. Ha! You never were. You know what you were Queen of?****"**** Yubel taunted.'**

Jessica: …..What the crap?

Eric: I liked it better when Yubel was stoic and silent…

Biggs: That's some serious pancake dialogue…

Eric: Even 4kids' writers would scoff at that!

Biggs: Also, queen doesn't need capitalising in the second occurrence

Eric: That's your concern here?! Dude, s/he's made Yubel sound like some high school cheerleader bitch!

Biggs: Calm down Eric, it's not THAT bad

Eric: Not that bad!? You're kidding me right?

Jessica: Urgh… why did you guys have to swap boots? I dunno which one is worse

Biggs: I'd like to point out the misspelling of 'you are' or 'you were' or whatever it's meant to be. Now let's move on before Eric pops a blood vessel

'**Asuka gulped quietly as she answered. ****"****What?****"**** She asked.'**

Biggs: I see a pattern emerging with the layout of sentences containing speech here….

'**Yubel smiled wickedly, loving her fear and uneasiness. ****"****The Association of Light.****"**** She replied.**

**Asuka gasped in shock. ****"****That can****'****t be… I was so cold and icy there.****"**** She protested.'**

Jessica: His puns suck as much as yours Biggs!

Eric: Quite an achievement

Biggs: I wish I had something wittier to say but I think 'Screw you guys' articulates my thoughts without much effort put into it.

Eric: Though I see what you mean about the strange structure of those sentences

Biggs: It's bugging me, but, it's not a major flaw

'**Yubel laughed evilly. ****"****Wrong. Your too scared to admit it but you loved it there. And you hated when that cruel boy, Judai Yuki beat you.****"**** She taunted.'**

Eric: When is this fic set?

Biggs: If the writer had set the scene this would make more sense

Eric: It couldn't be after season 3, and.. To be honest, it couldn't happen during or before either. Asuka can't see card spirits

Biggs: Artistic licence.

Eric: You're willing to call this art?

Biggs: …..damn, I'm forced to take your side on this one it seems.

'"**No that****'****s a lie! I didn****'****t want to be Saiou****'****s eternal servant!****"**** Asuka shouted, as her knees began to quiver.'**

Biggs: (throwing his arms up in the air in celebration) Heeeey! He structured it right for once!

Eric: 'grats WhiteAsukalover

'"**Oh yes you did, little Asuka. There you had everything. Respect, power and you struck fear into Judai Yuki…****"**** Yubel coaxed, stroking Asuka****'****s blonde hair in mock affection.'**

Eric: ……Yuri? Awesome

Jessica: Yuri? Yuck!

Biggs: I'm fairly sure Yubel probably has a penis somewhere, it stops being yuri when the girl has a penis.

Eric: My fun. You ruined it.

Jessica: WhiteAsukalover ruined mine….

'**Asuka whimpered softly, unable to think of a way to protest.**

"**You were the White Queen Asuka Tenjoin. Admit that you loved the power you gained from it.****"**** Yubel taunted.'**

Eric: Her surname has a U in it. Tenjouin. Still, it's a common mistake.

Biggs: I'm more concerned about his pizza crust not rising here

Eric: Enough with the obscure analogies already! Moving on…

'"**Well my deck was powerful but Judai…****"**** Asuka started.**

"**Judai defeated you because he knew with you as the White Queen, he****'****d lose his precious attention as the top Academia student.****"**** Yubel answered, with a twisted smile.**

"**That can****'****t be. Judai wasn****'****t dueling for himself, w-was he?****"**** Asuka choked out, cracking under the pressure of Yubel****'****s cruel game.**

**Yubel giggled wickedly softly. ****"****Yes he was, Asuka. Every duel he****'****s ever been a part of has only been for himself and no one else.****"**

**Asuka gasped in shock.'**

Eric: Because Yubel's the height of selflessness, disregarding the fact she wanted to destroy the entire universe and murdered most of Judai's friends just so she could get jiggy with him.

Biggs: You listening Jessica? That's what happens with Yaoi

Jessica: And if semi-yuri results in a creepy demon mind raping the resident chick, I hate to imagine what full-on yuri would cause…

Biggs: If you're me, a desperate need for tissues

Jessica: That's disgusting

Biggs: I'll say

Jessica: I need female friends

Biggs: If you say that fives times this episode you officially have the vocabulary of a 4kids character interpretation

Eric: Also, I think you'll find having a stronger deck had very little to do with Asuka's stay in the White Dorm

'**Yubel smiled darkly. ****"****Shocking isn****'****t it? When he dueled you when you were the White Queen, it was only to satisfy his own selfish needs. He doesn****'****t care about anyone but himself.****"**** She told the frightened girl.'**

Biggs: I knew it was too good to last…

Eric: I have a confession guys…

Jessica: What's wrong Eric?

Eric: Well, I know the majority of stuff we've said has been negative but, to be honest I DO want to read on to see where the story goes

Biggs: You are no son of mine

Eric: But, I only want to read on to see how on Earth this out-of-character story progresses. I mean, is it going anywhere? It feels like we skipped half the beginning, will we see the backstory via flashbacks, because it clearly isn't the story from the anime.

Biggs: I love how that's a compliment and a 'take that!' at the same time…

'"**So he only dueled me so he could be the popular one with all the glory again?****"**** Asuka asked, falling into Yubel****'****s trap.**

**Yubel nodded, looking right at her. ****"****Exactly. He is evil, Asuka. A evil wicked boy who will do anything to make sure he is number 1 and every one else is just a simple tool to him.****"**** She coaxed her.'**

Eric: Face, meet Palm, Palm, Face. Oh? You guys have met before?

Biggs: It should be AN evil wicked boy too. That's too simple to be a rookie mistake, that's just no grasp of grammar.

Eric: Asuka seems impossibly mentally unstable here…

Biggs: I agree that this fic is taking seriously liberties with the characterisation here

Jessica: I'm sick of the implied yuri or.. Het… or whatever it would be with Yubel too

Eric: Is it alright if we just power through the rest?

Biggs: Fine with me, I have this other, more ambiguous thing to do after this

Jessica: I need to bleach my mind with some male on male action too..

Biggs: Delightful! Let the powering through begin..

'**Asuka glared at the ground, balling her hand into a fist. ****"****I can****'****t believe it. All this time he led me on like this. He must pay…****"**** She muttered, her voice growing dark.'**

Eric: Judai's absence and the sudden change of heart Asuka is having make this scene unbelievable.

Bigg: Describing her voice 'growing dark' is also a pretty cheap way of describing her unrealistic and uncharacteristic change of heart too

Jessica: This is why heterosexual relationships are bad

'**Yubel smiled wickedly. ****"****Yes, Asuka. Together we can destroy Judai Yuki.****"**** She replied, placing a hand on the girl****'****s shoulder.**

"**Destroy…Destroy…Judai Yuki…****"**** Asuka chanted quietly.'**

Jessica: Again with the subtext

Eric: I don't like where this is going.. I mean, he really couldn't have that little grasp of the canon…

Biggs: In my experience, never underestimate a fanfic writer's ability to completely steamroller the canon material for the sake of fanwank.

'**Yubel grinned softly, loving seeing her feed into her anger.'**

Eric: Okay, this is typical of the Yubel I know, but I don't think it makes up for the rest of it.

'"**Yubel please take away the pain. Turn me into White Asuka…and bond with me.****"**** Asuka whispered.**

**Yubel giggled. ****"****Of course, little Asuka.****"**** She replied.**

**Yubel****'****s eyes glowed and Asuka****'****s outfit changed from that of the Obelisk Blue to that of the Association of Light and her eyes dulled to the color they were when she was dueling Judai.'**

Eric: What the qwertyuiop?! Okay, it WAS mentioned the Light of Ruin had an effect on Yubel, but she was NOT an avatar of any sort for it like Saiou was. She in now way has the power to do that! Yubel shouldn't be able to do that! GOD!!!

Biggs: I can identify with Yubel on the sadism front..

Jessica: H-how so?

Biggs: I love seeing fagboy over there have a total mental breakdown

'"**Yubel smiled wickedly as her spirit entered Asuka****'****s body, taking recesses deep in Asuka****'****s mind.**

**Asuka smiled darkly and cackled wickedly. ****"****Prepare to meet your demise, Judai Yuki…****"**** She said, her voice cold and wicked.'**

Biggs: Imaaaaagery

Eric: Shouldn't that make Asuka's arm all demonic like it did to Amon, Martin, and Cobra?

Biggs: It's a lousy way to end it to boot..

Eric: That's the end?

Biggs: Seems like it

Eric: Wow… Seemed like we got more out of 600 words than I thought we would. How long did we go on for?

Biggs: 2279 words, 9 pages, on Times New Roman, size 10.

Jessica: The costs to rebuild that wall are going up yet again

Eric: Wow… I'm kinda glad you chose a really short one. So I assume this is ongoing?

Biggs: Yup. It's status is 'Complete'. But I find the subsequent line in this chapter the most change-jinglingly annoying

'**To be continued…'**

Biggs: (shudders) Does that line scare you too?

Jessica: What was the publishing span of this?

Biggs: A year

Jessica: Then it might be worth checking out the final chapter right?

Bigg: Fine, I'll go fire up the printer again.

_After fiddling around with his laptop for a moment, before collecting a series of print-outs in his hand. Once again, he distributes them amongst the three of them._

Jessica: We should probably skim read this one

Biggs: Sounds good, let's see…

'**A/N: As I****'****ve said before, reality calls and I try to avoid it whenever possible, but some days like recently are impossible to avoid, so I apologize for making you all wait so long for this chapter. I haven****'****t totally decided yet, but I****'****m pretty sure that this last chapter will be the last one of The Cruelest Heart. So sit back, relax and enjoy this likely finale! Also Johan once set free will have his dub qualities, mannerisms, et cetera as I don****'****t like his Japanese counterpart.'**

Biggs: Fanfic writers don't have lives, stop trying to make excuses for your liberal update schedule.

Eric: Harsh

Biggs: If you didn't get that aspect of my character thus far you'd be an idiot

Eric: Fair point

Jessica: He seems to be unsure whether this is the end or not

Biggs: If there's anything worse than fan fiction, it's a sequel to a fanfic or a spin-off of one… Also it's been a year and he's STILL spelling cruellest wrong

Jessica: Let it go your freaky imperialist!

Eric: What's the deal with that last part of the disclaimer? He's gonna do every character as their original counterparts but Johan will be the dub version? Not only is that unlikely given how bad his initial characterisation was, it's unlikely he can do either version well, but if he did manage it, the cast would feel disjointed, given character relationships are affected by their personalities.

Biggs: WhiteAsukalover is shoving his crotch into a rock and a hard place is smashing up the rear here, make no mistake…

Eric: Let's just move on…

'**Last Time**

"**Now my 3 remaining dragons, attack her directly and wipe her out!****"**** He called out.**

**The 2 Blue-Eyes and their fusion counterpart nodded, launching their strikes which hit Yubel square on, dealing her a combined 10,500 in damage.**

**Yubel screamed in agony as her life points dropped to 0, while Kaibaman laughed his victorious trademark laugh.**

**After a long hard-fought battle, Yubel was finally defeated…**

**End Flashback'**

Biggs: It seems 12 months hasn't affected this guy's ability to set a scene. The only thing lazier than just writing 'End flashback' without just leaving a break or implementing the flashback into the story is doing a script fic….

Eric: (coughing loudly) A-anyway, what really bugs me is, why the qwertyuiop is Kaibaman defeating the main villain? Why is a one-shot character saving the day? And against a major antagonist no doubt? Was it just so this guy could badly characterise a character who was already a bad homage to an older character?

Jessica: It kinda spoils what's gonna happen by telling you Johan will be released without much hassle.

Biggs: So 12 months, and an equal amount of failure as a year ago…. Lesse, bad characterisation… poor dialogue…. Lack of any insight into the proceedings or their surroundings due to no description, seriously, where are they meant to be right now?

Jessica: Can we stop and highlight this line?

'**Johan laughed softly. ****"****Easy there, buddy. It****'****ll take more than a hostile spirit to keep this boy down.****"**** He chirped happily.'**

Jessica: I get the feeling something might be wrong here?

Biggs: Is it because Johan isn't making out with Judai?

Jessica: Oh screw you! I meant… what's the deal there?

Eric: Jess raises an interesting point. I know that there's hardcore character bastardisation in the dub, and by extension, this fic, but Johan surely shouldn't be so chirpy after being possessed by Yubel and doing god knows what, which was no doubt made possible by some sort of mind-rape

Biggs: That was no doubt written badly

Eric: Exactly, that was no doubt written badly…

Jessica: Heh heh, I dunno, WhiteAsukalover's kinda won me back..

Eric: What do you mean?

Biggs: Aw crap, check out the next line…

'**Kaibaman smiled at the 2 boys embracing each other.'**

Biggs: Goddamn it.. One fic dammit, one Yuugiou fic without ANY yaoi would be nice… we can always dream..

Eric: ….why does he portrayed Kaibaman not only as the ultimate hero, but as a dirty bastard? Squick at it's best…

Biggs: Hey wait!

Eric: What is it?

Biggs: This Johan is meant to be the dub version right?

Eric: It says so in the disclaimer

Biggs: Then explain this

'"**So Judai-kun,****"**** Johan began'**

Biggs: Why's he using honorifics if he's the localised American version? And come to think of, didn't Judai call him 'Johan-kun' before?

Eric: Yeah but… those two referred to each other without honorifics to show how close of a relationship they had…

Biggs: Strange, I think the writer was trying to flaunt his knowledge of Japanese honorifics, which makes it more ironic since he's used them wrong.

Eric: Uhhh, I think I need a drink…

Biggs: (watching Eric as he walks over to the fridge and pours a glass of milk) Okay, I'll read the next bit out for you… lesse…

'**Meanwhile Sho moaned in pain as his new black Hell Kaiser-esque outfit reverted back to his old Ra Yellow outfit.'**

Eric: (_spitting the mouthful of milk he had over the surface of Biggs' fridge, he turns back to the table and almost slams his head off the desk to grab and review the fic_) What the qwertyuiop?! Okay, since Sho is my favourite GX character, this poor characterisation really pisses me off! This confirms this is season 4, meaning his characterisation of Yubel is seriously wrong, and what's worse is that Sho is entirely opposed to his brother's Hell Kaiser views, so why the qwertyuiop would he become another Hell Kaiser?!

Biggs: Maybe the writer just didn't care… I think we've said all we need to here, save for the laziness in the 'Hell Kaiser-esque' remark as opposed to actually describing the outfit…

"**Sho-kun!****"**** Judai exclaimed happily**

Biggs: Again… no honorifics….

'"**It****'****s ok, Sho. All that matters now is that you****'****re safe and free from Yubel****'****s control.****"**** Judai answered.'**

Biggs: Hang on, a moment ago he was using honorifics but now they're on the correct first name basis? What gives?

Jessica: I think you hit the nail on your head when you said WhiteAsukalover was just trying to show off his flawed knowledge of Japanese

Biggs: Yeah looks that way, you know I can never decide whether I prefer being right or despise it with all my cold, dead heart

Jessica: Can't it be both?

Biggs: You'd think so wouldn't you? Anyway, skim read… skim read…. Holler if you find something

Eric: Oh here we go! You'll have something to say about this for sure Biggs

Biggs: Do share

'"**Be quiet!!!****"**** Yubel screamed, enraged.'**

Biggs: Exclamation marks don't stack. The more you use, the less intelligent you are!!

Eric: I'll bear that in mind!

Jessica: Why didn't we mention all the hugging before?!!!

''**Why I****'****m going to do this, I****'****ll never know…****'**** Kaibaman thought, deep within his psyche before he spoke up to the likely doomed spirit. ****"****Look, do you honestly want to be sent to the stars?****"**** He questioned Yubel gently.'**

Eric: Ack… why's he using that stupid dub 'Sent to the stars' thing?

Biggs: From all evidence present, it seems he's actually got little knowledge of the franchise's continuity anyway, so why are you surprised?

Eric: I'm foolish enough to have faith in humanity…

Biggs: Dark.

Jessica: Guys, I think the entire ending needs addressing in one fell swoop

Biggs: (after skim reading the rest with a dissatisfied face) Yeah, I agree…

'**Kaibaman smiled gently at her. ****"****That doesn****'****t matter. That was the darkness that had enveloped your heart that was in control. But during the duel, I sensed there was still good within your heart, and now all that matters is saving you, Yubel…-chan.****"**** He spoke the honorific with complete sincerity this time.**

"**SAVE HER?! HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND, KAIBAMAN?!****"**** The 4 Duel Academia students cried out.**

**Kaibaman turned back to them. ****"****Like I said, she****'****s not all evil and I won****'****t allow her to be sent to the stars!****"**** He declared firmly, before turning back to Yubel.**

"**But how can you save me, Kaibaman…-kun?****"**** She asked, also using the honorific with total sincerity.**

"**Just trust me.****"**** He urged her quietly.**

"**I trust you.****"**** Yubel whispered, that statement coming from the part of her soul that still held light.**

**Kaibaman nodded. ****"****All right.****"**** He answered before closing his eyes; he then spoke up once more. ****"****Powers of light and love, hear my call! I purify this spirit****'****s soul of all evil, and spare thee from the stars…****"**** He chanted.**

**Yubel****'****s eyes widened in shock. Slowly she felt her former desires of wanting to destroy Judai simply melt away.**

**Kaibaman then turned to Judai, who nodded.**

"**I take Yubel****'****s soul upon my own! May she and Haou be reunited for eternity!****"**** Judai shouted to the sky above it seemed.**

"**Angels within this vast realm, I beseech thee! Spare Yubel!****"**** Kaibaman yelled, and like it was never there, the golden aura around her, along with all her darkness was wiped clean from her soul…**

"**There, Yubel. The darkness that plagued your soul is gone, now your inner light can at last shine…****"**** Kaibaman said, smiling happily.**

**Yubel smiled with happy tears in her blue-green and orange eyes. For the first time in many years, she had true non-twisted happiness. She then turned to Judai. ****"****Judai-kun, I****'****m so sorry…****"**** She whispered.**

**Judai smiled at her. ****"****It****'****s ok. The important thing is that your darkness is gone forever, now you, Haou and I can be one spirit.****"**

**Yubel smiled back, her spirit entering Judai****'****s, fusing with him and Haou. After so long, her spirit could finally be in peace…**

**Then a bright light surrounded the group and they along with all those that had been sent to the stars or that had been wronged by Yubel returned safely to their own dimensions.**

**Judai looked at Kaibaman, whose spirit was returning to his own realm. ****"****Thank you.****"**** He whispered solemnly.**

**Kaibaman grinned and nodded. ****"****Maybe we****'****ll meet again someday. Farewell Judai…****"**** He said his goodbyes as his spirit returned to his own realm.**

**At long last, all worlds were at peace…'**

Eric: What a ghastly ending…

Biggs: He's stripped his villain of any impact or, frankly, motive

Jessica: There's actually not that much conclusion and Yubel's actions seem to have no repercussions, also she doesn't really get her comeuppance…

Biggs: He's made Kaibaman into a Marty Stu Deus Ex Machina for Christ's sake!

Eric: Boy, if I'd been gradually reading this fic across the span of one year, this ending would piss me off.. Really…

Biggs: I'm curious. I HAVE to check what other people said about this ending…

_Biggs pulls his laptop away from charging idly in the corner and follows the hyperlink to the reviews page._

Biggs: Only one review for the final chapter by the looks of things

Eric: What does it say?

Biggs: 'Good ending.'

Eric: Well that's just wrong, even the most crushing dating sim doesn't have endings this bad. Kotonoha throwing herself out of a window or slitting Sekai's throat in public shrink away in awe of how awful an ending this is.

Biggs: Peach_Cookie… you are so very, very wrong…. But, it's what I'd expect from a community ran on Pally-Power…

Jessica: Hm, guess that's right. Okay is that it?

Biggs: Seems like it

Eric: Time for the closing statements. Jessica?

Jessica: Well, as much as I enjoyed the brief Yaoi moments in the final chapter, listening to you guys and your comments, it seems like the writer has little grasp of the source material, which instantly screws him over.

Eric: Personally, as I'm not as much of a Grammar Nazi as Biggs..

Biggs: Oi…

Eric: …I could have forgiven it if it had good characterisation and a good plot. However everyone is wildly out of character and the plot seems to convulse in respect to the canon. Also, the fact that this was done so the author could… satisfy his 'desires' makes it all just a bad, um, what was it you called it earlier Biggs?

Biggs: Fanwank

Eric: Yeah that… Okay, let's have it 'language Goebbels'

Biggs: Well, the writing style is pretty damn awful. There's no flair, it flows like a spiked mace moving through your digestion tract. The characterisation, as Eric mentioned, is very poor and the plot doesn't strike me as coherent, but then maybe a masterpiece was lurking from the beginning and end that we missed out on, but it's highly unlikely. Also, it seems pretty damn short to me, I mean, it's 16 chapters long and clocks in at 16000-ish words. We've gotten 5000-ish words in at this point, and bearing in mind that only about 600 of those are quoting the fanfic, that's about a quarter the size of his entire fanfic, in one chapter. At least we've got an excuse for having no description!

Eric: That poor wall….

Biggs: Overall, I dislike this fic, I don't truly hate it, because I'm not a lifeless fag like Eric, so I'm not all upset about him buggering up every last character. So, like his conclusion, I conclude in a pathetic unsatisfying way with simply… 'It's bollocks'. Okay, not that we're finished I look forward to wasting another Friday night with you guys again next week. Now get the hell out of my flat!

Jessica: See you next week Biggs

Eric: Don't develop liver cancer

Biggs: I can't make any promises… Something like that would prevent me for reading anymore fics like this

---------------------------------------------------------End---------------------------------------------------------------------

**Stepping Through The Wall**

Eric: Okay, well that's that, overall I think it went okay…

Jessica: I hope so. Do you think people like our characters?

Biggs: No-one will like Eric.

Eric: Maybe I'll be a fan favourite…

Biggs: You think we'll have fans? FFN is dictated by Pally-Power, we're gonna get a load of angry reviews overflowing with flawed arguments at best!

Eric: Wow… if we're gonna just get hate, hate, and more hate, is it worth doing more?

Biggs: Naturally, it's fun to see angry people scream at you without any support to their rage

Eric: You're the worst kind of human being

Biggs: No. The worst kind of human being would be the people who don't even smile at this out of a smug sense of self-satisfaction

Jessica: Anyway, since I didn't get many lines this time around, can be the first to say the closing speech?

Biggs: Go for it, I got a hot date with the internet and some tequila slammers.

Eric: I have to go stalk the reviews page to see what people say anyway…

Jessica: Gross and creepy guys, gross and creepy…. Anyhow… We hope you enjoyed the first instalment in the weekly 'Yuugiou Duel Monsters Mystery Card Game Theatre'. We'll be back next Friday reviewing another fic. In the mean time, since we aren't as pissy as SOME authors here, we look forward to hearing what you have to say for better or for worse. Really. Honest. Hand to God….. But, if you enjoyed our "review" or you just hated the fic in question and would like to see another fic you hate ripped on, submit your suggestions for our next instalment in a review. We look forward to hearing from you. Really. Honest. Hand to God. But for now, good night , and remember, if you guys stop writing, we go out of business, so spam the Yuugiou sections with fics great, small, marvellous, and terrible! The worse it is, the funnier we'll be!

"Go beyond the unreadable! Don't believe in canon, believe in fanon that subverts the canon! That's the Yuugiou Fandom way!"

----------------------------------**The Writer's Angry Note of the Week**--------------------

Writer: FFN's 2 day 'till submission anti-spam policy is a load of crap!


	2. Critical Wounds

The year 20XX. During times of political and economic unrest, no human alive is tackling the true crisis that grips the Earth, measuring the quality of Yuugiou works on . In a world mostly lacking heroes willing to risk live, death, and certain boredom to carry out such a mission, only three people will step up and take the challenge head on.

Our heroes are;

1. Biggs Norton, an ex-Fanfic writer with a serious chip on his shoulder.

2. Eric A. Wedge, a honest-to-Osiris hardcore Yuugiou fan, owning all manga volumes, with every anime episode downloaded, and little to no knowledge of the card game.

3. Jessica Chomsky, no relation to the 'Other Chomsky', as rabid and misinformed as rabid misinformed Yaoi fan girls come.

Today our heroes target yami-veale and in the process "Open Wounds" they didn't want to. Cwutididthar?

------------------------------------Yuugiou: Mystery Card Game Theatre------------------------

_Yet another Friday night, yet another bout within the cesspit of decaying food and questionable posters that is Biggs Norton's flat. Eric and Jessica both arrived a tad late, however to Biggs, this was a blessing, he had time to print out the fanfic they were reviewing and do some "other stuff" he had planned for later. They took off their coats and shoes and sat around the table, preparing for yet another fanfic read-through_

Biggs: Well here we are, another Friday night, another fanfic

Jessica: Hm?

Biggs: What? What's wrong?

Jessica: It feels a bit longer than a week since last time, are you sure it's Friday?

Biggs: Yes it is…

Jessica: But hasn't it been 9 days since we…

Biggs: It's…. Friday…. Woman….

_Biggs stares deep into Jessica's eyes with a highly unsubtle fury, causing her to recoil in her chair_

Jessica: ….'kay…

Eric: Yo Eric, what's the fic this week?

Biggs: It's one called Open Wounds. Tragedy/romance… oh joy….

Eric: What don't you do to a book by it's cover?

Biggs: ……….get out the tissue?

Eric: Biggs!

Biggs: _(groaning) _Fiiiiine, I won't make any judgements yet

Eric: It's you… I'm not holding my breath on that one.

Jessica: In any case, I wanna get stuck in!

Biggs: You're just hoping it's Yaoi aren't you?

Jessica: I got by last week with minimal amounts of ho yay so I'm hoping for something more full on this week

Biggs: Well let's get a move on and see.

**When he woke up, he was in pain.**

Biggs: Hm. Good opening line. Instantly catches the reader's attention. So far, I'm impressed

Eric: ….what's the catch?

Biggs: Ooooh? No catch, I'm drawn iiin

Eric: Ah. Sarcasm

Biggs: Well.. Semi, it is a good opening line but, yeah, like that'd be enough.

Jessica: You know what else is "semi" something?

Biggs and Eric: What?

Jessica: The obligatory penis joke! Hah!

Biggs: …..you're not allowed to talk anymore….

**The pain in his heart and his body that he wakes up to everyday that never goes away.**

Biggs: Again, it's alright, but it feels like half a sentence is missing here, or it should have been made into a part of the previous sentence.

Eric: Maybe it was a mistake?

Biggs: Easy enough to do, everyone misses out pieces of sentences at times like this one time and so I said "That's no feasible way to stabilise the economy, that's my wife!"

Eric: …I see

Biggs: Yeah…

**Has it really only been six months since everyone had forgotten about him. Ever since he got his own body, his friends drifted further and further away from him till they almost forgot he existed. Yugi lied there on his bed wondering what went wrong.**

Biggs: I spy with my little eye, something beginning with "Missing question mark"

Eric: Valid statement, bad joke

Jessica: So Yuugi's friends have drifted away huh?

Eric: Given that the principal theme of Yuugiou was the "power of friendship" he must've done something terrible for that to happen.

**He he and Atem split into to people, it was like his friends wanted to hang around with him more. Everyday Yugi grew more and more regretful that he had thrown the Ceremonial Battle. He knew he should have revealed the card he had placed in the sarcophagus, which was Monster Reborn. He took a dive because he thought thats what everyone wanted was for Atem to stay**

Biggs: …..huh

Eric: Oh dear….

Jessica: Yikes

Biggs: So.. After a half-decent start, it manages to go off the rails in grammar AND characterisation in one go?

Eric: How does that even work, the body Atem gained for the Ceremonial Duel was just a temporary one anyway. Additionally, by throwing the duel, you've essentially made years of character development redundant…

Jessica: C-C'mon, maybe they can salvage it.

Biggs: 'thats what everyone wanted was for Atem to stay"? God, someone fetch a mop, that sentence needs cleaning up…

**And for a few weeks it seemed like all was going well. Joey, Tristan, Yugi's Grandpa and Tea all but forgot about him. 'Tea' Yugi thought, once his life love turned bitter hate for her.**

Biggs: Redundant 'and' is redundant. Yeah, that was deliberately ironic

Eric: Yugi's Grandpa forgot about him..? Despite having no connection to Atem at all?

Biggs: 'life love'? Damn…

Jessica: If that phrase was a human, it'd have to be you Biggs, it's just THAT corrupt…

Eric: Additionally, was the little thought Yuugi had there really necessary? It adds nothing to the story and just clutters up the already grammatically unsound opening paragraph.

**Unbeknownst to Yugi though, their were some friends who were going to stick by his side. they were: Mai, Duke, Bakura (Ryo) and Yami Bakura, yes even Yami Bakura (he stated that he's never had any problem with the hikari and has in fact preferred him as a friend.)**

Biggs: 'Unbeknownst'? Well that's a very, very big word for you isn't it Yami-veale?

Jessica: Why don't you try being more patronising? Go on, consider it a challenge…

Biggs: If I had a gauntlet I'd throw it at you! Aww look at them writing their big words, big words make big praise, awww don't worry about your misspelling of 'there', the big big word makes up for it, oh yes it does, oh yes it does!

Jessica: And what about you Eric? What are y.. _(noticing a look of rage on Eric's face)_ oh dear…

Biggs: And here comes his trademark curse filtering

Eric: What the qwertyuiop?! How is 'Yami Bakura' still around!? He was Zorc, and Zorc was sealed away, Zorc's dead baby! Zorc's dead! And even if he wasn't, he's the closest Yuugiou gets to Satan incarnate! Just because he has it in for Atem especially, it doesn't mean he doesn't hate everyone else in the entire world! Also, 'grats. You know what hikari and yami mean in English… doesn't mean that's what Yuugi and Bakura's normal personalities are.. The correct term is 'vessel'.. or 'yoki' if the translated term doesn't seem Wapanese enough for you.

Biggs: Ah… I love it when this happens. Normally he's sooo reserved and nice, but as soon as someone hurts his beloved canon, Eric always seems to make me look mild

Jessica: There's something scary about it.. I think we should read on in any case…

**The only way any of the friends knew he even existed would be when Yugi's older bro, Veale, called every-so-often and Tea would have to fake her way through that conversation with his brother, because no one would ever want to piss him off (you'll come to find out why later ;-). Other wise he is either forgotten or treated worse than shit.**

Biggs: OC alert! OC alert!

Eric: urgh… and of the 'unmentioned sibling' variety… even though Yuugi would have been a different person and probably not so lonesome in the start of the series.

Jessica: Also, the author's name has me worried.

Biggs: What do you mean…..

Eric: …..oh no…

All three: Yami-Veale…. _(they groan in unison)_

Biggs: We'll deal with that train wreck when we come to it… In the mean time, what's the deal with the changing tense. It suddenly switches to present tense at the end.

Eric: Can you think of a reason?

Biggs: Yup. Bad writing.

Eric: Harsh

Biggs: Hey, scroll up a bit page, you were pretty harsh just a moment ago

Eric: Ack… damn you reasoning!

Biggs: Also, swearing makes your FUCKING story FUCKING badass and FUCKING mature

Eric: …dude, you forgot the filter

Jessica: It's justified this time… sadly….

Eric: Are you saying that it's justified if he makes a point?

Jessica: Sorta

Eric: If you stomped on a newborn baby's head to prove destiny doesn't exist in some strange philosophical way, it'd be right…

Jessica: ………is it cute?

Eric: You people are wrong. So. Very. Wrong….

**"Hey Tristan, you wanna play a game?" asked Joey**

**"Sure what is it?"**

**"Who can make the little bitch cry first. Hey Atem you wanna go first?"**

**"Sure what do I have to do?"**

**"It's simple all you have to do is punch the little bug as hard as you can and try and make him cry. Me and Tristan used to play it all the time back in the day!"**

Biggs: Le palm du face…

Eric: They really like their swearing don't they?

Biggs: Can I filter dodge again?

Eric: No!

Biggs: I find it unbelievable that after 2 years-ish, more given the '6 months later' thing at the start that Yuugi's friends would turn on him so easily.

Eric: Again, this person doesn't seem to care much for character development and thematic significance from the main series

Jessica: Like Biggs said last 'Friday' it's another case of fanwank, but.. Given how brutal it is, this person may have issues…

Biggs: They write fan fiction, of course they have issues.

**Soon the 3 were laughing and shortly after they were joined by a female voice of laughter. Tea stood in the doorway laughing at Yugi as he laid on the ground. After hearing her laugh, Yugi looked up and showed for the first time in his life, his eyes were full of anger and hate. He thought to himself 'I wish they would all just fucking die those bitches'.**

Biggs: Yaaaay for FU..

Eric: No more swearing, God! You already made your point.

Biggs: We should've totally made a drinking game out of this. _(aside) _If you guys at home would like some fun, why not go read the fic properly and down a shot every time the writer inserts swearing for no adequate reason?

Eric: Huh, you lasted longer before damaging the wall this time, how long was it?

Biggs: Close to 5 pages.

Jessica: And he swings again!

**::FLASHBACK::**

**Atem Tristan and Joey were walking down the street one day. Atem was thinking to himself about something and looked to be in deep thought. Joey asked "What's up man you look like there's something bothering you"**

**"Well Joey it's about my duel with Yugi, I know what card he hid in the sarcophagus but he didn't play it, I wonder why. I think he took a dive on purpose so he wouldn't have to let me go."**

**"Thats bad how?" asked Tristan**

**"Because I don't belong in this world, I belong in the afterlife with my old friends. Sure you guys are here but I'm not suppose to be here. Everyday it makes me more and more angry to the point where I can't see straight. I want to blame Yugi but I cant."**

**"Why not, I can." they were shocked to hear that come from Joey. "it seems to me that Yugi did this out of a goddamn selfish act not wanting to let you go. If he were a true friend he would have. The way I see it, Yugi is no longer a fucking friend to me."**

**"You really feel that way?"**

**"Yeah I do, don't you Tristan?"**

**"Hell man it's Yugi's fault, he ain't my friend anymore. But what about Tea?"**

**"I'm sure we can make her see things our way" smirked Atem**

**::END FLASHBACK::**

Biggs: You know.. One day I'll read a fanfic, and flashback sequences will be integrated into the narrative properly and serve to move the story forward..

Jessica: You'll see Dan Brown research the subject of one of his books before that happens…

Biggs: In other news, Eric, you look like you've got some amusingly angry interjection…

Eric: What kind of qwertyuiop-ing motivation do they have? They would have been friends with Yuugi either way! If Atem stayed, obviously they would have kept a friend, and if he had a body, they'd just have an extra member to their circle, and when he left in the canon, clearly they were still be friends. Your fanfic couldn't happen, and especially not with such bad characterisation.

Biggs: Well, what if you look at it hypothetically?

Eric: Hypothe… geez Biggs, people don't act this way, people aren't capable of being as big of a douche bag as everyone apart from Yuugi is in this fic. Even you pail in comparison, and you're a massive douche bag.

Biggs: Are you expecting fanfic writers to understand how real people work? Dude, most fanfic writers' only experiences with real people are when their classmates make light-hearted jokes about them, y'know, like everyone does with anyone they don't hate, and then the writer grumbles angrily and gives them the stink eye, prompting genuine dislike in the person.

Jessica: What're you getting at?

Biggs: I'm saying, these people think others are douche bags when they themselves are the biggest douche bags of all! The more cynical and snide the fanfic is, the more douche bag-y the writer is!

Eric: That logic doesn't bode well for our writer

Biggs: You're getting the hang of that fourth wall business. And yes, I agree. Let's punch him in the gut and make him cry….. Because society is mean to us in our eyes.

Eric: So basically, getting back to the matter at hand… Yuugi has been transformed into an author surrogate and the rest of the cast are basically the rest of society as portrayed by the writer?

Biggs: Basically

Eric: That's a load of crap… Moving on…

**Tea then picked up her cell phone and began looking through her phonebook she then found the name she was looking for.**

**"Hello?"**

Eric: Tch… it's an effective cliffhanger I suppose

Jessica: Heh, you're kinda cute when you've a massive chip on your shoulder Eric

Biggs: Shame we already know what's coming

Jessica: We do?

Biggs: Or rather we know who's coming

Jessica: Again, we do?

Biggs: The 'forgotten brother that even the original creator didn't know about' character who's invariably going to be another author avatar, only this one will be an idealised version of the writer who everybody loves, solves problems easily, and is generally everything Marty Stu incarnate.

Jessica: I'd honestly like to believe that WON'T be the case buuuuut… yeeeeah

Eric: Exactly

Jessica: Also, shame about the het

Eric: Yeah I suppose that's one thing to the fic's credit, it supports the canon pairings in a sadistic roundabout sort of a way…

Biggs: Well that's chapter 1 over and done with, let's move onto the next one

**"Hello?" said the voice again "Anyone there?"**

**'Hey Bakura it's T-tea"**

**"Oh hey Tea hows it been?" Ryo said in his cheerful British voice**

Biggs: Oh shi.. I called it wrong!

Jessica: Well done Yami-Veale

Biggs: Vengeance… must has….

Eric: Yeah, Bakura's not British. If he was… he wouldn't be called 'Ryo Bakura'… and that accent the dub gives him isn't British… it's English. To be precise, Southern England, upper class… you could at least go one better than 4kids and do your research, bitch

Biggs: Look who's swearing now

Jessica: I wonder when that Marty Stu character will crop up

Eric: I wonder why Anzu could possibly see calling Bakura as a correct course of action

Biggs: I wonder why I don't just shoot myself instead of reading these awful fics, but there you go, it's just how it is, now come on gang, pull your wits back together and let's press on…

**Okay bye" said Ryo and Bakura**

**"Hey Yami would you mind calling the gang up, there's something about this I don't like."**

**"Sure hikari what's going on?"**

**"Even I dunno"**

Eric: Having already addressed the 'Yami No Bakura is Zorc' issue and the 'Hikari is the wrong phrase' issue, let's address the 'Yami No Bakura being friends with the good guys' issue. He's freaking Zorc. That is all.

**"Tea..... I have never met a fucking bigger bitch than you in my life" said Mai "I think I speak for all of us when I ask, Why should we even fucking help you out? You turned your back on your best friend and you'd laugh in his face." As Mai said in a low cold voice Ryo, Bakura and Duke all backed her up and looked like the were demanding an answer.**

Jessica: Even more gratuitous swearing,,,

Biggs: Why is Mai, a grown woman hanging around with Bakura of all people…

Eric: The mysteries of this fic expand, never to be answered…

Biggs: I love how the four characters rallying against Anzu are like a Jerry Springer audience. "I'm in love with an ancient Egyptian pharaoh and his modern day Japanese incarnation"… man that'd be a hell of Springer to watch…

Eric: And moving along once again…

**"You don't mean!?!?" asked Duke**

**"Yeah I do"**

Biggs: I'll give credit to Yami-Veale for one thing, they know how to (in theory) make a good cliffhanger. Admittedly, the continuation is probably gonna suck if the last one is anything to go by, but you can't have it all can you?

Eric: They can't even have a single bit…

Biggs: Okay so… our predictions for the result this time?

Eric: Um I dunno… they throw him a freakin' birthday party or something?

Jessica: Buy him Yaoi manga?

Biggs: I'm gonna guess blowjob so we get a rounded selection of predictions… aaaaaaaaaaaand

**he ran to his desk and pulled out the knife his brother gave him last year. 'Alex' he thought (he was the only one who was allowed to call his bro. Alex) Yugi at this point was contemplating suicide. He was thinking would it be better to slit his throat or slit his wrists. Just before he was about to decide, 2 men broke the door to the basement. Yugi quickly hid the knife in his shoe before they grabbed him and blindfolded him. As they were taking him up the stairs Yugi asked "What's going on where are you taking me?" But all this did was make his all ready broken rib hurt even more and caused more blood to be coughed up.**

**"Shut the fuck up Yugi you little pussy" said Atem**

Biggs: Well, no answers to our previous question yet… but this is far more easily to mock.

Eric: Yup, I think we can guess both 'brothers' are separate author avatars by this point…

Biggs: If they cut off his ear… with the swearing and general douchery of the creator, this fic is gonna be like Reservoir Dogs with all the cool taken out of it.

Jessica: Getting bored now….

Biggs: I see what you're talking about Jess…

Eric: It's just the same thing over and over, and it keeps getting stupider and.. Just… God someone just give the writer a hug and get him to shut the qwertyuiop up already…

Biggs: Him?

Eric: Yeah, I'm guessing by the big brother aspect he's a dude

Biggs: Most fanfic writers are girls though…

Eric: Well I'm pretty sure it's a guy

Jessica: Yeah, but we already know the writer has… issues… so even if they were a girl… it wouldn't be too weird for them to adopt a different gender. Especially if they show some umm… brotherly love…

Biggs: That'd be all this fic needs, transgender incest…

Eric: But we digress. Shall we switch to skim-reading mode again?

Biggs: I'm all for it

Jessica: Sounds good

Eric: And here we go…

**::Scene change::**

Biggs: Urgh… implement your scene changes and flashbacks dammit FFN community… can you imagine if instead of that 'whoosing' sound effect and the visual and verbal links, Lost just had a big black and white 'END FLASHBACK' card that popped up 4-5 times an episode, it'd spoil the flow. Guess what? It does the same to a written work as well…

Eric: Hey… what's the deal with randomly filling a large portion of this chapter with song lyrics? It's not even worth quoting and making a comment about… it'd just waste too much of OUR text as well.

Biggs: No. I agree on that, but the bit BEFORE that is worth quoting.

**A man with magenta colored eyes stared at the crowd as they were cheering for an encore. So he took center stage and explained to the crowd how this song once brought him back from the brink of suicide. It was one of his favorite songs by one of his favorite bands..... "Open Wounds, by Skillet" he said and began to sing**

Eric: Oh it couldn't be…

**Sensing something has happened Veale runs off the stage and quickly heads for his car**

Biggs: It is.

Eric: So.. The Marty Stu author avatar is a rock star….

_A moment of silence passes in the small flat before all three of the inhabitants burst into hysterics. Biggs rocks back in his seat, hand covering his tear-filled eyes, whilst Eric rests his head on the table, in equal fits of laughter. Jessica wipes her eyes and picks up her sheet again._

Jessica: Oh wow… thank you for that

Biggs: Oh come on Yami-veale. No… just no. That's REALLY bad.

Eric: Oh check out the return to the Anzu trial bit

**"You mustn't call him Alex you mortal, only me and Yugi can do that" said Bakura**

**"All right Veale then"**

**"Yeah I would ask for his help in this but I dunno where to find him"**

**"Foolish mortals, where do you think I get all my black market items from??? Wal-mart? Alex gets em for me." At that time Bakura brought a brief case from the other room and opened it. He began polishing his mini uzi with a smug look on his face.**

Biggs: oooh badass arms-dealer teenage rock star. Subtle Yami-Veale… subtle

Eric: So only Yuugi and Zorc are on first name terms with this person?

Jessica: That's bad

Biggs: Oh come on… if someone was that desperate to masturbate to themselves, surely it'd be quicker to find a mirror than to write a fanfic?

Eric: So this was the big "Oh no, you don't mean that! NOT THAT!" bit from the last chapter

Jessica: Looks like we all got it wrong… though really that was a given…

Biggs: I wanna make mention on the phrase 'Foolish mortals!'. I really love it, but for the wrong reasons. If I recall correctly, Zorc was self-satisfied sure, I mean, we referred to himself as 'ore-sama' and the like, but he was still a very articulate villain. Here it seems calling some 'mortal' is his catchphrase..

Eric: That's just the way things are here… foolish mortal

Jessica: You're such a foolish mortal Biggs

Biggs: I see something starting here.. Anyway, reading on…

**"Can you help me with something my darling Seto?" asked Mai.**

Eric: Oh come on!

Biggs: In the words of every stereotypical robot ever.. 'does not compute'

Eric: When did Kaiba and Mai ever have any reason to be a couple.

Jessica: Didn't seem to stop this person putting them together

Eric: Do you think they'll explain how that happened?

Biggs: Don't hold your breath. Now next chapter.

_They flip the page in unison. A moment's silence goes by as they skim over it_

Jessica: Oh check out this section guys..

**"Seto Kaiba why the fuck are you calling, how many times have I told you not to call me at this number unless it's an emergency?" asked a man with a deep voice and a slight hint of an American country accent.**

**"This time it is an emergency you fucking tard. Its about your brother!"**

**"My brother, what wrong his he hurt? I swear Kaiba if you've done something to him I'll hurt your brother and see how you like it."**

**"I swear I haven't touched your brother, you know he's my rival, but i respect him as a person and a duelist. But this is about Atem."**

**"Atem? Kaiba what's going on?"**

**"Apparently when they separated bodies, Atem became more greedy for power. He eventually turned on your brother and began beating him to the point where he needs medical attention. He's barely fed food anymore too"**

**"ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS!?!? WHERE THE HELL ARE JOEY AND TRISTAN? I TRUSTED THEM TO SAFE GUARD MY LITTLE BROTHER!!!!"**

**"Well it seems that after they saw what Atem was doing, they were reminded of their pat and remember how good it made them feel to beat up Yugi so they turned on him and joined Atem."**

**"WHAT THE FUCK!!! I SWEAR TO GOD WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON THEM I'M GOING TO KILL THEM! Where are they at?"**

**"My step-fathers old summer cottage 20 miles outside town" said Kaiba**

**"All right I'm on my way there now."**

**"Veale, Mai, Duke, Ryo, Bakura, myself and Tea will be there to help get him out. Don't do anything before we get there okay?"**

**"No promises Kaiba" With that Veale hung up his cell phone pissed off at the world for bringing this trouble upon him. When is band manager came up to him to ask about the after party, he told him to go fuck himself because his brother was in danger and he needed to help him out. With that he left the backstage area and head to his car. His 06 grey Ford Mustang GT with black stripes and black 5 spoke rims roared to life.... He put the car into first gear and sped off into the rainy night as he thought to himself. 'Hold on lil bro... I'm on my way'**

Biggs: I can tell by the FUCKING gratuitous swearing and the FUCKING awesome car and the fact even MOTHERFUCKING Seto Kaiba is humble in the face of this guy's FUCKING awesomeness that this foolish mortal is a BADASS MOTHERFUCKER!

Eric: Uhhh…

Biggs: Not gonna scold me this time Eric?

Eric: I haven't the will to live, let alone scold you…

Biggs: The victor!

Jessica: Yeah yeah, but I noticed that Kaiba's dialogue is… a bit flat.

Biggs: It's got no flair, which is something Kaiba is pretty much infamous for…

Eric: I'm tired of this fic, I'm gonna nap for a while. Lemme know when we're done…

_Eric lies down on the sofa near Biggs' _**FUCKING BADASS****Panasonic TH-42PX25U/P 42-Inch High-Definition Plasma TV** _and tried to go to sleep._

Biggs: Hookay.. Anyway…

**Eh I know this was a short chapter but my new charcter that i created after myself doesn't have much to say, like i do in real life.... but hey the dramatic scene of whether Yugi lives or dies is next.... I hope you guys will like it**

Biggs: Hey at least they confessed to being an autophile

Jessica: Acceptance is the first step Yami-Veale. You can get there eventually

Biggs: Okay, does the next chapter have anything good you see? You're our best skim reader and I don't feel like making much of an effort now even Eric's gone total jerkass to this fic.

Jessica: Hmmm.. Aha…

**"But.....I......" Tea had heard enough and the bent down and kissed Yugi on the lips for the first time. As she was kissing him she could feel his breathing he shallower and shallower. She knew he would die. But she at least wasn't going to let him die miserable an alone. Tea then felt Yugi's last breath escape his body and he died in her arms. She began to cry profusely.**

Jessica: Yep. He hasn't died miserable and alone. Ignoring the fact he's been repeatedly beaten on by his form friends for the last six months and everyone seems to hate him.

Biggs: Not to mention his 'life love' has been getting felt up by a past incarnation of himself for six months too. But oh no, one kiss as he freakin' dies makes up for it all. Honest.

Jessica: Here's something from the next chapter

**He was thinking 'Maybe the millennium items can help.' He didn't know very much about their powers, just his own millennium bracelet's (I know they're isn't any in the manga or anime, but this is my story.)**

Biggs: Don't bother justifying your plot choices anymore, they won't make less sense. It's just a way for you to touch yourself through written words, let's not beat around the bush. Which incidentally if you're female..

Jessica: Please. Don't go there… please just don't…

Biggs: Right, we've just about hit our quota for the day, so let's just make mention of one last line before we close…

**"IS THAT A BARRETT M107 .50 CALIBER SNIPER RIFLE? MORTAL WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?" asked Bakura very pleased at what he was seeing.**

Biggs: Referencing names of things in full adds extra badassery, FOOLISH MORTALS!

Jessica: Heh heh, I'm happy to close on that.

_Jessica stands up and wanders over to Eric and gently rocks him._

Jessica: C'mon Eric, we're done now. Time to review.

Eric: _(Sleepily)_ W-wha? Where are…

Biggs: You're drooling on my couch…. Get up… now…

_Eric slowly rises off the couch and sits back down at the table, slowly waking up properly._

Biggs: Ok now, onto the conclu…

Jessica: Hey wait

Biggs: What is it?

Jessica: Should we do the comments again?

Biggs: Yeah, why not…

_Biggs picks up his laptop and follows the hyperlink to the reviews page. His lip wobbles as he reads down._

Biggs: Oh wow…

Eric: What is it?

Biggs: There's a series of reviews from one foolish mortal what consist of 2 or 3 words and then some ellipsis…

Eric: Well… that's not a review

Jessica: By one foolish mortal?

Biggs: Yup, and you'll love who it is

Eric and Jessica: Hm? Who?

Biggs: Last week's victim

Eric: WhiteAsukalover?

Biggs: The one and only

Jessica: Two or three words isn't a review.

Biggs: To be fair, as much as it pains me to say it, WhiteAsukalover's fic was better than this one, but he doesn't really have much wisdom to impart onto Yami-Veale. Really, saying nothing is probably the best pointer he could give.

Jessica: Okay foolish mortals! In conclusion… what do you think?

Biggs: Well, funnily enough, for the most part, the number of errors decreases as the fic continues, despite some sentences still being iffy and the dialogue maintaining a low standard due to the writer's lack of interaction with real people. It also needs to decide on present or past tense already. Preferably the latter since I abhor the former. The plot is pretty bad too.

Eric: Bad is putting it mildly. The characterisation is awful and people don't behave like people in this fic. Additionally, casting yourself as a black market dealing teenage Millennium Item-brandishing rock star god is just giving anyone the impression that you're a major league jerk, which seems appropriate.

Jessica: I didn't like that what little shipping was forced and unbelievable. The set-up was already laid out for you from 7 years give-or-take of published manga. You chose to undo that then set it straight in a very short space of time. Big mistake but then, that's what this fic is, a big mistake…

Eric: That wraps that up then

Jessica: Certainly does.

_Eric and Jessica get up and prepare to leave whilst Biggs sets about making himself a coffee, rather than offering Eric and Jessica a drink before they leave._

Biggs: Well I'll see you foolish mortals next Friday.

Jessica: Yeah Friday sure..

_Biggs gives Jessica another evil look for her questioning the date before promptly changing the subject_

Biggs: I wish that, the foolish mortal Yami-Veale was able to hear what we had said

Jessica: Some foolish mortal ought to make sure s/he knows somehow.

Biggs: If there was some sort of transcript of our conversation, if somebody showed it to them…

_They all turn towards the south-most wall of the flat and in unison smile._

All three: Hint hint!

---------------------------------------------------------End---------------------------------------------------------------------

**Stepping Through The Wall**

Biggs: Another week, another fic smashed

Eric: How'd you think we did this week?

Jessica: Maybe better, maybe worse. It's the people who're reading, disgusted, who know for sure

Biggs: I wanna thank VenusOfHecate for suggesting this week's fic, I think we all got a lot out of this one… hoo boy… though to be honest, I was surprised that we even got one positive review last week

Eric: Maybe you should've had more faith in humanity

Biggs: I found it delicious that the author of the fic we bashed even praised us… and then tried to tell his friends we were wrong. I got wood…

Eric: You're a horrible human being Biggs…

Jessica: Either way, we would like to thank you for taking this work so surprisingly well.

Biggs: I wouldn't

Jessica: Of course you wouldn't. But in the mean time, we would once again like to ask you for your reactions to this episode as well as suggestions for our review next… 'friday'

Biggs: Okay fine, it's Sunday… but circumstances get in the way, at least we're no VG Cats… at least it's only been two days.

Jessica: Maybe we should just change the release schedule to 'each weekend'.

Eric: Yeah but maybe the writer deliberately told them Friday so they'd check back to see it was gone and make them build up anticipation for when it finally update….

All three: …………………….huh?

Biggs: Are you saying that… our writer is an evil genius beneath the snide remarks and hypocrisy?

Eric: Maybe

Jessica: T-That's oddly terrifying…

Biggs: I-In any case, please get in touch with your views and suggestions for next week, we'll be back then and in the meantime, remember our thinly disguised homage of a mantra:

"Go beyond the unreadable! Kick good writing to the curb! Don't believe in canon, believe in fanon that subverts the canon! That's the Yuugiou Fandom way!"

----------------------------------**The Writer's Angry Note of the Week**--------------------

Writer: Foolish mortals! I will burn your 'Carphone Warehouse' to the ground for your insolence!


	3. Fanfiction Double Feature

The year 20XX. During times of political and economic unrest, no human alive is tackling the true crisis that grips the Earth, measuring the quality of Yuugiou works on . In a world mostly lacking heroes willing to risk live, death, and certain boredom to carry out such a mission, only three people will step up and take the challenge head on.

Our heroes are;

1. Biggs Norton, an ex-Fanfic writer with a serious chip on his shoulder.

2. Eric A. Wedge, a honest-to-Osiris hardcore Yuugiou fan, owning all manga volumes, with every anime episode downloaded, and little to no knowledge of the card game.

3. Jessica Chomsky, no relation to the 'Other Chomsky', as rabid and misinformed as rabid misinformed Yaoi fan girls come.

Today our heroes make up for being lazy bastards and review 2 fics in one sitting.

------------------------------------Yuugiou: Mystery Card Game Theatre------------------------

_Within the confined walls of Biggs' Hollywood rent-controlled apartment, the three reviewers are already poised for their review, having been waiting for an entire week. Biggs is tapping his fingers against his crossed arms impatiently whilst Eric and Jessica have amused themselves for the duration of their tenure by drawing bad fanart. Finally, a ethereal buzzer goes off signalling their start._

Jessica: Oh gee, next Friday already is it?

Biggs: No

Jessica: Heh?

Biggs: Don't worry about playing along, trying to act like it's a week after our last update after this long would only make me look stupid.

Jessica: But last time you pretended it was..

Biggs: MORE stupid…

Jessica: Okay. So, what's in store this week?

Biggs: Well, if it's ok with you guys I thought we'd do two fics to compensate for the author's incompetence

Eric: Hah hah he is a douche bag

Biggs: True that

Jessica: And he smells reeeeally bad

Eric: What was it you described the smell as once Biggs?

Biggs: Hot fudge poured on the back of a wet dog with rotten garlic sprinkled on it

_Jessica and Eric burst into laughter_.

Eric: He's such a douche!

_Just then, the author stopped writing and as a result the three ceased to exist. After a short while of letting them suffer non-existence, the author wrote them back into reality, now maybe they'll remember who THEY GODDAMN ANSWER TO! [_

Biggs: Hmmm… feels like we were just reduced to nothingness and recreated in a few minutes

Eric: What? Must just be you

Biggs: Really? Oh well…

Jessica: So what two fics are we gonna look at Biggs?

Biggs: How Foolish These Mortals Be by Azaria Stromsis, obviously her real name… and Hyper Runners: Duel Legacy by Shadow Signer.

Eric: Hey.. The first one…

Biggs: Yeah?

Eric: Why'd you choose it?

Biggs: It has… foolish mortal in it…

Eric: That's the only reason?

Biggs: Yeah… obviously….

Eric: ……..I'd have accepted that as the reason if you didn't keep using ellipsis…

Biggs: You're doing it too!

Eric: I am aren't I….?

Biggs: W-Well anyway, the second fic has the card game as a major part of the story and since no-one here knows much about the card game..

Jessica: I know about the card game… kinda

Biggs: Really?

Jessica: Yeah

Biggs: Go on. Do tell.

Jessica: Well…

Eric (whispering) DAD

Biggs: No conferring!

Jessica: Well…. DAD…

Biggs: And?

Jessica: ………so anyway you were saying about this fic?

Biggs: Well, since no-one knows anything about the game, ESPECIALLY JESS… I've called in someone who does know to help us.

Eric: Who is it?

Biggs: ……..it's better if you just wait and see.

Eric: I have a bad feeling about this…

Biggs: Okay, first fic. How Foolish These Mortals Be. Begin

Eric: How long is this one?

Biggs: 1 Chapter

Eric: …..come again?

Biggs: 1 Chapter

Eric: Sooooooo it's a one-shot?

Biggs: Yep

Eric: ……_(glaaaaaaaaaaaaare)_

Biggs: What?!

Eric: Surely if we're doing a double-feature it's a cop-out if one is a one-shot!

Biggs: Hey, you know how long doing a standard length fic is! Can you imagine how long it'd take to do a double-feature of two full-size ones?

Eric: 39 days?

Biggs: …fair point.

Jessica: Whatever, can we just press on?

Biggs: Aaaaallllrighty then…

**Jack****'****s hair was purple with pink sparkles.**

Biggs:……

Jessica:……

Eric:…….

All: Eh?

Biggs: That's a uhhhh… hell, you uhhh….

Eric: ….g-gotta admit that's an attention catching first line…

Jessica: N-No kidding, purple sparkle wah?

Eric: Just… just don't picture it in your head.. It seems even weirder…

Biggs: ……yeah Eric… hold me. I'm scared

Eric: Shut up

Biggs: No really… I'm utterly terrified…

Jessica: Next line, please, please, PLEASE!

**His face brokered no emotion, other than pure and utter rage, and he glared at Rua as he laughed outright in his face. Ruka and Mikage gawked, one is amazement the other in horror, and Yusei****'****s face was a blank slate.**

Biggs: Okay, a few grammar issues here. Obviously brokered means to arrange a deal or sale… something which I don't think Jack could do, especially if he's brokering some abstract concept

Eric: I wonder if one could broker emotion…

Jessica: It's a niche market, and for a damn good reason

Eric: But what if..

Jessica: NO! No, this isn't even worth discussing, it's utterly stupid and you should be ashamed for even considering the idea to be plausible and worth our time. Do you honestly think that? Your opinion of us is so low that you would think we'd think brokering emotion was a concept worth our time and effort? I will not allow you to create a pointless topic of conversation just to act as filler material

Eric: But isn't that what you're doing… right… now….?

Jessica:…..AW FUUUUUUUUUUUU

Technical Difficulties. Please standby

Jessica: SON OF A GODDAMN BIII

Further Difficulties. Bear with us.

Jessica: AND THEN SHOVE IT INTO A LEMON AND RUB IT AGAINST MY CU

….Again… Sorry for the delay…

Jessica: WITH THE REMAINS OF THE HARLEM GLOBETROTTERS! (_exhausted panting)_

Biggs: Done?

Jessica: (_exasperated) _Done… God I-I need a cigarette to take the edge off

Eric: None of us smoke

Jessica: Gah! Fine, I'll just chew the table! Biggs, any objections?

Biggs: No?

Jessica: Wonderful!

_Jessica began to gnaw on the table slowly, like a beaver. Every other gnaw was accompanied by a deep panting that was muffled by the wood in Jessica's mouth. It took both Biggs and Wedge a moment to work through their disbelief._

Biggs: Anyway… next line…

Eric: Before we move on… Yusei's blank stare

Biggs: Yeah?

Eric: He seems nonplussed

Biggs: Right?

Eric: Well, surely he'd have some reaction unless he'd seen something like this before…

Biggs: You're right, this line DOES imply Jack Atlas has, at some point in the past, had a ridiculous sparkly haircut.

Eric: Wow…

Biggs: Wow is right. Okay…

**But Jack didn****'****t care about them. There was only one person that he cared about when it came what had happened to his hair. And she was standing at the top of the stairs staring coolly at him. ****"****Izayoi,****"**** he growled menacingly. ****"****What the hell have you done?!****"**

Eric: Is this a shipping fic?

Biggs: I honestly couldn't tell you. I didn't check the description on this one.

Jessica: (_Still exhausted)_ More YuseixJack please?

Biggs: Shut up and then die. Right….'coolly'? Should that be 'coldly'? It'd make more sense in context. Otherwise not too bad. Eric, our characterisation man. On the mark?

Eric: Weeell, I don't see why Aki would make Jack's hair PURPLE, but his being angry about it is certainly in-character.

Biggs: Bravo, a genuine compliment for once… kinda… moving on

**Aki smirked.**

"**Lovely to see you as well, Jack.****"**** The way she said his name pissed him off even more; she shortened the first syllable and then cut off the last one sharply.**

**She was mocking him, damn her.**

Jessica: (_Slightly less exhausted) _Did I miss the joke on the name thing?

Biggs: What you don't get it? God, you can dumb sometimes Jessica!

_As Jessica returns to carving the table up with her teeth, Biggs subtly leans towards Eric_

Biggs: (_whispering_) Did you get it?

Eric: (_also whispering)_ No, you didn't either?

Biggs: (_whispering_) I keep repeating it in my head but I don't see what the significance is

Eric: (_still whispering) _Maybe we should try saying it out loud

Biggs: (_slightly louder)_ On the count of 3? 1.. 2... 3...

Both: Jack

Biggs: Ooooh! I get it, that's quite good

Eric: Yeah, I like that joke, that's awesome. Pity you can't make it work in a written medium

_A moment of silence passes as they stare towards the wall of the flat that the person reading Mystery Card Game Theatre is situated behind. _

Biggs: Okay, next line…

**She stepped smoothly down the stairs, and floated right on past him. She passed so close to him that her hair whipped him in the face as she passed, and he got a mouthful of cinnamon scented hair. Pausing to consider just how odd of a scent that was for hair, he quickly turned to see her settling quite comfortably on a sofa in front of the T.V.**

"**Though I must say, that you certainly cannot pull of the homosexual/drag queen look.****"**

**He growled again, and his hands clenched.**

**She was going to die for this. He knew she was the cause of this. He just knew it.**

Biggs: …Oh he is so checking her out

Eric: What?

Biggs: Dude he sniffed her

Eric: So?

Biggs: Well that's kinda stalky

Eric: No it isn't!

Biggs: Of course it is! What kinda creep sniffs a girl's hai….

_At that moment, Biggs noticed Eric getting more and more uncomfortable_

Biggs: Aw you haven't?

Eric: W-Well, you must have smelled a girl's hair by accident before?

Biggs: How do you sniff someone's hair 'by accident'

Eric: Well the smell wafts up your nose off them!

Biggs: If you're subconsciously keeping your wits about you so you can smell them yeah…

Eric: So you've never smelt a girl's hair before

Biggs: Well… not on their hea..

Eric: Stop right there and please don't go further..

Biggs: …….her pubes

Eric: Goddamn it Biggs!

Jessica: (_With a mouthful of wood and __saw__teethdust) _Oo' ah igus'in' oo' oh a' ont oo'?

Biggs: (_smugly)_ Yeah, yeah I am.

Eric: In any case, I'm glad someone in the story pointed out how gay Jack looks

Biggs: Purple hair will do that to a guy, regardless of shade. GOT THAT ANY PURPLED-HAIRED EMO KIDS READING THIS? YOU LOOK GAY. GAY!

Eric: Do you treat all walls this way?

Biggs: Only that fourth one. Now…

**He noticed that Yusei****'****s face wasn****'****t quite as stoic as before. His blue eyes practically danced, and he ended up having to put a hand in front of his face so no one would see his laugh. He couldn****'****t hide those dimples those, and then Jack knew that Yusei was in on it.**

**He turned to Yusei, and threw a finger up. ****"****Fudo!****"**

"**Yes?****"**** He answered calmly, a sharp contrast to Jack****'****s anger and his red face. His hand still hadn****'****t moved, and Aki smirked again.**

**He didn****'****t answer, just snarled and gestured to his hair.**

Eric: Jack wouldn't refer to Yusei as 'Fudo', other than that, I see nothing wrong.

Biggs: Repetition of 'those'

Eric: Oh yeah

"**Come now, Jack,****"**** Aki answered for him, as Yusei started to chuckle. He walked up behind her and put his arms around her shoulders and drew her back against him, resting his chin on the top of her head. ****"****Did you really expect to paw through my things and not get caught?****"**** Her tone was practically scathing, and he was now on the receiving end of five sets of accusing eyes. He mumbled weakly, and scuffed his feet on the floor.**

**Yes, Jack Atlus, Former King of Duelists and Singer, was actually afraid and embarrassed by Izayoi Aki, fellow Signer, incredibly powerful psychic, and girlfriend to Fudo Yusei, King of Duelists and Signer.**

Biggs: Ugh, and it was going so well…

Eric: Those two do seem to be the official couple though Biggs, as irritatingly badly it's always written, Faithshipping seems likely to become canon at the end of the series

Biggs: I couldn't care less

Eric: Then they the 'ugh' response?

Biggs: Because it was presented in such a matter-of-fact way, as though it's obviously the case, which it isn't. Given the flirtation between Jack and Aki, it seems more like a JackxAki fic. And… maybe it's because we haven't seen Yusei and Aki interact yet but…

Eric: Buuuut?

Biggs: Jack and Aki seem to have better chemistry…………………………oh god…..

_Without saying another word, Biggs gets up out of his chair, wanders over to the kitchen and gets out the waffle iron_

Eric: Woah woah! Biggs, what're you doing with the waffle iron?!

Biggs: Characters… fanfic… chemistry… must… make head into… delicious waffles….

Eric: Is he ACTUALLY having a breakdown over this.

Jessica: (_Still got wood) _ee' oba wea'in I' oo' ash me

Eric: Says the girl eating the table…

Jessica: Ber' poin' I su'bose

Eric: Biggs for qwertyuiop's sake sit down…

Biggs: …okay but I'm leaving the waffle iron out, one more blow to my psyche like that and I won't be able to help but turn myself into tasty treats.

Eric: By the way, why do you think Jack was pawing through Aki's things?

Biggs: Yet another reason it seems more like a JackxAki fic.

Eric: Ah well, now, last paragraph

**She stood up and walked over to Jack. Gently placing a hand on his check, she said softly, ****"****I****'****m taking good care of him, Jack.****"**** Smirking, she patted his check and then walked into the kitchen.**

"**Sorry, mate,****"**** Yusei chuckled, following her.**

"**You deserved it.****"**

Eric: Hmmm 'sorry mate' doesn't sound very Yusei.

Biggs: I suppose something else would've worked better. Why exactly did Jack 'deserve it' by the way? Was he in her panties or something?

Eric: And what led him to be there exactly?

Biggs: I feel there's a comedy gem that the author has skipped over for the sake of this segment to be honest…

Eric: It's an idea for a sequel. Maybe after seeing this that Azaria person will do one.

Biggs: Oh please, like the author of this fic will read this… like.. Anyone will read this….

Eric: Chin up Biggs. Okay, so we've reached the end. Final thoughts?

Jessica: (_*highly unsubtle erection in mouth joke here*)_ Ah fwoar I' wa' a'igh' 'u be hones'

Eric: For God's… stop eating the table!

_Reluctantly, Jessica finally takes her teeth out of the table._

Jessica: I enjoyed the idea of Jack with purple hair the most

Biggs: Hm?

Jessica: It's just so…

Biggs: Gay?

Jessica: Well… I suppose

Eric: Yeah, how DID Aki make Jack's hair purple and sparkly anyway?

Jessica: Maybe it's her powers?

Biggs: Oh hell, there's a thought, Aki learns to stop hurting people and control her powers, but is also able to gayify people… that's actually more terrifying…

Eric: Yeesh…

Biggs: Anyway, I thought this fic was alright. There were mistakes here and there, but the structure is kind of decent. It feels like we're missing the better parts of the story though, and like I said, this fic should have been a JackxAki fic. I daresay it would at least be a half-way passable attempt at such a fic.

Eric: So basically… not good but not really bad either?

Biggs: I guess

Eric: So you're saying this is an okay fic?

Biggs: ………

Eric: Not the waffle iron! Not the waffle iron!

Biggs: F-fine.. But I'm holding on by a thread now…..

Eric: Right, should we go straight onto the next fic?

Biggs: Sounds good.

Eric: Where's this guy to help us with the duelling you mentioned?

Biggs: Huh, he's late, I guess maybe he's not gonna sh…

_Before Biggs could finish the sentence, the roof of the flat collapsed. Dust filled the room but as it dispersed the figure of a man wearing a tight spandex costume and a cape became visible._

Eric: Wha? Biggs who the hell is he?!

Biggs: Ah he's….

Gay Athlete Dude: Standing up as tall as the heavens, carrying the hopes and dreams of tomorrow upon my shoulders. My power is divine, my mission is pure, my destiny rides on the turn of a card! Children of Earth, I am… Yonban, The Duelling Sentai!

_Following Yonban's tacky speech, a series of rainbows seemed to emanate from the space behind him._

Biggs: This is the guy I asked to help us with the duels

Eric: Wah?!

Jessica: This skin-tight-suit-clad-bipedal-danger-alert?!

Biggs: He's listening in you know

_Yonban slowly approaches a shivering Jessica. She yelps slightly as he puts a hand on her shoulder._

Yonban: Little Earth girl…

Jessica: Y-Yeah…

Yonban: Do not fear.

Jessica: Huh?

Yonban: If this dangerous man in a spacesuit you speak of appears, I shall protect you at the cost of my own life.

Jessica: The dangerous guy is YOU!

Biggs: Yo, Yonban, take a seat.

Yonban: Biggs Norton, my good friend, I shall do so

_Yonban sits down at the far end of the table away from the other three. Biggs appears nonplussed in comparison to the flustered Eric and Jessica._

Yonban: So, you needed me to explain duel strategies to you.

Biggs: That's right, we'll address you when we need you. In the mean-time, entertain yourself.

Yonban: I shall!

_Yonban turns to the side and watches Biggs' bird ornament bobbing up and down in a glass of water, slowly drinking it._

Yonban: Hah! Bird!

Jessica: A-Anyway… f-fic yeah?

Eric: Yeah… fic….

**The scene opens to the satellite nation harbored across the river from New Domino City. It had been five years since the legendary defeat of Rex Goodwin at the hands of the chosen Signers. Even after all these years, it was still the hottest topic when gossip was dull. With the Signers acting as the new leaders of the city, many changes were taken into effect. Daedalus Bridge was completed, allowing full access between the city at the Satellite, Sector Security was under new authority, and the Satellite was transformed into a new dueling ground. All in all, it was peaceful...for the most part.**

Eric: That's an odd exposition. Feels like a character's telling it to us but, there's no speech marks.

Biggs: Still, it covers all the backstory stuff in one fell swoop. Could have been done better, but, whatever.

"**What****'****s the matter, old man?!****"**** A young voice taunted. ****"****Can****'****t keep up with a self-absorbed brat?!****"**

"**I****'****ll get you yet, you little punk!****"**** A familiar grunt sounded.**

**Who else but the lovable, and humiliated, Officer Trudge would cause such a commotion. But if you think it****'****s Yusei he****'****s after, think again. This time, his target was a wild and free spirited boy roughly around the age of sixteen. The boy in question had spiky-red hair with a golden ****'****X****'**** tattoo on his left cheek. He wore a red shirt with a pair of blue jeans and a navy-blue vest. The teenaged troublemaker was riding through the deserted streets on a black Dual-Runner with the mark of a red dragon on the hood.**

Jessica: Gary Stu?

Biggs: Hmmm, little too early to tell, it's Yuugiou after all, everyone looks weird

Jessica: True…

Eric: I feel sorry for Ushio, doesn't anyone have any sympathy for the guy

Biggs: Eric, the guy has as much backstory as… well… the average fanfic OC.

Jessica: Dual-runner is a misspelling too.

Biggs: Also, a 16 year old on a bike? Erm.. No.

Eric: Simple as?

Biggs: Yup. Simple as.

"**Come on, old man!****"**** The boy taunted. ****"****What?! Getting slow in your old age?!****"**

"**You better watch yourself, Marcus!****"**** Trudge snarled. ****"****Just because you****'****re Yusei****'****s favorite doesn****'****t mean he****'****s going to protect you forever!****"**

"**Well, he****'****s not here now, is he?****"**** Marcus smirked. ****"****I don****'****t see anything stopping you from knocking me off my Runner. Come on, how about a quick match for old times sake?****"**

"**You****'****re going to regret leaving you room, kid.****"**** Trudge grinned deviously, pulling out a well-known card. ****"****Let****'****s get in the game with Speed World!****"**

**Trudge placed the card into the slot of his Runner, activating the onboard Duel Disk. A ripple effect took place and soon the entire street became the ground for their clash.**

"**Speed World activated, autopilot standing by.****"**

Biggs: Great… a main character with a connection to the canon lead…

Eric: Could be worse, he could be related.

Biggs: That's true. At least he doesn't APPEAR to be related to him. Favourite spelt wrong too.

Jessica: Again, Americanised

Biggs: They should be bastardising German or Gaelic. We've been over this before.

"**Let****'****s Duel!****"**** They yelled.**

Jessica: Aw crap…

Biggs: Yonban, showtime.

Yonban: Showtime you say? I… HAVE BEEN… WAITING FOR THIS!

_Yonban's words were accompanied by a imaginary volcano eruption behind him._

Jessica:……awestruck… just…. awestruck….

**Marcus (4000) ****–**** Trudge (4000)**

"**To show respect for my elders, I****'****ll let you have the first move.****"**** Marcus taunted.**

"**You****'****re going to regret that.****"**** Trudge proclaimed. ****"****Because I summon Assault Dog in attack mode!****"**

**Suddenly, a rottweiler with green armor appeared at his side, racing along side its master. (1200/800)**

"**Then I****'****ll throw down a face down and end my turn!****"**** He continued as a card appeared at his side.**

"**Aw, don****'****t tell me you****'****re using that old deck again.****"**** Marcus playfully whined. ****"****I was hoping for more of a challenge. Well, it****'****s your loss.****"**** He drew a card and watched the speed counter increase (1-1). ****"****I summon Sonic the Hedgehog to the field!****"**

**A blue humanoid hedgehog with six spiked quills appeared (1500/900). But before Marcus could continue, Trudge suddenly broke in.**

"**You****'****re as predictable as always, brat!****"**** Trudge laughed, throwing up his hidden card. ****"****I knew you would summon that rat, so I played Trap Hole! This card allows me to destroy any summoned monster with more than 1000 attack points! Too bad!****"**

**A bottomless hole appeared below Sonic and sucked the hedgehog straight in. But before Trudge could savor his early victor, the blue hedgehog jumped out of the hole and landed safely at Marcus****'**** side.**

"**What?!****"**** Trudge exclaimed. ****"****But how?!****"**

"**You seem to be suffering from memory loss, old man!****"**** Marcus joked. ****"****Because you forgot Sonic****'****s special ability. By sacrificing one Speed Counter, Sonic remains in play, but the damage is still taken.****"**

**The counter on Marcus****'**** consul dropped. (0-1).**

"**Now it****'****s my turn!****"**** Marcus continued. ****"****Sonic, attack with Spin Dash!****"**

**The blue hedgehog jumped into the air, curled into a ball, and bashed the hound into oblivion.**

**Marcus (4000) ****–**** Trudge (3700)**

"**Then I****'****ll place two face downs and end my turn!****"**** Marcus finished.**

Biggs: 'kay. 'splain

Yonban: Ushio's beginning strategy is a standard play. He played a monster with half-decent attack points and a card designed to kill a lot of cards that his opponent would most likely play. HowEVER….

_Jessica jumps slightly at his last syllable._

Yonban: Assault Gun Dog is a monster capable of replacing itself, therefore it should have summoned a second Gun Dog out at point of destruction. Foolish mistake writer man… foolish mistake indeed.

Eric: By the way guys, Sonic The Hedgehog.. As a card? C'mon…

Biggs: Damn stupid. Agreed on that. Right, next turn.

"**Lucky brat.****"**** Trudge grumbled, drawing a card. (0-2). ****"****Next I****'****ll summon Gate Blocker in attack mode!****"**

**A large metallic wall with a single eye appeared on the field. (100/2000)**

"**Wow, you must really be eager to lose, old man.****"**** Marcus laughed.**

"**The exact opposite, to be exact.****"**** Trudge grinned. ****"****Because next I play Shield & Sword! With this card in play, all face-up monsters must switch their attack and defense points during the remainder of the turn!****"**

**Sonic (800/1500) ****–**** Gate Blocker (2000/100)**

"**And that****'****s not all!****"**** Trudge continued. ****"****Because of Gate Blocker****'****s special ability, you can****'****t collect any Speed Counters, meaning your hedgehog is a sitting duck! Attack, Gate Blocker!****"**

**The iron wall fell forward and smashed the blue creature beneath its weight.**

**Marcus (2800) ****–**** Trudge (3700)**

"**Your move, brat.****"**** Trudge taunted.**

Eric: 'splain

Yonban: Ah, Gate Blocker's special effect prevents the opponent from gaining Speed Counters, therefore, the special effect of Marcus' monsters will be negated. Most cleversome Bull King Metal!

Eric: Bull King Iron?

Jessica: I think he mistranslated Ushio's name….

Yonban: BUUUUT when Ushio activated Shield & Sword, he should have taken damage from the effect of Speed World, AAAAAND Gate Blocker is now in attack position with limited attack. He is wide open! Do it Marcus, cut through the enemy's barricade with your burning emotions! Grasp tomorrow with the turn of a card!

Eric: You… do know it's not real right?

"**And I plan to make the best of it.****"**** Marcus smirked, drawing a card. ****"****And thanks to you, I can now activate my trap card: Call of the Haunted! With this card, I can summon one monster from my graveyard and I call Sonic the Hedgehog!****"**

**Sonic reappeared at Marcus****'**** side.**

"**And because your turn is over, the effects of shield & sword are finished.****"**** Marcus continued, watching the Gate Blocker return to its original attack points. ****"****But I****'****m not done there! Next I****'****ll summon Amy Rose in attack mode!****"**

**A pink humanoid hedgehog wear a pink dress and holding a red hammer appeared. (1000/1000).**

"**And then I****'****ll play my face down, Piko-Piko Barrage!****"**** Marcus continued, revealing a spell card with a large red hammer. ****"****If Amy Rose is present on the field, this card instantly increases her attack by a thousand points!****"**

**Amy Rose captured a larger version of her hammer, inheriting a menacing red glow (2000/1000)**

"**You should have thought of a better choice of cards before tackling me.****"**** Marcus smirked. ****"****All right, Amy! Show that Gate Blocker what you****'****re made of!****"**

**The Pink hedgehog jumped into the air and swung her hammer downwards in the center of the Gate Blocker, cracking the iron wall down the middle. As Trudge felt the backlash of the attack, he realized he suffered the added loss of a speed counter. (0-1)**

**Marcus (2800) ****–**** Trudge (1800)**

"**You little weasel!****"**** Trudge sneered.**

"**But my turn isn****'****t over!****"**** Marcus smirked. ****"****Sonic, take him down a notch!****"**

**The blue hedgehog jumped on command and delivered a powerful kick to the officer****'****s face, which also lost him his only speed counter. (0-0)**

**Marcus (2800) ****–**** Trudge (300)**

"**So, are you ready to pack it in, old man?****"**** Marcus taunted loudly.**

Jessica: 's-splain?

Yonban: You see? I told you, this is the perils of Shield & Sword, it can leave the monster weak on a subsequent turn. Foolish Ushio. However you can still win, hold onto your noble beliefs and crush the opposition with your righteousness!

Eric: The hell, you were supporting Marcus a second ago!

"**That****'****s right, keep laughing.****"**** Trudge scowled. ****"****Because I activate a trap card: The Paths of Destiny!****"**

"**That****'****s a new one.****"**** Marcus commented.**

"**I picked it up from a thief trying to steal electronic equipment.****"**** Trudge explained. ****"****You see, this is a gain-lose card. We each flip a coin and if it lands on heads, we gain 2000 life points. But if it lands on tails, we lose 2000 life points.****"**

"**That****'****s kinda risky, even for you.****"**** Marcus stated is surprise.**

"**When the going gets tough, the tough get going!****"**** Trudge glared in determination. ****"****Of course, you can back out now!****"**

"**Not a chance!****"**** Marcus shouted defiantly. ****"****Bring it on!****"**

"**Go, Paths of Destiny.****"**** Trudge shouted.**

**A coin appeared in front of Trudge****'****s Duel Runner. And by an invisible hand, the coin flipped into the air, both watched closely by the eager riders. It was like time had moved slower in this case. Finally, the coin landed and turned out to be heads.**

**Marcus (2800) ****–**** Trudge (2300)**

"**Your move, brat!****"**** Trudge called victoriously.**

"**Not a problem!****"**** Marcus grinned. ****"****Go, Paths of Destiny.****"**

**This time, the coin appeared in front of Marcus****'**** Duel Runner and flipped into the air. The red-head rider felt confident in his luck and didn****'****t feel worried about the outcome. Unfortunately, his luck was much worse than he had expected. Once the coin landed, it was found to be tails.**

"**What?!****"**** Marcus exclaimed.**

"**Too bad, brat!****"**** Trudge laughed**

**Marcus (800) ****–**** Trudge (2300)**

"**You****'****ve got to be kidding me.****"**** Marcus hissed.**

"**But my turn is still in effect!****"**** Trudge continued. ****"****Next I send three Guard Dogs to the graveyard to summon my power hitter: Montage Dragon!****"**

**Trudge discards three of his four remaining cards into the graveyard slot and slaps down his final card. A moment later, a blue dragon with three armored heads appeared on the field.**

"**You remember Montage Dragon****'****s special ability, right?****"**** Trudge said humorously.**

"**For every card used to summon it, Montage Dragon gains 300 attack points for every level.****"**** Marcus grimaced.**

"**That****'****s right.****"**** Trudge nodded. ****"****And with three Guard Dogs, that makes a total of nine levels.****"**

**Montage Dragon ****–**** (2700/0)**

"**Now, Montage Dragon!****"**** Trudge called. ****"****Eradicate that pink nuisance with Montage Blast!****"**

**The tri-headed dragon roared and jabbed their necks forward with their jaws unhinged. Three beams of light escaped from the dragon****'****s mouth, exploding over Amy Rose, who was obliterated instantly.**

**Marcus (100) ****–**** Trudge (2300)**

"**Have it your way.****"**** Marcus said, drawing his next card (1-1). As he stared at his chosen card, a dark outline appeared in the depths of his mind. ****"****Well, buddy. It****'****s looks like it****'****s time to step our game up.****"**

"**Show no mercy.****"**** The creature growled.**

"**Not a problem.****"**** Marcus nodded. ****"****All right, Trudge! You want to end this, then that****'****s fine by me! Cause I****'****m summoning a tuner monster: Chaos Zero!****"**

**A creature materialized at Marcus****'**** side and stood ready for battle. It resembled a humanoid warrior made entirely of water with a brain visible through its head and two large emerald eyes.**

"**A tuner monster?****"**** Trudge repeated in confusion. ****"****Since when did you....wait a minute!****"**

"**That****'****s right, Trudge!****"**** Marcus smirked. ****"****You always wanted to see my trump card and now you get your wish. Because I****'****m fusing Chaos Zero and Sonic the Hedgehog to synchro summon Perfect Chaos Dragon!****"**

**Chaos Zero jumps into the air before deforming into a puddle of water that surrounds Sonic. Suddenly, the aquatic buddle expands and begins to reshape itself into a new form. The creature now resembled a serpentine dragon with a large fin on its head, two curved horns, and made entirely of water. As Trudge stared into its demonic green eyes, he felt a sudden sense of foreboding. (2800/1600)**

"**Is that...It can****'****t be...****"**** Trudge sputtered.**

"**I know what you****'****re thinking, but your wrong.****"**** Marcus stated deviously. ****"****Perfect Chaos isn****'****t one of the 5 Star Dragons, but it****'****s just as good. And if you don****'****t believe me, see for yourself. Perfect Chaos, attack Montage Dragon with Wave Burst!****"**

**The aquatic demon loomed over the feeble dragon and ripped open its jaws to expel a torrent of water. The Montage Dragon exploded as the aqua jet pierced through its chest. However, Perfect Chaos Dragon did not seem satisfied as it rested close to Trudge****'****s Duel Runner.**

**Marcus (100) ****–**** Trudge (2200)**

"**I ****'****forgot****'**** to mention Perfect Chaos****'**** special ability.****"**** Marcus said humorously. ****"****You see, whenever Perfect Chaos sends a monster to the graveyard, it deals direct damage equal to that monsters attack points.****"**

"**Oh no!****"**** Trudge cried out.**

"**Oh yes!****"**** Marcus cheered. ****"****Perfect Chaos, end this duel!****"**

**The aquatic dragon followed as directed and unleashed a second wave of water directly for Trudge****'****s Duel Runner. The high-tech cycle suddenly screeched to a halt as the onboard computer failed.**

**Duel Victor: Marcus**

All: 'splaaaaaain

Yonban: Paths of Destiny is a risky card, yes, but great men carve the road to tomorrow with such gambles. A great man once said 'Miracles only occur when you risk everything!'

Biggs: Didn't it turn out he was dead beforehand anyway?

Jessica: Yep yep, that game was a total mindscrew. I can't wait for C**** to come out. R********* knows how to confuse people that's for darned surest!

Eric: A-Anyway. How did you all find the duelling dialogue.

Biggs: Reminiscent of the dub, but not quite irritating, at least it wasn't flat. I mean, it was stupid and no-one would ever say something like that, but at least it had feeling in it.

Eric: Okay, so…

**At the time of sunset, Marcus had stopped at the harbor close to Daedalus Bridge. The fiery-haired duelist was leaning against his Duel Runner, staring out into the waters that reflected the vibrate lights of the sun. But he was not alone. Perfect Chaos was gracefully swimming through the river, not even rippling the water. Sonic resting on the ground while Amy sat on Marcus****'**** Duel Runner. But Marcus knew they weren****'****t in play because they were more transparent than normal.**

"**You think Trudge will ever learn?****"**** Marcus asked.**

"**Not a chance.****"**** Sonic said nonchalantly. ****"****But hey, what fun is life without a little competition.****"**

"**Is that all you boys think about.****"**** Amy pouted. ****"****Fighting and Dueling?****"**

"**Yes.****"**** The men answered.**

Biggs: So he can see Duel Spirits?

Eric: And what's more, of Sonic characters?

Biggs: Ick. That sounds like hell to me…

Jessica: Me too

Yonban: Ah yes, conversation, a clever move young Marcus, but..

Eric: THE DUEL'S OVER! GO BACK TO YOUR BIRD! (_quietly)_ Seriously Biggs, does this guy really know what he's talking about? I actually understood more BEFORE he arrived

Biggs: Hm? I don't see anything wrong

Eric: Y-You don't

Jessica: Are you okay Biggs?

Biggs: (_confused)_ Fine. Perfectly fine…. Anyway, moving on.

"**We****'****ve found one of them.****"**** The figure said telepathically in a feminine voice. ****"****Shall I attack now?****"**

"**No.****"**** A response came. ****"****Wait a little while longer until we can confirm his power.****"**

**The unknown character nodded and fell backwards into the shadows.**

**A new hero emerges with a new threat. What is the special ability that rests with Marcus? Who are the unknown characters that seek to obtain him? And what does Yusei have to say about this? Find out on the next Hyper Runners!**

Eric: Least you can't fault him for swiftly introducing the villain.

Biggs: I can try

Yonban: Yes bird! Drink, drink the water of your soul!

Jessica: Nnnrrgh… but, at least the spelling and grammar has been more or less sound throughout this fic so far

Biggs: Now that you mention it… I haven't complained about the grammar all that much have I? Huh, Shadow Signer has some talent then, pity his poorly thought-up original cards and at best, mixed understanding of narrative drag him back.

Eric: Hey, Biggs, just below…

**I am opening for OC duelists. If you want to participate, please fill in the following.**

All: ………….PFFFFT *roaring laughter*

Biggs: Oooh this is gonna be painfuuuul

Eric: Alright, skip to the latest chapter?

Biggs: Sounds good.. Okay, Chapter 9.

**Night had shrouded the city of New Domino. And while the heroes sleep themselves into a land of bliss, they were unsuspecting of newest threat that would soon arrive. Upon closer inspections to the highways, a tornado of flames erupted suddenly in the middle of the road. When the fire dissolved, the charred remains of a duel runner were left scattered across the pavement and the rider was covered in heavy burn marks. The shadow of a man stood over the body of the fallen duelist, shaking his head lightly.**

"**Well, that was pathetic.****"**** The man commented, looking back to the city. ****"****Maybe I****'****ll have a much more suitable challenge in town. Hopefully, my partner managed to pick up a few new stooges while I was away.****"**

Biggs: Hm, exposition has at least moved into past tense. That's an improvement right off the bat. The dialogue seems better, but maybe it's just this guy

"**Ok, let****'****s try the engine one last time.****"**** Yusei said coolly. ****"****I think their might be something wrong in the pressure.****"**

"**This is the seventeenth time we****'****ve tried this.****"**** Marcus complained. ****"****Can****'****t we just say it****'****s finished take it out for a test run?****"**

"**The last time we did that, I found my Runner at the bottom of the river.****"**** Yusei said sternly.**

"**Hey, at least I brought it home clean.****"**** Marcus joked feebly.**

"**Just test the engine.****"**** Yusei ordered.**

Biggs: Bad attempt at humour is bad.

Eric: Okay, next bit introduces 5D's resident Gary Stu, maybe he'll actually be better in fanfic form

Jessica: Get over it Eric, he's not THAT bad

Eric: NO YOU

"**Crow?!****"**** Marcus shouted excitedly.**

**While Marcus did agree that Yusei was the best duelist in New Domino City, he had a very high opinion on Crow ****–**** the same couldn****'****t have been said about Jack. The Mark Duelist was eager to see Crow, but Akiza wasn****'****t letting him in the house while covered in soot. So, natural, he grabbed a hose and sprayed himself against the wall, but now he wasn****'****t allowed in until he was dry. After ten minutes of confusion, the Marked Duelist found Yusei and his old friend, Crow sitting at the table, telling each other stories about the past.**

"**Hey, remember the time when I put purple dye in Jack****'****s shampoo.****"**** Jack laughed.**

"**How can I?****"**** Yusei smirked. ****"****You won****'****t let anyone forget. Jack is still out for your blood.****"**

All: …………

Biggs: Guys…

Jessica: …I'm scared

Eric: Whoa….

Biggs: That's spooky. Twice in one day. Is this some fandom in-joke we haven't heard about

Eric: I can only assume…

Biggs: Okay… skipping ahead a bit…

"**So what****'****s the big deal about an unknown monster?****"**** Yusei questioned.**

"**It****'****s what that monster did that worries everyone.****"**** Crow continued. ****"****When Sector Security went to investigate, they found a Duel Runner turned to ash and the duelist lying on the side of the road. The Duelist was dead ****–**** his body was buried alive.****"**

"**That****'****s horrible.****"**** Akiza flinched, obviously remembering her days as the Black Rose. ****"****Did they ever find out who did it?****"**

Jessica: Oooh charred remains

Biggs: Uhhh, well 'grats Shadow Signer, you're able to hold the attention of someone like Jessica… grats… (_slow clapping)_

Jessica: The real idiot is the person who goes around calling people idiots

Biggs: What an idiotic thing to say, idiot

"**Hey, we don****'****t want a repeat of the Ghost incident.****"**** Crow stated. ****"****I don****'****t know who this guy is, but I****'****m gonna blow out his candle.****"**

"**That was terrible.****"**** Marcus groaned.**

"**Shut up!****"**** Crow exclaimed**

Biggs: At least he knows it was terrible too…

Eric: Heh…

Biggs: Okay next is a duel and..

Jessica: NOLET'SSKIPTHEDUELLIKERIGHTNOW

Biggs: Whoa….

Jessica: It's not relevant, I just read it myself, all that's important is that the guy Crow faces has magical powers and Crow loses, only we don't see how it happens.

Eric: Hm, that would create intrigue I guess.

Biggs: Well it's getting late… I guess we could just end it there, we've seen enough I'd say.

Eric: So final reviews?

Biggs: Well, story-wise, it seems straight forward enough. The original characters are well…. Meh, being made by multiple people, some are obviously gonna be decent, others not. The original cards being based on different other works is… eeehhh, if you have to do it, it's better to choose something better than Sonic The Hedgehog.. Among other things. However the dialogue, whilst at times, would be annoying if read aloud, is pretty solid, which is surprisingly hard to find in fan fiction. Eric?

Eric: It was okay, it was pretty bad in places, like all the fics we've looked at, but I think it maintain at least a certain level of quality. And your lack of comments on it's grammar en masse obviously means the writer was adequately literate. I'd daresay it's the best we've had on MCGT so far.

Biggs: Rrrr… I'll agree on the grammar thing but on the best we've had thing… I don't wanna say it or…

_Biggs points towards the waffle iron_

Eric: It's for the best then… And Jessica?

Jessica: Well, it didn't hold my attention that much given the plot is a bit generic, there's no hook, we've been here a million times in fanfiction. The characters are bland whilst some aspects of the canon cast are held, some stuff is lost. As for the duels, they seem to have at least some good progression but like Biggs said, Sonic The Hedgehog cards? No… just no.

Biggs: And that's a wrap, sorry Yonban, guess you didn't get to do as much as I thought.

Yonban: Think nothing of it eternal friend, for wherever I am needed, even if only for a few lines of dialogue, Yonban shall be there seeking justice! Wait… DO YOU HEAR THAT!?

Jessica: Is it the sound of the women of the world signing restraining orders in unison?

Yonban: No… it is the sound… OF WHERE JUSTICE IS NEEDED! AWAY!

_Yonban leaps across the table and out of the hole in Biggs' roof to the street below. A small pool of blood forms at the spot where he lands, however he manages to get back up and run swiftly down the street. All the while, Biggs, Eric, and Jessica are left standing, watching dumbfounded._

Eric: What the hell?

Biggs: Great guy. Great. Guy

_Jessica and Eric exchange confused, suspicious, but above-all-else, worried glances._

--------------------------------------------------------End---------------------------------------------------------------------

**Stepping Through The Wall**

Jessica: Uhhh, can we please try to stay on schedule next time? This was hell…

Biggs: You don't understand how update schedules work do you Jessica?

Jessica: Anyway, how did we do this week?

Biggs: We'll have to find people's opinions of it somehow. We didn't get any feedback last time.

Eric: We got a decent amount of hits though

Biggs: I suppose there IS an audience for this then, they're just quiet.

Yonban: Uhhh, can I take of this qwertyuioping suit now guys? I smell like old balls in summer heat

Biggs: Yonban? What're you doing back here?!

Yonban: I figured I'd join in for the epilogue. Got a problem?

Jessica: Y-You're a lot different than normal…

Yonban: Dontcha love it funbags? Hows about me and you head back to mine and I'll show you my… 'Megazord'?

Eric: Wha? Yonban what're you…

Yonban: My name isn't Yonban! It's Duncan!

Jessica: W-well 'Duncan', I'm flattered.. Or offended.. Or slightly turned on, I honestly can't tell which… but the answer is no

Yonban Duncan: Tch, can never get talent in these things, I miss Amy Jo Johnson, she always said yes! Anyway, I wanna do the catchphrase

Biggs: Awesome idea, Eric, any problems with that, you haven't had a go yet.

Eric: I'm getting a stabby-stabby vibe from you right now so… sure you go for it Duncan…

Duncan: Wonderful… ahem…

"Go beyond the unreadable! Kick good writing to the curb! Don't believe in canon, believe in fanon that subverts the canon! That's the Yuugiou Fandom way! *vomits*"

Jessica: Ew… nasty..

Biggs: Oh Yonban, you're a hoot!

----------------------------------**The Writer's Angry Note of the Week**--------------------

Writer: Bonus game! Spot the innuendo on line 228!


	4. Schedule Slips, Slips, and Slips Again

The year 20XX. During times of political and economic unrest, no human alive is tackling the true crisis that grips the Earth; measuring the quality of Yuugiou works on . In a world mostly lacking heroes willing to rise live, death and certain boredom to carry out such a mission, only three people will step up and take the challenge head on.

Our heroes are;

1. Biggs Nortons, an ex-Fanfic writer with a serious chip on his shoulder.

2. Eric A. Wedge, a honest-to-Osiris hardcore Yuugiou fan, owning all manga volumes, with every anime episode downloaded, and little to no knowledge of the card game.

3. Jessica Chomsky, no relation to the 'Other Chomsky', as rabid and misinformed as rabid misinformed Yaoi fan girls come.

**-Yuugiou: Mystery Card Game Theatre-**

_Between the four walls that make Biggs' apartment, Eric is alone, seated in his usual spot at the coffee table opposite Jessica's usual place still missing a sizeable portion of the corner. Biggs enters from the kitchen, holding two mugs with steaming coffee. On the other end, the door flies open, revealing an exasperated Jessica. Eric's head shoots up._

Biggs: Shame. Can't you wait until after I've scolded him?

Jessica: I got here as fast as I could; I'm not getting the blame for another schedule slip.

Eric: 'As fast as you could'? In the time we've been waiting for you, we've had the 3D Movie in Japan, a release for said Movie in America, 5D's ending date announced, Zexal revealed, infinite trolling from the guys in Japan (mostly from a certain Yoshida), and you call that 'as fast as I could'? That's not good enough this time.

Jessica: Who the hell pissed in your cereal?

_Eric points to Biggs, who stands still holding the two mugs._

Jessica: I'm not even going there…

_Biggs and Jessica take their places at the table, the former laying the two mugs to be forgotten and never mentioned again until spilt and picks up the papers laying in front of him._

Biggs: Skipping the part where we argue over what a failure the writer is, we'll just get on wi-

Eric: Writers.

Jessica: Come again?

Biggs: Remember that guy who wrote us out of existence for a few minutes?

Jessica: I thought that was just you losing what little plot you had left.

Eric: An early stab at whatever's lying ahead?

Jessica: Maybe. Depends on if there's any yaoi.

Biggs: …Anyway. He decided he wanted to actually try getting a life and tried to dump the work onto his online-and-therefore-imaginary-'friends'. So we're stuck with another bum this round.

Eric: I thought there was something off about this 'week'. Or maybe that's just the waiting almost 18 months for someone to show up.

_Eric casts a glare in Jessica's direction._

Jessica: You're just pissy about what a disappointment the third season was, aren't you? How are Yusei and Aki getting on by the way? Babies yet?

Eric: Shall we just move on to the fic now?

Biggs: I think you could be onto something, Jess. I should actually find out what's going on in the world of spiked and multi-coloured sea-themed hair playing card games in whatever fashion. Anyway, this time, we've got "Alexis Phoenix's Memories" by alexis Serenity Phoenix.

Eric: So not someone who broke away from the main character pairing mould by putting Asuka and Edo together, but rather a self-inserted author.

Biggs: Seeing as the characters it's listed under are Jaden Y./Judai Y. and Alexis R./Asuka T., I highly doubt Edo wouldn't be playing Batman around this neck of the woods.

Jessica: So it's a girl. Is there yaoi? I need some goddamn yaoi, already.

Eric: Just go on any fanart site and have fun shipping Rua and Aporia.

_Jessica cocks her head to one side._

Eric: I'm sure you'd *love* it.

Biggs: Can we just get on before the damned pre-bloodbath word count runs on? The less time I spend with you people, the better.

Jessica: And yet, you waited almost a year and a half for me.

Biggs: Shut it, we have a contract, apparently.

Eric: While you two play the generic old married couple, I'll take a gander.

Biggs: Oh look at you.

Eric: Don't rub too hard.

Jessica: Ew…

Biggs: On with the mammoth one chapter-long fic!

Eric: Ass.

Biggs: Sue me, it got requested after the first time we decided to hang ourselves in this gimmick.

**Alexis Phoenix And Her Boyfriend Were Getting Married. But Then, Her Boyfriend Got Sick And Could Die.**

Eric: She Was Asking For It.

Biggs: Beginning Every World With Capital Letters Doesn't Make It Anymore Bearable.

Jessica: I'm just disappointed you guys stalled for so long. But I have a question.

Biggs: If it's about potential yaoi, go stick your head in the toilet.

Jessica: God knows when you last flushed that thing, I'd rather watch yuri porn.

Eric: Heh. That can be arranged.

Jessica: _Aaaaanyway_… The whole character listing thing; are they the same Alexis?

Eric: Asuka's dub surname is 'Rhodes'.

Jessica: My point exactly. I don't see any sign of Judai or Asuka.

Biggs: We're a line in, woman. Shut up and let's just get it over and done with.

Eric: Yes, I'm very intrigued to see just what Alexis And Her Boyfriend are like. Not to mention this oh-so very deadly disease he's picked up and the odds of his survival.

**She Started Singing This Song To Save Him. It Was Within Temptations Song Memories.**

Biggs: It's like the bastard child of Yami-Veale's author avatar and Ebony.

Eric: The obligatory 'My Immortal' reference. See how easy it is to put something around the title of another work to separate it from the rest of your dull text?

Jessica: We never do that ourselves; you're preaching something insignificant like that?

Eric: Quiet, you.

Biggs: Not to mention the missing apostrophe.

Eric: Grammar Nazi.

Jessica: And somehow, singing becomes the remedy the doctors prescribed him with. A depressing song about the singer's grief over losing someone close and having only the memories to move forward with - the perfect cure!

Eric: I enjoy how the writer doesn't indicate what's sarcastic for the readers' sakes.

Biggs: Leave the new meat alone, we'll deal with that later. Anyway, Alexis the All-Healing Goddess of Music is about to give her boyfriend the ultimate cure in the form of an off-key rendition of a Within Temptation song; we may as well skip the lyrics, any Yuugiou fan would know them off by heart from all the AMVs people make using that genre of music.

Jessica: Are you suggesting you want 'California Girls' set to an anime consisting mostly of young men playing with cards?

Eric: Don't. _(looks to the paper in front of him)_ Oh Christ, Biggs, you've cut out about 90% of the fic. As if choosing another oneshot wasn't bad enough, you've made it even shorter. We can't use this to justify for the exceptionally lengthy absence.

Biggs: Fiiiiine, we'll look at another _short_ one afterwards.

Eric: More motivation to go on. Do we ever get any character behind these names? We've had nothing so far but the flattest characters this side of Young Siward.

Biggs: And a reference to Shakespeare of all people, why?

Eric: _(shrugs)_ Diversity?

Biggs: Moving on.

**Alexis Was Still Singing. She Was Working Really Hard To Save Her Boyfriend. Alexis Sung The Chorus By Herself. She Sounded Like An Angle Singing.**

Jessica: _(snorts with laughter)_

Eric: Envisioning an angle singing gives me Pacman… still without the singing.

Biggs: You're ultra-retro today, aren't you.

Eric: It's what happens when you wait forev- _(notices Jessica's glare and promptly clears his throat)_ So not only is her singing the Superpotion of this fic set in any possible world - why it's listed in the GX section, I've no idea - but she sings like an angel-spelt-wrong?

Biggs: I imagine the fanwanking she's doing underneath the covers will be enough to wake her nameless boyfriend with the violent shaking.

Jessica: Which bringing me back to before - is this boyfriend supposed to be Judai?

Eric: Keep your damned knickers on and let us finish it, we can find out and move on with our lives.

Jessica: If you even try to bring up-

Eric: Again. Knickers.

Jessica: Someone behind that wall just sniggered.

Biggs: Soon it'll be damaged so much, you can point out which out of the three people who actually read this it is. They're all blackmailed into it anyway.

Eric: I'm curious over who the hell was meant to be singing with her; her boyfriend's soul which just so happens to also be an angle?

Biggs: Let's go with she's schizophrenic.

Eric: Good enough, I suppose.

**Alexis Kept Singing She wasn't About To Give Up. She Would Not Stop Would Not Let Her Boyfriend Die! She Would Not Give Up! Ever! She Would Not Let Her Boyfriend Die. She Kept Singing. And Sung the Second Verse. Everyone Was Listening. If It Was Working, We Didn't Know The Answer To That! But We Believe It Was. She Really Wanted To Save Her Boyfriend. She Just Had To Save Him.**

Jessica: …what?

Biggs: Yeah, I'm sticking with schizophrenic.

Eric: So the 'We' are the voices in her head telling to murder her boyfriend's sense of hearing with this apparent singing.

Biggs: You can't even hear her, who are you to judge?

Eric: If she sings anything like she writes, then he'll be deaf by the time she's finished this second verse.

Biggs: Her obviously busty chest is shrinking too; I see no characterisation, nothing about the emotion other than an iron will to sing until the unlikely result of that being her boyfriend magically waking up from the comatose state he's been reduced to due to the severity of this disease.

Eric: Maybe she'll just do it to him now; it wouldn't be the first time someone did that, right, Shinji?

Jessica: Enough with the references! At least there's a break in the constant capital letters beginning each word; the only other time that seems to happen is the song's lyrics. Odds she copied and pasted them from a random site?

Biggs: The only time I'll do odds is when I'm down the bookies trying to get enough money to pay my damn rent. I'm not losing money to you to then spend it on crap.

Eric: The end is in sight; let's just rejoice and get there as quickly as possible.

**Alexis Phoenix Kept On Would Not Give Up!Ever!I Know I Keep repeating Myself,But,What I'm Saying Is True!Truly!It Is.  
**

**Alexis Phoenix sung The Chorus Again. Everyone Pushed Her On. She Would Not Give Up!**

Jessica: Yeah, I'm pulling out.

Biggs: Fine, we'll skip the yaoi that was planned for after this.

Jessica: _What?_

Eric: At least the author realises she's being overly repetitive, all we need now is Simon Cowell and this has everything.

Biggs: Don't tempt her.

Eric: Oh come on, the punctuation vanishes in some parts of the line, then squashed into later where it doesn't need to be. Commas also precede a space, for the record.

Jessica: This yaoi better be a lemon.

Biggs: Christ. I don't know what's worse right now: Jess or this 'fic', for lack of a better word.

Eric: Qwertyuiop this, let's just skip to the end, all the lines that aren't lyrics just go on about how Alexis continues, continues and _continues_ singing.

Biggs: _Now_ you use the filter? Anyway, why spoil the fun? If I can't pour coffee over you, I can at least get to see you explode with fury over the two-dimensional world where singing solves everything. That's even worse than cards being tools of global destruction.

Jessica: Skim-mode activate!

Biggs: Traitor…

**Just Then,Her Boyfriend Woke Had Done It! She Saved Her Boyfriends Life By Singing  
**

**She Was So Happy With Would Always remember That Day Got Married A Week Later+Had 3 Children All Girls.  
**

**Alexis was Remembering That day That She Saved Her Boyfriends Life By Singing.**

Eric: The redundancy department would love to file this bollocks.

Jessica: So she _did_ manage to save her still-nameless boyfriend who we're supposed to assume is Judai? By singing like an angle?

Eric: This was definitely worth the months and months of waiting, wouldn't you say so, Biggs?

Jessica: Eric, you're one comment away from me twisting off your-

Biggs: Is nobody surprised that this life-threatening diseases vanishes without any real cause? Or that they get married only a week later?

Eric: Nope. I'm still trying to get my head around the sentences mashed together. 'Woke Had Done It!'? Sorry, you'll have to go on without me, the pain…

Biggs: Jess, quick! Sing to him, it might kill him quicker!

Jessica: Hey!

Eric: Douche. How are we doing, anyway?

Biggs: 2147 words, 3 pages, Calibri size 9. This new writer sucks.

Eric: At least there's the smaller font meaning less pages and taking up less space with this crap.

Jessica: What about the reviews? Did it even get any?

_Biggs retrieves his neglected laptop from the corner, brushing away cobwebs clinging to the edges of the monitor, clicking on the hyperlink to the reviews._

Biggs: It did. And they're pretty much abridged versions of what we've already got.

Jessica: Well that takes out the fun of mocking the blind and inane. Right, onto the next one!

Biggs: Okay, we've got Vague Money Games by The SEBZ Gal

Eric: Please tell me this isn't two guys prostituting over and over just to get one or the other preggers.

Jessica: Tell me it is!

Eric: Go flush yourself down Biggs' toilet.

Jessica: …Again. The alternative.

Eric: Alright, stats on this?

Biggs: Another oneshot, kind of old.

Eric: …You just skimmed through WhiteAsukaLover's favourites, didn't you?

Jessica: Biggs must have a thing for him; he's a recurring motif.

Biggs: I could always call Yonban over for a duelling fic.

Jessica: N- No thanks, I'm good! Let's just go with the yaoi.

Biggs: Yeaaaah. The yaoi…

**Supposedly, that day marked Shizuka's sixteenth birthday. Jounouchi and his friends decided to treat her out; the least he could, he said.  
**

**"Bon appétit!" Honda cheered before digging into the food. Jounouchi and Yuugi follow, but Anzu and Shizuka didn't even bother to touch their food.**

Eric: If this is one of those anorexic-girl stories, I'll flush your head down that toilet, Biggs. They try to deal with the psychology in eating disorders and fail miserably.

Biggs: Calm down, jackass. Worry more about the language they're using.

Eric: You mean that the fact they're saying 'Bon appétit' rather than 'Itakimasu'? It was going to be my next point.

Jessica: Shut it and let's get to what I've been waiting for! Okay, so in skim-mode until we get to the goods, the girls are looking at something.

**"I was askin' ya if ya wanted to eat," he answered turning around "What were you staring at…oh." His eyes fixed on Seto Kaiba at a corner…with Rebecca Hopkins beside him, eating dinner.  
**

**Jounouchi leaned to Honda, whispering, "Check it out: it's the gold-digger." When Honda turned around to see, he had to keep from snickering.  
**

**Shizuka sighed. She would've been Kaiba's boyfriend if she hadn't got to him first-**

Jessica: Biggs! You told me there'd be yaoi!

Biggs: It's simple, Jess. I lied.

_Jessica jumps up from the table and storms into the kitchen, raiding Biggs' fridge until she pulls out a small plastic pot of chocolate mousse just out of date, then raids his draws for a spoon._

Biggs: …um, yeah. Eric, what do you have to-?

Eric: _(fuming)_ What? Rebecca and Kaiba never meet each other until well into the Doma arc, which we all know is absolute trash. They work together for the briefest of times and even then, Rebecca seems to love gloating at any given time to compare her ego against his. What possible motivation could there be for them dating? She's 12, for qwertyuiop sake!

Biggs: I like this one just for getting you worked up. I also believe that got brought up: she's a gold-digger. A typical 'I don't like this character, so I'll paint them in the worst light until the true OTP get together, at which point s/he disappears, gets arrested and/or dies'.

Eric: _(clawing the surface of the table)_ …Biggs, you're going to need a new table once we're done here.

Biggs: You forget how poor I am.

Eric: Do you prostitute yourself to fan girls?

Biggs: _(laughs)_ Of course, they love me more than they love shipping fictional characters.

_On the other side of the wall, crickets chirp, drawing an irritated glare from Biggs, Eric puts up his hands defensively, smirking with amusement._

Eric: Don't look at me; the wall said it.

Biggs: Hey, Jess. You are aware they say Shizuka could have been Kaiba's 'boyfriend', right? Maybe she underwent a sex change op.

Jessica: Go back to your waffle iron and make yourself tasty treats I can snack on, ass.

Eric: No comment. But, uh… Biggs? What's up with the isolated verse? …You didn't.

Biggs: Didn't what?

Eric: You chose another one that focuses on a song. If someone sings, I'll rip my ears off and ram them down your throat until you choke on them.

Biggs: Actually, no. The author states at the beginning that the story should apparently be based on the song, so essentially, Rebecca's some insensitive mere who's after Kaiba for his money, whereas the divine Shizuka without flaws loves him for what's underneath. Let's see.

**Shizuka watched as Rebecca offered a spoon to Kaiba, in an attempt to feed him. He smirked, and spoke to her for a bit-probably thanking her-before accepting the cake in his mouth. Shizuka's eyes narrowed.**

Jessica: The cake is a lie!

Biggs: Piss off back into the kitchen and stuff yourself until you get fat. We don't need old Internet memes clogging up our word count.

_Eric looks back to the wall where crickets had been heard chirping before, then back to the others shooting glares at one another._

Eric: I was going to say that I expect a spoon raping at some point.

Biggs: When did you suddenly get into obscure anime that nobody watches? Better question: why?

Eric: I don't know. KENN?

Biggs: It'll have to do for now.

**It wasn't the first time Rebecca dated rich men; she'd broke Otogi and Siegfried already, and after Kaiba, she said she'll go for Pegasus. She's heard from Yuugi, who Rebecca calls her "true love", much to both his and Anzu's dismay.**

Eric: So let me get this straight; Rebecca - a 12 year old child prodigy - has robbed both Otogi and Siegfried out of all their money, is targeting Kaiba and plans to move onto Pegasus - who looks like he's in his 40s to anyone who hasn't read the manga? Why the hell is she telling people her plan? And why haven't Yuugi and the others _warned_ him? Surely she's got enough money by now anyway; can it really be possible to bankrupt entire companies so easily? Surely tuition fees in America haven't been hit to such an extreme degree.

Biggs: Clever, trying to bring in recently current affairs. But no dice. Or daice. Take your pick.

Eric: Ass. Don't mock me over what I do in my spare time.

Jessica: At least she claims to fancy Yuugi, she's like that in the original anime, no?

Eric: Yes. But it's no doubt a shallow love again, maybe she plans to move from Yuugi to his grandfather to magic away all the money laying around in the Kame Shop cash register. You know, that thing that never gets used?

Biggs: You just implied this could ship Rebecca and Yugi's grandfather? You've got issues…

Eric: Don't we all?

Biggs: Point taken.

**They were doing it again: her blue eyes were gleaming with that horrible, sickening glow. Shizuka could almost shout at Kaiba for not seeing through her dirty trick. Kaiba, the all high-and-mighty President and CEO of Kaiba Corporation, actually thinks this girl really does love him! She giggled at the thought.**

Eric: You know, it's nice that there's hope for mankind using accurate grammar and spelling, but is the glaring out-of-character factor that popular?

Biggs: It's all par for the course when you hit 'Shuffle' and write random dribble about the next song that comes up.

Eric: Jess, get back in here and stop being a stubborn cow.

Jessica: _(appears with a seething glare)_ I'm fulfilling that insult, damn it. Let me finish raiding the cupboards.

Biggs: Good luck finding anything decent.

Jessica: _(rolls eyes and takes her place again)_ What exactly did I miss that was oh-so-important you had to recall me?

Eric: The entire concept of this thing; nothing more has specially been used to get you back, other than the fact that leaving me alone in a room with Biggs here is asking for nothing but trouble.

Jessica: Who's the old married couple now? Give me that laptop.

Biggs: Wha-?

_Jessica snatches the laptop from in front of Biggs before he can finish, typing furiously on it._

Biggs: God, you're going to look for doujinshi now, aren't you?

Jessica: Nope. I'm actually researching something; resume.

_Biggs and Eric exchange equally puzzled views, then look back to the pages uncomfortably._

Eric: So, uh, is it wrong to see that the author's implying that it's wrong for Kaiba to expect anyone to love him? Sure his life before all this was hell, but I'm sure because of his brotherly bond with Mokuba means he can get better, right? It's not some incurable disease - that is 'incurable with the exception of singing'.

Biggs: We should _really_ start up a drinking game for whenever 'bonds' or 'despair' are brought up.

Eric: I thought you weren't up to date with the show.

Biggs: There's nothing stopping me trolling forums.

Eric: I should've guessed as much. Still, seems strange that Shizuka is suddenly giggling at a sight everyone knows disgusts her; perhaps she's developing a spilt personality herself. That'd make a complete cast of doppelgangers.

Biggs: What the hell are you on about?

Eric _(shakes head)_ Never mind. Let's just get on with this, I want to find your brain bleach soon.

Biggs: Out.

Eric: Liar.

Jessica: Skim, already, dammit.

**"How long should we wait?" asked Shizuka. "Until Rebecca breaks Kaiba?"  
**

**"Takes a long time, maybe as long as Siegfried," answered Jounouchi. "Give them about…half a year or so".  
**

**"Half a year?" repeated Shizuka. She'd have to wait for half a year until she gets Kaiba to herself?**

Biggs: And the true motive comes through: she doesn't care about Kaiba, she just wants him for herself.

Eric: I suppose the only thing worse would be Jounouchi crushing on Kaiba; there's enough of that bull around already.

Jessica: _(not taking her eyes from the laptop)_ Still in the room.

Eric: You're engrossed in whatever yaoi you're 'researching'.

Jessica: Not yaoi; that comes right after this, though.

Biggs: My poor Internet History.

**"Longer if she really wants to break him," said Honda, making the situation only worse. "Then after Pegasus…who else is Rebecca going after, Yuugi?"  
**

**"I only know Jean Claude Magnum and Rafeal."**

Eric: _What the qwertyuiop? Are they seriously prostituting Rebecca with all these guys?_

Biggs: I think I'm a fan.

Eric: You're a sick man then. It still begs the question; if Yuugi knows what's going on, why doesn't he qwertyuiop'ing do something about it?

Biggs: He's too busy standing by and watching it all, isn't that normally what the characters who aren't at the centre of something do?

Eric: Damn. I hate to admit it, but you're right.

Biggs: Victory!

Eric: I'm rapidly losing the will to live over here now…

Biggs: Then we must proceed immediately.

**"Rafael?" said Anzu. "I never knew her was rich."  
**

**"Yami said he was."  
**

**"Rebecca's one of the best in her game," said Jounouchi. "All I could say now is…good luck, Kaiba. I hope you figure it out".**

Eric: Yeah, cause not many 12-year old gold-diggers can actually confess their plan to a guy she supposedly fancies and his friends, who then keep it secret for however long, watching his company fail just like several others before in a completely illogical style.

Jessica: _(still not taking her eyes from the laptop)_ While I'm not paying attention, I'm declaring now that Jounouchi's comment means he fancies Kaiba.

Biggs: What the hell? When did you learn to live again?

Eric: And how did you manage to get Jounouchi and Kaiba as a couple out of that?

Jessica: Shizuka fancies Kaiba. Jounouchi cares deeply for his sister. But he also harbours his own feelings because he doesn't seem to hate Kaiba and actually cares about his state of financial decay. Normally, he'd revel in this, but he's more concerned in this.

Eric: You need help. Even for you, that was a long shot.

Biggs: Are you writing qwertyuiop'ing yaoi on my laptop?

Eric: Please say 'yes'.

Jessica: Researching.

Eric: Dammit.

Biggs: I'm still amused by the idea of a band of friends not helping out someone who they've claimed in the past occasionally gets seen as an additional friend following a series where the core was the message of friendship.

**And they did wait, after Shizuka's birthday' they'd waited for one, two, three months. There was barely any change in Kaiba Corp, but when Shizuka met Mokuba one day, and asked him about Rebecca, he told her what was really happening.**

Eric: Three months? Just to let Mokuba know what the qwertyuiop his brain-dead brother is up to with his underage prostitute?

Biggs: No doubt this is where we hear that KaibaCorp is actually on the brink of collapse because Kaiba suddenly dropped everything and forgot how important his business is to both him and his brother for a random girl who should be dating, if anyone, said brother. They are about the same age, what's a little thing like teenage pregnancy to spice this up?

Eric: Wow, Biggs. Just wow.

Biggs: I try.

Eric: I have no response to that.

**"He wouldn't listen, Shizuka!" he told her. "The company stocks are still high, but the family's going broke, and Seto won't admit it! He said to me, 'So what if I spoil her a bit? It isn't going to change anything.'"  
**

**"Seto isn't using any of the money, so, technically, it's really not his fault," corrected Shizuka. "It you haven't noticed what Rebecca was doing, or heard the rumours, you'd know she's a gold-****digger by now."  
**

**"A-_a gold digger?_ Since when?"  
**

**"Heard what happened to Black Crown and Schroeder Corporation? They're going down the gaming industry, because the owners were lending free money to a certain _someone_…"**

Biggs: Hm. Maybe I should start prostituting myself to rich businessmen.

Eric: That thought is probably the most terrifying you've given today.

Jessica: Sleep well tonight, Eric.

Eric: Bitch. Anyway, let me get this straight; rumours are going around about Rebecca and somehow, they haven't managed to reach Kaiba in about three months. More so, he's been pretty much choosing her over both his company and his brother - the two things that drove him into isolation during the original series so he could work to prove himself worthy of them. This is so believable.

Biggs: I'm not businessman, but the whole thing about KaibaCorp surviving the behind-closed-doors antics seems a bit… off? If the family's running out of money, why isn't the company suffering? Should some hotshot stumble upon this after a late-night knees-up, answers on a postcard.

Jessica: The wall…

Biggs: You be quiet, you're not joining in, so you have no say in what we do.

Jessica: You only bring that up now, huh? I've had my inputs.

Biggs: Don't question my choice of timing, especially when you're in _my_ apartment.

Eric: Hey, Biggs. There's an incoming surprise for you.

Biggs: What?

Eric: Look who conveniently shows up now.

**"Hi!" Rebecca appeared before the two.  
**

**"Well, well, well, speak of the devil," Kaiba hooked an arm around his new girlfriend's waist.  
**

**"That's my line," growled Mokuba.**

Eric: Biggs, you've been in so many long-lasting relationships, would you define a girlfriend as 'new' after three months?

Biggs: Ironic that the guy who mocks me for my love life is the same one who hides in Japanese animation and worships all the Rule 34 he can find.

Eric: Animated girls are better than no girls.

Jessica: The only Rule 34'ing that goes on here is that involving two fit guys… You two don't qualify.

Biggs: Yikes. I think she just took first place for Most Disturbing Mental Image now.

Eric: It's a tough competition today.

Biggs: Let's just pray the bar doesn't get raised any higher.

**"We were just talking about you, Shizuka. We originally began with Yuugi, then to your brother, then to you!" Rebecca explained before whispering to Shizuka, "You're right, he does think lowly of him."  
**

**"What are you doing out here on the streets?" asked Kaiba. "Not _dating_, are you?"  
**

**Mokuba crossed is arms. "I should ask you the same question. Who's running the company?"  
**

**"I'll only be out for less than an hour, Mokuba," answered Kaiba, with the usual cold air in his face. "Now, if you just excuse us…let's go, Rebecca." He tugged on Rebecca's arm, urging the both of them to leave.**

Biggs: _God_, are there any pairings they aren't planning to imply?

Eric: If Marik and Bakura show up, I'm going to hang myself.

Biggs: _(crosses fingers)_

Jessica: _(lifts head)_ Did I sense yaoi in that line, Eric?

Eric: Back to whatever you're doing. Make sure to fill Biggs' laptop with all kinds of crap.

Jessica: _(glare)_

**"Will he find out?" asked Mokuba.  
**

**"…Sooner or later…" answered Shizuka. "Just make sure you don't go broke first."**

Eric: Alternatively, telling the fricking guy.

Biggs: Note to self - next girlfriend better not hide secrets for months on end.

Eric: _Riiiiiiight_… 'next' girlfriend.

Biggs: Shut it. So pretty much, they both go to their respective homes and Shizuka makes… a shocking discovery.

**Kaiba was smart to beat Jounouchi, no denying that. But if he's _that_ dumb with women, he's not worth having after all. She'd decided that after seeing him with Rebecca that afternoon.**

Eric: Huzzah. She gave up.

Biggs: I guess it could explain not telling him anything; she wants him to suffer because he's as blind as a bat with its eyes gorged out.

Jessica: Dare I ask why the bat had to have its eyes ripped from its head?

Biggs: You can ask, but I won't grace you with an answer.

Jessica: Oh no, my life is at an end here…

Eric: When you two are done…

**Another three months later-  
**

**"And here's a game that Seto Kaiba had barely won," jeered Jounouchi. Kaiba ended up drinking with him after he broke up with Rebecca, but not before half of his money was gone. "That is, if ****it weren't for Mokuba. Who told him to help a guy like you?"  
**

**"Oniichan!" hissed, Shizuka, and then winked at Mokuba, and both resumed eating their desserts.**

Eric: And the nightmare ends… almost.

**"I get it, okay?" growled Kaiba. "I found out Hopkins was after the money, so I broke up with her. Now she's with Pegasus; best of luck with him, end of story".**

Eric: F-

Biggs: Ha.

Eric: Worst still, because Rebecca was a character that appeared only in filler, I can't try to burn the image with the fact that Pegasus would be dead had this taken place in the manga-verse.

Biggs: He's still quite older than them. Helping?

Eric: Bite your tongue. I want to see you suffer.

Jessica: I want some Puppyshipping out of this scene; Kaiba and Jounouchi are drinking buddies.

Eric: I always knew Yuugiou would end up leading to a drinking game. Only… they were fans trying to find an excuse to get themselves smashed.

Biggs: Fudoface.

Eric: Now you're plugging _our_ drinking game? You're sinking to new depths, Biggs.

Biggs: I just want you on the ground long enough to launch you out the window and see what happens.

Jessica: 'Nakama' does not compute here, apparently.

Eric: Veering off-topic. Seeing as Kaiba and Rebecca broke up - then she ended up with Pegasus, someone pass the brain bleach - this must be almost done. Then I can go home and find my stash of secret cocaine. I swear, that stuff isn't as strong as this, but it's certainly less painful.

**"Chill! It's fun seeing you like this!" Jounouchi gave Kaiba's back a hard slap, and the CEO coughed his beer out. "The Kaiba Corp President finally comes down to see things our way!"  
**

**"When the hell will you count that out?" shouted Kaiba into Jounouchi's face, shaking his shoulders.  
**

**Anzu came and slapped Kaiba straight across the cheek. "Hands off Jounouchi, pauper!"**

Biggs: _(looks to Eric)_ …well?

Eric: Give me a sec… I'm still trying to picture it.

Biggs: You're going to need a great heap of the goods tonight, huh?

Eric: Every time I see your face, I need a great heap of the goods.

**"You're the one to talk, Mazaki," Kaiba sneered at her.  
**

**"She gets her money easy," said Mokuba. "Loses it when bribing, wins it back by betting. It's business, not gold-digging. Right, Shizuka?"  
**

**Shizuka giggled, and stared shamelessly into Kaiba's foul gazed. "Rebecca's the one responsible," she answered. "She's the one who used up Kaiba-san's money, not him. But she," she paused ****to hold her laughs, "it's _his_ money, so…"**

Biggs: So because Kaiba is no longer Shizuka's ideal man, he becomes a kid throwing a tantrum.

Eric: No wonder the guy's messed up. Forget the incessant studies and dog collars - yes, _dog collars_ - and whips, it's his love-life and how others treat him once it's all dealt with that screwed him up.

Yet still, Shizuka seems to be pretty flawless, almost like some canon Mary Sue - I still fail to see how leaving a borderline-friend to suffer at the hands of a 12 year old girl whom she knows is dangerous to his wallet acceptable; does that nothing to blemish her purity?

Biggs: You said the 'M' word; clearly not.

**"Guess you should thank Mokuba for keeping the company running," suggested Honda, "but you couldn't spend for him, can't you? He and Jounouchi hooted with laughter. "Where is Yuugi? ****He's missing all the fun!"  
**

**"He said he didn't want to come," answered Anzu, "that he didn't drink and that he didn't think that rubbing it in was what he called fun".**

Jessica: _(jumps to her feet)_ He's having hot yaoi sex with Yami!

Biggs: Sit down and shut it.

Eric: I was half-expecting him to have been kidnapped by Rebecca. There was the claim she fancied him earlier. Then we could have another amusing sketch of him tied up like in the American Hero chapter.

Biggs: It was only interesting because there was fire.

Eric: Of course.

**"We should do this more often, Kaiba," Jounouchi said outside the restaurant, he and Honda giving him another clap on the shoulder.  
**

**"Just you wait…I'll get the company rising in no time," Kaiba growled sinisterly. "C'mon, Mokuba."  
**

**"Take care of yourself, Mokuba," said Anzu and Shizuka, and after seeing his brother wave at the girls, Kaiba pulled recklessly on his arm.  
**

**"You think he's gonna be alright?" asked Shizuka.  
**

**"I think so; he's learned his lesson, I suppose," guaranteed Anzu.  
**

**"By the way, Shizuka…" Jounouchi approached is sister. "I saw a poster of Kaiba Corporation in your room; with_Kaiba's_ picture on it!"**

Biggs: Kaiba on a Kaiba Corporation poster? Egad!

Eric: Unthinkable. But really… Kaiba's portrayed as some scapegoat villain while Rebecca goes off to have Funny Bunny sex with Pegasus. Am I the only one who thinks this picture is wrong?

Biggs: You think anything not written by the writers' hands themselves is wrong.

Eric: Because it's true.

Biggs: But really, any restaurant that doesn't kick you out for getting bladdered is next on my list.

Eric: I thought they were in a pub, sounded like it at least. I really do think Shizuka got over Kaiba too, it's a shame that she's still hooked. Is there no rehab for this kind of thing?

Jessica: _(sitting again, typing frantically on Biggs' laptop again)_ Clearly not.

Eric: You're living proof of that.

Biggs: What the hell _are_ you doing on there? Can this 'research' as you call it take so long?

Jessica: Keep _your_ knickers on.

Eric: _(shudders)_ Please don't try to outdo yourself, you're still winning.

Biggs: So pretty much, everyone goes back their own way to the homes they'll never leave. What's that, Eric? 'We're done now' I hear you say? Afraid not, there's still the true ending yet to delve into.

Eric: I hate you so much…

**One whole year after the incident, Kaiba had kept his word: the corporation was on top again, but they were doing some hush-hush about a top-secret project. It's Shizuka's birthday again, ****and she, Jounouchi, Honda and Anzu came over to Yuugi's house for the day, and he came running into the living room with the newspaper.**

Biggs: Wait, I thought that Kaiba confessed to dumping Rebecca at least three months, max six months after Shizuka's birthday; how the hell do they come back to that day about six months later?

Eric: It's just getting sloppy now. The words, the time skips, everything. Plus there's too much of the use 'and' for my liking. Soon enough, we'll have to start a drinking game for every time it comes up just to make these little sessions less painful.

**"Rebecca's been discovered!" He slammed the broadsheet onto the table, the head story saying that a current "live-in employee" of Pegasus Crawford was found hacking into his money vaults and stealing from him.  
**

**"So much for the jackpot," Anzu remarked, "but with all that money, she wouldn't have robbed him of that much, considering Pegasus has got Industrial Illusions companies worldwide".  
**

**"Guess everybody knows Rebecca's reputation right now," Shizuka giggled. "Poor girl will come crying to Yuugi by the time she gets back".**

Eric: Did _no-one_ consider reporting her to the police? I know usually in the Yuugiou world card games solve pretty much anything and everything, but come _on!_

Biggs: You said it yourself: card games are the only means of justice.

Eric: I swear, Shizuka's giggling is grating me. She's nothing like her canon self, she seems more conniving, like she's the sneaky little bitch running around shoving several men inside of her. She feels more like a villain than Rebecca does; at least her antics are off… screen?

Biggs: Hit the wall head-on there.

Jessica: Just finish the fic already. I hate the both of you for taking so long.

**"I kinda hoped she'd still be strong enough to break Magnum, though," said Jounouchi. "After what that idiot did to Mai in Battle City…"**

Eric: Don't encourage her…

Biggs: Everybody loves ninja abductors, I'm sure.

Eric: _(glares)_

**"Where _is_ Mai?" asked Honda. "Last I heard, she's with Wong in China, tag-duelling the Mekyuu guys."  
**

**"If she damned eloped with Magnum, I'm gonna kill her!" said Jounouchi. "After our engagement, too!"  
**

**"WHAT?" everybody shrieked. "YOU'RE ENGAGED?"**

Biggs: Abrupt end!

Eric: I think I've lost the will to fight; I don't have the strength to lecture the Joey/Mai ship and Takahashi's word.

Biggs: _(looks to Jessica)_ Okay, give me my damned laptop.

Jessica: One second, I have the info we needed earlier.

Biggs: Took you sweet damned time.

_Jessica sets the laptop down and walks to Biggs' printer, which begins to hum, slowly printing a single sheet of paper with Jessica's research on it. Biggs checks his laptop to find tabs other than the second fic._

Biggs: What the hell are you doing?

Jessica: _(returns to the table, sits and presents the sheet)_ Alexis Phoenix.

Eric: Oh, God why?

Biggs: This can only end badly.

Jessica: According to alexis Serenity Phoenix's profile, Alexis is Edo's sister who has a crush on Saiou and even helped lead the Society of Light.

Eric: …what?

Jessica: It gets worse. When Peach Wookiee requested 'anything' by this author, I thought it a dangerous, yet truly brave move to check a couple of the other GX fics she wrote. _(points to the paper in her hand)_ This… is nothing short of true terror.

Biggs: For God's sake, woman, don't read it then!

Jessica: I won't read it, but I'll give you an abridged version of what I found. _(clears throat)_ 'All Grown up gx 2' is apparently based on WhiteAsukaLover's fanfic based on the worlds of Rugrats: All Grown Up and Yuugiou GX colliding in an unholy crossover.

Biggs: This guy… does he get involved in _everything_ we touch?

Eric: Coming from the guy who used his favourites to find the second cop-out of the chapter.

Jessica: He complains that the fic's contents is pretty much copied from his own. Then, get this, does the same thing two years later with a Pokemon Colosseum fic (essentially word for word), that he then hastily removed and replaced with a more subtle version.

Biggs: Three words: Pot. Kettle. Black.

Eric: _(holding his head)_ Does the torment end now?

Jessica: Almost. There's another oneshot focusing on Alexis-

Eric: Make it stop!

Jessica: _-Which_ is also filled mostly by lyrics from a Within Temptation song. I initially thought, based on the title, it was trying to combine GX and Final Destination, but it seems to be a song that Within Temptation composed using the same name. Anyway, Alexis has visions (cause apparently everyone has them) of being killed repeatedly, no explanation or anything.

Eric: Biggs… please just kill me…

Jessica: The last line… I can't bring myself to utter it while my name is in the same line. _(hands the paper to Biggs, who stares at it in horror)_

**In The End, She Is Killed, But She Was Brought back To Life.**

Eric: My life… I think it just lost all purpose. _(headdesks)_

Biggs: You know, I don't think we'll actually get to look at the reviews for 'Vague Money Games'. He's actually starting to scare me.

Jessica: There's a first; you give a crap.

Biggs: Don't get me wrong, I love seeing him suffer, but… I'm not having paramedics running about in here dramatically.

Jessica: Let's just glance and end things before he actually tries to suffocate himself.

Biggs: _(rolls eyes)_ Fiiiiine. Give me that. _(snatches laptop from the table and clicks the hyperlink to reviews)_ He strikes again.

Jessica: No way.

Biggs: Yes way. He says he's read it five times and never reviewed; he considers it good enough to finish, let alone come back, let alone come back _multiple_ times?

Jessica: And another short "review". sAiToU MiWaKo: 'One word… COOL' - a three-word review, very impressive.

Eric: _(groans, mumbling something indistinguishable)_

Jessica: Yeaaaah, I think we should leave it there. Before Eric's brain melts out his ears…

-End-

**Stepping Through The Wall**

Biggs: Okay, seeing as we're nearing our mid-life crises, what do you guys reckon of actually getting back to this place?

Jessica: _Biiiiiggs._

Biggs: Jess is certainly happy to be back. Eric…_ (looks over to Eric)_ Yeah, he missed this place too.

Eric: _(lifts a hand)_ All I have to say is that I had faith in humanity when SEBZ Gal used grammar properly, especially after the fic before, but… it's been completely shattered. I can see why people in these shows decide they want to kill the heroes to stop people like these being spawned.

Biggs: So, thank you Peach Wookiee for suggesting Alexis Serenity Phoenix's fics and breaking Eric's spirit. It was a pleasure doing business.

Jessica: I'm just disappointed, you guys are keeping me from yaoi on purpose. I've seen a yaoi fic that was suggested listed as 'upcoming' on our profile for months.

Biggs: I couldn't be bothered to jump into that straight away, blame the new writer.

Jessica: Oh, I do.

Biggs: Well, we did get reviews for the last chapter, maybe we'll get lucky and find people haven't abandoned this place, else we'll be out of a Friday night job.

Jessica: Or whatever day of the week these little get-togethers are posted…

Biggs: Seeing as this writer's an active author on the site… yeah… we'll be dead and buried long before next time.

Jessica: So we will end up like VG Cats…

Biggs: May as well release the reader - or readers - into the wild.

"Go beyond the unreadable! Kick good writing to the curb! Don't believe in canon, believe in fanon that subverts the canon! That's the Yuugiou Fandom way!"

**-The Writer's Angry Note of the Week-**

Tune in next time when Biggs, Eric and Jess are pensioners struggling to scrounge enough money to buy food! We're so dedicated like that. ZETSUBOU!


	5. Broken Minds

The year 20XX. During times of political and economic unrest, no human alive is tackling the true crisis that grips the Earth; measuring the quality of Yuugiou works on. In a world mostly lacking heroes willing to rise live, death and certain boredom to carry out such a mission, only three people will step up and take the challenge head on.

Our heroes are;

1. Biggs Nortons, an ex-Fanfic writer with a serious chip on his shoulder.

2. Eric A. Wedge, a honest-to-Osiris hardcore Yuugiou fan, owning all manga volumes, with every anime episode downloaded, and little to no knowledge of the card game.

3. Jessica Chomsky, no relation to the 'Other Chomsky', as rabid and misinformed as rabid misinformed Yaoi fan girls come.

-Yuugiou: Mystery Card Game Theatre-

Biggs: KATTOBINGU!

Eric: Biggs. Shut the qwertyuiop up!

Biggs: What's wrong, Eric? I would've thought you'd love Zexal.

Eric: After the end 5D's gave, I'm still trying to cover up that pin-up of Yoshida I printed from the Internet with flaming darts of hatred.

Biggs: Wow. You were that upset that Jack lost?

_The door flies open, unveiling Jessica._

Jessica: _Biiiiiiggs_! I heard Zexal!

_Eric grates his teeth._

Jessica: I also heard that a naked blue alien-thing showed up in front of the main character. They're both guys. I smell yaoi!

Eric: Oh, for crying out loud…

Biggs: I think Zexal's going to be the best Yuugiou yet. Just one episode and Eric's blood pressure is rising.

Eric: Aftermath of 5D's; Zexal just adds onto it.

Jessica: Do we have any Zexal fanfics to look at?~

Biggs: 'Fraid not. But first one I find on this site, I'll send to you so you can squeal into Eric's ears.

Eric: It's times like this I truly hate every fibre of your being, Biggs. _(turns to Jessica)_ By the way, how is it you're the last one here every time?

Jessica: It's Biggs' apartment and you obviously never leave.

Eric: It's called 'punctuality'.

Jessica: Of course.

Biggs: If I may interrupt, I must reveal that we actually got reviews from our last instalment.

Eric: You mean people still read this thing? How have they not passed away?

Jessica: They could be scientists from the future who-

Eric: Stop. Now.

Biggs: Ah. I see you hit a nerve again, Jess. Good on you.

Jessica: I better get a reward for all this. Preferably in the form of yaoi doujinshi

Eric: _Anyway_. Why bring up responses to us tearing apart another *intense* fanfic?

Biggs: Because I thought it'd be fun to get the obligatory WhiteAsukaLover mention done quickly.

Eric: Joy. What _now_?

Biggs: Apparently, he loves all these mentions. Maybe we should start charging for all the plugs.

Jessica: So?

Biggs: He-also-wants-us-to-check-out-one-of-his-fics-and-rip-it-apart.

Eric: Wow. Bad publicity is better than no publicity?

Biggs: Guess so.

Jessica: If it's more yuri, I won't be impressed. Yaoi and yuri are completely different things.

Eric: Calm down before you burst a blood vessel.

Biggs: Zexal.

Eric: _(slams his fist against the coffee table)_ Damn it, Biggs!

Biggs: Okay, okay. Let's get down to business; there's a reason we've been dragged here. Normally, I'd never invite your kind of people to my place, but we have an obligation to the Yuugiou fanfic writers and readers. _(holds up printed copies of the fic)_ This.

Eric: Dare I ask what that is? It looks like an awfully big oneshot.

Biggs: Not this time. I decided we'd go back and review one of the recommendations in the reviews we got from the first chapter.

Eric: So you decided to go back to listening to the people. First time for everything, I suppose.

Jessica: So what one did you go for?

Biggs: _(hands both their copies)_ 'Broken Innocence' by Pokable-Panda.

Eric: _(puts a hand to his forehead)_ This doesn't sound good already…

Jessica: This sounds like it could be fun.

Eric: Because you can sense the romance in it.

Jessica: Only if its yaoi.

Biggs: Well, let's see what you two have to make of the 'warning' put in. Following the author's chat with someone with a suspiciously similar name and therefore must be her make-believe 'yami'.

Eric: I thought people grew out of imaginary friends before they moved onto high school.

Jessica: Apparently not.

Biggs: Brace yourself, kiddies. We're going for a wild one.

**WARNINGS:**** Mentions of rape (Not graphic, I cant write that stuff…or lemons -pouts-), Violence, Bad words,probably some spelling mistakes (Brain needs sleep -.-), Sexual stuff, ****YAOIIIIIIII! ****(BoyxBoy) and so much angst you can drown in it. (Well…attempted.)**

Jessica: _YES! FINALLY. IT GET SOME QWERTYUIOP'ING YAOI!_

Eric: Did you really have to, Biggs?

Biggs: The sap that took pity on Jess felt she needed some love and gave us this to work with. Don't blame me.

Eric: I will personally hunt that one down.

Jessica: Aw, come on. You've had het and yuri, what's wrong with me having a little yaoi?

Eric: We didn't squeal.

Jessica: I could change that.

Biggs: Wow… Jessica may actually like this one.

Eric: Of course, because yaoi rape equals the best kind of love there is. Thank God the author said she can't write graphic rape and lemons. Why would you _want_ to?

Biggs: This is a fandom full of girls searching for every ounce of a moment that could lead to yaoi in their distorted minds, Eric. Don't be surprised by anything these people write.

Eric: Correct me if I'm wrong, but purple-haired Jack got your tongue too.

Jessica: That was two chapters ago. Let's get on with the goods.

**Pairings: Main pairing BakuraxYugi (Gotta love the Kleptoshippy goodness :3 ), Some YamixYugi MalikxMarik.**

Jessica: Multiple yaoi pairings? I love this one!

Biggs: We're supposed to be tearing it apart with extreme prejudice. Don't go on and review this later on.

Eric: No. We don't.

Jessica: Come again?

Eric: 'Gotta love the Kleptoshippy'. No, we don't.

Jessica: I-

Eric: Your opinion is invalid. It's biased.

Jessica: Spoilsport.

Biggs: Okay, so the author then talks with her imaginary other self and then we finally get to the fic itself.

Eric: Joy of joys.

**Broken Inoccence**

**Chapter 1: Rape**

**-Yugi's POV-**

Eric: Oh God…

Biggs: Zone?

Eric: What the hell? This is a Duel Monsters fanfic, don't bring that bastard into this!

Jessica: Guys, don't procrastinate, I want to read on.

Eric: You want to read someone (obviously Yuugi) getting raped?

Biggs: You've got issues. More than I thought.

Jessica: You guys are the ones that keep coming back to this.

Biggs: I already gave my reasoning before.

"**Huh…Nothing on TV tonight." I surfed from chanel to chanel, but all they had were those crappy talkshows nobody cares about.I finnaly give up and turn the TV off. I sigh and stretch my numb limbs. Ra, its been so boring and quiet after the whole ceremonial duel.**

**I stare up at the clock.**

**12:30am. Where the hell was Yami?**

Eric: Not another one.

Jessica: I'm sure Yami no Yuugi will come in any minute confessing his love for Yuugi. That would be so romantic, in front of Jerry Springer as well.

Eric: Woman, this series takes place in Japan. Why would they want to watch fat people strip and fight without getting anything resolved?

Biggs: You're a Jeremy Kyle fan at heart, really.

Eric: Don't you start.

Jessica: Listen. Can we just get on with the faults and then skip ahead to the goodies? I've been waiting well over a year and a half for this.

Eric: Most of that time was spent with you taking forever to get here last time.

Biggs: Anyway, Jess. I hate to say it, but I get what Eric was saying, and I'm with him on this one.

Jessica: Eh?

Eric: It's going to be one of those neglected Yuugi fanfics where, for whatever reason, Yami no Yuugi stayed after the Ceremonial Duel without any real explanation, and then his Gary-Stu of an older brother, who just so happens to be a rock star and intimidates even Kaiba shows up to put everyone back in their place.

Biggs: A little specific, but basically alone the lines of what I'm getting from this so far.

Jessica: There can't be OCs in this; it's yaoi. OCs never exist in yaoi.

Biggs: Lie. Seen it.

Jessica: Who cares, this is important. We must read ahead to find out the truth.

**He had earlier gone out with Joey and the gang to a could easily get in there due to the fact that they didn't care how old you are and never ask for ID.**

**They all asked me to come with them, but I not really into bars that smell like a dead animal on a hot summers day, or the likely,VERY likely chance of getting mugged,murdered or mayeby all together.**

Biggs: Well this one's a cheery little bunny.

Eric: At least we were wrong about them ignoring Yuugi. I hope…

Jessica: Speed it up, guys. So basically, the problems here are the mashing of sentences to make one of no sense and someone forgetting to use the space bar. Also that it's taking so long to get to the damned yaoi.

Eric: What the-? Seriously?

Biggs: Slow down, Jess. You'll pull something.

Jessica: Don't care. Not important.

Biggs: Before you race off ahead, I'm going to point out the laxness of Domino City these days. I wonder if Mokuba could get into one of these late night clubs.

Eric: It's a strip club, obviously.

Jessica: Male strippers for male characters.

Eric: Shut it.

Biggs: The next line is pretty unimportant, just Yuugi musing over random stuff. Then the perspective switches to third person.

**Yugi once again sighed, Out of boredom or worry, no-one could tell. **_**Mayeby I should just go to bed**_** Yugi thought. He nodded to himself. He was getting increasingly tired. Yawning and stretching, he began to walk up the stairs.**

**He did the usual routine of brushing his teeth, washing, you get the idea.**

_**It's a bit warm tonight. **_**He thought fanning himself. So he decided to just sleep in his black silk boxers (Jenny&Jennis: -Squeal and faint-). He tossed back his black silk covers and laid on his bed.**

Jessica: I agree with the author; that's begging for Yami to come in and the two of them reveal their feelings for one another.

Eric: Jess, you're not aloud to fanwank over this. Just because the author did, stop siding with the fic.

Biggs: Maybe someone should tell the author how to spell the word.

Eric: Right now, I'd rather someone learned how to shoot me.

**Then he started to think, unable to go to sleep, even though he was exhausted. Many questions ran through his head. Where was Yami? Why had he not called yet? Is Yami drunk? He sure hoped snuggled against the black silk pillow, letting out a sigh and instantly falling into a light slumber.**

**Too bad for him, hope wasnt on his side on this particular day.**

Biggs: Night.

Eric: Does _everything_ Yuugi silk and black?

Jessica: They ended with an ominous line. Does this mean you're denying me first chapter yaoi?

Eric: Christ, Jess. If you don't untwist your knickers, we'll drop this thing and find some yuri.

Jessica: Jealous.

Eric: Of _what_? You've lost your mind.

Jessica: Because it's my time to shine. Onwards!

**-2 am-**

**Yugi suddenly jerked awake hearing the front door open and close. **_**Is Yami home?**_** Ran though his mind. He heard clumsy footsteps coming up the stairs, triping over themselves every now and the footsteps came down the landing, and then the person triped and fell with a loud thud. The person was submerged in a fit of drunken giggles.**

Biggs: The mysterious rapist, no doubt. Now learn how to write and spell.

**Yugi was a mixture of worried, a little scared and mostly angry. His amethist eyes narrowed (Jenny: Sexy angry Yugi eyes of doom! X3). He sat up, causing the black silk covers to down his lithe body, until reaching his waist. "I was freaking right…" Yugi whispered to himself angrily.**

**Suddenly, the handle on the door began to move. Yami was coming in. **_**But why?**_** Yugi thought cautiously, getting ready for anything, eyed ablaze. **_**People who are drunk can do horrific things**_**… Memories flashed through his mind and his eyes slightly clouded, and emotionless, just a void of amethyst.**

**He was brung back to the present when Yami fell clumsily through the door. Yami soon regained his composture, and looked at the little frail tenshi, eyes of blood glinting with drunken lust. He eyed Yugi and smirked darkly. It seemed alcohol brought out the worst in the yami.**

Eric: So, not the rapist, but a drunken Yami no Yuugi who discovered alcoholism.

Biggs: The author must've been drunk when she wrote this; the spelling's getting worse as we go.

Jessica: Cute. They're going to sleep together.

Eric: Didn't you just hear a thing? He's a drunken wreck and Yugi's expecting the worst; he already knows what's coming - something bad.

Jessica: I blame Jonouchi. He's kept Yami out and that means he and Yuugi haven't been able to profess their love.

Biggs: Your mind must be a scary place; you know nothing.

Eric: I'm not fond of people referring to Yuugi as a 'tenshi' or 'hikari'; we've been over this, he's a vessel. The same with Yami no Yuugi and Bakura.

**When the dark stepped into the moonlight room, Yugi had to hold back a gasp, but managed to keep his face still. His darkness, his closest friend and the once proud pharaoh of all Egypt, looked like nothing more than a common drunk, like he just stepped out of the nearest gutter.**

**His tight black jeans were in tatters, with dirt smudged all over it, like a small child had used them as their canvas. His leather tank top was also in similar condition, only most of it seemed to be gone, and Yugi really didnt want to know why. The spiked belts he normaly wore were nowhere to be seen, and leather shoes were caked with dirty.**

Jessica: I get it now - Yami was the one that got raped; this is leading up to a tender moment between him and Yuugi when they realise they-

Biggs: Go sit in the corner.

Jessica: But-

Biggs: My apartment, my rules.

Jessica: Fine. But I'm not drinking that old coffee you left there from last time.

Biggs: Ah yeah, forgot about those.

Eric: Wonderful; just what I needed to know. Is there a pizza hiding underneath this table?

Biggs: Maybe.

_Jessica slinks into the corner and pouts, staring at the papers in front of her and reading as the others continue on._

Eric: Really, this is what happens when you give alcohol to a 3000-year dead Pharaoh or Egypt and yaoi to Jessica. Badness follows. Badness and nothing more.

Biggs: Maybe we'll get a laugh out of this; she can't say anything now.

Eric: There'll be a loophole.

**Yami's usually handsome face was a state to say the least. His skin was pale and pasty, like he was ill. under his eyes lay dark rings, as if he had not slept in millenias. His hair was matted and was more disoriented than normal, a hideous contrast to Yugis current beautiful, clean, silky hair. A few bruises and gashes were visible on his now pale skin, and the cuts were covered in dry blood.**

**But what Yugi noticed the most, was his precious yami's eyes. His usually dazzling ruby orbs were a void of what they were earlier. Compasion, love, tenderness and care were now replaced with lust, malice and some rage.**

**Yugi shivered as Yami stared at him with those deadly Yami spoke, his voice scaring Yugi even more.**

Biggs: So many squiggly red lines.

Eric: Looks like you took the mantle in battering the wall again.

Biggs: Yup.

Eric: Why do I get the feeling that Yuugi and Yami no Yuugi have some kind of abusive relationship between them; Yuugi seems way too timid around someone who shared his body and whom he bonded so strongly with.

Biggs: You said 'bond', I demand a shot.

Eric: When we're done. We'll play an anti-yaoi drinking game; for each yaoi fanfics we see in the Duel Monsters archive front page, down a shot. We go further and we'll die.

Biggs: I take it you're not a fan of the way they're portraying the newly alcoholic Pharaoh then?

Eric: He looks like a tramp while Yuugi looks like an angel (or angle, depending on your spelling ability). It's like they're painting Yami no Yuugi in as bad a light as possible to justify pairing Yuugi with Bakura later on. It doesn't work, especially when they're supposed to be as close as Yuugi and his mentor were. I dread what's coming next.

"**Well,well, well…What do we have here?" He slurred, apparenly more drunk than first thought. Then he began to take heavy steps towards Yugi's bed. Yugi was beyond scared now. The ruby eyed pharaoh smirked, and leaned in on the amethyst eyed beauty, nearly toppling over int eh process.**

"**Why are you afraid hikari? Im not going to hurt you…" He said in a low deadly whisper. Somehow, Yugi doubted that. The Yami sat down on the bed and climbed on top of the frail boy. He ran a cold pale finger down the teen's bare chest. Yugi whimpered. He was feeling more scared than ever. From all the insane phycopaths trying to steal the puzzle, to nearly loosing everyone he loved and trusted, this had to be the most terrifying moment of his young life.**

Eric: I highly doubt that. Judging by the way Yami no Yuugi's alcoholism was described earlier, it sounds like this isn't the first time something like this has happened.

Biggs: I like how the author's highlight Yuugi's fear after calling the Pharaoh's tone 'deadly' and what-not.

Jessica: _I sense Puzzleshipping!_ I demand out this corner now.

Biggs: If you behave.

Jessica: Deal!

Eric: So much for training that one. She'll be a phycopath in no time.

Jessica: You're just upset that they're making spelling mistakes during the best scene so far.

Eric: Or the worst.

Jessica: Could this be worse than Yuma and Astral together? Don't they share a similar relationship to Yuugi and Yami no Yuugi?

Eric: _(grates his teeth)_ Completely different.

Biggs: Not from what I read.

Eric: You stay out of this.

Biggs: And this is why everyday should be Friday.

Jessica: Even though it's not Friday now and we slipped up again.

Eric: Let's ignore that and get on with this before another week passes without an update. And no, Friday everyday wouldn't work; we'd disappoint our oh-so-loving fans every day of the freaking week. Do you really want to sit through seven fanfics like this each week?

Jessica: Yes!

Biggs: Do that at your own house.

"**Beautiful…" Yami whispered, voice laced with pure lust. **_**Great! I picked tonight to wear just my boxers! WHY!**_** Yugi screamed to himself in his he was cursing himself, Yami took the chance and swooped down and pushed his mouth onto Yugi's. The small of the two snapped out of his mental rant. His eyeds widened more id that was possible. Time stood still. He could taste the alcohol in Yami's mouth, and it made him sick to his stomach. He desperately tried to push Yami of, but the dark was too powerful.**

Biggs: Someone told me D. had a lot of yaoi subtext and that the spirit of a protagonist living inside the body of a teenage boy was named Dark. This is starting to sound like a fanfics that belongs in _that_ archive.

Jessica: Yuugi and Yami no Yuugi should meet up with Daisuke and Dark some time. They could double-date or something.

Eric: No. The only crossovers you should even consider would be the 5DX ones.

Jessica: But of course; Yuugi, Judai and Yusei get paired together a lot.

Eric: _(facepalm)_ How desperate can you be?

Biggs: Wait til Yuma gets thrown in.

Eric: I will end your life for that.

Jessica: I'm so glad that we finally get the yaoi scene; it's been far too long coming.

Biggs: I don't see how you can enjoy it as much as you do; the sentences are mashed up again and random words picked from the remains in that blender that was clearly used. On top of that, Yami no Yuugi's speech and Yuugi's thoughts aren't separated at all.

Eric: Not to mention this should even be happening; Yami no Yuugi should be back where he belongs. We've still had no reason as to why he's still hanging around.

Jessica: The power of friendship and love conquers fate.

Eric: That or Shadi decided to discover beer too…

**When Yami pulled away, Yugi gasped for air. He felt violated, and like he was going to be sick. He tried to climb out the bed, but Yami pinned him down, his hot, alcoholic breath filling the air.**

**Yami looked down and spotted Yugi's silk boxers, and looked back at Yugi's face and grinned malicious. Amethyst eyes widened.**

_**No…**_

**Yugi felt hot tears fall down his cheeks are he tried to get loose. "Why are you doing this Yami?" He cried.**

**Yami's mouth was still in that cruel smirk. "Aww…dont you love me aibou?" He began to slid his hands down the teen's lim waist.**

"**Not like this!" Yugi sobbed.**

"**Like what?" Yami's hands slid lower.**

"**Please…" Yugi whispered, tears flowing.**

"**Hmm…I love it when you beg aibou…" Nearly there.**

**Yugi gasped when he felt Yami's cold hands on his frail hips.**

"**Why…?"**

**A scream was heard in the night.**

Eric: _Stop!_ I can't take it anymore… maybe it stop….

Biggs: You're in luck, that was the end of the chapter.

Jessica: Aw… no fair. It was getting good.

Biggs: Woman, you are sick.

Jessica: I've had to wait long enough, let me enjoy this. It could be another two years before you guys let me at another yaoi fic.

Eric: Longer if this is what's going to happen… How much longer does this torment last?

Biggs: The fic has four chapters and then an author's note stuck on the end. It hasn't been updated since.

Eric: Give us an overview then.

Biggs: Well, according to the author squee at the end of the first chapter, Bakura of all people shows up to save Yuugi from his oh-so evil Pharaoh rapist and clearly the two fall in love and get married and go on to have kids. I'll leave the reading on to Jess, I can't take anymore rape either.

Eric: People seem to like it; they write about it so casually. I bet you that this doesn't deal with Yugi's psychological trauma afterwards, especially as he's been assaulted by the person he felt closest to after several months of being together. _(Turns to Jessica) _Not in that sense.

Jessica: _(flicking through the printed pages)_ They were always in love.

Eric: _(rolls eyes)_ Any reason why this stopped?

Biggs; The final author's note explains that. The writer says she's 'undergone a very emotional attack' and claims she can relate to Yuugi.

Eric: She got raped? Karma's a bitch.

Jessica: Don't be nasty. Just because no-one shows you love.

Eric: I don't need love to exist. Nor sex.

Biggs: But so long as you have Rule 34, you have a purpose. I didn't think you could be any sadder.

Eric: Rule 34 and no girls is better than neither.

Biggs: You remind me of Takumi Nishijou.

Eric: Who knew you were so diverse. Now stop flaunting your limited knowledge of anime.

Biggs: Okay, this is going nowhere now, we may as well wrap things up. The reviews are pretty much the same as Jessica's inputs; they're all in love with the idea of rape and yaoi relationships following rapidly afterwards.

Jessica: There's nothing wrong with a girl liking a little homosexual action. You guys have your girl-on-girls.

Biggs: Porn is different from rape.

Jessica: Ignoring that.

Biggs: Anyway, I'm not going to ask Jess how she found this fic; we pretty much know she's going to add a review herself when she gets home and read over it again and again.

Jessica: Hey!

Biggs: Dare I ask, Eric?

Eric: Rape. Yaoi. Alcoholic Yami no Yuugi. It's all wrong and should never have happened. Puzzleshipping on its own is bad enough, but when you use Yuugi's closest friend as a means of pushing him into the arms of his greatest enemy, it just doesn't have any excuse. I deduce the writer was not only drunk when she wrote it, but that she'd been doing crack.

Biggs: She blames lack of sleep; she was up late writing it.

Eric: Her time would've been better spent getting sleep and not ruining her body's timer.

Jessica: I disagree.

Eric: You would. But we're not asking you.

Biggs: Okay, well next time, I'll make sure to find something with even more yaoi. Just to please Jessica and piss you off more.

Eric: I might come and rape you before the end of the night.

Jessica: …Yeah. Nice…

Biggs: And now I get to unceremoniously boot you both out of my apartment.

Eric: Don't worry, we'll stay without any plausible explanation.

Biggs: Fine. I'll get up the Zexal episode.

Eric: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-

-End-

**Stepping Through The Wall**

Biggs: I still can't believe we're actually alive. The writer got off their ass to give us a fighting chance.

Jessica: And they finally gave me the yaoi I've been longing for.

Eric: What? You search FFN's Yuugiou archives every night in search of new yaoi.

Jessica: They don't know that.

Biggs: Seeing as we're here, it must mean we're doing something right. Whatever it is.

Jessica: And we have reviews saying we're entertaining enough to keep at least two readers.

Eric: One of those is WhiteAsukaLover; he stays for the publicity. He even told us to look at one of his fics. I will take you on that; one day, expect to see that particular fic here with us in our loving flaming fists.

Biggs: Stop trying to rip off Jack Atlus.

Jessica: The only time Jack should show up should be with Yusei in his arms.

Eric: God…

Biggs: Regardless of Jessica's strange fetishes, I'll thank CuteYami for their twisted recommendation.

Eric: I won't.

Biggs: Eric's back into his stabby-stabby mode. Watch out, Yoshida pin-up.

Jessica: Don't forget to recommend more yaoi fics, we enjoy them very much.

Eric: Liar. Don't try to get more of that crap in here.

Biggs: I thought you two were leaving…

Jessica: Not before we finish up. Let's go together, guys.

"Go beyond the unreadable! Kick good writing to the curb! Don't believe in canon, believe in fanon that subverts the canon! That's the Yuugiou Fandom way!"

**-The Writer's Angry Note of the Week-**

Homework: Down a shot for each time 'bonds', 'despair', yaoi or Zexal comes up. Anyone who gets drunk should then be locked away until two mornings after.


	6. YGO, Cookies, America: Recipe for Fail

The year 20XX. During times of political and economic unrest, no human alive is tackling the true crisis that grips the Earth; measuring the quality of Yuugiou works on. In a world mostly lacking heroes willing to rise live, death and certain boredom to carry out such a mission, only three people will step up and take the challenge head on.

Our heroes are;

1. Biggs Nortons, an ex-Fanfic writer with a serious chip on his shoulder.

2. Eric A. Wedge, a honest-to-Osiris hardcore Yuugiou fan, owning all manga volumes, with every anime episode downloaded, and little to no knowledge of the card game.

3. Jessica Chomsky, no relation to the 'Other Chomsky', as rabid and misinformed as rabid misinformed Yaoi fan girls come.

-Yuugiou: Mystery Card Game Theatre-

_Biggs and Eric are sitting at the table situated in the centre of Biggs' front room, listening to the crashes coming from Biggs' kitchen. Jessica appears from the other room, holding up a spoon and container filled with hot chocolate powder._

Jessica: Biggs, why do you have to suck at everything?

Biggs: This is the thanks I get for giving her that goddamned yaoi…

Jessica: You made me wait forever!

Biggs: Alright, Jess. What's wrong now?

Jessica: I was looking for cookie dough. It's a Friday; you need a snack that's going to ruin you for the weekend.

Eric: You haven't brought that up for months. All five of the Fridays that we've been here for the past however many months and you've never included that.

Jessica: That was pre-yaoi.

Eric: God…

Biggs: Z-

Eric: Qwertyuiop off.

Biggs: Come on, Jess. I think with each time we do these; Eric loses more of his will to live. We should start doing them every night.

Eric: We had that discussion last time. We agreed that's not happening.

Biggs: Jess! Get in here and I'll buy you some ice cream later.

Eric: A date, Biggs? You're that desperate?

Biggs: You're as bad as the Yuugiou shippers…

Eric: Smile at her. That means you're forever in love.

Biggs: You went back to those Faithshipping videos on YouTube, didn't you…?

Eric: When you watch the series, you can't avoid the overwhelming support for a pairing. The only justice was that it never happens in the end… no matter how close they get…

_Jessica returns and sits down._

Biggs: Thank you. Now ladies, I know how much you love your oneshots, so I brought two more into the mix.

Eric: You're a real jackass.

Biggs: I love you too, honey.

Jessica: _(flinches and stares at Biggs in horror)_

Biggs: These were requested by a reviewer ages ago. You bitch that we made you wait forever for yaoi; they've been waiting forever for this.

Eric: Dare I ask what these are?

Biggs: 'Fund Raiser' by Elouise Victoria and 'America's Next Top Model' by MewIchigoPrincess.

Eric: I'm sorry, but what? Didn't anyone tell this kid we hunt down Yuugiou fanfics and not American shows where the women are too skinny to have breasts?

Jessica: He said it was written by someone. They must have done a fanfic with the same name.

Eric: …What? How many times must I tell you people that this series takes place in fricking Japan?

Jessica: The dub implied it was in America-

Eric: Well that was cause 4Kids wanted to shoehorn their headquarters in behind KaibaCorp.

Jessica: -My bets are they use dub names.

Eric: Which are we starting with?

Biggs: I'd say the latter; I've got a feeling you're going to love it.

Eric: I get this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach whenever you say that; genuinely or sarcastically.

Biggs: Would I lie to you?

Eric: Yes. You do with every other breath.

Jessica: Safe to say there's going to be no yaoi… I suppose I should go stalk someone who writes it and wait for their next update.

Eric: Or just look at the front page of the Duel Monsters archive; that's got more yaoi than GX and 5D's combined.

Biggs: You forgot the other one.

Eric: Other what?

Biggs: I believe there's a fourth series called Zexal.

Eric: _(makes hand gestures mimicking strangling Biggs)_

Jessica: Let's just get this over with. I want to see if there's any chance of yaoi in the next one.

Biggs: Fat chance.

**MewIchigoPrincess: Hey y'all! Okay, I know that I have a bad habit of starting stories and then not finishing them, but I'm definitely planning on finishing this one!**

Jessica: You said this was a oneshot.

Biggs: They haven't updated since the first chapter was uploaded shortly after we started going. We must've scared her off.

Eric: There's something we managed to accomplish. Nice work with the commitment, MewIchigoPrincess. I won't point out the other four fics you've started since this then abandoned after one chapter.

Jessica: But you-

Eric: That's the point…

Biggs: You need a degree in humour, Jess.

Jessica: So long as there's-

Biggs: Wow, you're sounding like a broken record, even more so since the new writer came about.

Eric: Think they're a yaoi fangirl?

_The lights grow dim and a rumble underneath the apartment. Eric tucks his head between his shoulders and waits for the strange episode to end._

Eric: I'll take that as a 'no'.

Biggs: Could've fooled me.

Jessica: You're gonna get raped.

Eric: Don't start that again.

Biggs: Let's get this over and done with quickly. After more rambling that we don't care about, we get a character list.

Eric: It's been a while since I read a fic with so few characters the author could list them all without creating a sizeable paragraph.

**Oh, I need to say who the characters are going to be. It's going to be Yusei, Akiza, Jack, Leo, Luna, Carly and a WHOLE lot of OC's!**

Jessica: If it weren't for the fact that Aki, who's clearly central to the plot, was in this, I'd deem them all Mary Sues right here and now. It's a modelling show; how many OCs can look so perfect?

Biggs: You'd be surprised. Let's just say all of them for now.

Eric: This poor deluded fool; they truly believe Yuugiou takes place in America.

Jessica: I thought we made that clear already.

_Eric picks up a cup of coffee from beside him and tips the mug back to drink the contents._

**My heart stopped. I couldn't breath, I couldn't talk, I couldn't even think! Everyone looked at me with worry, afraid that I might faint. I felt like fainting right then. My dreams were coming true. I was in love with someone who genuinely loved me back, I was happy with my life and my family, and now I was going to be on my favorite reality show, America's Next Top Model!**

"**Honey? Hello? Akiza? Talk to me, sweetheart," Yusei said, grabbing my shoulders and shaking me lightly.**

_Eric spits out the coffee in almighty shower of brown and proceeds to cough in a fit, while Jessica recoils to avoid being drowned by the spit-take._

Biggs: Something wrong, Eric?

Eric: What- What the fuck was _that?_

Biggs: I believe it's your favourite pairing.

Eric: _(presses a hand against his throat)_ I'll come to that in a minute. I mean, what is _that_? _(points to coffee mug)_

Biggs: Ah, that'd be the coffee I made two chapters ago.

Eric: _What? That was the beginning of March. You've had that sitting there for a month and a half?_

Biggs: I love it when I achieve things without even trying.

Jessica: You were bitching about how long you'd been waiting for me; how do you know that coffee wasn't already a year old and he was putting it in the microwave to celebrate?

Biggs: You know me so well…

_Eric storms out of the room, clutching the mug. A clatter can be heard as Eric launches it into the sink and returns with a scowl._

Biggs: Done now?

Eric: Shut it.

Jessica: Fine, I'll nitpick. I don't like Faithshipping; it gets in the way of KingCrabshipping. That and It's overrated. Reasons are in order of importance.

Eric: Too bad Jack canonically loves Carly.

Jessica: Never got together.

Eric: That's what happens when you've got millennia-old magic involved in your life. It's hardly their fault she lost her memories.

Jessica: Could have told her again.

Eric: He was too busy fighting to keep his place in the queue from Crow, who'd jumped Aki, Rua _and_ Ruka's.

Jessica: Excuses, excuses.

Biggs: To add to Jess' point, I'm not a fan of Aki's favourite reality show being the exact same one as the author. It's like trying to implant herself into Aki. Or visa-versa. That's never happened in the show before, right Eric?

Eric: _(bites his lip and claws at the edge of the table)_

Biggs: Nice to know they're doing something original.

Jessica: Every aspect of every fanfics is original; they never copy anything, like say, a show and dump it into their fanfics's world.

Biggs: I like how there's no hope of anyone being in character based on the title, let alone the story itself.

**I could finally breath again. The shock had worn off. And then, a huge smile spread across my face. I jumped into Yusei's arms and knocked him right off of his feet. I kissed him deeply, and when the shock of getting knocked off of his feet wore off, he kissed me back.**

Eric: Qwertyuiop. Off.

Jessica: It's awfully repetitive. And Faithshipping-y.

Biggs: I'm calling that face Aki made an Izayoi-Rape-Face. Jack has one in the manga, doesn't he?

Eric: Indeed. He now has a Getting-Raped-Face.

Jessica: _(leans back)_

Eric: He's facing an important plot twist.

Jessica: I'm sure. But still, I'd rather this have some damned yaoi; I'm already depraved after having to go on after last time with nothing to take home in a doggy bag.

_Eric and Biggs exchange equally puzzled looks._

"**Yusei, I'm going to be on America's Next Top Model!" I screeched. I didn't even try to hold in my excitement because I knew that I wasn't going to be able to. Ever since I was a little girl, I always wanted to be a model. I loved looking at fashion magazines and watching the Victoria's Secret fashion show. But my favourite model has alwasy been Tyra Banks. I thought she had the most beautiful skin and to-die-for body. She actually had curves and looked like a normal woman. I always admired her for that. So when I heard that she started America's Next Top Model when I was 12, I just had to watch it. And I did, and it became my favourite show. I don't remember when I decided that I was going to audition for it when I turned 18, I just remember waking up one morning an knowing that that's what I wanted to do. Now, I'm going to get that chance.**

Eric: Funny, I always envisioned Aki wanting to be a duellist when she grew up based on the fact that, as a girl clearly younger than 12, she duelled her father in the hopes of proving her skills to him and showing that she had what it takes to make it to the Pro Leagues. Yet here, instead, she's fanwanking over Tyra Banks and a show that I highly doubt she would have really seen had the author actually remembered this show takes place in Japan…

Biggs: It's all wish fulfilment for the author. Because she's obsessed with the show, who better to put her dreary self into than a chick with Psychic powers and the biggest rack this side of Yoko?

Jessica: What did I tell you about trying to make it sound like you had a diverse history of anime?

Biggs: I recall nothing.

Eric: I would assume Duel Monsters doesn't exist in this, but… then it wouldn't explain how Aki meets everyone else. Clearly, everyone has forsaken the beating heart of the world that is this game and moved on to spending the best parts of their lives watching an American show which picks out a model from a selection of dim women desperate to get 15 minutes on television.

Biggs: At least they're hot.

Jessica: You two never cease to amaze me.

**I auditioned last week at the Kaiba Dome after I saw an ad on T.V. At first, I didn't want to audition. Why? Because I was afraid that I wouldn't be pretty enough or quite what they were looking for, and I don't really handle rejection all that well. So I dismissed it an decided that I would be much more satisfied watching it on TV. Pft, yeah right! Yusei, Jack, Leo and Luna knew how much I loved that show. So, they each took their turns in trying to get me to audition for the show.**

Eric: Of course, drag the Kaiba Dome into all this…

Biggs: I heard tentaraping the judges normally works. Yusei called Aki pretty after she tentaraped _him_. Fudo likes.

Jessica: The only thing Fudo likes should be having quality time with Jack or Bruno or someone else who qualifies as male.

Biggs: Like Zone?

Eric: _(glares at Biggs)_ You couldn't leave him out for _one_ minute, could you?

Biggs: Nope!

**Leo and Luna made the first move. I was sitting on a launch chair out by the pool reading my favourite book, **_**Twilight**_**. It was Carly's favourite book and she suggested that I read it. She lent it to me and I thought that it would be just a decent book. Boy, was I wrong. I had only gotten it the day before, and I was three-fourths of the way done!**

Biggs: What, you mean the library ran out of _"How to Win a Main Character through Tentarape"_?

Jessica: I like how Carly's favourite book becomes Aki's favourite book and she gets 'three-fourths' of the way through in a single day. Was 'three-quarters' too hard to calculate?

Eric: I like how this author shoehorns their favourites into this fanfics and then shove them down Aki's throat to strip away any real character and leave her resembling Izayoi Aki as Alexis Phoenix supposed did Asuka Tenjouin before we learned who she really was.

Biggs: I feel inclined to interrupt this extremely vital discussion to ask the obvious; what the hell is a 'launch chair'?

Eric: You mean an ejector seat?

Jessica: I think she means a lounge chair.

Eric: I like my response better. It means she can go away.

Biggs: Generic 'I was in the neighbourhood' conversation, incoming!

Jessica: Skip it, I want to go on in hope that there may be yaoi waiting ahead.

Eric: Woman. You need help. You have issues. _(whips around to face Biggs)_ And if you bring up either Z-word, I'll throttle you.

Biggs: _(exhales what was going to be either Z-word)_

Jessica: This looks like bull; it's just the twins chatting up Aki to go onto the show. It's not even worth us going into detail. Skim-mode!

**Luna sighed. "We just want you to consider trying out for America's Next Top Model."**

"**Yeah, everyone think that you'd be perfect for it, even Jack!" Leo chimed in.**

**I smiled gently at them, not wanting to hurt their feelings. But there was no way I was going to audition for a show like that.**

"**I appreciate you two trying, but it's just not for me. Sorry guys".**

**They both hung their heads, looking absolutely pathetic, with their eyes full of defeat. They got up and started to walk away, looking back at me every few seconds with those big eyes. For a second, my heart actually sank.**

Jessica: Does this mean Aki's gone back to a lack of emotions, thereby releasing Yusei from her loving grip around his neck and leaving him free to run back into Jack and/or Bruno's arms?

Biggs: This all takes place before the opening bit. She's still with him.

Jessica: God why?

Eric: I'm guessing reading Twilight is desensitising her to the twins' cute charm. That or Divine obviously came back; because that's the only reason he exists - trying to tear Yusei and Aki apart.

Biggs: These poor deluded fools…

**The next attempt was from Carly and Jack. It surprised me that they cared so much for me to audition. I was sitting in the kitchen at one of the bar stools eating an apple and watching Gossip Girl. I wasn't really into the dramas all that much, but it was really very interesting. Jack and Carly walked into the kitchen holding hands and her laughing. I looked up at the couple and greeted them with a smile.**

"**Hey Romeo and Juliet," I teased. They were always lovey-dovey with each other. Which, I couldn't really talk because Yusei and I are, too, but they're constantly kissing and touching each other in places that they should save for the bedroom. It makes Yusei and I sick just watching them. Carly came over to me and kissed me on the cheek and gave me a hug. I kissed her cheek and hugged her tight, genuinely happy to see her. Ever since the defeat of the Dark Signers, Carly and I have gotten close. Now, I consider her my best girl friend.**

Eric: Wow, a Shakespeare reference. That's never been done before.

Jessica: Says the guy who made one here just a few instalments ago.

Eric: Blame the new writer, they suck, remember?

Biggs: In other news, Jack Atlas has become uncharacteristically passionate about something that's _not_ cup ramen or Blue-Eyes Mountain.

Eric: I bet he touches _them_ up in naughty places too.

Jessica: You're both just jealous. As is Aki.

Eric: What are you talking about? She has her American trash. More plugging, dare I say?

Biggs: Don't you just love it when someone becomes the author so much that you can't even recognise the original character?

Eric: Uh… no. Let's just finish this crap already.

"**Come on, honey, don't be like that!" Carly said walking over to Jack and wrapping her arms behind his neck. Jack wrapped his arms around her waste and brought her close to him, kissing her passionately. I nearly gagged on my apple.**

"**Okay you two, could you get a room?" They pulled away from each other and Carly started to laugh.**

"**Sorry! Hey, so, you know that there are going to be auditions for America's Next Top Model at the Kaiba Dome on Friday, right?" Carly asked, pulling away from Jack and plopping down in the chair next to me.**

"**Yeah. And?" I asked, not interested in what she was going to say.**

"_**And**_**, I think you should try out for it!"**

**I sighed. "Carly-"**

"**Just listen to me for a second, KiKi," KiKi had become my nickname around the twin's mansion. Everyone, including Jack, called me that, and that was fine with me! I loved the name KiKi.**

Eric: …

Biggs: Jack grabs Carly's waste? If he wants naughty time later, he better wash those hands. The fact that she plops on a seat next to Aki doesn't help.

Jessica: Less het. More grammar. The apostrophe should come after 'twins' seeing as there's two of them.

Biggs: What about her nickname? Even Jack calls her that?

Eric: Inconvincible. Jack barely strayed away from calling her 'Izayoi', let alone diving straight into nicknames that make her sound like a cat.

Biggs: I'm calling it now; Yusei'll drop his trousers and Aki will launch herself into the auditions. That's how we end up at the beginning.

Eric: Whoopie…

"**I don't know, Carly. I really just don't know," I replied, a bit irritated.**

"**Okay well, how about this. How about you think about it for awhile. I'll come back on Thursday and you can tell me your answer. If you say no, then I'll respect your wishes and won't even try to change your mind," Carly said, putting her right hand over her heart and holding up her left hand as a gesture of promise.**

"**You promise?"**

"**Promise."**

**I looked at her sceptically for a second, muscles tense. Finally I took a deep breath, relaxing my muscles and closing my eyes.**

"**Fine. I'll think about it,"**

"**Yay! Thank you!" She squealed, wrapping her arms around my shoulders and hugging me tight. I smiled at her, rubbing her arms gently. **

Biggs: Huh, I was wrong…

Jessica: Not necessarily, Aki said she'd think about it, not that she'd definitely do it.

Eric: Stop trying to point out the great chance that Biggs could be still right.

Biggs: At least grammar-wise, they're better than what we normally have.

Jessica: They can string together sentences too.

"**C'mon, Jack! Let's go for a swim!" Carly said, grabbing his arm. "See you later, Akiza!"**

"**Bye you two! Have fun!" I said, turning back to my show. I had just gotten to the part where Blair confesses her love for Chuck. I smiled at the two, my heart warming at hearing those words. My heart soared every time Yusei said those three little words to me.**

**Speaking of Yusei, he was the last one to approach me about it. I was in my room, laying on my bed in a pair of Soffee shorts, and a red and black tank top that fit me nice and snug. I was drawing a picture that I saw in a magazine of a cat playing with a ball of yarn and listening to the Black Eyed Peas. There was a light knock on the door.**

"**Come in," I said, not looking up from my drawing.**

**The door opened, and Yusei walked in still wearing his blue blazer and brown gloves.**

"**Hey KiKi," he said sweetly, sitting next to me on my bed and kissing me on the cheek.**

Eric: Well qwertyuiop…

Jessica: What now?

Eric: Just once - _once_ - I'd like to see Yusei and Aki interact _without_ an uncontrollable urge to rip their clothes off and make bastard children.

Jessica: Just once, I'd like for you guys to accept my preferences without calling me insane. We can't all win, Eric.

Biggs: On this occasion, it looks like no-one can.

Eric: How do you lose?

Biggs: I want Aki for myself. Just look at that chest!

Eric: Of course… In other news, the author makes another plug. Why don't they just put in the summary this is one big fanwank where they're advertising their favourite things and begging you to try them out?

Biggs: Because everybody already likes Black Eyed Peas. Personally, I don't get the appeal of human voices getting manipulated to sound better than they actually are through the use of a computer. Why not have Microsoft Sam just release a single and see how that goes?

Jessica: I can see that we're drawing near the end. Thank God, I want to see if there's any hope in the next one.

Biggs: Heh, good luck.

"**Yeah," Yusei sighed and laid his body down next to me. He closed his eyes, trying to relax. All of a sudden, I could feel his hand travelling down my back slowly. It gave me Goosebumps and I shivered slightly. He smiled with satisfaction. As his hand got farther and farther down my back, I knew what he was planning. I jumped up immediately.**

"**No! No way! I'm not going to let you tickle me!" I yelled, crossing my arms over my chest defiantly.**

**Yusei got up and walked towards me, looking at me with a look of innocence in his sparkling sapphire eyes. But that didn't fool. With every step he got closer, I backed away.**

"**What are you talking about, Akiza? I wasn't going to tickle you,"**

"**Bullshit!" I yelled.**

"**Come here, Akiza. I'm not going to tickle you. I just want to hold you."**

"**You are such a liar, Yusei Fudo!"**

"**Come here,"**

"**No!"**

**Unfortunately, there was no more room for me to back up. I was stuck against the wall in the corner of my room. Yusei put his hands around my head, trapping me against the wall. I glared at him, warning him not to touch me. He brought a hand down to my face to caress my cheek. I tried to keep my gaze on him, but his touch was too nice for me to resist. I closed my eyes and leaned into his hand, grabbing it with my own.**

"**Don't think I'm distracted. I'm warning you, Yusei. I fyou touch me, I won't kiss you for an entire week,"**

**He chuckled lightly. "Really? I don't believe that you can," he teased.**

"**Oh yeah? Try me," As soon as the words flew out of my mouth, I immediately regretted it. Yusei smirked mischievously, his eyes gleaming with pleasure.**

"**Alright. If you say so,"**

**And with that, his hands flew to my sides and he immediately started to tickle me. I tried to struggle out of his grasp but he wouldn't let me go. I started laughing uncontrobally, all the while pounding my fists against his chest trying to get away. There was no way out. I was trapped. After a few moments of tickling me, he pulled me closer to him in his arms and kissed me. I was mad at him, but I kissed him back anyways.**

Jessica: Uh… what was the whole point of that scene?

Biggs: I'd like to say that their implying Aki's failure to keep a promise about not kissing Yusei would foreshadow some wavering in her considering this modelling audition. But that's giving _way_ too much credit to the writer.

Eric: I don't see it.

Jessica: They're just gluing Yusei and Aki to the hip, just like everyone else. It's not that hard to get.

Eric: Not that. I mean… Yusei smirking mischievously. Until the second half of 5D's, he didn't know how to smile, let alone with something like that behind it.

Biggs: Eric, you forget. This is a fanfic centring on modelling and romance. Canon doesn't exist here, this is simply dribble throwing together the main guy and the main girl, their romance in the actual series having never actually developed, just as tradition goes.

Eric: That's not how they see it…

Jessica: Are you upset because Aki was closer to going with Yusei than she was Sherry?

Eric: Everything that comes out of your mouth lately has to do with homosexual relationships. Whatever happened to the fun-ish side of you?

Jessica: I think the writer sent it on holiday. That or erased it when they let Japanese animation to screw their mind up.

Biggs: I only wish they'd traded your 'fun-ish side' for Eric over there.

Eric: I vote we sent the author of this bullshit to Hell.

Biggs: I knew we were here for something.

Eric: …dammit.

"**So, I talked to Carly today,"**

"**Oh? And what did she say?"**

"**She said that she was going to try out for America's Next Top Model and that you were thinking about it,"**

"**And?"**

"**Well, have you come to a decision yet?"**

**I sighed and put down my drawing. I really was getting sick of them all trying to get me to try out.**

"**No, honey, I haven't. I just don't know. I mean, I kind of want to but…"**

"**But what? Akiza, we all know that you've always wanted to try out for it. And now that you have the opportunity, you decide that you don't want to anymore. Why is that?"**

"**Because I… I'm just afraid that they won't want me,"**

**Yusei sighed and pulled me onto his lap. I rested my head and my hands on his chest, listening to his heart beat and steady breathing.**

"**Listen to me, Akiza. You are the most beautiful girl that I have ever seen. You're smart, you're sweet, and you're confident. Why would they want you? I am so sure that they'll want you, honey. You just have to put you're game face on and don't take no for an answer".**

**I don't know how, but Yusei was always right about everything. He was so reassuring that I couldn't possibly argue with him. I took a deep breath and relaxed in his arms. That's why I loved him so much. He was so sweet and so confident. It was nice to be with someone like that. I weighed the pros and cons in my head. The worst that could happen is that they could reject me. Oh well. Life goes on. I'll live. Besides, if I never auditioned, how would I know whether or not I'm what they're looking for? I took a deep breath again and looked up into Yusei's piercing sapphire eyes.**

"**Alright, Yusei. I'll do it."**

Eric: And there we have it… Yusei effortlessly does what everyone else tried and failed. Wait… that was almost resembling the canon version of him.

Biggs: Bitter, are we?

Jessica: He's got a point though; Aki suddenly realises this after talking with Yusei. Had she a few minutes on her own to actually think about it rather than avoid it, she would have come to the same conclusion. It was all just a ploy to get those two on the verge of jumping into bed together. It sickens me.

Eric: Exactly my point.

Biggs: I should start supporting this couple.

Eric: If you value your life, you won't. I can see where the author was coming from if they were going to head down the rejection route, but clearly they didn't intend to use that as well as it could be done. Aki has a lot of angst in that department, but any time someone tries to play with that three things happen: Yusei comforts her and she suddenly overcome it, Divine shows up as a villain to do nothing more than play on that, or both happen at once.

Jessica: I feel bad for Divine. No-one ships him with anyone other than Aki either.

Biggs: Let's just get this last bit over and done with, I'd rather kick the both of you out of my place now.

**The next day, Carly and I went to down to the Kaiba Dome together. I was a little bit nervous, but once I got in there to do my audition tape, I was confident and excited. I put my game face on and made them refuse not to take me.**

**The following Wednesday, I got a call from Gaby Halloran, one of the executive producers for the show. She told me that I was going to be on America's Next Top Model and that I would need to be in Los Angeles next Thursday afternoon. Thus, this brings us up to now.**

Biggs: Aaaand nothing important happens after that. Just Yusei and Aki having sex.

Eric: Liar. Thank God.

Jessica: They can't be on America's Next Top Model; they're not American!

Eric: I'm sure Biggs watches that show for the birds. Can they honestly do that?

Biggs: _(shrug)_

Eric: You're a world of help today, you are…

Jessica: What are the reviews like?

Biggs: What do you expect? 99% of the writers in this site's archive are Faithshippers; they're all reviews of praise about the fact that Yusei and Aki are together.

Eric: I like the penultimate review; two-thirds of it have absolutely nothing to do with the fic. The one-third that does points out the plot holes we've gone over a dozen times already.

_**Yusei and Aki both sound a little OOC, but it worked for the story and I thought it was really Aki ever trying out AMERICA's Top Model (hello, she's Japanese!)is pretty unlikely. But it was still a very good and I thought it was ironic when you said you thought Aki was pretty beautiful. I do too, and a lot of 5Ds' fans.**_

Jessica: Judging by the size, that's less than a third focusing on the fic itself.

Biggs: I see what she means…

_**See, I watch 5Ds' on this website that lets viewers post comments and polls. One of the polls was "Who is the most beautiful female protanganist of the YGO! Series?"**_

_**It was Anzu Mazaki/Tea Gardner (whom I incredibly dislike and think is plain looking)v.s. Alexis Rhodes/Asuka Tenjoin (whom I think is kind of cool and pretty, I guess)v./Ruka/Luna [I know that she is much too young to be compared this way, so that's why the person who posted the poll also put a (you can ignore this if you want)next to her name in front of her box]v.s. Akiza Izinski/Aki Izayoi. Akiza won by more than one can even imagine! Alexis won second. Luna came in last, but her name shouldn't be even on the voting ballot in the first place. So technically Tea came in last, which I so do not blame the voters.**_

Jessica: So, wait… _what?_

Eric: The majority of the review was giving the verdict of the four significant females over the course of the three series and moaning how all but Aki aren't worthy of being worshipped.

Jessica: One word: 'protanganist'.

Biggs: Alright, while you two play with that, I'll get the next one rolling. 'Fund Raiser' by Elouise Victoria. Or as the fic itself says; Elouise Jocilinda Pollyanna Theodora Clementine Victory (A.K.A El) and Jamie Evans.

Eric: I already dislike it.

Jessica: That was quick. Do we have time to order Chinese before you kick us out?

Biggs: No comment on the names?

Jessica: It's clever how one's overly long to the point where I don't care by the end we hit halfway and then the other's a standard short-ish name.

**Jack sighed and turned on the T.V. Suddenly, the doorbell went off. Jack groaned. This was his day off and he was hoping to take a nap. He got up and walked over to the door, opened it and gasped in horror.**

Eric: 'Day off'? What does he do? It was clearly established that he can't get a job, so he bums around and uses up Crow's wages on the café across the square.

Biggs:Who cares? Don't drag this out more than it needs to be.

**There, in front of him, was a troop of Girl Scouts, and the two most annoying girls on the planet. One had calico hair and wore the green skirt and yellow vest with a sash containing army metals on it, with a silver mouse on top, another with long-haired red-head wearing the same, except with less metals. The other two were a blonde with braids and slightly overweight, and the last was a skinny girl with wavy black hair.**

Jessica: _Wow!_ The author acknowledged themselves and their friends as annoying!

Biggs: How do you know they're all inserted friends?

Jessica: Biggs, they're OCs. _Of course_ they're the author and her friends, especially as one not only has a normal build, but it actually overweight.

Eric: I wasn't expecting OCs. I dislike this more now.

Biggs: Got to give them credit for transforming descriptions into garble; 'with long-haired red-head', classic.

"**Hello, mister," the redheaded girl said. "Would you**—**"**

"**Wait, Jamie," the calico haired one with the mouse on her head said. "This is…Jack! Hi! Remember us, AppleJack?"**

Jessica: AppleJack?

Biggs: They must've written some before this with these girls meeting with the 5D's crew.

"**No!" He said, "What are you doing here?"**

Jessica: I like that response.

Biggs: I imagine that's all you'll like.

"**Well," El said, frowning. "Since the next prank we're going to play will be great, we have to work before we do it. But, I enjoy this because," she smiled and posed a lot, "I get to wear this cute uniform and skirt! Hehehe! Charming, right? Anyway, I'm El, she's Jamie, that's Clappy, and these two are Melissa and Heather."**

Eric: They're fricking multiplying!

Jessica: Which is which? There's no indication what one's what?

"**Anyway," Heather said, annoyed, "Would you like to buy some Girl Scout cookies?"**

"**NOOOOOO!" Jack said, running paranoid down the street.**

**The four girls stood there for a moment. Then, the black-haired Melissa said, "I wanna win that trip to Hawaii!"**

"**Well then," El said, smirking and getting some pitchforks and torches, "LET'S GET HIM!"**

Biggs: I find the idea of Jack Atlas charging down the road in a frenzied panic both illogical and entertaining at the same time.

Eric: It's a crack fic. That, or this person's severely deluded on levels equal with Anno when he started Evangelion.

"**YEAH!" the troop said in unison and went off in a cool car to catch Jack (And, no, we still don't have a drivers license, but WHO CARES? Screw traffic laws!)**

Jessica: Well, there's your answer.

Eric: I'm still calling them out as Sues. Even in a crack fic, laws have to exist.

**Jack ran down the street, screaming, and bumped into Rua and Ruka. They groaned and fell on their butts. Then, they recognized Jack Atlas.**

"**Ow…Hi Jack!" Rua said, hopping up and down. "What are you—?"**

**The girls and their cool car stopped next to them. Jack watched in horror as a machine gun came out of the ceiling, with blonde Heather controlling it. She put on her goggles and the girls rolled down their windows, with popcorn in their hands, and watched, counting down.**

"**3...2...1.."**

"**No…" Jack said, hoarsely, as he picked up Rua and held him in front of him as a shield.**

Jessica: Wha? Jack's holding the kids in front of him as a shield against _bullets_?

Biggs: I want a car with a machine gun coming out of the roof. Think of all the people on my hitlist I could take out.

Eric: Rent it to me so I can gun down this author.

"**COOKIES!"**

**Heather laughed like a wild woman, and her eyes went spirally as she fired the machine gun at Jack and Rua, which fired cookies at them. And, apparently, cookies can hurt. Badly. Rua yelled and struggled, and, eventually, passed out from the cookies and Jack used Ruka instead as Yusei walked down the sidewalk. He saw the scene and screamed. El turned to him and smiled evilly.**

"**GET HIM!" El said, and Melissa and she came out with boxes of cookies.**

"**HELP ME!" Yusei yelled as he ran down the sidewalk, with the crazy girls behind him. People stared at him as he ran with the girls hot on his trail, laughing and yelling at him to buy the cookies.**

Eric: Yusei running around screaming because a pack of girls are after him is just as unlikely as it happening to Jack.

Biggs: Love how the twins and Jack have been forgotten. At least it spares them from any further torment.

Jessica: Poor Yusei, there's no chance that Jack'll save him. I'll hold out hope that Bruno will show up to rescue him from these demonic OCs.

"**BUY OUR COOKIES! They screamed. El threw a cookie at him and yelled, "Mint Slip attack!"**

**The cookie landed in front of him and Yusei slipped on it, falling to the ground with a thud. Melissa and El smiled and started beating him up. When they were done, Yusei had been hogtied with hardened cookie dough, beaten black and blue, and had cookies shoved into his mouth. He struggled around and yelled out muffled cries and the people passed on by, scared, confused, and weirded out.**

Eric: …

Jessica: …

Biggs: …Rapist cookie dough got to Yusei. That's… a first.

Jessica: What's a 'hogtie'?

Biggs: Use Google.

Jessica: _(takes the laptop from beside Biggs)_ Fine. But if I get something messed up…

Biggs: I have a witness that you typed the very words yourself.

Jessica: Fine, I'll blame the author.

Eric: Meanwhile, we'll continue onwards. This one's a lot shorter, maybe we'll get to the end before someone has a fit.

**El smiled like an angel and said, in a sweet voice, "That will be $178,93, please."**

"**Mmmnph!" Yusei mumbled with his mouth filled with cookies.**

Jessica: WUAGH!

Biggs: Jess, it's alright. They're just mixing up America and Japan again; it's no big deal. Is it?

Eric: That and Yusei getting gagged with cookies now. Fangirls all over are spazzing out and plotting to take advantage of this situation.

Jessica: Not that. _This!_ I Googled 'hogtied' and I got freaking porn!

Eric: Didn't you realise if you Google anything you get porn?

Jessica: _(hangs head)_ Apparently not…

Biggs: This is why you should search beyond yaoi.

Jessica: Shut up. There better be something decent to make up for this… I looked up porn for this, for crying out loud.

"**Yes sir, if you're busy, I'll take the money out of your wallet for you. Melissa, search him."**

**Melissa laughed evilly and took away his wallet from his pants pocket. El smiled. Melissa looked inside, counted the money and smiled.**

"**Hee hee!" she giggled, "There's a picture of Aki and him in it! Cute couple!"**

Eric: Aaaand, the obligatory Faithshipping.

Biggs: Quit your bitching, there's nothing in this fic that resembles your 5D's, except characters with the same names as the main group.

Jessica: At least it can't get worse; we've had stalker girl scouts with machine guns, Jack using children as shields against said guns and rapist cookie dough taking down Yusei, what more could they possibly have?

Eric: You're tempting fate right there… I dread the next thing…

**El looked over Melissa's shoulder to see and smiled wider. Then, she turned to Yusei and said, "Thank you, kind sir!"**

**They skipped off merrily to the cool car, where Jack, Rua, and Ruka were now unconscious and tied up. Heather was firing at passing bystanders while Jamie counted the money. Jamie saw El and said, "Aki's around the corner in the supermarket. When shall we infiltrate the premesis?"**

**El tapped Clappy's head and said, "Now. I'll take A squad through the front. You take B squad through the back. Copy?"**

Jessica: How does Jamie know that Aki's in the supermarket if she's been counting the money and standing in the same place?

Eric: Please, don't question it anymore. I've got horrifying mental images of fangirls eyeing up the tied-up Yusei left on the street. Not to mention Jack, Rua and Ruka tied up - presumably with cookie dough - together, additional fangirls ready to steal the former for their own. It's a terrifying image. It almost makes me fear for them.

Biggs: You feel emotions? Well, there goes my $30.

Jessica: I volunteer we storm through this then go wash out this crack with some Lady Gaga.

Biggs: Why her?

Jessica: She causes controversy, do we need another reason?

Biggs: Point taken; I'd rather watch her prance around than these girl scouts hound people in their random ways.

Eric: I won't even comment on their approach to mocking military operations. I'm with you, I need a beer. Badly.

**She nodded and they loaded their cookie weapons. El and Melissa went to the front, while Heather and Jamie went through the back. They broke in and ran to where Aki was in the dairy aisle. We fired ruthlessly, hitting her with cookie dough, thin mints, tag alongs, do-si-does, samoas, and more. Aki, at first, was surprised, then angry, and, finally, she was begging for mercy. They stopped when she was on the floor, crying. Then, we bound her with cookie dough and stole her purse, running for the door. When outside, we cheered and jumped all around. Finally, they all lined up in front of El in an army line up and saluted her.**

**Jamie stated, in an official voice, "The mission was a success, commanding officer El. The money has been taken and the people have been annoyed."**

"**Great work, Sergeant Jamie. Wonderful work, troops! Let's get you all to Hawaii and let's get on with the typing of the next story!"**

"**Right!" They said in unison. They did a cool dance to ATC's 'Around the World' and their disappeared in a poof of sakura blossoms, thanks to Melissa.**

Jessica: …I reiterate; _wha?_

Eric: This one has issues; they pelt people with cookie dough, tie them up and leave them?

Jessica: But of course, look how the perspective changes; from 'they' to 'we' to 'they' again. Talk about schizophrenic writing…

Eric: All I'm saying regarding Aki is that, regardless of what point this would take place, they'd be dead. Even without her Psychic powers, they'd be dead.

Biggs: Well, we need to wrap this up; I just suddenly remembered I'm out of dairy products.

Eric: Oh yeah? What ones?

Biggs: Milk. Definitely milk.

Jessica: Beware of the scary cookie-throwing, machine-gun-driving, ninja girl scouts that may be lurking.

Eric: Let's just wrap this up; clearly Biggs is desperate for milk and nothing else. I assume this has reviews?

Biggs: Yes, two. I'll give you three guesses, the first two don't count.

Jessica: If you bring up WhiteAsukaLover again, you'll officially become his stalker.

Biggs: Close, but no prizes for you. Jamie Evans and Victoria Hakadosi.

Eric: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, _what?_ You're telling me that the only reviews this have are from a co-author and one of the people that showed up as a member of the rabid scout troop? What happened to the fourth freak?

Jessica: That's probably best left unknown, unless you want nightmares of her breaking and entering your home. Next thing you know, you're naked in the street, bound and gagged with cookie dough.

Eric: You forgot to close the Google tab, didn't you?

Jessica: _(hands head)_ No…

Eric: So it's safe to assume they both loved it, most likely because the author's a friend and they're in it; in no way weighing down their opinion with bias.

Biggs: Pretty much.

Eric: Urgh, why torture us with this?

Biggs: Don't blame me, this was one that got requested.

Jessica: So, ready for the Lady Gaga marathon?

Eric: I'll fetch some beers.

Biggs: I'll fetch some milk.

Eric: Don't you dare skip out on this.

Biggs: Jess, you still want that cookie dough you were looking for earlier?

Jessica: ...Er... never mind.

-End-

**Stepping Through The Wall**

Jessica: We've really got to stop looking at oneshots and find something with more meat that we can stale the hell out of. And more yaoi.

Biggs: Quit your bitching, there's too great a yaoi community on this site for anyone to betray their brethren and suggest one. Face it, Jess, you've got no chance of getting another any time soon.

Jessica: _(crosses her arms and inflates her cheeks)_ This is a sad day for Yuugiou fandom.

Eric: Not really. There'll be a day when you're grey and wrinkly that you'll find another one.

Jessica: So basically, to get anywhere in the Yuugiou fandom, you need yaoi friends, Faithshipping, a lack of geographical understanding and/or your friends in the fic. Sounds like a wonderful combination of mind-numbing goodness.

Eric: You mean 'badness'.

Biggs: So basically, we've come to the conclusion that not only do the people who write these fanfics have issues, some have _serious_ issues. These people… they're beyond help.

Eric: Exactly.

Jessica: They're not all bad.

Eric: You keep quiet.

Jessica: But while we're at it, let's thank Hakase Fudou for the recommendations. We wonder what possessed you to read these fics and hope you're resting in peace.

Biggs: Wow, you imply these fanfics have that kind of power? Let's wrap this up before someone comes knocking.

"Go beyond the unreadable! Kick good writing to the curb! Don't believe in canon, believe in fanon that subverts the canon! That's the Yuugiou Fandom way!"

**-The Writer's Angry Note of the Week-**

Has anyone successfully baked rapist cookie dough? If so, send recipes on a postcard to Biggs' flat addressed to "El Jefé".


	7. Rising of Zexal

The year 20XX. During times of political and economic unrest, no human alive is tackling the true crisis that grips the Earth; measuring the quality of Yuugiou works on. In a world mostly lacking heroes willing to rise live, death and certain boredom to carry out such a mission, only three people will step up and take the challenge head on.

Our heroes are;

1. Biggs Nortons, an ex-Fanfic writer with a serious chip on his shoulder.

2. Eric A. Wedge, a honest-to-Osiris hardcore Yuugiou fan, owning all manga volumes, with every anime episode downloaded, and little to no knowledge of the card game.

3. Jessica Chomsky, no relation to the 'Other Chomsky', as rabid and misinformed as rabid misinformed Yaoi fan girls come.

-Yuugiou: Mystery Card Game Theatre-

**7 - Gendo Fudo Meets Shinji Tsukumo: Rising of Zexal**

_Biggs and Jessica are seated at the table in the centre of Biggs' apartment, looking over fanart for Yuugiou Zexal._

Biggs: Y'know, Jess, it's strange to be waiting for Eric this time.

Jessica: Maybe he found out what's coming and went to hide under a rock.

Biggs: One can only dream he fell off a cliff.

Jessica: Sometimes, being trapped between you two is difficult. This is why we need more yaoi; how have we had only one yaoi fic so far? Look at how much of the fandom revel in it.

Biggs: I thought we established rabid fangirls like you wouldn't betray one another for a few kicks.

_Biggs' door flies open and Eric slinks in, dropping down beside Jessica._

Biggs: Lo and behold, we're graced by the presence of our Canon Nazi.

Eric: You just opened your mouth and already I want this to be over. I'm not sure which I'm going to hate more this time; you, or the fic.

Biggs: You reckon it'll be close?

Eric: I always have reason for hating you in the fact that you choose which fics we deal with; look how many times you've used recommendations and then how many you've chosen by yourself.

Jessica: Don't worry, Eric, there's nothing sinister this week.

Eric: I highly doubt that.

Biggs: Wow, exceptionally suspicious, are we? Did you have nightmares of this last night?

Eric: Why yes, you were alive at the end of it. That was the true horror.

Jessica: This is my point… Come on, Biggs. Let's put him out of his misery and give him the good news.

Eric: What you two define as 'good news' can't really be.

Jessica: Don't be so pessimistic; just have a laugh with us.

Biggs: Okay, for the sake of getting a reaction; this week, we're doing a first - we're reviewing _"YuGiOh! ZeXal"_ by Thekingdomheartssega.

Eric: Zexal? _Qwertyuiop'ing Zexal?_

Jessica: Yeah! There's a Zexal fanfic on this site; in the 5D's archive, but Zexal nonetheless. What's more surprising is that Biggs kept his word and we're adopting it into our collection of victims.

Eric: I'm out of here.

_Eric rises and turns to leave, Jessica dives at the door and slides the lock across, trapping him inside. Fuming, Eric tenses his arms._

Eric: Unlock that goddamned door.

Jessica: No. You're staying and sitting through this, even if you don't want to. I have to deal with you two every time; I never even get yaoi as a reward.

Eric: And I never get anything that gives me hope that the fandom understands the messages conveyed in the series. Dealing with you two is enough to make anyone suicidal.

Jessica: Don't go emo on us.

Eric: Tell me this isn't long then…

Biggs: A chapter so far, but it's pretty new. We're allowed to do a short chapter this time; the last one was the biggest yet. I think we've earned a rest.

Eric: We take months of rest between updates; how can you justify a slightly longer chapter looking at two fics only a chapter long as an excuse for resting?

Biggs: It's my place. You want someone who can be bothered; find a new pad to work in.

Eric: _(drops down beside Jessica)_ You guys owe me. I'm thinking the bill I'll rack up getting slaughtered after this session. If I don't show up next time, I've died of alcohol poisoning.

Biggs: Alrighty, then. Let's get this show on the road.

Eric: Don't be optimistic.

Jessica: You haven't even watched Zexal.

Eric: I will, eventually…

Jessica: Don't bitch until you've watched it then.

Biggs: Anyway, commencing the torment.

"**The day Is the day to start the game" said Yuma.**

Jessica: God, I just lost The Game.

Eric: …you still play that thing? I gave up long ago.

Biggs: Basically, he got 'Game Over'.

Eric: Shut up. And, before we go on, we should say for the sake of the reader - or readers, if we're lucky - that the first four lines - which consist of at least half a dozen snippets of dialogue are crammed into one paragraph. The author's got no sense of how to lay out this thing. The first sentence alone starts awkwardly; if I'm reading this correctly, it should start "This day is the day", which still sounds too repetitive for the opening five words.

Jessica: Smart move getting that in now; we're going to chop it up by interrupting constantly like this.

Biggs: Don't support him, Jessica. It'll only encourage him.

"**Man my deck isn't complete yet, and I just need Dragunity Arma Leyvaten then I will complete my Dragunity Deck".**

Eric: Okay, I haven't watched Zexal, but I'm sure Yuma doesn't run a Dragunity deck - that's 5D's era. What the hell is going on here?

Jessica: If it wasn't for what's coming up, I'd assume he's sitting in his room, getting dressed to go to the school that teaches more than just Duel Monsters. Y'know, Eric, as part of the feel that the series is getting back to basics?

Eric: You mean they wanted it to feel childish so 4Kids could dub it easier, then they lost the licence.

Jessica: Well the series is originally targeting kids, even in Japan. Zexal is like the opposite of 5D's; it's lighter to the darker themes that've come up across its predecessors.

Biggs: Jessica, did you actually just analyse the series beyond the misinterpreted relationship between two guys?

Jessica: I have brains. More than this author, at least.

Eric: You mentioned something coming up; I have a bad feeling about what it could be…

"**humph" said this man with a sign on his face. "I see you need this "holds out Dragunity Arma Layvaten". "Hey, um… Thanks" said Yuma. "Looks at Leyvaten", Yuma continues on thinking if that person could be… "I know that face, YUSEI… Yusei Fudo, the best turbo duelest in the world".**

Eric: What? Is this trying to replicate the lighter feel GX began with by having the protagonist meeting with their idol?

Jessica: Yusei just shows up, at least Judai crashed into Yugi.

Biggs: No consolation to him. I suppose we could always buy this kid a dictionary; there's already some grievous errors. Or maybe they're using Yuma as an author avatar because they're really 12 and desperate to meet Justin Bieber so he can give them a special and outdated card; at least by Zexal's standards.

**Yuma thought, Yuma walked to his freinds house Devan, he said "Devan, look I got the card I was looking for", "REALLY? From who Yuma" said Devan, "Yusei Fudo"! said Yuma. "WHAT? Yusei Fudo"! "NO WAY"! said Devan. "yeah so lets duel and i'll test my Dragunity Deck" exclaimed Yuma.**

Eric: Someone please tell me this is a crack fic.

Jessica: Wow. Their grammar is something special.

Biggs: I don't think they understand the basic laws of English; look at it, punctuation all over the wrong places, everyone 'says' everything as opposed to any questions or raised voices and I'm not even getting started on the plot… well, the lack of it rather.

Jessica: Where'd Yusei go?

Biggs: Home to Aki.

Eric: Oh, get out. I'd like to think that Zexal will be better than this; I'm doubtful Devan exists, it sounds like a western name too much to be a canon character.

Biggs: When has that stopped the series before? Rebecca, Jack, Jim. There's been tons of minor characters as well of that.

Eric: Rebecca and Jim are justified. Jack's a rare case. One of the many rules about OCs is that their name has to be western or, for a girl, Hikari. You'd think 90% of Japanese women had that name when you look at these fanfics. I'm sure it's not just here either, I bet the Naruto, Pokémon and other bigger archives have that name planted everywhere.

Jessica: You're just jealous your name isn't exotic.

Eric: What's exotic about a name from the author's homeland being thrown into a Japanese setting?

Biggs: Getting off-topic. But I like Jessica's point; Yusei vanishes into thin air and Yuma casually walks to this friend's house and challenges him to a duel. I'd have thought these kids would actually get excited over meeting a Legendary Duellist, especially one whose reputation lasted 200 years.

Jessica: Watch out, Eric might explode.

Biggs: Not before we're done with this, he won't.

"**DUEL" said Devan and Yuma.**

_The door flies open, destroying the lock. Biggs, Eric and Jessica all look to the doorway filled with dust to find the silhouette of a person. The figure stepped forward through the smokescreen to be reveal himself as…_

Jessica: Ah, crap! Yonban, h- how're you doing?

Yonban: I heard the battle cry of duellists that beckoned me to this place.

Eric: Did you expect this to happen?

Biggs: To be honest, I completely forgot about him.

Yonban: _(salutes)_ Biggs Norton, a pleasure to meet with you again.

Biggs: R- Right, of course.

Yonban: I have come to aid you and your comrades in the battle to decide the future of the Yuugiou series, using this epic clash between the new protagonist and his friend as the basis of what lies ahead.

Biggs: Okaaaaay…

"**I'll draw this" said Yuma. "I'll play this Dragunity Aklys, which he will be placed as a spell card". yelled Yuma, "Now because of the effect I can now special summon, DRAGUNITY AMRA LEYVATEN" yell Yuma. "Okay, then DRAW!" exclaimed Devan, " I summon Elemental Hero Avain, then i'll activate POLYMERIZATION, with Elemental Hero Burstinitrix in my hand and the Elemental Hero Avain, to Fusion summon Elemental Hero Flamewingman", Devan yelled, "Then I activate this Feild Spell, Skyscraper, what this does is simple, all my Elemental Heroes gain a total of 1000 attack points, so Elemental Hero Flamewingman ATTACK with Sky Dive Scorture", exclaimed Devan. "UGHHH" screeched Yuma**

Eric: Translation?

Yonban: Dragunity Aklys is a monster capable of sacrificing itself in order to summon a stronger one of its kind, which is what happens, and Yuma summons the Level 8 Dragunity Arma Leyvaten.

Jessica: Wait, wait, wait. You mean those names are actually spelt right? I thought he dropped his head onto the keyboard.

Eric: Although they don't show us how strong these monsters that Yuma are using for some reason; the series always gives an indication.

Yonban: Yuma, using his strength of will and promising skill has managed to summon Dragunity Arma Leyvaten with 2600 attack points on his first turn. If only it hadn't been his first turn, you could crush him with ease now, young protagonist!

Eric: What the hell are you doing? Have you seen this kid?

Yonban: The appearance of a duellist doesn't matter, but the heart that beats inside of him and the drive to move on towards the future with an open mind, ready to face whatever gets thrown at you and holding your friends by your sides as you grow in this menacing place that will become brighter with time.

Jessica: Eh?

Eric: Yonban, are you sure you're not Yusei Fudo in disguise?

Yonban: I am afraid not. Why do you ask?

Eric: N- Never mind.

Biggs: But continue with your analysis, Yonban. Jessica can barely contain herself.

Jessica: What?

Yonban: I am glad the great card game of Duel Monsters has ignited a flame in you, young girl.

Jessica: _(sigh)_ Someone get me a fire extinguisher so I can put him out altogether…

Yonban: Indeed, Yuma's opponent is a tricky one; he is using an Elemental Hero deck that resembles Judai Yuki's, and then starts with one of Judai's key moves. Elemental Hero Featherman and Burst Lady - named otherwise as Avian and Burstinatrix - are combined into one of Judai's key monsters - Flame Wingman.

Eric: But that's a Special Summon, shouldn't Devan have just done that to begin with and then Normal Summon another monster?

Jessica: Flame Wingman is typed out as one word. It makes me cringe. Use Yugiwiki, dammit.

Yonban: You bring up a valid point, young man. That is something that could have been achieved. Oh, Devan, why did you miss a great opening?

Jessica: What kind of 'great opening'? Yuma's monster is stronger.

Yonban: Tsk, tsk. The Skyscraper that Devan activates then elevates Flame Wingman's attack power by 1000 because it will battle a stronger monster. And then… _the hit to Yuma's lifepoints! _The world is on the brink disaster now, Yuma, do not surrender yourself!

Biggs: Yonban, the world hasn't been put in danger yet, it's okay to calm down.

Yonban: I cannot comply with that, Biggs Norton. When a protagonist of the Yuugiou series duels, the world is always at sake.

Eric: Then it should have blown up back in the second episode of Duel Monsters when Yugi lost to Pegasus.

Yonban: Yuugi Muto lost?

Eric: _(face palm)_

Jessica: All the protagonists lost.

Biggs: When did the others?

Eric: Judai lost more times than the others and Yusei lost in a flashback to Jack in their backstory. Depending on how you judge it, he also lost to Kiryu when Ccapac Apu trolled him.

Jessica: Wow, even protagonists get trolled.

Biggs: We're getting off-topic now. Though I wonder if Yuma's lost-

Eric: That I'd like to see…

Biggs: But that will forever remain a mystery. Let's continue.

"**Plus with this you take 2600 points of damage" bursted Devan. (Devan-4000 Yuma-1900),**

Jessica: I don't get it.

Yonban: The damage that Yuma takes from the attack is the standard 500 due to the difference in their monsters' attack points, right? WRONG.

Jessica: _(jumps back and falls onto her back)_ D- Don't do that!

Yonban: Flame Wingman's ability is one that also then subtracts the victim monster's attack power from the card hold's lifepoints, draining Yuma of an additional 2600 life points.

Biggs: Then they've done their maths wrong. Yuma should have 900 life points left.

Yonban: Poor calculations, writer man. That miscalculation could have left Yuma teetering over the edge of the jaws of defeat without even realising.

Eric: He seems like the kind of kid that wouldn't, even if he was and everyone around him realised.

Jessica: Doesn't this kid know how to use a frigging full stop? The life point counter is followed by one and then Yuma starts his turn. Did this one take crack during any classes that taught punctuation?

Biggs: 'Bursted Jessica'.

"**My turn Devan, DRAW!, I'll activate Aklys effect so come on back Leyvaten" Dragon with sword appears on the field. "Then I will summon this Tuner right here Brandistock, then I will Synchro summon, my Stardust Dragon!" yelled Yuma.**

Biggs: My god, a full stop!

Jessica: After the punctuation had a fit.

Eric: _But Yusei didn't give him qwertyuiop'ing Stardust!_ The anime made it very clear that Red Demons was a one-of-a-kind, the same goes with the other Signer Dragons!

Biggs: How'd they get them then? Yusei and Jack were in Satellite.

Eric: _(shudders)_ "Fate". Stupid Godwin…

Jessica: That's bad, even by Yuugiou standards.

Eric: Go on, Yonban, put me out of my misery.

Yonban: Fear not, young man. There is hope! Yuma counters with the revival of Dragunity Arma Leyvaten through its own effect, though it's not entirely possible. This effect requires a monster to be on the field, both of his Dragunities were destroyed by Devan's Flame Wingman. I am truly puzzled, but did Yuma's duellist spirit revive them through sheer willpower?

Biggs: Yeaaaaah… let's go with that for now.

Yonban: There is more, however, Akyls' effect suggests that Yuma could have destroyed Flame Wingman in a brutal act of retribution following the death of it and its comrade, yet Yuma failed to seize this opportunity. Clearly, Yuma wishes to take down the monster through battle! And he will do so; Yuma summons the Level 2 Tuner Dragunity Brandistock and uses it and his Dragunity Arma Leyvaten to summon the legendary Stardust Dragon! Now, Yuma, use that dragon of brightness and hope to drive through your opponent and restore world peace!

Jessica: _(raises hand)_ Just did some research; Dragunity Arma Leyvaten is a Level 8. Tuning that with Brandistock would result in a Level 10. And if I'm wrong, Eric will kill me, but Stardust Dragon is also a Level 8 - this Synchro Summon isn't possible.

Yonban: Alas, Yuma has stumbled into another hardship!

Eric: Tell me you understand Yuma can't possibly have Stardust anyway; it's Yusei's card. A _one-of-a-kind_ card that wasn't handed to him.

Yonban: This is strange news.

Jessica: B- Biggs, I want to get this over with.

Biggs: The duel lasts another two and a half lines, though if it was formatted properly, we'd be able to follow it more clearly.

"**Now I will activate this card, known as Mage Power ( + 500), and this United We Stand ( + 800), Stardust Dragon, attack that 2100 ATK wingman with your 3800 ATK feather blast" screams Yuma, and then Elemental Hero Flamewingman is now off the field. "Devan-1900 Yuma-1900)**

_Eric and Yonban crash together onto the floor._

Jessica: What the hell? They both died!

Biggs: Great, my contingency plan only planned for one corpse.

Jessica: Eh?

Eric: How… is this possible?

Yonban: _(raises a hand pointing through the ceiling)_ I shall explain; Yuma uses two Magic Cards that increase Stardust's attack by 500 and 800 respectively, adding 1300 onto the dragon, yet because of the presence of a second card, Stardust gains an additional 500 points, setting its strength at 4300. Then using that newfound power, it attacks Flame Wingman, which will then be powered up by Skyscraper once more. Therefore, an epic battle ensues.

Biggs: But that's not how it goes; Stardust is said to have 3800 attack points and Flame Wingman's attack stays the same.

Eric: 'Feather Blast' is worse than 'Cosmic Flare'… It's Shooting Sonic, for God's sake…

Jessica: I really think we killed Eric with a Zexal fanfics, Biggs.

Biggs: Success!

Jessica: I feel sorry for Yonban, though. The duel can't be possible and the life points are everywhere; Devan should have2800, if I'm counting correctly.

Biggs: Don't worry, I'll treat him to a night down the pub as a way of saying thanks for helping contribute to Eric's passing.

Jessica: I'm scared; now I'm going to be top on your hit-list.

"**and since of Stardust's effect I attack you directly" claims Yuma. "I win"! (Devan-000 Yuma-1900). "HEY, Yuma great duel with that Stardust Dragon" said Devan, "See Ya" said Yuma.**

Jessica: That's not Stardust's effect.

Eric: The duel is over? Thank goodness… _(picks himself up slowly and staggers towards the kitchen)_ I getting a couple of beers.

Jessica: Yonban, you okay?

Biggs: He'll be fine, I'm sure. Let's carry on quickly.

Jessica: Just as quickly as those two did from their duel, you mean.

**The next morning when Yuma awakes… "YAWNS", "Well today I need to go to class and do my school world, but I can skip just ONE day of school, RIGHT"? thought Yuma. So Yuma walked outside and saw cards in his yard, he walked up to the Eight Cards. Yuma picked them up and went inside and set them on his bed.**

Eric: I don't like the sound of this.

Biggs: You live? Damn.

Eric: _(sits next to Yonban, holding two cans of beer)_ Come on, Biggs. We all knew our lives were going to be at stake when we began this.

Yonban: _(sits up suddenly and snatches one of Eric's cans)_ Cold. It feels refreshing.

Eric: Holy shi-

Biggs: Welcome back, Yonban.

Yonban: 'Welcome back'? I didn't depart and return from another duel, did I?

Jessica: _(sighs)_ It's alright, Yonban. Just enjoy your drink, we'll take the reigns from here.

Yonban: I trust you, young Earth girl.

Jessica: E- Ehe, right. I'm puzzled by Yuma's need to think his day to himself; does he do this every morning? "I must go to school and learn and fail at life"?

Biggs: Probably. Though he talks himself out of going pretty easily.

Jessica: The 'Eight Cards' have capital letters, new special plot devices?

Biggs: We'll see.

"**WOW, the god of slifer, the god of obelisk, and the god of ra!" shocked as Yuma could look, " right leg, left leg, right arm, left arm, exodia the forbidden one"?**

Eric: This isn't possible! First Stardust, then the Egyptian Gods, then the Exodia pieces?

Biggs: Is your blood pressure rising?

Jessica: But Eric's right, these are all extremely rare or one-of-a-kind cards. Why would they just show up randomly for Yuma as well? Why not Judai or Yusei?

Biggs: Don't ask, I'm still in shock over the lack of capital letters for their names, as well as the serious abuse of the comma and question mark.

**Yuma was confused, and as he added the Five Exodia pieces to his deck and the Three God Cards thinking that these would be worth some MONEY.**

Eric: _JESUS SWEET CHRIST'S A-_

Jessica: _He's going to sell the Egyptian God Cards?_

Yonban: This is terrible! Such legendary cards that have battled for the sake of the world before, reduced to simple tools of money and greed.

Biggs: …Should I be getting as excited as the rest of you, or have I just become that desensitised?

Jessica: You should be getting excited; this is like selling every nuclear weapon in the world just for the sake of making a few extra bucks.

Biggs: Sorry, I was entertained by the occasional word in capital letters, especially this one; the emphasis on money. This kid might be onto something, the quality of the franchise and its stories is no longer relevant, so long as people make money out of it.

Eric: Yo- You're suggesting this writer has a brain? Have you gone mad?

Biggs: Perhaps. At least I'm handling it better than you.

**So Yuma went to his local card shop and held over the god cards and Yuma yet to keep Slifer and that's EXACTLY what he did. Yuma got 84 gold coins from Obelisk and Ra and was happy so he went home once again and was looking at his cards and noticed that Leyvaten had a black mark on the card. So Yuma just put the card back on his deck and shuffeled his deck, and put it in his pocket.**

Jessica: "I got a little extra pocket money from selling two legendary cards, now one of my cards has a mysterious black mark, but I'm just going to put it away like it's nothing and clearly, it won't come back to bite me on the ass. Kai, who's next to play with me?"

Biggs: This has to be a troll fic. It has to be; two Gods gone for 84 gold coins; that sounds way too expensive.

**Yuma wasn't feel so good so he went down to get something to eat, well the only thing Yuma found was god of obelisk and god of ra. "Hm, how did these get back here" said Yuma, then Yuma tore up the cards and threw them away but what Yuma didn't know is that those cards will never be away fro his possetion.**

Eric: It's a horror fic! They're going to haunt Yuma for shrugging off their worth. They're not real God cards to begin with! It all makes sense!

Jessica: Eric, I think breaking you and then having you and Yonban drink beer is a bad plan. You're acting crazy.

Biggs: He's waiting to see the cards take their revenge; his sudden dip in health must be related to selling the God cards and the black mark on the card Yusei gave him.

Jessica: You mean; either this is Yuma's darkness from being naïve and stupid, or Yusei did something to the card that would later affect Yuma? Either way, one of them is evil?

Biggs: Might have been someone pretending to be Yusei. Maybe someone who completely reshaped his body in every little detail.

Eric: You keep quiet!

**Yuma then got him a sandwhich and went outside to enjoy the FRESH air, Yuma then quickly ran over to Devan's house and yelled "Devan" in heavy deep breaths. "What do you need Yuma"? worried how Devan was because Yuma had this scratch on his back and out of ALL people, Yuma chose her house for help.**

Jessica: Wha? I thought Devan was a dude.

Eric: I want to know when he got this massive scratch that's obviously torn through his clothing.

Biggs: You just want a graphic reconstruction.

Eric: I do.

Jessica: From sandwich, to fresh air, to getting to Devan's house with a huge wound on his back. All while skipping school and finding legendary cards; sounds like an ordinary day in the life of Yuma.

Eric: That name's getting spoken so much today that it pisses me off even more than normal…

**Yuma starts cring for no reason, so Devan pulled Yuma's shirt off and slowly placed her hand on Yuma's back were the scratch was and took him into the kitchen. Devan but cool water on Yuma's back and Yuma YELLED out "Ahhh", because of the sting he was having.**

Biggs: So either Devan was a girl all along or he had a sex change.

Jessica: This isn't normal. And is the author shipping them? It feels a bit strange that a young 'girl would be stripping her best friend's upper half to see a wound on his back rather than having him simply turn and pull up the shirt briefly.

Eric: Now she's peeing on him.

Jessica: Ew, Eric!

Eric: Watch out, you might yell in absolute agony. My heart will break at the passion in your voice, though it'll never match Yuma's.

**Yuma then all of a suddenly didn't feel anything. "HUH? Could it be, no it can't I can't just DIE, it isn't right for now" thought Yuma.**

Eric: Oh shut up and die quickly, brat. I'm sure you're much worse in this fic than the actual series.

Jessica: I like how what's wrong with Yuma isn't actually explained; he doesn't feel well, then he has a scratch and then… dies from the pain?

**Yuma quickly awoken and gasped, "Was it all a dream" said Yuma because there was no scratch on his back.**

Eric: Damn. I was hoping this was just about over.

**Yuma walked out of the house and the same man appeared, "Yuma Takashito, duel me if you wish" said Yusei in a calm voice".**

Biggs: And Yusei returns. Right as Yuma's walking out of this friend's house despite what appears to be a near-death experience.

Jessica: Devan is a suckish nurse. Though could it really be a dream? Or maybe what's happened so far is all a dream? Or maybe it's all one big hallucination by Yuma. Or the entire chapter is a dream by Yuma, who wakes up next chapter.

Biggs: That would probably make more sense than this right here.

Eric: And the name change. Yuma's surname is 'Tsukumo'.

Jessica; Wow, the picture on his Yugiwiki page actually looks pretty serious. Maybe he started puberty.

Biggs: You think he'll finish it by the time the series is over?

Jessica: Doubt it. I assume Judai finished, but not Yugi. Strange, really, because Judai started younger and the dub implied that three years passed over the course of the series.

Eric: That's just the dub for you. That says all kind of bull, like Jounouchi having a cousin in Neo-Domino.

Biggs: The bastard child of Katsuya Jounouchi and Johan Andersen, right?

Eric: Unfortunately.

Jessica: We're getting off-topic again, we seem to be developing a bad habit for that.

Eric: Okay, so let me see if I've got this right: Yuma may or may not have just experienced a near-death experience in his friend's house after dealing with blackened cards and legendary cards being sold then returning to slash his throat open with their extremely sharp corners, then wakes up with no sign of that, walks outside, perfectly fine, without any sign of his friend, and then a Legendary Duellist who may have tried to kill him one already shows up and proposes a duel.

Yonban: A duel? Between Yuugiou protagonists?

Biggs: Settle down, Yonban. You're still recovering. And you might want to wipe the bubbly moustache building on your top lip.

Yonban: Afraid not, Biggs Norton. It makes me feel like a man!

"**Fine Yusei your on and this will be over soon" exclaimed Yuma.**

Yonban: An epic clash on par with Yuugi and Judai's duel at the end of GX. The third and fourth generations about to collide in an almighty show; the seemingly darkest of the Yuugiou franchise against the seemingly lightest!

Jessica: Uh, Yonban, maybe you shouldn't get so excited…

Yonban: Why is this?

Jessica: _(leans over to show Yonban her page as she reads on)_

**They dueled but the duel only lasted 1 turn Yusei drew his card and it was "Deck Determanation- both players discard their decks, then he ended his turn. Yuma didn't have no cards so Yuma lost.**

Yonban: What is this? 'Deck Determanation'? I have never heard of this card, and what power.

Biggs: You don't get it; Yusei just trolled Yuma so hard that the author's small English knowledge was wiped out in an almighty show of its own.

Eric: Yuma got no chance.

"**Humph, Yuma you do no have the strengh nor POWER to defeat me Yusei holds up the Deck Determanation card" " said Yusei. "You see young Yuma you cannot face the power of this Spell card, until you can defeat me in a duel you will never live to see your end, you will live for eternety" Yusei said while disapearing in a shadow of goldish orange.**

Jessica: Yusei's _evil?_ An evil Yusei Fudo? What the hell? He's the one protagonist that didn't actually have to deal with a darker side of himself.

Biggs: could have had Yoshida gone with-

Eric: Biggs, I'm going to strangle you with your own arm in a minute.

Jessica: But why would Yusei do this? Annihilate Yuma and then punish him by keeping him alive forever? Wouldn't a 13 year old love that idea?

Eric: Plus there's the fact that Yusei isn't immortal and he'll die. Then disappears into freaking orange tang?

Biggs: Instrumentality begins. Yusei's beginning Third Impact.

Jessica: Maybe this kid had a hatred for 5D's. Or Yuugiou in general. I'm with Biggs; this has to be a crack fic.

"**What did Yusei mean (never live to see your end)" Yuma thought. Yuma got up off the ground and he was cring in blood tears, Yuma was wondering why he only saw red at the time.**

**Yuma looked up and saw the black sun, Yuma quickly ran until he fell and Blacked Out.**

Biggs: Very gothic ending.

Jessica: In come the vamps.

Eric: So essentially, in this particular fanfics, Yuma's going to be fighting so he can die when his time comes? That sounds very unusual, especially for a 13 year old kid who stars in a show about saving the world from destruction using cards. Especially when the one responsible is the previous protagonist who was the closest thing to Jesus that the franchise has had.

Jessica: Do you think this is the Yuugiou equivalent of 'My Immortal'? There's been Twilight and Gurren Lagann ones; maybe this is someone's take on a card game version.

Biggs: Could well be. But we'll never know, because they haven't updated. They're probably hiding in their lair at the heart of the black sun.

Eric: Hey, Yonban, just clear this up for me. Yuma doesn't use Dragunities, right?

_Eric looks next to him to find Yonban laying asleep while clutching the empty beer can against his chest._

Eric: Uh… never mind.

Jessica: I guess that wraps this one up. There's only one review, after all.

Eric: Of course there's only one review. Only Faithshipping fics get reviewed in the 5D's section because every girl is doing naughty things while reading them and every other kind of fic goes unnoticed because it doesn't throw them together. The fan girls are working in force because they're upset that Yusei and Aki DIDN'T get together in the end. Whoops, random capital-lettered word.

Jessica: Precision Shout Strike?

Biggs: Alright, you two. Let's just finish this off and get slaughtered down the nearest bar.

-End-

**Stepping Through The Wall**

Biggs: Today we learned that Zexal fanfics already exist. And they have the power to break people: not just Eric, but people.

Jessica: This chapter was started like 2 months ago; since then, a Zexal section has actually be set up on this site. Eric, did you hear that?

Eric: _(downing another can)_ No. I didn't.

Jessica: Oh look! People are shipping Yuma and Astral already!

Eric: _(chokes)_ What?

Biggs: How do you even know that Astral's a guy? He could be a chick, or neither.

Jessica: I did some research; the voice actor has voiced other major male character like Syaoran in _Tsubasa _Chronicles, Daisuke in _D.N. _Angel, Tomoharu from _Asura Cryin'_ and Saji Crossroad in _Gundam 00_. Verdict: Astral is a boy.

Eric: Oh no…

Biggs: Never moan at us about trying to sound like smartasses when it comes to anime.

Eric: You need to stop research, Jess. It leads to dangerous consequences.

Yonban: Biggs, I need to borrow some notes. There's a poker game going on at my neighbour's and I thought it might as well do some good to get into another card game until the next time you guys need me. It's been well over a year after all.

Eric: Blame Jess.

Jessica: _ERIC!_

Biggs: Okay, okay. You're coming with us first though. Basically, kids; write more Zexal fics, rack up a bigger body count.

Jessica: Okay, let's do this together and then get smashed.

"Go beyond the unreadable! Kick good writing to the curb! Don't believe in canon, believe in fanon that subverts the canon! That's the Yuugiou Fandom way!"

**-The Writer's Angry Note of the Week-**

Eric began watching Zexal the next morning while nursing a hangover. 4 episodes later, he vanished and appeared only in hospital three days later. The only consolation is that he watched Yuma lose a duel.  
Spell-checking this took forever.


	8. SoCalled Love

The year 20XX. During times of political and economic unrest, no human alive is tackling the true crisis that grips the Earth; measuring the quality of Yuugiou works on. In a world mostly lacking heroes willing to rise live, death and certain boredom to carry out such a mission, only three people will step up and take the challenge head on.

Our heroes are;

1. Biggs Nortons, an ex-Fanfic writer with a serious chip on his shoulder.

2. Eric A. Wedge, a honest-to-Osiris hardcore Yuugiou fan, owning all manga volumes, with every anime episode downloaded, and little to no knowledge of the card game.

3. Jessica Chomsky, no relation to the 'Other Chomsky', as rabid and misinformed as rabid misinformed Yaoi fan girls come.

-Yuugiou: Mystery Card Game Theatre-

Jessica: Something doesn't feel right.

Biggs: I know what you're saying, but I'll explain it later.

Jessica: Is it just me or is something missing?

Biggs: Like what?

Jessica: Where's Eric?

Biggs: I didn't know he got discharged from the hospital.

Jessica: Bu- But we can't do this without him.

Biggs; Don't worry, I called in a replacement in case he couldn't make it.

Jessica: You're so thoughtful… It isn't Yonban, is it?

Biggs: Are you crazy? No. It's-Yonban's-cousin.

Jessica: What was that?

_A knock comes from the door before Biggs has a chance to change his story. Biggs opens the door to reveal a small girl standing in the doorway._

Girl: Hi everyone~ ^_^

Jessica: You brought in another girl? Am I being replaced?

Biggs: She's 12. And she's only here to fill in for Eric.

_Biggs leads the girl to the table and she sits on the usually empty side, leaving Eric's space open._

Jessica: It still doesn't feel the same. I'm kind of depressed, really.

Biggs: Don't be, she'll do just fine.

Jessica: Okay then, what's your name?

Girl: I'm Hikari~ ^_^

Jessica: …Hi- Hikari?

Hikari: Yup~ :3

Jessica: Y- You did this on purpose, didn't you, Biggs…

Biggs: Yonban's busy, I couldn't find anyone else.

Jessica: That card playing alien man is busy? What's next with the aliens; Astral and Yubel getting shipped?

Biggs: Don't give WhiteAsukaLover ideas.

Jessica: Eh?

Biggs: That's right; what you just felt was the fact that last time, there wasn't a single reference to WhiteAsukaLover. There's a reason for that; we're carrying out our duty and reading the fanfic he so loving proposed to us.

Jessica: I… I see. Wait, you can't mean- Sealed Love? That's 50 chapters long!

Biggs: Yup. We're taking on an extra long instalment in the hopes that Eric will recover quickly enough to read it and succeed in killing himself. _(hands out copies of the fic)_

Jessica: Bi- Biggs, look how thick this thing is. We can't possibly take it on all in one go.

Biggs: We're going to abridge it.

Jessica: I see…

Biggs; To be honest, it's a damn shame Eric isn't here, I'm sure he'd love this one.

Hikari: 'Sealed Love', it sounds pretty! :D

Biggs: Oh, it is, Hikari. You're going to like looking at fanfics. Let's do this then.

Jessica: Hey look, it's a collab between two authors: WhiteAsukaLover and… _CuteYami_? And they had the nerve to suggest a fic to us a couple of instalments back?

Biggs: I spoke with that one; apparently, the two of them had different ideas over how to tackle the fic and WhiteAsukaLover, whom we'll call WAL to save space and letters, took the reigns. The story itself hasn't been worked on for ages and the updates are old chapters. It explains why there's something between Ryo and Sho on his profile that hasn't happened yet

Jessica: Sho and Ryo? But it's listed as a Duel Monsters fanfic.

Biggs: Crosses with GX later on.

Jessica: This guy…

_**This story takes place just after the DOOM saga. Japanese names are used. For those who do not know if something known as The Oracle of Darkness is mentioned this refers to the Japanese name for The Seal of Orichalcos. Anyway enjoy folks!**_

Jessica: Huh, he's using Japanese names. I suppose it's different from what the masses do when it comes to Duel Monsters.

Biggs: In their defence, they grew up with the dub.

Jessica: _(sigh)_ This should be the part when Eric berates you…

Hikari: Hey, hey, don't be sad. We should read this happy fanfic and make everyone feel better :D.

Jessica: Kid has a point, we may as well get this over and done with.

**Yuugi smiled as he stood outside of the school of Domino High, clutching the straps of his bag tightly, he looked around for her, where was she?**

**He smiled when he could see her heading towards him. "Anzu!" he called happily.**

**Anzu smiled as her beautiful azure eyes seemed to sparkle as she enveloped her childhood friend in a warm compassionate hug.**

**Yuugi smiled, blushing deeply as Anzu held him close, he wrapped his arms around her waist, wishing the moment would never end, he closed his eyes, thinking of the times he could have embraced her before and missed on the chance, he almost drifted into a dream world while she held him, until his eyes opened slightly, a dazed dreamy look upon his face.**

**Anzu giggled as she too blushed softly. **_**'Why must he be soo cute?'**_** She asked herself as she gently stroked the tips of Yuugi's spiked hair.**

Jessica: This doesn't feel right…

Biggs: Christ, don't start with your yaoi rants, I can't take them alone.

Jessica: No, no. Not that. Following the Doma arc, there was that big KaibaCorp Grand Prix, do we assume this is set after that? Or that even if didn't happen?

Biggs: What does it matter? All we know is it's between Seasons 4 and 5, though a little clarity would be nice. And cutting down on the amount of words that have to be spat out in this. The opening line alone sounds like it could have been chopped up neatly and reorganised, the scraps could be saved for later.

Jessica: Eh? What kind of analogy are you trying to make there?

Biggs: I had the mental image of a butcher, don't ask.

Jessica: I'm scared to.

Biggs: Furthermore, look at the way Yuugi and Anzu are interacting; if Yuugi was fussing over hugging Anzu, then he would have just done so throughout both Doma and the Grand Prix, even if it was just a sign to Rebecca that he didn't love her

Jessica: The way they're blushing and thinking how each other is cute doesn't seem right either. They've known each other for years; that's like me hugging you and you getting a hard-on.

Biggs: Is that a threat or a promise?

Jessica: Oh God…

Hikari: I like it~ :3

Jessica: Ack! I forgot we had a kid here.

Biggs: Yeah, be careful or she'll report everything to Yonban and he'll come take you on a date.

Jessica: I- I'll behave! So, what do you like about it, Hikari?

Hikari: It sounds nice; the boy and the girl caring deeply for each other and feeling so strongly about someone they've known for a long time ^_^.

Biggs: I think we've got an enemy in base camp here.

**How he kept it spiked even when it was wet from a shower or swim was a mystery even to her. But she had other things to take care of.**

**Like of how she would tell him how much she loved him.**

**She had for years.**

**Yuugi gazed up at Anzu before he looked away, he couldn't let her seem him so red and dazily, he had no idea if she felt the same. He took a moment to compose himself before turning back with a calmer look, no longer influenced by the flaring emotions he felt for her. "So Anzu, what are you doing later?"**

Jessica: Most of that passage is irrelevant. Don't rant about Yuugi's hair when it's a global fact that it was conjured by aliens.

Biggs: Maybe WAL has a thing for it. This old-friends-loving-each-other thread is overdone by so many fandoms. Or Disney.

Jessica: You've got a thing against them, don't you.

Biggs: That's a different story, stay focused. For now, I reckon Yuugi wants to have some private time with Anzu later.

'_**This better work, or else the Other Me is going to have a nasty shock later.'**_** He blushed again trying to hide it as he awaited her answer.**

Jessica: Wait, what? Yuugi's threatening Yami? What the hell is he on about anyway?

Biggs: My deduction is that Yuugi turned to Yami, a 3000-year old spirit whose been dead for so long that he wouldn't understand anything about the modern world, regarding the endless problem for wimpy boys like him that is love. Basically: he turned for Yami for advise on getting Anzu to be his bird.

Jessica: _(facepalm)_ Why not just hook the two of them up instead?

Biggs: You've yet to realise how sick and wrong that pairing is.

"**Well…nothing really…" She blushed a scarlet red as she continued. "Yuugi-kun I was wondering…would you like to have a sleepover with me sometime?"**

"**O -of course." Yuugi stammered, trying to hide his eagerness. He buried a hand in the hairs behind the blonde bangs, scratching out of Anzu's sight, nervous about what she would say if he would break a wave of blushing, she could guess what he was thinking, how he had though of her in that night back at Duelist Kingdom. He smiled happily back at her, hiding his true thoughts.**

Jessica: Crap, they are going to sha- I mean, do adult things.

Hikari: Hm?

Biggs: Never you mind, Hikari. Jessica's jealous because she likes Yuugi.

Jessica: Biggs!

Hikari: Aw, don't worry, Jess. I'm sure Yuugi likes you too :D.

Jess: Is she mocking me?

**Anzu giggled happily fighting the incredible urge to kiss the smaller child. "Oh thank you Yuugi-kun!" She wrapped him in a deep hug the urge to kiss Yuugi growing ever stronger the closer azure brunette got.**

**Yuugi closed his eyes, he could feel her arms tighten around him, he just sunk away into his dream world, smiling blushing, not caring who would have been watching, Jonouchi, Honda, it didn't matter if they were about or not, all that mattered was Anzu.**

**Anzu couldn't fight her urge any longer so she moved her body down slightly and kissed him deeply on the lips hoping with all her soul he'd kiss back despite his shy nature.**

_**So ends the first chapter of my first ever peachshipping or YugiXTea for those unaware. R&R! The more reviews I get the faster 2 will go up!**_

Biggs: Don't you just love the emphasis he puts on Anzu's uncontrollable urge to kiss Yuugi and make it sound like she just wants to… y'know, do that thing with him?

Jessica: Wonderful… Just like how the punctuation's going bipolar; it's there, then it's gone.

Biggs: Should we be insulted that he actually explained what Peachshipping is despite the fact that Yuugi and Anzu are listed as the main characters?

Jessica: Who knows?

Hikari: We should review, quickly, then we can read 2! :O

Jessica: Easy, Hikari, that chapter's already up, we're reading it long after these were posted.

Hikari: Oh, okay then :3.

Biggs: Well, as part of our abridging, we should skip ahead rather than read every single chapter. But if you want, Hikari, you could always take that copy home and read it another time.

Jessica: You want to torment the girl?

Biggs: Well, the real crazy stuff hasn't happened yet. Maybe she'll get smart and drop it before then.

Jessica: But if we're abridging, then we're going to reach that stuff now…

Biggs: Well, we're skipping to chapter 5 right now, so we'll see how far we get before certain characters start acting like sexually-depraved rabbits.

Jessica: Joy… I'll get the S.S. Purple Prose ready.

Hikari: Yay! :D

_**Last Time**_

_**He pulled the Puzzle from around his neck, laying it on the bed, Yami remained in the room, the Puzzle was close enough in range. He pulled the pajamas Anzu had earlier requested, he smiled at Yami.**_

"_**I an curious as to why she wanted to bring those pajamas. Maybe so she can take a picture of you in them." Yami laughed.**_

"_**Maybe." Yuugi laughed. "I have no idea, but I didn't think to question her." He added.**_

"_**Trying finding out for me." Yami winked.**_

"_**I will." Yuugi replied, blushing slightly at the wink.**_

"_**Alright have fun my little prince. Call me in our link if you feel scared or if you get in trouble somehow." Yami advised.**_

"_**It's a sleepover at Anzu's, how bad can it be? I'll try if I need to, but I doubt I'll need to." He answered skeptically.**_

_**He zipped up his bag before pulling it over its shoulder, he looked back at Yami as he disappeared into the Puzzle again.**_

"_**See you tomorrow Pharaoh." Yuugi smiled, as he turned to leave.**_

"_**Good night mou hitori no boku. Wait!" Yami suddenly shouted.**_

"_**What?" Yuugi gasped, looking back.**_

"_**I just felt a pulse of dark energy. I'm not sure what it was Yuugi but stay alert." Yami warned.**_

"_**I promise I will Yami, but I'm worried about you. You've seemed paranoid today." Yuugi replied. "I think you need a rest too, but I'll do everything I can if I run into this dark thing."**_

"_**Aibou I'm a 3000 year old spirit. Why wouldn't I be a tag paranoid?" He joked.**_

"_**Funny mou hitori no boku." Yuugi chuckled before turning away again.**_

_**Yami smiled warmly. "Have fun…but be safe." He said before retreating to the puzzle for the night to rest.**_

"_**Thanks Yami." Yuugi replied smiling before exiting the room, closing the door slowly and leaving the building.**_

_**End Flashback**_

Jessica: That was the most pointless recap ever. Of all time.

Biggs: I don't even understand why he included the majority of that, let alone why it was so long.

Jessica: Pointless conversation about pyjamas, which Anzu specifically requested - ew? - and a warning about some dark threat, but still Yuugi goes out? You'd think after the amount of times he'd have been a target by this point, he would have suspected it of being after him and thus stayed behind? All he'd achieve by doing this is putting Anzu in the line of fire?

Hikari: Maybe he wants Miss Anzu to become endangered.

Biggs: Knowing this guy, probably.

Jessica: Hey, what happened to your emoticons?

Hikari: They're still here, silly. You must have blinked and missed it ^_^.

Biggs: For Eric's sake, I'll just say now that Yami no Yuugi's out of character; he doesn't know how to joke and laugh, yadda yadda.

**Anzu looked at Jonouchi one last time teasingly sticking her tongue out giggling darkly as she headed in the direction of her house.**

**Jonouchi glared at Anzu as she turned away, the stone was familiar enough to him, but he wondered why Honda hadn't noticed.**

**He watched Anzu walked away, determined to do whatever he could to separate her form the stone, but now things were out of his control.**

**He'd have to try in the morning, surely he'd be able to get to her before she did anything.**

Jessica: Judging by that passage, Jonouchi's aware of what's going on. So the best course of action: leave it to the morning. Obviously antagonists and evil-infused stones have to sleep too; no-one would ever think of attacking during the night.

Hikari: Silly Jonouchi, if that stone's bad, you should stop it now :O.

Biggs: Perhaps we should send WAL some notes on how to use commas, this is sorely lacking in them most of the time.

Hikari: I don't like the way Anzu is acting; sticking her tongue out and teasing Jonouchi. That's not nice :(.

Jessica: Not to mention out of character… See, Biggs? She's on the right side now, I knew we'd win her over.

"**What is his problem?" Anzu muttered as she unlocked the door to her house and rushed upstairs to her room to try to prepare for her boyfriend's arrival.**

**Yuugi continued along the roads towards Anzu's home, he looked in the direction in which he thought he heard Jonouchi's voice grumbling, the voice soon passed and faded. Yuugi shook it off as he continued to Anzu's house, the building soon coming into view.**

**Anzu slowly fixed her bed just in case she and Yuugi might sleep together there.**

**She giggled softly to herself as she prepared her video game systems before going downstairs to the kitchen to get some sugary snacks and popcorn.**

**Yuugi noticed the roof of Anzu's home come into his view, he smiled as his eyes fixed themselves on it, it wouldn't be long before he could see her alone again.**

**Anzu hummed a tune as she took a few large bowls of popcorn and sugary snacks up to her room along with several bottles of various caffeine-laden soda.**

**Yuugi reached the door, he breathed in deeply before knocking on it and standing confidently, holding his breath in his chest as he awaited Anzu's arrival at the door.**

**Anzu ran down the stairs nearly tripping because she was running so hard. She opened the door. "Hi Yuugi-kun my sweetie." she giggled kissing him on the lips.**

Jessica: Urgh, the pacing of this is horrible.

Biggs: And the jumping back and forth between Yuugi and Anzu.

Jessica: Not to mention the fact that almost every sentence begins with a character's name or "he" slash "she".

Biggs: It looks like it was posted in some forum RPG and never edited to flow better.

Jessica: Oh yeah, the full stops coming at the end of dialogue isn't right either.

Biggs: Hey, Jess?

Jessica: Yeah, Biggs?

Biggs: Don't you just love being a hypocrite?

Jessica: It feels good. But maybe we should stop, Hikari looks like she's getting dizzy.

Hikari: x_x

Biggs: Oh… but, I think there may be hope with this fanfic. Instead of naming his favourite brands, WAL just casually mentioned "various" sodas.

Jessica: At least he didn't do tons of product placing like that model fanfic. But he still implied Yuugi and Anzu will sleep together. Not to mention the idea that Jonouchi was nearby and Yuugi completely ignored it. They're all pretty out of character.

Biggs: We've only really seen Yuugi, Anzu, Yami and Jonouchi. The number of characters that shows up in this does explode later.

Jessica: I wish this fanfic would explode…

Hikari: I want popcorn and sugary snacks! :D

**Yuugi closed his eyes as Anzu's lips touched his own again, he blushed, leaning forward as the kiss continued. When Anzu pulled back, Yuusei smiles as she stood before him.**

**Anzu smiled as she purposely fiddled with the stone around her neck knowing all too well Yuugi would notice it.**

**Yuugi stared at the stone as Anzu played with it, he felt nervous when he noticed it, his skin losing color before she dragged him into the house before he could even think of anything.**

**Anzu led him upstairs still with her overly-cheerful grin on her face.**

Jessica: "How to Seduce a Man" - One: Popcorn and sugary snacks. Two: Video games. Three: Purposely fiddle with the evil stone hanging around your neck so he notices it.

Biggs: She must have checked out "How to Blow Your Evil Plan Before it's Even Begun" at the same time. She's one suckish antagonist.

Hikari: She dragged him into the house; it reminds me of the German Sparkle Party :P.

Jessica: German _what?_

Biggs: Never mind that, I'd like to know why though.

Hikari: Because sparkly people barge into the house at the beginning and make everyone worry, it was funny :).

Jessica: So Anzu took tips from that.

Biggs: Maybe WAL took tips as well; there's really no flow to this. Just a bunch of actions slapped together, it's quite grating. There's really nothing else.

"**Anzu, what are you doing?" Yuugi asked worriedly, trying to pull his hand from hers.**

"**Taking you to my room cutie." She giggled**.

**But…that stone." he stammered. "What are you doing with it? What happened? What are you doing?"**

"**Yuugi my love calm down. It's just a stone."**

"**But…of all the stones, you know how dangerous it can be. How did you find it?"**

"**I found it on the ground after you left. It looked nice so I put it on. Is there something I should know or something?"**

"**Don't you remembered?" Yuugi asked. "That was the Oracle Stone that Yami and I wore before he played the Oracle of Darkness."**

**Anzu's eyes widened but only for a moment. "That can't be.."**

Jessica: "Oracle"? What was wrong with "Orichalcos"?

Biggs: Does there really need to be anything wrong with it for it to get changed? Look at the characters; nothing wrong with them, they get changed.

Jessica: I suppose. But now that Yuugi's shed light on things, maybe they'll start acting like their brains have crawled out of their pants and remember what to do when there's evil lurking about.

"**I thought you would have recognized it." Yuugi sighed. "What are we going to do with it?"**

"**Wear it and no I didn't recognize it."**

"**Wear it Are you-?" Yuugi froze, he couldn't upset her. "Listen, how about I take care of it I don't want anything to happen to you?" He held his hand out, hoping she wouldn't try to use it to turn against him.**

"**I appreciate your concern Yuugi baby but I'll be fine. The Oracle feeds on darkness which I have none of."**

"**But I don't want to endanger you Anzu, you might get targeted like Yami was." Yuugi sighed.**

"**Yuugi-kun I told you ill be fine now c'mon lets go have some fun." she replied.**

**Yuugi reluctantly continued with her to the bedroom, when she led him into the room, he looked around before turning back to her, still worried about what she could be like with the Oracle Stone.**

Biggs: Apparently not.

Jessica: _(sweating)_ What… is this? Really? Not only did common sense go out the window, but so did the full-stops. I'd like to think they went in search of the commas, but that'd be giving him too much credit.

Biggs: That's the least of our concerns; he's actually having Anzu wear the Orichalcos stone despite knowing it's evil. Really now, could Yuugi's friends get any dumber in fan fiction than the anime? Answer: yes. Evidence: Here. Case closed. Let's just hope fanfics writers don't become worse over time.

Jessica: Good one.

Biggs: We're moving forward a bit, this is just more pointless dribble that was thrown in, maybe to up the word count.

**He smiled as he dreamt about what Anzu had planned for later as he continued to hold her close.**

"**I love you.." She whispered.**

"**I love you too." he whispered back, blushing, his eyelids keeping closed.**

**The Oracle stone glowed a little more.**

**Yuugi stared at the stone, nervous about the stronger glow, he released her before stepping back, not taking his eyes off of it.**

"**Wh what's it doing?" he asked.**

"**I'm not sure." She said.**

**The Oracle symbol appeared on her forehead causing her azure yes to glow red. However she didn't feel any different.**

**Yuugi backed away fearfully, backing away until he hit the wall, he stared at her terrified, the red glow from her eyes frightened him, he panted hard as he pressed his back against the wall, his skin pale.**

"**Relax Yuugi-kun." She said her tone the same as before.**

"**B-but Anzu." he stammered. "Th-the Oracle symbol is on your h-heard. It-it's happening, isn't-isn't it?"**

"**What is?"**

"**It-it's going to take you."**

"**Wha-?"**

"**Can't you feel it?"**

"**Feel what?"**

"**The Oracle? Using you? Anything?" Yuugi asked.**

"**Nope I feel the same."**

Biggs: Basically, fellas, when your bird's turning into a psycho, just continue as always. It's perfectly normal.

Jessica: As much as I'd normally say something along the Puzzleshipping desire front, I'm quite puzzled as to why Yami hasn't appeared yet. He used to show up automatically without Yuugi needing to call him out like some Pokémon. But now, when you'd think he'd show up to protect Yuugi, he's nowhere to be seen.

Hikari: I don't like Anzu, she's nasty :(.

"**Yuugi-kun I sense your afraid. Don't be. I won't hurt you heartlessly like Yami did."**

"**Like Yami-what?"**

"**He would do anything to win even sacrificing the one monster you were supposed to help - Black Magician Girl."**

"**But that was different, it took completely control of him, it'll do it to you too. The seal is on your head and your eyes are glowing red. That's what it did to Yami." Yuugi replied.**

"**Yes but unlike him I don't have darkness so relax yourself."**

"**Yami doesn't have darkness, the Oracle did all that to him. Think about the times he's saved us".**

"**Yes but isn't there a light and dark in these things?"**

"**Exactly, there's bound to be something inside of you that the Oracle could try and twist to turn you against me."**

"**Yuugi-kun even if I do become the slightest bit dark not even the Oracle can make me hurt you."**

Jessica: Think I'm starting to see where that conflict you mentioned came from.

Biggs: I really like how Anzu's trying to convince Yuugi that she can fight the darkness that will supposedly consume her based on the fact that she's never had to confront any darkness inside of her before.

Jessica: They even said it in Kingdom Hearts; there's darkness in every heart. If it's said in that game, it applies to every world and every universe.

Biggs: Not here, Anzu's sounding more like one of those innocent Mary Sues who can't be corrupted by any means than an actual character from the series.

Jessica: Yeah; she's pretty much arguing she's stronger than Yami in the respect of dealing with darkness.

Hikari: Perhaps she should give into the darkness inside of her that we can all see and be gone.

Jessica: Biggs, did she just lose her emoticons again?

Biggs: Maybe you blinked again. That's a bad habit, y'know.

Jessica: Shut up. What's a bad habit is twisting things from canon like this is. Yami never actually hurt Yuugi whilst in he was under the control of the Orichalcos. Sure he hurt their deck and completely destroyed the Black Magician Girl's morale, but he didn't actually hurt Yuugi. He was locked out of the duel and only broke in in time to sacrifice himself. Of his own free will. No-one forced him. Especially Yami.

Biggs: You're talking about it like the fandom would listen. Need we bring up the protagonist and major female characters being shipped despite none of them actually getting together?

Jessica: This is why there should be more yaoi…

"**Shh don't be scared. Have some of the snacks I set up for you."**

**Yuugi glanced at the snacks before back to Anzu, meekly smiling, before slowly making his way to them, his nerves taking over him.**

**Anzu smiled at her boyfriend.**

**Yuugi continued to give her a purely hollow smile as he made his way to the snacks, sitting on his knees before them, Anzu slowly made her way towards him.**

"**Yuugi-kun are you still afraid?" She asked gently.**

"**N-no." Yuugi replied, shaking his head.**

**He mentally scowled himself for the stammer's return, he looked down at the hands that clenched his kneecaps. White knuckles, shivering, he bit his bottom lip and looked up at Anzu again.**

"**Yuugi-kun clam down your making your knuckles turn white."**

"**I-I'm fine, r-really." Yuugi replied.**

**He looked down again as Anzu herself slowly made her way down to her knees before him.**

"**Relax Yuugi.."**

"**I-I'm fine Anzu, really." Yuugi answered. "S-so, what did you want me to bring those pajamas for anyway?"**

**He sighed internally, it was the only thing that sprung to mind.**

"**Cuz you look so cute in them."**

Jessica: Oh God…

Biggs: Gotta love the reverting to simplified spellings as opposed to actual English words.

Jessica: Maybe we should make a drinking game out of this. We'll probably need to get severely bladdered to endure this at the rate this is going.

**Yuugi took a deep breath and closed his eyes before reopening them a couple moments later, examining how long the Seal had been on Anzu's h ead, he began to believe her, it hadn't taken control of her, she wans't trying to steal his soul or kill him.**

**He opened them again to see the Seal on her head, he lowered his focus to her face, she still seemed normal, he smiled, feeling more relaxed. She smiled back, his heart began to slow.**

"**It's alright.." She soothed.**

"**I know." Yuugi replied. "I just needed a few minutes, I was worried you'd try to calm me and then turn. But seeing you so normal even with the Seal made me calm down."**

**He smiled before looking down at the snacks, smiling at the preparation Anzu had gone through, he felt almost honoured she went through so much just for him.**

"**I can't believe you thought that I would hurt you."**

"**I know, the Seal can twist things and I thought it would control you so you'd have no control over yourself. But I'm certain that you're strong enough to fight it, you've proved it." Yuugi replied happily**

Biggs: Scratch that, we should have a drinking game every time this fanfic throws in something stupid like that; characters completely losing their grip on reality and being suckered into things like that.

Jessica: No-one could possibly fall for that crap. Not even Yuma.

Biggs: I'm kind of tempted to find an episode where darkness has actually shown up just to see.

Jessica: Wait, you _want_ to see a dark Yuma? That's… uh… actually quite scary. Must've been why they didn't pull that stint with Yusei.

Biggs: Well, even the writers for the anime aren't as repetitive as this; Yuugi opened his eyes twice to find the Orichalcos emblem on Anzu's head, without seeming to close his eyes in between those two instances.

Jessica: But they're also not as stupid. Even Yuma can understand what evil is and not to trust it just because his girlfriend is the one possessed.

Biggs: An evil Kotori. Hm.

Jessica: Don't you even try and find weird fanart of a dark Kotori with panties in clear view. Remember; child.

Hikari: Perhaps we should invite WAL over some time, I'm sure it would be fun.

Jessica: Invite him over?

Biggs: What? I'm going to start charging people for visiting here before long…

Jessica: Hikari, why would you want that?

Hikari: So he can make me popcorn ^_^.

Jessica: …uh… huh…

"**Yeah.." She smirked playfully. "Bet you can't." She teased.**

"**Bet I can't?" Yuugi repeated. The small duelist seemed quite puzzled by this.**

"**Yeah." She giggled just wanting to tease him.**

**He smiled back at her, her giggled seemed to calm him down, but h e wondered what she had meant.**

**Was she going to test him with the Oracle?**

**He tried to shake it from his mind as he reached down for one of the snacks close by.**

**Anzu laid back on her bed the Oracle symbol still on her forehead but it was like it wasn't there as it didn't have control over her whatsoever.**

**Yuugi stood and made his way to Anzu's side, sitting on the edge of the bed, glancing down at her as she laid close by, smiling, maybe the Oracle wasn't as strong as it had previously been.**

"**You have to admit it looks kind of cool." She said referring to the Oracle's symbol and the fact it turned her eyes red.**

"**I have to admit, I do like the look of it, maybe that's why Yami played it last time, it would have helped him and it's effects do look pretty good." He said, referring to the visual effects.**

Jessica: BZZT. WRONG.

Biggs: Oh boy… _(facepalm)_

Jessica: Since when would Yami play an evil card because it would give him a so-called 'cool' glowing mark on his head and glowing eyes? If he wanted the former, he'd just go activate the Puzzle's power. Problem solved. It just so happened he was trying to save the world and was backed into a corner that he had two options: play the card without being aware of what would happened to him or lose and have the world destroyed.

Biggs: Y'know, you're doing a good job filling in for Eric today.

Jessica: Someone has to…

Biggs: Well, it looks like Yuugi's going to be tempted to the dark side. Not because of cookies, but because his girlfriend thinks it looks cool. And he thinks it looks cool.

Jessica: Yami better be daydreaming over Yuugi to not show up at a time like this.

**Yuugi smiled as Anzu sat up, smiling herself as he became so much more comfortable against the previously evil force.**

'_**Yes Yuugi don't fear the Oracle…'**_** She thought. She smiled kissing Yuugi's cheek.**

**He blushed as she kissed him again, he smile as she pulled away, the Oracle had really done nothing, he watched her dreamily.**

"**I don't fear it, I feared what it made people. But you've shown me they did it themselves, the Oracle did nothing to you." He spoke, as if he were in a trance.**

**Anzu giggled. "That's right Yuugi."**

"**Yeah, you're still perfect, the Oracle makes you look pretty in the dark." he continued, sounding somewhere between a dazed and a dull tone. "I wish the Oracle would help me too, like it helps you." He said, gazing dreamingly up at her.**

**Anzu hid an evil smile perfectly. "Are you sure you want to?"**

"**Sure, if it helps you so much, I want to be able to share your secret. Yami won't need to know, he's locked away in the Puzzle. It's you that matters. You and the Oracle."**

Jessica: I hope you have plenty of alcohol, Biggs. We're in for a long night of heavy drinking.

Biggs: But it's not right to leave out Hikari.

Jessica: She can't drink.

Biggs: I'll get her some milk or something.

Hikari: Yay, milk! Do you have cookies too? :3

Biggs: Maybe, I'll have a look-see when I fetch the drinks.

Hikari: Hooray! ^_^

Jessica: Perhaps we should add another condition; every time Anzu comes across as a cheerleader on the sidelines twisted into some dark Mary Sue and manages to convince someone she's strong enough to fight the Orichalcos. She's perfectly normal!

Biggs: You really do have a death wish, don't you.

Jessica: I just want some yaoi…

"**Excellent choice my sweet Yuugi-kun." She replied as she touched her stone with her thumb then gently pressed her thumb against Yuugi's foreheads lowly imbuing him with the Oracle's power.**

**Yuugi felt the power flow into him, feeling it pulse through his head, he closed his eyes as he allowed Anzu's gift to reach every part of his body, the Seal itself appearing on his forehead, glowing brightly in the darkness just like hers.**

**Anzu giggled darkly though it sounded innocent.**

**Yuugi slumped against her as the power took complete control, he sucked in his breath as his eyes opened, glowing brightly, the redness that had been in Anzu's present also in his eyes.**

_**That's the end of 5. Yuugi and Anzu have both been endowed with the Oracle. How will that affect them? Keep reading and reviewing to find out!**_

Biggs: Oh gee, I do wonder how…

Jessica: We're so far behind on shots already…

Biggs: Alright, alright. I'll grab something from the fridge.

_Biggs heads into the kitchen, leaving the girls alone._

Jessica: At least Yonban isn't here to get wasted like before.

Hikari: Hey Jessica, what's the Oracle? :o

Jessica: It's supposed to be called the "Orichalcos". It's a bad power that uses the darkness in people and manipulates them into working for it. It was stopped when Yami took on the Leviathan - which the Orichalcos was gathering power to revive - and locked it away in him. In other words, _this shouldn't be happening because the power of the Orichalcos was destroyed and the only way to get the Leviathan out would probably be to corrupt Yami._ It's something fanfic writers fail to grasp.

Hikari: Oh, I see. Thanks for helping me out ^w^.

Jessica: Hey, Biggs, which chapter are we heading to next?

Biggs: Next one.

_Jessica flicks the page to the next chapter and looks with disappointment._

Jessica: Why the hell is there another massive recap under the title 'Flashback' again? He really is just trying to boost the word count with dribble.

_Biggs staggers in, carrying a cardboard crate of bottles of various alcohol-laden alcohol. And a glass of milk for Hikari._

Biggs: Very clever, writer… Right, I got the goods.

Jessica: We need a system for sarcasm. Come on, let's get this over and done with. We're only a few chapters in and our word count's getting on. At this rate, this chapter alone will be bigger than everything we've done so far.

Biggs: Don't get your knickers in a twist. We'll get there.

"**How do you feel my love?"**

"**I feel great." Yuugi replied, a hint of darkness in his voice.**

**He smiled confidently as she looked over him, he pushed himself up and looked back at her.**

"**All that matters to me is you and the Oracle." He purred silkily.**

Biggs: So… the lexis grows when talking about the protagonists going evil. Wonderful.

**Anzu cupped her boyfriend's chin in her hands. "You know that secret I told Jonouchi earlier?"**

"**Yeah." he replied, staring up at her lovingly whilst her hand kept his angle right. "What about it?"**

"**I'll tell you it if you wish to know my little cutie."**

"**Alright then." He answered happily.**

"**Do you recall your first duel with Yami when you yourself used the Oracle?"**

"**Yes I do, I tried to convince him I had given up my soul willingly."**

Jessica: "First duel"? Try *only* duel. Really, you think he'd stop messing around and trying to twist things so it sounds like his twisted version of the canon is the way it really happened. But no.

Biggs: Forget it, Jess. He's beyond help. Both WAL and his screwed-up version of Yuugi.

Jessica: You're doing well to hold back the swearing in front of Hikari. I'm impressed.

Biggs: You keep quiet.

"**Yeah well…" She blushed as she continued. "Although I was afraid at first over time as I watched you duel my feelings for you grew stronger even though you were evil." She explained.**

**Yuugi stared at her, surprised by the revelation.**

"**You mean, that's why you wanted to give me the Seal? So you could feel stronger for me?" he asked.**

"**Exactly. I felt weak in your eyes my king".**

"**Well my queen, you can feel weak no more. You saved me from weakness, I feel strong now and I know it was all because of you." Yuugi whispered.**

Jessica: Urgh, we're skimming, I can't bear this crap. I might read romance - this isn't even about het and yaoi anymore - this is just horrific. If Eric were here, I really think he would have had a heart attack by now.

Biggs: Shame, maybe we should postpone the rest until he gets back.

Jessica: Like hell am I going through this torment again. Let's just finish this today. I'm sorry you have to endure this, Hikari.

Hikari: _(head tilted forward)_ No, no. It's fine. I'm enjoying your witty comments about this, especially in relation to the anime version.

**He smiled back, a loving smile, his mind focused on one thing - her. The others didn't matter, what they'd say didn't matter, he continued the embrace, resting his head against her torso and closing his eyes.**

"**I will prove you are my strong queen." He whispered softly.**

"**Do you feel evil my prince?" She asked in a soft, gentle tone much like earlier when she was trying to convince him that she was okay despite the Oracle's symbol shining on her forehead.**

"**I feel somewhat darker. Darker and stronger, I guess it's evil." He replied. "and I want to show the others how dark and strong and evil we can be." He said a sinister smile emerging on his face, one he'd have never smiled without the Oracle's influence slowly growing over him.**

Jessica: Please, someone just tell me when it's over. It's got to be a bad dream, huh?

Biggs: Oh, Jess. Poor, naïve, Jess. You might not want to kick the bucket just yet.

Jessica: Huh? Why not?

Biggs: Keep reading, just skip a few lines down.

**Inside the Puzzle, Yami picked his head up, a colder wave of darkness passed his sense. He glanced at the locked door, worrying about what Yuugi was doing at the moment.**

"**Yuugi-kun this may seem like an odd question but was is it like having a Yami?" she asked curiously.**

Jessica: The fact that Yami's finally making an appearance makes me feel better, but does Anzu have the narrative on some script? The first mention of *him* and she brings up what it's like to have an ancient spirit - not a yami - inside of you.

Biggs: Jessica, really, the narrative's _on her side_. Just look at the last chapter. WAL's clearly siding with the bad guys here, I imagine Yami'll just as quickly fall under the Orichalcos' influence.

Jessica: Yippee…

"**It's nice, but I feel I'm inferior to him, he's the dark one, I want to be the dark one." Yuugi replied. "I always wondered what would happen if he had his own body, I came to the conclusion that everyone would love him and ignore me. I think it's time for us to show the world that we can be much stronger than anyone when we're together." He answered, with a sinister little giggle.**

Biggs: Wow, he really likes to turn things around. One-Eighty on what actually happened. No surprise there then.

Jessica: The idea of Yuugi giggling, let alone darkly, is scary enough. Let alone all the character derailment, rape what gave you. Skim mode…

"**Yuugi…I hope your alright with her." Jonouchi murmured before noticing an eerie glow coming from the second floor of Anzu's house. "The Oracle! Oh man I don't have much time!" Jonouchi exclaimed as he ran down the street to Anzu's house.**

"**So we'll get to plan then!" Yuugi replied happily.**

**He glanced out the window, catching a glimpse of Jonouchi heading towards the building.**

"**He's coming, looks like we'll get to play sooner than I thought. " he called, retreating before Jonouchi could see him.**

"**Mwahahahaha that poor naïve fool…" Anzu cackled softly.**

"**Let's play some games with his head, then we can show him what we can really do with the power of the Oracle." Yuugi sniggered darkly.**

"**Anzu smiled wickedly. "So bad…you're worse than me."**

"**Let's hope he sees it like that, I refuse to let him blame you for all of this." Yuugi replied, smirking.**

"**Even if he does it wont matter for the precious Hermos is powerless to the card I have with me…It's called the Jaws of Eternal Darkness. It's basically an evil counterpart of your Timaeus card Yuugi-kun."**

"**Ooh, see, only someone truly powerful could hold a card like that, now we can stop anything he pulls out against us. The Legendary Dragons were the strongest things to face the Oracle with, without those, he'll be sucked up by the Oracle for sure."**

Biggs: Anzu, I have no respect for you or your chest anymore.

Jessica: That laugh. That "evil" laugh…. I can't imagine her pulling that off, even in a crack fic. I just can't picture it.

"**Yuugi its me Jonouchi! You in there buddy?" Jou called from downstairs, unaware he was walking right into a trap.**

"**Jonouchi! I'm here, everything's fine, you wanna come up?" Yuugi called, his voice sounding normally again.**

Biggs: Well, this should be fun.

Hikari: Fun indeed. So far, although he's been rather lax and stupid regarding the Oracle, Jonouchi looks like he's the best person to deal with the current situation. It seems as though Yami is currently trapped, or at least can't break through to play a part in predicament.

"**What's going on?" Jonouchi called.**

"**If only you knew." Yuugi laughed darkly.**

**Jonouchi turned back to Yuugi in time to see the Seal re-emerge on his forehead, his eyes glowing a sinister red as the power took control again.**

"**So, what are you going to do now?" Yuugi asked tauntingly.**

"**Y-Yuugi?" he asked growing scared.**

"**Yes?" Yuugi replied coldly, the darkness in his voice clearer with the Oracle's symbol returned, once again exerting it's evil influence over the boy's mind.**

"**W-What happened to you and Anzu?" Jou managed to stammer out in reply.**

"**The best thing possible. She unlocked my strength from the Oracle like it did to her earlier." Yuugi answered sharply.**

**Jonouchi screamed. "Say what?"**

"**You heard." Yuugi replied. "Anzu was able to help me using the Oracle. Now it's time we showed you, Yami and the others what we can really do." He added, a dark smile on his face.**

"**He's completely lost it…man I never thought I'd say this but where's rich-boy when ya need him?" He asked himself referring derisively to Yuugi's and his duelling rival.**

"**So what are you going to do Jonouchi?" Yuugi teased, his smile widening. "Yami and Kaiba aren't here to help you and no-one else would've been good enough to help you out of this. You're trapped and you're going to lose your soul."**

Biggs: Do you think he's put enough emphasis on the fact that Yuugi looks dark and evil?

Jessica: Hm, I don't know. I haven't seen those words nearly enough to get that impression.

Hikari: Hey, lookit, it sounds like they're getting ready for a duel :O.

_Biggs and Jessica exchange equally anxious looks._

Biggs & Jessica: A- A duel?

"**Yuugi…I can't believe I'm saying this but if I have to strip you of your soul to make you come to your sense then so be it." Jou answered solemnly.**

"**Strip me of my soul? You're the one that's gone insane!" Yuugi laughed. "It won't be long before I prove to you that you stand no chance."**

"**Yuge I Know your deck inside out." Jonouchi teased.**

"**Maybe you do, but don't forget, I know yours inside out just as well." Yuugi snorted, not at all bothered by Jou's comment.**

"**Then we're evenly matched." Jou joked.**

"**Hardly, we both know my deck's much more powerful than yours!" Yuugi laughed.**

"**Might I remind you its too dangerous to use the gods in combination with the Oracle if that is what your planning." Jou reminded him.**

"**Even without the Gods I can easily defeat you with the Oracle on my side!" Yuugi replied cockily.**

"**Best of luck my friend." Jou replied activating his duel disk.**

"**You'll need all the luck you can pull from your card set." Yuugi responded, slotting his own deck into the Duel Disk while activating it. (Card Set is the Deck in the original Japanese version)**

Jessica: Uh oh, they're going to duel.

Biggs: Yeah, but Yonban's busy, remember?

Jessica: Huh, guess we got lucky. At least not everyone in this fic will become a mindless, logicless slave to the Orichalcos. Though with the way the story's been told so far, I'm pretty sure I know how this duel will end…

Biggs: The other trouble with duels in fanfics: predictability.

Jessica: Fun…

Biggs: We'll skip the majority of the duel, just the parts that need the most attention. Let's go to Jonouchi's first turn.

**Jou smiled knowing it was best to avoid looking afraid although deep down he was.**

"**I'll activate my Gouyoku Na Tsubo which lets me draw 2 cards." Jou said and drew 2 more immediately grinning at one. "I'll summon my Shikkoku No Hyosenshi Panther Warrior in attack mode." The purple armored panther appeared with a ferocious growl as he stared angrily at Yuugi. "One set card and that's it."**

"**Fine." Yuugi replied. "I'll sacrifice my face-down Alpha the Magnet Warrior to summon my Ankoku Masoka Gilfar Demon. (Beast of Gilfer) You're going to regret summoning your panther instead of anything else. Ankoku Masoku Gilfar Demon, destroy his monster!"**

"**Sorry Yuge but you just trigger my set trap. it's my Akuma No Saikoro!" The little demon-like man appeared and rolled the red dye he was carrying. "Now depending on the dye's roll your monster loses attack points equal to the roll of the dye." The dye slowly came to a stop on 2. Jonouchi pumped his fist in celebration. "Now your Gilfar loses half of it's attack points!"**

Jessica: …

Biggs: …

Hikari: … o.o

Jessica: I'm… more lost than usual.

Biggs: Looks like he wanted to look like a smartass and write the card names in Japanese, the English names are in brackets, like there with Beast of Gilfer.

Jessica: So not only does he put the same thing twice - just in different languages - but he adds more onto his word count. This guy… he really just wants to look like he writes more than he does.

Biggs: On top of that, he's using the wrong spelling for "die".

Hikari: I don't understand :S.

Jessica: _(pats Hikari's head)_ There, there. None of us do.

Hikari: Okay… :S

"**This isn't about feeling strong!" Yuugi snapped. "Even with the strength I had without Yami, you never took me seriously, I can prove to everyone that Anzu and I were meant to be together and the Oracle is our bind, the thing that holds us together against you."**

"**What are ya saying Yuge? Of course I took you seriously!" Jou replied, a little hurt at his best friend's words or at least the puppet of his best friend that was now consumed by the Oracle's darkness.**

Biggs: Less purple prose, get on with it…

Jessica: Word count. Word count. Trying to look longer than it is.

"**And thanks to it's ability, I can summon Watapon directly to the field. And since that's a special summon, I'll sacrifice them both to summon my Black Magician!"**

**The monster vanished into nothing, the mage leaping from the remains, a dark look on his face as he inherited the Oracle's symbol on his forehead, grinning as darkly as Yuugi did upon his arrival, he dropped directly before the darker duelist.**

"**Now what Jonouchi? My favorite monster against yours and mind has the advantage!" Yuugi teased. "600 points to be exact." He chuckled darkly.**

Biggs: If it gets any darker, we're going to have to light some freaking candles. I can't see anything…

"**Your monster may be stronger but like you it's been tainted by the Oracle…Sorry Red-Eyes." He whispered an apology to the about to be destroyed dragon.**

"**Tainted? I think you mean released, the Oracle has unlocked more power than he could have alone!" Yuugi sneered with a dark grin. "Now I know how much you'll hate seeing your Red-Eyes destroyed, so I'll have your scapegoats go with him so he won't be alone. Activate Kakusan Suru Hadou! (Diffusion Wave Motion) Now your tokens can leave with your Red-Eyes and I'll pay the thousand life points to send them off."**

"**Yes but by playing that spell you forfeit a direct attack this turn." Jou reminded him.**

"**It'll be worth to get rid of those fluff balls along with your favorite monster" Yuugi called, his life points dropping by 1000. "Black Magician, destroy his monsters. Marendan!"**

**Jou screamed in pain as every monster on his field was annihilated by Yuugi's one card. Yuugi laughed as Jonouchi's scream reached him, until it had reached his core in which he opened his eyes and stared as though he had been frozen, watching as Jonouchi was thrown against the edge of the Seal around them.**

"**Jonouchi." he whispered to himself. "Anzu."**

**Jou: 3400 Yuugi: 1600 "Yuugi please break free… before it's too late!" Jonouchi called out to him.**

**Yuugi stared at Jonouchi, perplexed by what was happening, he pressed a hand against the side of his head, groaning as a sharp pain emerged, he glared at Jonouchi as a pulse of dark energy made the Seal glow brighter on his head.**

"**Yuugi?" Jou called.**

"**Jonouchi.." Yuugi groaned, closing his eyes tightly. "I-I…no."**

Biggs: So, favourite monsters squaring off against one another and Yuugi goes into overkill mode.

Jessica: Reminds me that episode when Yami killed all of Kaiba's Blue-Eyes even though one was enough to wipe him out. Maybe he's doing it all for the drama.

Hikari: But it looks like Yuugi's getting worse, is this bad? D:

Jessica: No, I think it's meant to be Jonouchi reaching through to him. 6 chapters in, 50 in total, obviously this won't work out.

Biggs: Ever the optimist.

Jessica: It's hard to be optimistic about anything when the structure of the fanfic is as messed up as this one; I don't know what the hell's going on.

Biggs: It gets worse.

**Jou smiled as he drew his Legendary Dragon - Hermos card. The only problem was he had no card on the field he could fuse it with. Jou simply set up 2 facedown cards and waved signalling the end of his turn.**

Jessica: It's like I said before; the Orichalcos shouldn't actually be a threat. In the same way, the Legendary Dragon cards shouldn't freaking exist!

Hikari: Jessica's angry :O.

Biggs: This is taking way too long, even skimming isn't getting it over and done with any quicker…

"**Stop!" he yelled.**

**The mage halted, returning back to his side of the field. Jonouchi stared ahead, eyes wide, wondering what had happened, Yuugi grinned wickedly at Jonouchi's confusion.**

"**Yuge what are you doing man? You coulda won the duel just then." Jonouchi answered, very puzzled.**

"**Maybe Jonouchi, but you would have survived with a few life points left. Instead, you can see my newest monster!" Yuugi chuckled darkly. "I play Jaws of Eternal Darkness!"**

Jessica: Huh? I've never heard of that card before.

Biggs: It's an original card, earlier in the chapter, Anzu told Yuugi it's like an evil counterpart of Timaeus'.

Jessica: Great, even the dragons are getting screwed.

**The card emerged on the field before exploding, blinking the three of them, a dark blue dragon emerged, dark eyes with a sinister roar much like that of the Leviathan's. Yuugi grinned as his Black Magician floated close to the dragon.**

"**What do you think?" He asked with cold pleasure.**

"**W-W-W-What is that thing?" Jou asked really frightened.**

"**It's my newest creature, want to see it's full power?" Yuugi replied coldly. "Black Magician, fuse with Jaws of Eternal Darkness to form Black Doom Dragon!" He cackled evilly.**

**The mage reappeared atop of the dragon's head, the attack points rising to 3400 with the power of the Oracle coursing its veins, its defense 3100.**

"**And it has a special ability, when it destroys one of your monsters, you'll lose extra life points, 300 for each other monster that stands on my side of the field."**

"**Say WHAT?" Jou said his voice nearly trembling as he slowly back away until he reached the Oracle's barrier.**

"**Oh and look, you only have 3400 life points left!" Yuugi laughed wickedly. "Any cards left that can save you? Or are we about to show off our new card and win instantly with it?"**

Biggs: Well, you shouldn't. Black Magician's attack, although unfinished, was the Battle Phase. One per turn; right now, Yuugi should be on the brink of his End Phase. Or maybe that's the power of fanfics.

Jessica: The power to screw rules. Rules that don't exist in fanfic duelling.

**He smiled at Anzu, a cold red glow in his eyes as he grinned in a way he hadn't before. Anzu giggled evilly. "Yuugi…you can't do this!" Jou shouted trying to break through to his friend in a last-ditch effort.**

"**Too late Katsuya, time to say goodbye to this world!" Yuusei hissed with a cruel laugh. "Black Doom Dragon, attack his lifepoints directly!"**

**Jou closed his eyes slowly a few tears ran off his cheeks and dripped on to the Oracle's barrier. The dragon suddenly stopped for a moment as the oracle gave off a small tremor seemingly out of balance because of Jou's tears.**

**Yuugi stared wide-eyed at the blonde as his dragon halted, the pain stabbing into his head flared worse than before, he cried out, pressing a hand against it, struggling with the two conflicting sides within, he sank to his knees, watching Jonouchi as the tears continued to fall, watching with narrow eyes, hate towards him gone, replaced by confusion and pain. The dragon's mouth opened, the Black Magician's staff began to glow, the fatal attack was there.**

**Jonouchi braced himself for the final blast. It hit him square on as he screamed in pure agony.**

**Yuugi cried out, closing his eyes as the scream ran through him, he grew cold, trying his hardest not to open his eyes, feeling as the dragon vanished and the Seal passed him, he could hear Jonouchi's weak voice whispering to him, he pressed his hand against his head harder, lifting the other to the opposite side.**

**The Oracle began to shrink around Jou as Anzu watched with a malicious cold-hearted smile. "Yuugi…help me…" Jou called weakly.**

Jessica: Knew it. I should place bets on these duels.

Biggs: Jessica… your bottle's getting pretty empty.

Jessica: I'm hoping to pass out soon, just so I don't have to endure this.

Hikari: Jonouchi! D:

**Yuugi groaned as he heard the voice, leaning forward, hunched upon the ground, his head lowering itself before his torso.**

"**Jou-Jonouchi." he whispered, opening his eyes slightly to see Jonouchi surrounded by the Seal.**

**Jou weakly gave him a thumbs-up. "I'm sorry Yuugi…I tried man…I really did." He told Yuugi as he slowly felt himself being stripped of his soul.**

**Yuugi watched horrified as Jonouchi smiled before the light around him grew, his soul was torn from his body, left to collapse before the Seal vanished, Anzu walked over to Yuugi who stayed on his knees, his hands staying close to his head, watching as Jonouchi laid still.**

"**I'll be back buddy.." Jou managed to say just before he started to collapse.**

**Yuugi groaned again, the pain's tensity growing, Jonouchi's last words echoing in his head.**

"**Jou-Jo…nou…chi…" He groaned.**

**Though Jou's body laid limp you could vaguely make out his fading spirit. "I'll be fine Yuugi…tell Anzu I'm sorry.." His spirit seemed to whisper as it faded out like a duel monsters hologram after the end of a duel.**

Jessica: What the hell?

Biggs: He's sorry for going against WAL's fanwank that is evil Yuugi and Anzu. You can't win in a battle of good and evil if the author's fapping for the evil side.

Jessica: Well, this is going to be a cherry little adventure…

Hikari: It's not fair; evil shouldn't win! D:

Biggs: Well, I'm with you, Jess. It looks like the Orichalcos' hold over Yuugi is weakening, but I'm sure Mary- I mean Anzu will fix that, no problem. Anyone who goes against her will have their soul extracted from their body and returned only when she wants to beat them to a bloody pulp.

Jessica: In the mean time, the narrative can state the obvious, what we already know and elaborate on points that really don't need it.

"**He said…he was sorry." Yuugi whispered**

**Anzu lowered herself and held him to her, embracing him tightly.**

**Anzu held him close the Oracle still bright on her forehead however. "**_**Let me out. You can't contain me…**_**" The part of Yuugi that was tainted by the Oracle told the small duellist in his mind.**

"**What's happening to me Anzu?" Yuugi asked. "I can hear someone else."**

Jessica: _What?_ So not only does Yuugi share his head with Yami, but now an evil Orichalcos version of him is making an appearance.

Biggs: Just you watch, he'll develop Dissociative Identity Disorder in a minute.

Jessica: I'll put money on that.

**Yami stood before the door that would set him free form the Puzzle, his hands against it, he sighed, wishing he could get out as the evil force he had felt since before Yuugi's leaving grew.**

"**Yuugi, what's going on?" he sighed, laying his forehead against the door.**

"**That's the true you. Let him free." She told him.**

Hikari: Eh? o.o

Jessica: Learn how to jump from one perspective to another, the poor girl's getting confused.

Biggs: Knew she was a Mary Sue… What a wonderful surprise no-one was expecting…

Jessica: Drinking game time. Down a shot, Biggs, stupidity ahoy!

**Yuugi sighed as he laid against Anzu, nodding slowly, allowing himself to concentrate on setting free this 'true self', the pain fading as the Oracle's symbol continued to shine on his head for a moment.**

**The evil Yuugi chuckled softly. "If you let me be free you won't be looked as weak and defenseless. You'll have the power you deserve.." He said trying to coax his normal self.**

**The real Yuugi stood before his evil counterpart, shaking his head fearfully.**

"**But Jonouchi didn't want that, he tried to stop it. And what about Yami?" he asked.**

"**They don't matter now." the evil Yuugi replied. Think of Yami, locked away in that Puzzle, we can set him free if you just trust me."**

**Yuugi nodded slowly, unsure of what was happening, willing to help Yami.**

Jessica: Finally, decent motive. What-the-hell in terms of going about it.

Biggs: No-one can be that dense, except maybe the people who enjoy this steaming pile of bull.

"**Let me out…Don't you want power and respect?" His evil counterpart asked.**

**Yuugi nodded slowly, stepping towards the other one, ready to accept the key to making Anzu happy and helping the others after Jonouchi's sacrifice.**

**The evil Yuugi smiled wickedly as he placed one finger on his stone and pressed gently on the others forehead.**

**Yuugi closed his eyes, the repeat of his acceptance of the power taking its course, he smiled as he began to look identical to the other, they were one.**

**Yuugi glanced up at Anzu, smiling confidently as the pain faded, his hands dropping from his head.**

"**Yuugi-kun are you ok?" Anzu asked her voice sounding like the old Anzu slightly because she worried.**

**Yuugi smiled as the older Anzu seemed to have surfaced, his smile darkened as the Oracle took complete control of him.**

"**Yes Anzu." he replied with a cold chuckle. "I'm feeling better than I have for a while now."**

_**That's the end of the action-packed Chapter 6. So now Jou has lost to Yuugi's mysterious Eternal Darkness card. I'm trembling with excitement and I WROTE this thing! Anyway R&R!**_

Jessica: _(slumps on the table, empty bottle beside her)_ Urgh, please I can't take this anymore. It's even more difficult without Eric the Canon Nazi here…

Biggs: Well, we have got a bigger word count than all of the other chapters so far. We might as well take a break and let any surviving remnants of sanity rebuild themselves in our readers.

Hikari: We're finished? :o

Biggs: For now, but when we come back to this, we'll invite you over again, Hikari.

Hikari: Hooray! :D

Jessica: And then you can meet Eric.

Biggs: As much as I like messing with Eric, I can't say I'm looking forward to that time. That was horribly repetitive, way too much emphasis on the fact that Yuugi's evil, everyone was out of character and anyone who wasn't Yuugi or Anzu got nerfed heavily.

Jessica: He bigs it up at the end as well; he's saying how excited and proud he is of something he wrote.

Biggs: Taking all the credit, though I don't think his former partner would _want_ any credit for this abomination.

Jessica: Here, here. Now, let's get Hikari some cookies, drop her off at Yonban's and proceed to down enough that our livers will enflame, never to recover.

Biggs: Sounds like a plan. Perhaps if we try this whilst drunk one time, it might make an ounce of sense.

Jessica: Oh, Biggs. You make it sound like you have hope of understanding this messed up world of fan fictions…

-To be Continued?-

**Stepping Through The Wall**

Biggs: Thank God that's over… for-now.

Hikari: I can't wait to come over again! :D

Jessica: So even we're introducing random new family members to established people?

Biggs: If fanfic writers can do it, why not us? Besides, it's Yonban's family, who knows how their biology works.

Jessica: Creepy duel-loving alien family.

Biggs: It might just be me, but this time, we felt flat. Maybe the lack of Eric took its toll.

Jessica: Two people and a child taking on a monster of a fanfic like that isn't something easily done, Biggs.

Biggs: Clearly.

Jessica: Ah well, better luck when we're all together. Strength in numbers; perhaps we'll survive the next round with that story.

Biggs: Next time, bring a torch and some candles. Maybe a star while you'll at it. I'm not enduring that during a blackout from how dark and evil everyone has become.

Hikari: Make a campfire. Then we can roast marshmellows~ :3

Jessica: Look on the bright side, if the world ends in 2012, at least we won't have to endure this job for much longer.

Biggs: Death or torture, wonderful…

Jessica: Well, we might as well wrap this one up; surely if there's anyone left, they'll want to actually go back to living by now.

Biggs: Anyone left? Hah, you'd be lucky. They're all as dead on the inside as we are after that.

"Go beyond the unreadable! Kick good writing to the curb! Don't believe in canon, believe in fanon that subverts the canon! That's the Yuugiou Fandom way!"

**-The Writer's Angry Note of the Week-**

Abridging the Mystery Card Game Theatre way has been proven to fail. Sealed Love review will continue another time. Until then, drink heavily and enjoy the New Year.


	9. Definitely Not Allen Walker

The year 20XX. During times of political and economic unrest, no human alive is tackling the true crisis that grips the Earth; measuring the quality of Yuugiou works on. In a world mostly lacking heroes willing to rise live, death and certain boredom to carry out such a mission, only three people will step up and take the challenge head on.

Our heroes are;

1. Biggs Nortons, an ex-Fanfic writer with a serious chip on his shoulder.

2. Eric A. Wedge, a honest-to-Osiris hardcore Yuugiou fan, owning all manga volumes, with every anime episode downloaded, and little to no knowledge of the card game.

3. Jessica Chomsky, no relation to the 'Other Chomsky', as rabid and misinformed as rabid misinformed Yaoi fan girls come.

-Yuugiou: Mystery Card Game Theatre-

_With the New Year ushered in, Biggs and Jessica sit at the table in the centre of Biggs' apartment, slumped against it whilst still recovering from their hangovers following their last gathering and obligatory New Years binge drinking._

Jessica: Urgh… I don't know if I have the strength to resist what you've gotten in store, Biggs.

Biggs: Sounds like fun. Good thing I found this one then.

Jessica: Do I really want to know what we're looking at?

Biggs: There's no yaoi if you're looking for it.

Jessica: Any other little helpers you dragging in?

Biggs: Huh, guess I forgot to-

_The door flies open and smoke billows into the apartment. Biggs and Jessica both stare at the gaping hole in the wall. A silhouette is visible through the smokescreen and stomps into the room._

Silhouette: I heard you'd been charged with a dangerous fate.

Biggs: At least we don't resort to "?" for our unnamed characters…

Jessica: Biggs, he just blew a frigging hole in the wall!

Biggs: We do that every few minutes.

Silhouette: As such, you've been vulnerable to absolute bollocks and requested brain bleach. I have come to offer you that treasure.

_Jessica looks nonplussed and eyes the billowing cloud, waiting for the smoke to recede. It quickly splits and reveals the new arrival._

Eric: What? You thought I was dead?

Biggs: Yes.

Jessica: Eric! …Why the hell did you pull that stunt?

Eric: I heard about the stunt *you* guys pulled. Have a nice time?

Jessica: You know what? Yes, we did. I'm glad my hangover just cleared.

Biggs: But enough about that, how about you? Zexal that good that this world wasn't worth living in anymore?

Eric: If I can tolerate you, Zexal will be less painful another time.

Jessica: Did you just imply you're actually going to watch Zexal at some point?

Eric: That's not important right now; I came here for a reason. _(moves to his edge of the table and sits down)_ Unfortunately for you guys, me, and any readers left after last time, I have a contract just like you lot.

Jessica: How did you find out about last time?

Eric: It just so happens that you can get to the Internet from hospitals… _(looks to Biggs)_ I hope you're happy.

Biggs: I'd like to think so, only I don't know why I'm supposed to be.

Eric: If you look at the reviews for last time, WhiteAsukaLover sent us an e-mail threatening us with an update for Sealed Love. It happened days after. You two obviously reminded him about it.

Jessica: Hooraaaaay…

Biggs: At least it means our early quitting was more sensible than we thought. If he's going to continue updating it, then we'd never be able to tackle it in one go.

Jessica: What are you talking about? We never deal with any fan fictions fully unless they're one-shots. At least others in this line of business do their job properly.

Eric: Based on the reviews, we at least entertain people at the cost of our own sanity and dignity. That _is_ doing our job.

Biggs: So that's why you brought the brain bleach?

Eric: If it were just you here, I wouldn't have bothered. This is just some they prescribed me with at the hospital.

Jessica: So you're back to your snarky self?

Eric: _(deadpan)_ You really felt the need to ask me that question?

Jessica: Just checking. We don't want to overload you and throw you back into the hospital. In all honesty, I would have liked your input on Sealed Love; it was hard work with just Biggs here. Hikari's sweet, though she doesn't help the argument.

Eric: Never should have happened. Simple as that. What jewel did you save for today?

Biggs: "My Left Eye Can Sees Ghosts" by LadyBatc- oh, wait. The name changed.

Eric: Trying to shake us off? Achievement *not* unlocked.

Jessica: _(grabs her copy of the fic)_ Says she's now MistressChi08.

Eric: Not like it makes anymore sense than the last.

Biggs: Who's ready for some mind-numbingly crack?

Eric: We never are, we just pretend.

**Me: I'm here again~! This is my **_**2**__**nd**__** fan fiction story…**_** it came from my dream beautiful nightmare again~! (^.^'v)… hope you guys **_**Love it~**_**! **_**(*happy while jumping on the floor~*)**_

Eric: Obligatory script-formatted author notes!

Jessica: This one's certainly perky. It's almost scary.

Biggs: I dread to think what this dream slash nightmare was. Aside from beautiful, I don't think nightmares are supposed to be like that.

Eric: I assume she'd watched a horror film before heading off to bed.

**Helena: You should continued the 1****st**** one than this…i mean?… **_**"the deal or not deal with the devil"~?… hello~~~!…(=,=) (*annoyed*)**_

Jessica: So, not a yami, but what the hell is this?

Biggs: Mangled English. This one's scarier than the writer herself.

Eric: What a joy to come back to…

**Me: don't worry Helena-Chan…Have so many plans for the future~!… **_**(*wink while thumbs up~*)**_

**Helena: What… EVER~! (-.-;)… *sighs* …tch~! tch~! tch~!**

**Me / Helena: Hope you guys **_**love it or Hate it**_**~! **_**(*Bows in chibi's mode*)**_

Eric: It's gonna be _haaaate~_

Jessica: What the hell _was_ that?

Biggs: Not even into the fic itself and you two are already losing it. I'll have the paramedics on standby.

***NOTES* I'm not really good at **_**English writing so don't expect too much**_** and I'm **_**not really good fluency English words**_** ok? **_***thumbs up***_** but I really trying my best as far as good… **_***blushing***_

***Warnings!* **_**DO NOT READ**_** if you don't like **_**spirit shipping, dark shipping**_** and **_**milk yaoi**_** I guess?**

Jessica: YES!

Biggs: Easy, girl.

**Most important its little **_**mild gore, swearing, lots of BLOODS!**_** and **_**don't kill me or hate it!…**_** X'P**

Eric: Okay, so now we *can't* hate it.

Biggs: I'm sending a deadly contagious virus through the internet. It won't kill, just…

Jessica: You're a bad person. Well, English isn't her first language, so we should try to go easy on her.

Eric: Could've gotten a beta reader.

Biggs: Fanfic writers have too much pride for that. That or the betas either appear if the fic isn't their fanwank.

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN YUGIOH: GX (Got it~!) , others poems in here, and songs…Only Claimer is KAZUKI TAKAHASHI~! Not Damn Asshole 4Kids~!… **_**(But This is my original story…never exist on the real **__**Gx story. This is my fantasy one. So? Sew out~! If don't like Spirit Shipping and Dark-Spirit shipping… Don't reads it~! Last warning~! (o.o) …)**_

Eric: Thanks for describing all that, but that's pretty much every fanfic. That's why they never happened in the series: deluded fans write them.

Biggs: With the amount of faces, I'm starting to wonder if Hikari wrote this.

_A crash from outside draws the trio's attention. They all look to the gaping hole where the door once was. The head of a man no older than twenty appears._

Guy: Hey, Biggs. Nice hole .

Jessica: _(snorts)_ Who's this, Biggs? A client that came early?

Biggs: You keep quiet. _(turns to the guy)_ Earl, what are you doing?

Earl: I was coming back to head on Live and gun down some Communist zombies. Then I noticed your apartment like this. You having a party?

Biggs: Nah. Just my so-called weekly gathering where we read fan fictions and amuse whoever's still reading.

Earl: Sounds like fun, can I sit in?

Biggs: Knock yourself out.

_Earl enters the apartment and sits at the empty side of the table, leaning over to Jessica to read her copy of the fic._

Earl: Have you guys thought about switching to films of these and watching them?

Eric: We have a low budget right now. If any.

Jessica: Biggs clearly spends it all on booze.

Biggs: Man's got to prioritise.

Eric: You seem to do a suckish job at it.

Jessica: I'm sure Earl (and any readers left) don't want to be here all night. Let's get this going.

Biggs: You only want to get in it for the yaoi.

**(Insert Play Bottom "Bloody Tears by Cradle Of Filth"**

"_**DEMON OF YOUR DREAM" by heartless Princess**_

Eric: …what?

Earl: Sounds like they added some background music for this level .

Jessica: You're going to make everything a game analogy, aren't you…

Earl: Of course not, this is your thing, I'm not going to take over .

Jessica: _(mumbling)_ I wonder if everyone who joins in from outside is going to have something "cute" with their dialogue…

Biggs: Anyway, skipping that, we get this:

'_**My Left Eye Can Sees Ghosts"**_

_**Chapter 1 - Unwanted Life**_

…"_**yOu oNLy yEt oNcE At lIfE hErE oN tHiS WoRLd. DoN't TaKe tHiS giFt GiVen tO yOu FoR gRaNtEd"…**_

Biggs: Even if she doesn't speak English; there's no excuse for that. Why do people relish in ramming their Caps Lock key in their efforts to give it an ominous feel?

Eric: Come again? They do what to their Caps Lock keys?

Biggs: Not important.

**My Name is Judai Yuki; this is all about my life turned upside down because of damn gifted cursed. Well, this cursed is not mine totally it came from dear big sister Yubel who takes care of me since I was born. Our both parents die on the burning hospital where I was born in that place. So my big sister only I had on my family.**

Jessica: This sounds familiar…

Biggs: Oh the repetitiveness.

Earl: At least they stopped with the crazy font .

Eric: What kind of hospital catches fire and is so bad as to let people die?

Biggs: I'm sure all hospital dramas have had that plot before.

Eric: She's doing the oxymoron thing again: "gifted cursed".

Jessica: Allen!

Eric: Come again?

Jessica: That's what this reminds me of: Allen Walker.

Eric: Ooooh. That guy… from D. Gray-Man?

Jessica: Yeah. When he was a kid, he was an orphan, taken in by Mana and cursed by Mana after turning him into an Akuma. Said curse is seeing the souls of Akuma through his left eye.

Eric: It was some contract with the Millennium-

Biggs: Ring?

Eric: -_Earl_.

Earl: Yes?

Eric: Uh… Are you enjoying yourself?

Earl: I am .

Biggs: So what you're saying is that in this fic, Judai is just a copy of this Allen Walker guy?

Jessica: We presume so.

Earl: He sounds interesting, I'd like to meet this guy .

**Every year were we moving town to town or maybe we are running for some reason that my big sister hiding something from me and never ever tells about. But I really don't care as long she beside me I feel safe from her. But I feel someone watching me since I was 3 years… always watch… waiting… or maybe….. I really don't know but me being watched of my whole life. Then it starts now I was 14...it scarier because someone harasses me when I sleeping alone in the night on my room that's why now… here we are….**

Eric: A stalker who invades your house? Surely you'd call the police about it.

Jessica: Maybe it's his boyfriend-to-be. I haven't had any proper yaoi yet.

Biggs: Oh settle, you.

Eric: I'm standing by my statement: she should have gotten a beta.

Biggs: _(leans towards Jessica and whispers)_ Oi, Jess, I think I'm cured too. I'm seeing dead people.

Eric: I'm not dead…

**(Judai P.O.V)**

Eric: Uh oh…

"**Big Sister? Where are we going? It's middle of the night?" I turned my head to see my big sister Yubel while she driving on the highway with the over speeding limit.**

"**Ju-Chan~!… Sorry if I woke you up in this time. But we have to move now right, to go somewhere place that can keep us safe." I know what Yubel Talking about I was having nightmare earlier I was screaming and being like rape something.**

Biggs: You can't have yaoi without rape…

Eric: "Being like rape something"? What's 'like rape'? Honestly, this family is screwed up.

Jessica: The punctuation is going mad again, just like in the author's notes. So many ellipses…

"**O-okay", I turned my head on the window car… I remember that nightmare it was real and scared by I feel..**

_**(Flash Back to earlier 3 hours)**_

Biggs: Urgh. Can't anyone just subtly change tense? Why does there have to be a massive sign waving in front of the story that says 'Look at me, I'm a time machine and I'm going to intrude on the flow'?

Earl: Apparently not .

"**Hello~~ anyone's there~!" I was standing on the white and gold mansion and I was wearing a Victorian-themed outfit… Black and Red color…**

Jessica: Victorian-era theme. Black and red. Totally nothing like Allen and the Black Order.

Biggs: Are you trying to make a Harry Potter rip-off there?

Jessica: There are plenty of people on this site to do that for me.

' _**Ju-Chan~!… come here my little sweet angel~~~**_**", a beautiful angelic voice calling me.**

**I was walking on the beautiful hallway with a painting frame on the walls without drawings and then I search the big beautiful golden white door and I open it.**

' _**Welcome home~! Ju-Chan… At last n o one will disturb us**_**' he was standing there on the middle ballroom with beautiful atmosphere design like Victoria era time. Then he walks up in front of my direction. I can't tell how he really looks like but hell he's the most beautiful gentleman I ever since…**

Eric: Urgh… we get it. Everything's bloody beautiful.

Biggs: At least she can spell. Is it a bad thing that she spells much better than English writers we've looked at?

Jessica: Quite. As for the guy, who may or may not be the stalker, it's Johan.

Biggs: You're not supposed to know that yet, hence the suspense dragging out. How'd you work that out?

Jessica: Spiritshipping.

**Like me he's wearing a Victorian theme outfit too and combination dark blue and dark purple colors. And his hair was tealed dark blue hair and his face was pale skin with smooth soft and his eyes… I move away back to the doors… his eyes were soooo scary… those eyes are possess teal orange with lustful desire.**

Eric: Great, another yaoi rape scene…

Biggs: And unnecessarily long lists and repetitive details and Jessica no doubt fangirling over it all despite how wrong it all it.

Eric: What's wrong with Johan's eyes? How can they be teal _and_ orange? And must they have lust in them? Really?

**Before I reached the door he grabbed my left arm and pushed into his strong chest and force me kiss him. I tried to escape from him… But it failed; he's way too strong for me… He pushed me again into soft fabric thing…**

Eric: Well, isn't that convenient…

'_**Huh? A bed… how did I get here?**_**# he kissed me again with a forceful tongue duck in my mouth. I was about bite him; he suddenly brushed my sensitive part between my legs by using his other hand. I feel weak at this time. After him kissing me session, he sucked my neck and biting really hard by his wonderful kissing suck skilled method. I was already moaning loudly and screaming in my head like **_**'please more. Please more'**_**….**

Earl: I bet he's a vampire.

Jessica: Hey, Eric, want to bet something happens with Judai's left arm?

Eric: In the dream, or the fic, period?

Jessica: We'll go with fic.

Eric: Fine. $20.

Jessica: A bit more than I planned, but why not?

_The two shake hands. Biggs and Earl exchange equally puzzled looks._

' _**Ju-Chan~…you're mine. Only mine…'**_**, he was about to take out my clothes off. Someone screaming my name… He groaned.**

'_**Damn it! That bitch~!"**_** I can see he's face clearly and he's really pissed at this point. He turned around me seeing my pink blush on my face.**

' _**Don't worry Ju-Chan~! I will come back for you.. I promise"**_**. Then suddenly turned into black out place I was…**

Eric: Thank you, don't come again.

Biggs: Although she's trying her hardest, I do love some of the phrases the author comes up with in getting her message across.

Jessica: Still, she's doing a better job than some.

"**Judai~!" I was jumping out on my bed seeing my big sister is about to punch me.**

"_**Hey~!**_** Why are you here sis?" she staring at me with confused on her face.**

"**You don't remember? Don't you… you're having nightmare or I'll say wet dreams..", I was blushing red tomato face seeing my pants are wet something.**

"_**Hey~!**_** Don't make me embarrass its natural to me as teenage boy having wet dreams", she just laughing turned into serious face.**

Earl: Forget Hikari, this is starting to sound like Master Chief of the Arby & the Chief-verse wrote this.

Biggs: Hey, Eric, I'm sure you had plenty of wet dreams in the hospital. Flirting with the nurses much?

Eric: I did not do it! I did naht! Oh hai pointless tilde.

Jessica: Oh hai stalker Johan.

Biggs: So it's already established that despite being scared shitless by him, Judai fancies the pants off Johan. And you two are insane.

Eric: You trying out for the part of Freud or something?

"**Judai, I thinks it's not natural your almost…" she turned away and going to my door room. "We are going now",**

Jessica: "Tomato face", "door room". Really now, this is so much more effective than even description to ridiculous degrees.

"**What~! For what?" I shout at her with shocking expression in my face.**

"**Just do it~! And pack your clothes and things as soon as possible". She away from my room. I wonder why she left…**

_**(End The Flashback)**_

Eric: And back to the beginning. To be honest, that flashback didn't explain a thing.

Jessica: Most pointless flashback ever. Of all time.

Eric: I beg to differ.

**Now here we are, I don't get it what's wrong with having wet dream. Hell hello~!… But it's okay I know there's something chasing us from the start and I know the guy in my dream the one who chasing me. I don't know if my big sister Yubel knows that. I turned my head then I was stunned.**

Eric: He's still fussing over the wet dream?

Earl: I'm aware Yubel is the older sister. Is everyone else?

Jessica: Yes, though I don't think she's going to give that up at any point.

Eric: Nor the tildes going with every explanation mark she uses…

"**Sis? Why are you crying?" she turned her head and then she just smiling at me. "Nothing, just go to sleep I will woke you up until-", before she continued somebody run over and hit by our car in the middle highway with over speeding acceleration.**

***BAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMM***

**"Sis!"**

***Creeeeeeeeeeeek***

**"AAAHHHHHH~!"**

***SPLASH***

**"….."**

***BOOOOOMMM***

Biggs: Well that was… descriptive. I saw the entire thing in my mind.

Jessica: So they hit someone? Or swerved to miss them? I'm confused.

Earl: If they'd been playing a game, then those sound effects wouldn't have come up. I think someone wet themselves some more, hence the visible silence.

Jessica: I think we're rubbing off on him.

Biggs: Whatever turns you on.

Jessica: Oh shut up.

Earl: I feel accepted .

**Our cars lose control and we were spinning around in the highway and we crushed to the tree branches. Everything is blurred and hurt a lot in whole my body.**

Biggs: Now it's two cars and a tree. The passage of time below is a wonderful thing

**After few minutes (at-least 10 minutes)**

Eric: Wow, that's… strangely precise for a kid in a car accident. Yet at the same time, those two descriptions don't match.

Jessica: Just watch, Eric, there'll be something of his left arm now.

Biggs: Alright, just for you two, I've got a drinking game. Every time a fic resembles another fandom. Let's see how far this mirrors your D. Gray-Man.

Jessica: Uh oh.

"**Big s-sister? W-where a-a-are y-you?" I tried to stand up but my whole body is heel hurting specially my left eye. I tried to touch my left eye but… I can feel it was a lots thick blood on my left hand. "N-Noooo", my left eye is broken I can't open it because it soooo hurt so much to open it.**

Eric: As you've brought to light… quite a lot in that passage alone.

Biggs: Squick.

**I tried to fight back the pain trying search my big sister. Now I can see my right eye is alright and trying search my sister again. I can see her far away from here; she was stuck on the car. Now I realized I was outside lying on the grass field. For some reason I felt weird how did I get in here. I shook my head. Tried to stand up it was really really painful a lot in my whole body. I bite my lips so that I can fight back the pain.**

Jessica: The punctuation is lacking again. And capitals that show exist aren't.

Biggs: It's remarkable how Judai is ejected by the car crashing and his worst injury seems to be a broken left eye _socket_.

Eric: Unless he means he _actually_ lost his eye.

Jessica: _(shudders)_ Please don't… That's like when Allen's eye got gorged.

Biggs: 'Up, do I hear a match? I'll crack open the vodka.

Eric: Crap…

_Biggs wanders into the kitchen, leaving the others to listen to bottles clattering against one another. He returns a moment later with a bottle of vodka and four shot glasses, laying them out in front of his company, then begins pouring into them._

Earl: This Allen character sounds quite interesting, I'd like to meet him .

Eric: Why's that?

Earl: So I can try to make him feel better .

_Jessica and Eric exchange equally uncomfortable looks. Biggs sits himself down and places the vodka bottle in the centre of the table._

Biggs: Alright, everyone, down it.

_Everyone grabs their individual shots, Jessica and Eric eyeing theirs uneasily. In unison, all four members tip their heads back and throw the alcohol down their necks, shuddering afterwards._

Biggs: Nothing like a good ol' drinking game to get things going.

Jessica: Back to business.

'**Yubel~!.. Hang on… I'm coming", after few steps I was inside the car. I can see her in the driver seat and still unconscious. I was shocked and cried a lot seeing my poor big sister is almost dying on the driver seat. She was seat but her legs are smashed with bloody hell pool on her feet mutated. Her chests are stab by tiny glass steel and most at all she's breath heavier slow trying to fighting the pain and her life.**

Eric: What? Someone translate this.

Jessica: Repetitive in drawing attention to the fact that Yubel is in the driver's seat. Stabbed in the chest by both glass and steel.

Earl: And her legs have been mutilated by the sheer force of the crash.

Biggs: Again, I ask, how did Judai only get away with a broken eye socket?

"**Big sister…hang out I will take you out…please don't die with me", I was about to carried her but she suddenly hug me tightly.**

Jessica: Eh? I thought she was unconscious!

"**Ju-Chan~! It's too late you know that. Please! Listen to me…Only for me", she coughing while she speaking at me.**

"**But Yubel~! I can save you. Please don't leave me…" I cried on her shoulder.**

'_**Shhh**_**… please don't cry my little ju-chan~", she brushing my back trying comfort me. "**_**Promise me**_** Judai, no matter will happens I always be with you, always watching you. And please. Be a strong man like our parents do. You know what happens them right?" I just nodded but still crying like a baby.**

"**And **_**promise me**_** Judai… Never ever trust anyone exempt yourself. Even your new friends, families, or even you lover in the future. Never trust them because-, someone grabbed my both shoulder I tried struggle.**

Eric: So Yubel dies.

Jessica: In a way definitely not like Mana's death.

Biggs: Shots.

_Biggs quickly pours out another four shots and the group proceed to down them much more quickly than previously._

Eric: Anyway, don't you just love the emphasis on Judai's 'lover'?

Jessica: Yes.

Eric: Not asking you.

"**Officer~! There someone still alive here~! Call ambulance!" a man strong voice**

"**Right away sir~!" a young voice.**

Earl: They what?

Jessica: Nice job forgetting to mention how the voices are talking to one another.

"**Please ~! Leave me along. My sister needs my help", but the old man he holding me tight.**

"**Sir~! They are here"**

"**Good he need a medical treatment. He's looks back but her sister she's almost dying. Now go", an old man speak. "don't worry kid you are safe from now on" I feel weak and tired my vision are going black out gain…*Please save my sister". And then I passed out already**

_**To be continued (^ ^, 'v)**_

Eric: This story makes no sense. Assuming those are paramedics, why aren't they talking more professionally? Hello Captain Obvious and Sidekick.

Jessica: Maybe it's best not to question it again. We don't want to remind ourselves of anything that could lead to another shot. Some of us have to make it home after this.

Earl: But I only live next door .

Jessica: Lucky you… So, Biggs, seeing as there's more pages, it's right to assume you actually chose a fic that got beyond its first chapter?

Biggs: You want me to enforce another game to get you wasted?

Eric: It's a wonder you're not six feet under.

Biggs: You're one to talk, ghost boy.

Eric: I'm not dead! Jess, help me out here.

Biggs: Is that really wise? What if you miss out on the yaoi?

Jessica: What? You're blackmailing me into keeping quiet?

Biggs: Is it working?

Earl: This is a fun game .

Jessica: …yes…

Eric: Traitor.

Earl: _(in a low voice)_ Betrayal!

Biggs: Well, let's crack on then.

**Me: What do you think guys? It bit a corny story or what?… please no flamings~!… Sorry~!…I'm not really good at explanations but I tried my best…. I'm a newbie here… (TvT) **_***puppy dog eyes***_

**Helena: **_**Ahem**_**? If you do like or love it just click the damn review bottom! And If YOU **_**don't like/hate it**_** don't press review bottom and click back page and NEVER EVER come back here, gotit! I don't need your opinion or suggest to my Hikari! **_***death glares***_

Biggs: _(mockingly drops dead)_ Oh no, she got me.

Eric: I'm not touching anyone's bottom, thank you very much.

Jessica: She's one aggressive *yami*. Looks like we were wrong.

**Me: hehehe?…*scared suddenly*… it took over 4 hours writing on the my newest computer weeeeeee~! Let's celebrate… I'm not grounded anymore~! (^.^) **_***Crying Happiness***_

Biggs: Simple solution: Don't get grounded.

Jessica: The chirpiness returns. But, in all honesty, it doesn't make these notes any less painful. The fact that she's pretending to be scared by an imaginary yami is just… too out there.

Eric: "Yamis" are just spirits who have only appeared in those who bear an Item. You don't; you don't have a yami. If you want to write yourself a darker side, then do so elsewhere. We don't care.

**Helena: but be careful using computer maybe you're not turned off the computer the whole day.. **_**tch~! Tch~! Tch~! *shook head***_** bad Batchi bad…**

Earl: Oh shut up…

Jessica: _(stares in shock at Earl)_

**Me: Hmp~! **_***Angry expression***_**… by the way, Guys! This plot is my original own idea, to be honest? This idea is one of my nightmares last week; it just can't get out of my poor mind… So I did write on fanfic and also my big brother move away from other country from Philippines' to Canada, I feel lonely and sad. That's why I wrote this. Sorry guys there are no duelling here ok? Thank For time and read this my own story…Ideally do appreciate guys! **_***Bowing***_

**Me / Helena: See yah next chapter. Next chapter will more boring stuff or not~! *Evil smile at us*… And don't worry guys it will not take it long… this story have only 5 chapters.. So it's a short story. … Sayonara~. (\m/)**

Jessica: I think I've given up with the author notes, I don't really care about what she's babbling on about. In this case, they're there for sympathy. But otherwise, the author seems to do nothing more than get pushed around by her so-called yami.

Biggs: And recommend videos. Look at the line below.

Eric: Great, another chapter.

**Me: First of all…THANK YOU VERY MUCH GUYS~! You just don't know how much you GUYS makes me cry in happiness… For those reviews, alert story or add for fave story…even on deviant art… Thanks soooo much~! I really do appreciate… (T^T)… by the way~! I repeat! … This story is only had 5 chapters…. So, I'll try my best to finished this story before New Year Eve (Hope so I can~?). ='3 *giggles in happiness***

**Helena: **_**Don't you dare give her a bad comment or flammings on her precious fanfic in here.. And by the way guys~! There's only few character on here FIC…So it's really short story. You can adopt this after we've finished this fan fic. You will find out soon enough'! *Evil grinned***_

Jessica: And this is why writers on this site don't improve; they ignore any criticism. I'm surprised we haven't been bombarded with hate yet.

Eric: Biggs, have you been hiding all the negative reviews?

Biggs: No! Honest, all those ones listed are all we've had. But you watch, before long, we *will* piss someone off and they'll bite back.

Jessica: Like this Helena?

Eric: She'd bury you, I'm sure.

Biggs: I'm sorry, I mistook you for a certain asshole I knew when he was alive. Jess, it's happening again.

Eric: QWERTYUIOP OFF, I'M QWERTYUIOP'ING ALIVE. And put down that censor!

Biggs: Nope, I'll keep your filthy language out of my home, thank you very much.

Earl: Are they always like this

Jessica: 'Fraid so, I'll push us onwards. Basically, after the same warnings and disclaimers, we get another pointless song suggestion and lyrics. Let's be rebels and not listen to what they demand of us.

_**Chapter 2 - "A Cursed of A Gifted"**_

"_**Get Away from my son… You Demon~!", A strong man voice**_

"_**He~ He~ He… Why? You own me human; your son is mine…a wish can be granted by having a price will pay", a sadistic cold evil demon voice.**_

Eric: Do you really think Allen made the contract?

Earl: Huh? When did he appear?

Eric: It's our new name for Judai; he's just Allen Walker without the white hair.

Earl: You should introduce me to this Allen some time .

Biggs: I think have some wax in my ears. That or I don't really care unless it ends in drinking.

Jessica: Go check yourself into rehab. If you're nice, they'll put you in the big padded cell. You might find some of our ol' friends.

Eric: If the human 'owns' the demon, why is he demanding the guy's kid? Perhaps it's just me, but maybe he means 'owes'.

"_**No~! I didn't… you trick me Demon!.. I will do everything to protect my family no matter it cost", I man defending and protect his love ones**_

Biggs: Wow, redundant much?

Eric: I find it astounding that the majority of Yuugiou fanfics take out not only Duel Monsters, but all the games.

"_**Huh?… can you?…don't make me laugh a crappy joke from you human. You can't… well; that is your choice….. But…. I will get rid all of you… to claim what is mine human~!". a strong echo demon voice towards to all place can hear.**_

"_**AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH", a man screams with absolute pain, rage, hatred and guilt on his face.**_

Biggs: And people say men can't multitask.

Jessica: Oh look, even demons use tildes.

"_**You can do anything human huh? You have no power to defend me or just protect yourself from me… your son is mine~", a devil laughing with all his strength.**_

"_**Wrong demon…", a man with grin on his face.**_

"_**What~!… No… It can't be…", a devil shocked on his voice.**_

Earl: Well?

**(Judai's P.O.V)**

"**Huh~! What just happened…? What a kind dream is that~…' I woke up and sit up from bed I was laying.**

Jessica: _What?_

"**Uh~…*pant*…where am i~?", I scan from place where I was and my whole suddenly numb something… and I just back fight the pain that I had experience right now.**

"**My…..Eye…how~?". I tried to open my left eyes suddenly I realized it was bandage and cover. Then I remember what happened last time. I heard the door is open.**

"**Oh~!.. So you're awake Mr. Judai Yuki, my name is Dr. Ryo Marufuji's you can call me Dr. Marufuji or Ryo. I'm the one who operate your left eye, and this is my assistance Nurse. Asuka Ten join", a man with dark tealed green hair with emotionless expression on his face and with him beside a woman with dirty blonde and sexy figure nurse.**

Biggs: The sentences are getting worse; at least in the first chapter they made sense. Now they're sounding more like they were tossed into a blender and the remains put together in a random order.

Jessica: Asuka is just a dirty blonde. Not her hair; her.

Eric: Her surname being split into two words is something new. Though still incorrect. I wouldn't mind having a nurse like her thought.

"**Hi~?.. Hello I'm Asuka Ten join or you can call me Asuka, the one who take cares from you while sleep in 2 weeks", a blonde woman set beside me while smiling at me. She just taking out some my bandages on my left arm and injects to my left fore arm. Then I suddenly I feel better than before **

"**WHAT~! 2 weeks~! ", I was shocked after I heard Asuka**

Earl: Oh hai useless tilde .

Eric: It's like the fic gives you a recap of what happened in just the last sentence. Biggs, do your doctors tell you to refer to them by their first name?

Biggs: Nope. Not really. But that's a minor detail.

Jessica: Put your hands where I can see them. I'm not having you do that over a nurse Asuka opposite me.

Biggs: Cause you're in the line of fire?

"**Yes you being sleep in 2 weeks, but I think your left eye is okay right now, I'm sure its healed …We can remove the bandages anytime soon if you like?" Dr. Marufuji said to me while I'm keeping touched my left eyes closed. Then I remember my big sister Yubel.**

"**Hey! What happened to my older sister Yubel?.. Where is she?", I'm trying to think my sister is alright just like me.**

"**I'm sorry Judai but your sister is death on the car before we take her to hospital", Dr. Marufuji said while Asuka trying to take some test from me.**

Biggs: Translation: she died on-scene. Meanwhile, Asuka's trying to do some kind of test on Judai. What test? We don't know.

Jessica: The punctuation is having a fit, it's not pretty. The idea of Ryo as a doctor doesn't work in my head; I've been trying to picture it since Judai mentioned he was expressionless. It doesn't work.

"**I guess I'm alone right now", I feel lonely and sad; don't know what to do next… I don't have any family left who will take care from me.**

"**Don't Worry Kid… I'll be the one will be your new family from now on", A man suddenly spoke from the door behind.**

Jessica: Not the door room?

Eric: Surely that's not his decision to make.

"**W-Who are you?", I asked him….**

"**My name is Jim Crocodile Cook… But I'm not the one who saves you… My father saves you from the car,. I was the one who pick you up from the car and deliver to hospital", he said with completed understanding short story happening while I was **_**unconscious.**_

**The teenage man name Jim was a tall, slim with cowboy hat with sheriff outfit and he has bandages as like mine… I tried to ask if he's the one who..**

"**Kid… I'm not who donates your left eyes… You sister did", I was shocked then I realized…**

"**Dr. Marufuji?… Can you take out my bandages right now", I asked him with determination on my right eye.**

"**Okay…. Try to be relaxing Judai. This is going to be painful at first if you tried to open your eyes make sure slowly and not trying hurt yourself it may cause more pain", Dr. Marufuji tried warning what will be cost of my left eye.**

"**Okay? Don't… I'll be fine", a smile at them while I seeing them with extremely worries on their faces. They're really nice people after all.**

"**Judai-san…i will take out your bandages. If there's a pain tell me right away", Asuka said to me… "And please don't worry… Dr. Ryou Marufuji is the best doctor in whole town", I smile to Asuka. She's really extremely kind person. I wish my sister was here…**

Biggs: Is Judai regurgitating sentences? Hairball in the form of Winged Kuriboh?

Earl: At least the hot nurse is staying around .

Jessica: So much for confidentiality if Jim knows Yubel donated her eye to her brother. Maybe now that he's going to see his new eye, the ellipses will take a break.

**After few minutes… the bandages is gone… And then… slowly …slowly …I tried opening my left eye. ..There's a short pain then. There's a blurred… And then… After few minutes. I regain my sees on my left eyes… it's was okay… no seems to be wrong. But they're reaction is really something for me…**

Jessica: …Or not. Maybe they'll come even stronger. And bring their friend repetitiveness with them.

Biggs: Haven't we complained about that enough ourselves?

Eric: Just working with what we've got. For the record, commas don't need to follow question marks like that either. It's quite irritating after a while. Which means it started a fraction into the first chapter.

"**What's wrong guys?", I asked them. They just flinched at me.**

"**Asuka, I'm going to my room to check something", Dr. Marufuji suddenly out of my room. Then Jim stand steady trying to be clam. There's something wrong going on here.**

"**What's wrong Asuka?", I asked the nurse.**

"**Uhm… Judai. This is going to be shocked from you", then Asuka trying to get something on her secret pocket nurse uniform. It was a mirror and she gives the mirror to me.**

"**Thanks…", When I was looking to my face. It was okay… Nothing changed only bruises and black spot mark from the incident. The only one is changed is my left eye…..**

Eric: Increasing the length of an ellipsis doesn't add to the suspense, not to mention it's like breaking a rule.

Biggs: Does it really look like she cares?

Jessica: I don't want to see any ellipsis again. Or a comma outside speech marks. It's too painful.

Earl: I'll take care of you, Jessica .

"**Whaaaa… what happened~!", I tried to asked them.. They just stared don't know how will explain to me.**

"**What? ..What the hell eye is this~! Why is fucking red~!", I screaming them. Asuka tells me she don't know and Dr. Ryo Marufuji is going to find out soon what my eye is reddish glowing like something from the devil.**

"**What… What going on here…..why. Why… I… i ….", then I burst to cried out loud that can hear to all people on hospital.**

Biggs: I highly doubt that.

Eric: Who would've thought that a traumatized 14 year old thought yelling out a swear was going to make anything better?

Jessica: The ellipses…

Eric: Snap out of it, Jess!

Biggs: At least we get a clue as to why the scene at the beginning was included. Though it might not be so obvious, I'm going to say it right now: the dream is Judai's dad facing the devil after whatever contract he made.

Eric: Are you deliberately spoiling it for us?

Biggs: No, though I feel at this point, that much is clear. I've only skimmed these parts.

Earl: I'll trust you, Biggs. Until you reveal you've deceived us .

**After whole hell morning on hospital, the people know so well about me, they're heard I was cursed kid from my left eye if ever person tries to talk to me or to be friend with me , they will be death anytime soon. They're heard about my family history and how my parents die on burning hospital. Jim said to me he will going back tomorrow to pick me up and he said**

"**Don't worry Judai; I will do anything to help you. Don't lose hope… Your sister really love you.. She said to my father.."**

"_**Please take care of my little brother. He does don't have any family left except me"**_**.. Yubel said… then… She was almost dying… "**_**Please take care of my left eye… He needs it… Please? At least that's thing I can do for him",**_** then Yubel die…on hopeless situation on car…**

Jessica: My brain… it hurts… Why does everyone know information that should be classified? And how can the hospital staff allow rumours like that to spread and torment the poor kid?

"**Don't think your alone… from now on I'll be your big brother. You'll be part of our family… So don't worry… See yah tomorrow… You will meet our father~", he grinned smile.**

"**Thank you Jim for everything. I don't know how I pay for these", I was crying while smiling… it was weird feeling. Someone who wants takes care of me even we're not blood relation.**

"**Okay~ I'm going home and I'll tell pops that you're okay and we've going to pick you up in the morning", he hugged me and then he leaves me from room I was.**

**Suddenly I heard giggles. A small voice laughing.**

"**W-who's there?" I asked who the person giggles on my own room… Then I feels cold and weird feeling. Then I see a little girl transparent human figure front of my door… At first I was shocked then I asked her.**

"**W-who~…a-are… you?", then she smile…**

Biggs: I'm not alone. There's another dead person.

Eric: Shut it.

Jessica: It's just me, right? Am I the only one who's aware that Jim and his family shouldn't be able to just take in Alle- I mean, Judai just because they helped him out his sister's car?

"_**My name is Rei Saotome… And you're cute… And wait~! Do you sees me?"**_** a girl dark bluenette girl with the plain white dress. I gulped and then "Yes? Why something wrong?, I see her face was incredible happy what I said to her.**

"_**Wow~! at last someone that I can talk person in here hospital.. Oh~! I heard from humour your left eyes is…..",**_** Rei scans my left eye. Then she gasped… **_**"Why your eye is… Red?"**_** she asked me. "I don't know. That's why I'm still here to wait answer from Dr. Marufuji".**

"_**Oh~! The famous Doctor in whole town",**_** she giggles again**

Eric: Ghost-girl is hitting on an orphaned kid. Classy

Jessica: Ryo really isn't a very good doctor, is he?

Eric: How I wish someone had just looked over these chapters; the missing words and constantly shifting tenses is getting on my last, very short, nerve.

Earl: Even ghosts use the combination of tilde and exclamation mark.

"**By the way my name is Judai Yuki…nice meet you", then she was shocked again… **_**"Wow~! You're a friendly human boy"**_**… She smiles warmly at me.**

Biggs: _(imitating Rei)_ I just to happen to be a ghost, in case you didn't notice. I'm transparent, but you haven't had the sense to ask me yet what I am or why you can see me. Surely those would be questions that irritate you. Thanks for actually giving a damn.

"**I guess. So you're a…"**

"_**A ghost… Yup… I was die on last year by chasing gang rape… they rape me and then they killed me after that", **_**I can see his transparent tears on her face.**

Biggs: _(imitating Rei)_ And people die when they are killed.

Eric: Hooray, more rape. What is the fascination with fanfic writers and flipping rape?

Jessica: Ghosts can't cry, not even ghost tears. I won't allow it.

Biggs: I haven't seen phrases about death this random since _Crystal and the Diamonds_ when Matt Cardle managed to "make die" by flying a plane into a cliff.

Jessica: Random much?

Earl: That story sounds familiar.

Eric: You _know_ it?

Earl: Yeah, I used to be a fic reviewer, but then I took an arrow to the knee. I think that was their way of getting revenge because I left some constructive criticism. That title sounds like one I reviewed one time.

Jessica: I betcha it was Helena.

Eric: Joy…The psycho is a hit man.

"**What'! what the hell they're think… I'm going to killed them", i screamed at her. She was stunned and smile at me.**

"_**Don't worry Judai is okay. My boyfriend Martin killed them after he finds out….",**_** she smile sadly.**

"**What? Then what happened to **_**him?**_**,**

"_**After that he commit suicide",**_** I can sees her eyes are going to be burst tears.**

Jessica: That was delivered very randomly. Makes it almost funny. _(imitates Rei)_ My boyfriend killed the men who killed me, then to evade justice, committed suicide randomly.

Earl: Everyone dies! It's just like Halo Reach all over again!

Biggs: English. Getting worse.

"**I'm sorry for…", she shook her head and them smile at me again.**

"_**It's okay… Now I'm very sure ready. I guess I'm going to other world.",**_** I was shocked.**

"**Why…why right now? I was glad I meet you. Even you're a ghost…", I was going auguring at her to leave me alone even where just meet at few minutes ago.**

"_**You see, why I'm still here because I was waiting for a person who willing listen to me, after that I can go to other world peacefully",**_** she smile now I understand.**

Eric: So, as the only one who can see them, Judai can save them. *Totally* not like Allen at all.

Biggs: _(pushes vodka bottle towards Eric)_ You know the price.

_Eric pours vodka into the shot glasses and the four down them relatively quickly._

"**I guess this is goodbye Rei-san", she smile and she hug me even she was a ghost and I smiled at her. "Nice to meet you anyway Rei-san", I smiled warmly at her and she's just blushing.**

Jessica: How does that even work? Blushes are red blood cells nearing the skin; she's a ghost, she has neither red blood cells nor skin!

Eric: I thought you were beyond caring. I am, at least on the repetition front.

"_**Thank you Judai… and bye", **_**there was light above the ceiling… But….. There's something wrong going on here and there's been suddenly shadow from the under the floor while dark purple aura spread on Rei body….. The shadow captured Rei… While Rei trying escaped… And Rei trying telling something for me…. In 1 second they swallowed by the darkness purple smoke and with a 3 second they're gone…**

"**What just happened…? ", a heard something that creeps on my back and whispered to my mind.**

Earl: Capture complete .

"_**Ju-Chan…. My Ju-Chan… My beloved Judai-Chan~…No one will dare ever touch you. Even one finger… I…. I'm the only one can touched you and…I love you~"**_**, a demonic sweetest voice speaking to my mind.**

"**No…", then Asuka running from me trying to ask me what happened… Then I closed my eyes and took over darkness from me.**

Biggs: Anyone who understands what's happening, raise their hand.

_Everyone remains perfectly still for a moment. Jessica is the one to break the silence, by leaning forward, leaving the copy of the fic to Earl._

Jessica: I can only hazard a guess, but I think Johan captured Rei and decided to announce he's back to stalking Judai. Quite disturbing really.

Eric: Asuka's also not a very good nurse.

**(In the middle of the night)**

**I woke up… And then I was my room again… I remember what happened to Rei…I don't know what's really happened to her or if that's a dream or nightmare… I sit up…I can't sleep anymore because of my darn shivering cold causing me little scared after I had had experience for those awful memories since Yubel's gone. I walk and sneak out from y room… There are no people on the hall… I tried to search Asuka… But nobody is there.**

**Then I was walking upstairs. Going somewhere else that I can find a fresh air. Then I was roof top on the hospital and I sit from chair branch.**

Jessica: I don't know about Japan, but normally, the hospitals I know don't really allow people on the roof of the hospital. And there are night staff on every ward to attend to patients. Judai would have easily found someone; if not Asuka, then someone just as helpful. After all, he's a kid, the nurses would be all over him.

Biggs: Unless everyone in the hospital sucks terribly at their job. In which case, why would they still have those jobs?

Eric: Well, at least on the roof front, the GX manga let Koyo and Judai up there a couple of times each.

"_**What I'm going to do now. If there's someone chasing me and over protective me… What will happen to my new family…? What happened if I found new friends? They're just going to be killed like Yubel…."**_** I was talking to my poor mind… I know its sound stupid. I'm not an ordinary boy who can't understand what's going on me.. I know it's my fault why my family and my big sister die because of me….for some reason. **_**"What the hell "HE" wants from me…?"**_

"**Hey? Why are you here? It's a cold outside in here", an angelic voice trying asked me. But when I turned… I was totally freaking out~!**

Biggs: Here it comes, brace yourselves.

Eric: Allen's stalker, no doubt.

Earl: Are you taunting me?

"**Don't dare touch me~! Get away from me!" I was running away from him then he suddenly grabbed my arm and he hugged me. "Easy~ I'm not going to hurt you. I'm just asking why are you here…It's cold out on here…and why are you crying", he's voice was sweet and caring. Then I tried facing him… It was a gorgeous angelic face front of me… he's was face perfectly posture with peach creamy white smooth skin. Light blue haired and his eyes… the most undying beautiful emerald eyes I have seen in my entire life that gives me a heart beating so fast can break my ribs anytime soon…**

Biggs: He might want to go ask a doctor that gives a damn about that. It sounds worrying.

Jessica: I'm enjoying this scene.

Earl: Jessica seems happy again, I'm glad for that much .

Eric: Yeah, all while ignoring the fact that, as far as he knows, this is the man who killed his sister just a couple of weeks back. Nice one, kid.

Biggs: Expanding on that; it's using the same kinds of descriptions as before. We get it; he's the sexiest guy that ever lived, can we move on things?

"**Hello~? Earth to Mr. adorable guy?" he's was waving at me I realized I was totally dumb love struck… I was totally questioning to myself if I was straight or not…because this guy makes me…**

Jessica: You're not!

Eric: You say that like it's a good thing. Only in the fandom would Judai ever be like this; he's shown as perfectly straight in canon. And not so stupid in this department, just blind.

"**Uhm…I'm sorry? I thought someone I know. You exactly the same person who trying kills my love ones", when I realized what I said to him… Why have I done? Why I have needed to told him about my biggest secret… then unexpected happening… He hugged me. "Awww… you must be lonely. I'm sorry", he pulled away and he smile at me.**

Biggs: There's one hell of an ice-breaker. _(mimicking Judai)_ You killed my family!

Eric: But he brushed it off, he just sees Judai as a vulnerable kid .

"**My name is Johan Andersen… as you see… I'm working as nurse students… I was trying to check on room 204... My patience is gone on his room. So now…I found you", he smile and I was totally blushed in hell why he always keep smiling at me that gives me heart attack.**

Biggs: He should really go talk to a doctor about that.

Eric: I was expecting Room 101. Maybe later when he reveals himself as the stalker.

Jessica: I wonder if there'll be more rape.

Biggs & Eric: Do you want to get kicked out?

Jessica: I'll behave. Unless it happens.

"**I'm so sorry if I was sneaks out of my room", he shook his head.**

"**Don't worries I know what happened to you I heard some nurse about you… but I think I can see fallen angel front of me", he smile at me again…**

Eric: Is that supposed to be a compliment? Or is he secretly insulting Allen slash Judai for being cursed?

"**What~! You're no scared from me?", only who dares to talked me is Dr. Ryo, Nurse Asuka, Jim. And now this pretty boy.**

"**Nope~!… not a single thing…and I really don't mind at all… I'm not the other people scared from your because of your left eye. I think it was a gift… and I can relate you… I can sees ghost too", he smile. Now I found someone person that I can share my horrible life… I think I'm going to be living happy someone cares about me even I was weird kid… not only Jim and his pop who save my ass from the car… I found a person who truly cares about me and for the first time in my life. I was in love… in love at first sight for him.**

Jessica: Huh, guess we were wrong.

Eric: Though it looks like he's developing a complex fitting somewhere between Allen and Takashi Natsume; feeling alone and misunderstood in a world of ordinary people. I'm getting a bad feeling this is leading to some real angst. Do we really have to endure that with this broken English?

Biggs: I'm not even going to bother asking about your references…

Earl: Before you plan your responses, there's another line left .

"_**That's what you think… Ju-Chan!"…hihihihihi…**_

_**To be continued (^ ^, 'v)**_

Biggs, Eric & Jessica: Never mind.

Earl: She got you, didn't she?

Biggs: I'm not enduring the author notes anymore. They're the same as before and responses to reviews; we're dragging this out as it is. Next chapter is exactly the same in the mood of the author's notes, the summary, disclaimer and suggesting another song. Which, surprise surprise, we're not going to listen to.

Jessica: Inappropriate song!

Biggs: Another time.

Jessica: I'll hold you to that.

_**A woman with age 35 with a brown long curly hair, deep chocolate eyes, and wearing a white long gown while holding a new born baby. The Woman is walking in the hall of darkness while trying protecting his son.**_

Eric: 'His' son? People keep having sex changes for an instant in this story.

"_**Huwaaaahhh... Huwaaaahhh... Huwaaaahhh...", a new born baby suddenly cried.**_

**"**_**Shhhh... my little angel, hold on we are almost there", then the ceiling suddenly collapsed break down towards to the poor woman and the baby.**_

**"**_**AHHHHHHHHHHH", then someone pushed and save her from falling ceiling. It was a teenage girl in age 12.**_

Biggs: Well, actually, 12 is more pre-teen. Hence why the 'teen' stuck onto the end of years afterwards.

"_**Yubel it's that you sweetie?", a woman spoke.**_

"_**Yes! Mother, is that Judai?", Yubel staring at the new born baby.**_

"_**Yubel, can you take away Judai from here, I must see your papa over there"; a woman pointing on basement stairway. Then the Woman gives a new baby born Judai to Yubel.**_

Jessica: This would run a lot smoother if they used 'the' instead of 'a'. How many babies is she carrying?

Eric: It's a wonder she even took a newborn baby into such a place. The fic

**"**_**Huwaaaaahhh... Huwaaaaahhh... Huwaaaaahhh...", a little baby Judai cried.**_

"_**Shhh… Little brother, big sister will protect you from harm", Yubel trying comfort her new baby brother. Then baby suddenly smile at Yubel. Yubel smile for this, there's no way she going surrender his little brother to the demon.**_

Biggs: Which brings us back to my point: the man from the previous chapter is Judai's father.

Eric: Alright, smartass, what do you want, a medal? Afraid we're out, come back another day.

"_**Okay… Promise me… mother be careful", Yubel walks out from the hall way towards to emergency exit door holding a sleeping baby.**_

_**After Yubel gone from the sight hallway; the woman walked to the down stairway to find his beloved husband. "I'm sorry Yubel… Judai… This is only hope…", a woman reach door knob with massive dark aura fog inside the room. Inside the door she heard a massive evil laugh. Then she opens the door to see his husband almost dying in massive dark aura around him.**_

"_**You can do anything human huh? You have no power to defend me or just protect yourself from me… your son is mine~", a shadow demon spoke and trying his best to torture the poor human man. A man turned his head slightly to sees her wife.**_

"_**Wrong demon…", a man with grin on his face;**_** Then Woman running towards to the demon with holding scared knife silver on her hands.**

"_**What~!… No… It can't be…", a devil shocked on his voice.**_

Earl: Well, we got our answer from before .

Eric: Doesn't explain the fire story.

Biggs: No, the next passage does that for us.

"_**You seem forget something from me…. I'm a priestess before", then there's a massive light towards to room and created a big bam explosion. The building was exploded and scatter into pieces to all places. All people inside the building die on the massive explosions. A little teenage girl far away from the place explodes seeing his parents are dying on that building.**_

Jessica: Where the hell was she even planning on going?

Eric: Some priestess; her plan isn't exorcism, it's blowing the entire hospital up. Nice job there.

Biggs: It's a cool way to go out.

"_**I promised I will do everything to protect my little brother", she's standing over the top hill holding her tears to stop while Judai sleeping on her arms peacefully. Then Man walking on beside Yubel.**_

"_**Let's go Yubel we have to move out… we can't be sure if the demons are died or he's survived".**_

Jessica: I wonder if he's their Mana or Cross.

_Jessica grabs the vodka bottle and tips the contents into the shot glasses, holding the bottle upright to judge how much of the bottle they've used. The others down their shots and wait for her to do the same before continuing._

Earl: I think you rather like these shots, you're bringing up Allen and all that a lot .

_**Chapter 3 - Ungrateful Feelings**_

**(Judai P.O.V)**

"**Huh. That's weird… Another nightmare", I mumble then I can see Jim standing front me with worried on his face.**

"**Hi? Morning Him", Jim just sighed.**

"**You know you scared me for that", I just stared at him with confused on my face.**

"**Why…something wrong again?", Jim stand up beside on my bed then he smiled warmly at me.**

"**Pack up Judai, we're going home now", I remember now… today I'm going to my new home. Him held me up from the bed and he gives some plastic bag. I opened it… it was a red cloths attire. I smile at him.**

"**How did you know-", Jim smile at me again.**

"**I know you're fave color is red… It's obviously your wear at the incident", I blushed…**

Eric: Wearing red on the night your sister crashes her car doesn't mean it's your favourite colour.

Biggs: It also usually means you're bound to die. It's a wonder he survived, especially with so little, compared to Yubel.

"**Thanks a lot Jim… did you buy this?", Jim Shook his head.**

"**Asuka buy all these to you", He grins at me.**

"**What~! Asuka did!", then the door open front of us.**

"**Something wrong Judai-San?", Asuka said asked me Then she look at the plastic bag I'm holding.**

"**Did you like it?", she smile warmly at me.**

Eric: The correct honorific there would have been '-kun', seeing as Asuka's much older than Judai.

Biggs: I wish a hot nurse would buy me something. Even if it were a red shirt.

Eric: Wow, desperate much?

"**Oh~!… y-yeah… t-thanks a lot.. I hope it's not bothering you…", a smile with almost ears in happiness in my eyes.**

"**No!… It's not, I'm just volunteer to do it for you when I look at you I remember my big brother", then I looked at her with shocking expression on my face.**

"**What happened to your brother? There's something bad happened?", I asked her with concern on my tone.**

Biggs: Someone doesn't have to be dead for you to remind someone of them.

"**Yeah… he die on accident like your sister did… but it's okay… past is past… Death never come back to life", she smile me again.**

Biggs: I stand corrected.

"**Ouch!" I shout seeing Asuka injected something on my left arm. "It's done! Well, see you later boys", she smile and winked to us. Jim just sighed again.**

"**Well, are you sitting all day? If it's not, well dress up already! Our pops so excited to see you at home.", then Jim leaves me alone on my room.**

"**Hmmmm… I guess my new life it's going to be okay than before", I smile… Then I feel something cold hand on my right shoulder and hot breath on my left cheeks, another hand place on my right eye.**

"_**My… my Ju-Chan~… why are you so happy right now"**_**, I can feel his hot breath to my neck and then he lick with slowly motion on my right neck.**

Jessica: Stalker Johan returns.

Eric: That's disturbing; "right neck". I'm going with he means the right *side* of his neck rather than having two.

Earl: Huh, the new life is off to a troublesome start .

"_**You're always tasted good as always my Ju-Chan~"**_**, then door suddenly opened again.**

Biggs & Jessica: …what?

Eric: Too much information…

"**Hey! I almost forget JU-", Jim standing front of me. I was shaking like seeing ghost or death something on me. Jim runs towards me.**

"**What's wrong Judai…tell me", Jim trying comforts me. Then there's a click… if I tell him the truth he's going die soon if ever he finds out.. Its better keep away the truth from them .**

Eric: Does that mean Johan's a ghost too? If so, then he can't have hot breath.

Jessica: I think he's meant to be a demon. But that doesn't explain why Jim can't see him. The story's title says Judai can see ghosts, nor ghosts and demons.

Earl: His parents also saw the devil, demon, whatever it was.

"**No… Nothing …", I stand straight trying calm down myself like nothing happened back there; walk out and going to bathroom to changed my patience clothes. Jim still there trying to asked me again what happened but still I ignored him. I don't like to lied him it just I don't want to worry him about me and also my new family because there's a someone stalking.**

Biggs: Anyone know when Johan let him go?

Eric: Alright then, maybe humans can see demons, but the author never actually wrote that Johan escaped.

Earl: He thinks about his family and decided not to tell Jim about Johan for the sake of not worrying them about him because there's a stalker; but that means he worries them because they think something else is wrong. So much so he doesn't even want to talk about it. He loses either way.

**(Outside in the Hospital building on Parking Area)**

**Dr. Ryo said to me I can go home now, he will informed to me about my mysterious of my left eye so I left the hospital after he gives me permission to go home and take a rest while he investigate about condition.**

**Jim escorts me to his old truck van. I just stared at him thinking he might upset for being me rude at him early to ignore him about what happened earlier.**

Eric: I'm no doctor, but if I had a patient with a mysterious condition, I'd want to monitor him. I.e., keep him at the hospital.

"**That's my baby… name Karen", he smile while stand up beside me. Then I heard laughing. I turned my face to see Asuka. She's wearing normal clothes not the white uniform.**

"**Hi Judai…", she smile again. Why these people keeps smiling at me. Oh yeah right~, maybe because of my situation right now.**

Eric: I'm assuming Karen's become a human. Else Ryo's staff _really_ suck for letting the kid go with not only a random family who did nothing more than drag Allen from his dying sister, but a random family _with a pet alligator!_

Jessica: Easy, Eric. You don't want to push yourself too hard.

Biggs: Alright, I'll be honest. Karen's the truck.

Eric: Makes sense, I suppose.

"**Let's go", Jim walks in and grabs to open the door of his beloved Karen the big old truck car. Asuka goes inside the truck while Jim acting gentleman at her. I just stared in shocked at them.**

"**Hey~ Judai come inside now… you surely want to go back hospital again", he just grinned teasingly at me. Then I was seating on the back seat beside his "Karen".**

Biggs: Jim wants in Asuka's pants.

Jessica: She's giving off a vibe saying she wants in Allen's.

"**Don't tell me … are you couples", I asked them. Jim was driving his "Karen", while Asuka beside him. Asuka turned her head to me.**

"**No, Judai… Were engaged", she smile and I can sees his little cute blush on her face.**

"**Wow… really,, that's good.. You will be my Big sister in the near future", I was joking at her.**

Biggs: Lucky bastard.

Earl: Judai's trying to get over Yubel's death, but it almost sounds like he's trying to replace her. Though, I've got to ask, you think they just did her funeral while he was comatose?

Jessica; Sometimes, it's better not to ask questions that require thinking. But, you bring up a valid point. We'll have to assume they did.

Earl: Happy to help .

"**Yeah right Judai", Jim laughing and talking about how they meet and become lovers at few past years; They're tell me about the last 3 years after the death of Asuka older brother, Asuka was working Crash Hospital (the hospital I was confined), they meet on hospital because Jim accidently broke his left eye for saving the little girl falling down from the bridge on the rusty deadly river side in the Crash Town. That's why Asuka who takes care on Jim, after that they're fall in love instantly. Now they're engaged. I smile at them, I wish I can see my parents like that before…then there's a click on my mind.**

Jessica: The whole nurse-lost-someone-close has been done.

Eric: Damn it, Jess. I'll say this first; I fail to see how people keep breaking their eyes after these incidents. They'd have surely died, if not, the easiest they'd get would be injuries far worse. Pass the vodka.

_Eric fills the shots classes and the group follow standard procedure._

Biggs: Hey, Eric, look. It's Crash Town. Maybe Emo-Cowboy Kiryu'll show up.

Eric: Maybe you'll get dragged off to the mine and work until the day you die. How lucky the rest of us would be.

Biggs: You mean to endure these while I escape that to work myself to an grave?

Eric: Shit… he has a point.

"_**Johan**_**", I speak louder.**

"**huh? What is it Judai", Jim staring at me but tried ignored him again. The van was stop by; I see thru windshield there's an old grumpy house like western house on the movie… I was always living on the 3D house not like this house. So this is new to me.**

"**W-where are we?", I know sound stupid. I know this my new home.**

"**Here we are… welcome to our house", Jim thumbs up and turned off the engine of his beloved **_**Karen**_**.**

Earl: I don't understand the random italics and bolded words; it's been happening since the beginning, right?

Jessica: Biggs, you didn't send out some applications for someone to fill Eric's place, did you?

Biggs: No, but that's a good idea. It's only a matter of time before ghost-boy accepts he's dead and only I can see him.

Jessica: _(looks to Eric)_ Oh hai, Eric.

Eric: Oh hai, Jessica.

Biggs: Pfft. Proves nothing.

**I go out from this van, I scan everything I sees. It was small ranch and a many few old tree branches. Then Asuka grab my right hand. "Let's go…", after few walks we were inside the old house. It was warm welcoming, simply but clean hallways. The living room has a fireplace, animal death figures, old stuff things, and…**

"**Oh~! You must be Judai Yuki!", a man standing beside door thru the kitchen area.**

"**Y-Yes… I'm sorry. You must be",**

"**I'm Samejima Cook, you can call me dad, pop, daddy, or fathers calling nickname… as long if you want?", a man smile, he's was 5 feel tall height, tanned skim, a fat belly man in age like 50's something, a bold head with mustang on his face and black deep color eyes.**

Earl: He's wearing Roy Mustang on his face?

Biggs: No way, he's wearing the car on his face.

Jessica: You're not helping convince me.

"**Uhm… that will be nice I if… I…", Then Mr. Samejima, he hug me with warmly.**

"**I know Judai… about your family history, it's okay… if you don't want to call me like father", he know about my history life I smile with forming tear on my both eyes. This is my first time I felt so nice, happy and love from the real father.**

Jessica: Touching.

Eric: That town's crier must have picked up word from the hospital and told every Tom, Dick, Harry and Sakura.

"**T-Thanks… dad…", I blushed.**

"**Okay~…wow…that's cute, well…let's go to the kitchen and eat some lunch meal, I cooked especially for you Judai, let's celebrate for you knew family" , I smile at them… there are some nice people and I hope this new life going happy and fine.**

**(After 3 hours)**

**Jim showed my new room, it was ordinary but nice and warm room, all I needs thing are here. Jim and Asuka are going out somewhere, maybe they are dating, and today is Asuka day off until next week. Oh yeah! Today is October 30, 20011.**

Biggs: In the very, very, very distant future!

"**Judai, I'm going to work now. Call me on the phone if you need anything, just don't shy at me okay", I see Mr. Samejima… I mean my new Dad, standing front of my door. He was head police officer in small crash town. I was living now in small town called Crash, in this town people are not like other on the big city, it's like old fashion way and old times. But I like the way they are, maybe this time I'll be okay than before… of course I miss my family and Yubel of course, like they said death never come back to life.**

Eric: Parents… of the year…

Jessica: _(mimicking Samejima)_ We have a fragile boy at home now who just lost the last of his family, has a mysterious condition and everyone in the world knows his history. I know, I'll go to work while my son and his fiancée go on a date around town. What could possibly go wrong?

"**Yes~ dad, don't… I'll be fine… *yawn*… I want to take a rest", I was lying on my new comfort bed.**

"**okay, see you tonight Judai-san!" , dad smiled brightly at me and he goes downstairs. A few minutes I heard the engine start and run goes to his work place.**

"**I hope there's nothing going wrong in here", I feel fear, nervous… shivering by cold… Its feels someone watching me. Then I ignored the feeling, so shut it close my both eyes and drifted to sleep mode.**

**(Inside the dream world of Judai)**

**I was standing in the middle of dark forest … it was dark starry night, the sound of the window was whispered to my ears, the touched of feel I can feel i was under spell something. Then I see thru the straight direction I was, there's a light. I follow the light,, after few walks.. I heard music… yes music…**

"**Welcome! Welcome to the Fantasy Dream world Carnival", a man on the stage wearing a master circus suited. He was 5'7, dark deep brown long hair sway in the end into his shoulder, and deep dark brown eyes.**

Biggs: Kid dreams weird things.

Eric: Subtle on the dream front.

Jessica: if that man tries to take Allen in and make him a mini clown, I'm going to down the rest of the vodka myself…

Earl: I'd like to go to the circus right now .

Biggs: He said it was a carnival.

Jessica: Don't burst his bubble.

"**Hey? kiddo~ ! Come here!", a Man asking me. Then I walked to his stage play.**

"**W-where am I? And…", I was little scared. I don't like the feeling there's something wrong going on here.**

"**Don't worry kiddo… My name Fubuki… I'm the master of this carnival;", I look to my surrounded.. There are a many people out here, playing own errand doing, some are playing pinball; some kids enter on their favourite rides… It was really carnival… I never experience this before; it's so new to me… a very foreign to me.**

Eric: Well, well, well. Fubuki Tenjouin makes an appearance. Apparently, Allen doesn't recognise him. Clever; if he had, I'd have demanded proof that Asuka had even shown him a picture of the guy for his mind to reconstruct him.

Earl: Maybe it's something to do with the curse. The ghost entered his dream rather than a mental copy of it.

Jessica: I'd like to find that out myself as well.

"**Hey.. Kiddo~! Look over there that mirror house… they say… you can see your future lover that will spend your eternity life time, if you enter that mirror house~?" Fubuki grinned at me and he pushed me away from the stage. I was going to enter. But I looked back guy name Fubuki, he just smiling and with his thumbs up for me. So I enter the house.**

Eric: That… actually sounds like something Fubuki would do. Wow, this one is getting there. She writes English better than quite a few others we've seen and she's closer with characterisation.

Jessica: Looks like Eric's lightening up.

Biggs: Until Judai sees Johan in there. I'm calling it.

**There's a many… as in many mirror display, weird each mirror as own unique style… there's a blurred, small, big and anything possible be a mirror weird.**

**Then I realised I was in the middle of maze, don't know to go outside in this creepy mirror room… I was middle standing front, back, left and right… Even down and up are mirrors… I can see myself everywhere… I was totally scared right now. Then someone tapped my both shoulder. A pale, cold hands even I was wearing my normal cloths, I can feel his very colder hands that's gives me shivering by fear and frightening.**

"_**Hello~… my Ju-chan…"**_**, a demonic sweetest voice that I don't want to heard any more in my entire life. I was stunned I can sees he's orange tealed eyes are within desire and lust on them… he was cuddling over all my body, I was totally confused right now. I tried to struggles at him but there's no respond on my body. It was he controlling me again like before.**

"_**Oh~… Ju-chan… You don't know how much I want you right now~"**_**, now I feels there's a big goes bums to my stomach. He's hands were touching right now inside my shirt. He just likes teasing me. I moaned already of his tender and colder hands.**

"_**Now… You're going to be mine now"**_

**(End of the dream world)**

Eric: What the hell? Did Johan press his ass against Allen's stomach despite being behind him?

Jessica: I think it's meant to be 'goose bumps'. It took me a few reads to get that far.

Eric: The kid doesn't need a new family, he needs a shrink, fast.

**I woke up; I can sees I was laying on my beds like before I fall asleep in. I can see my door are closed, my window are shut down locked with curtain down. I realized someone was top of me.**

"_**Hello~ Judai~"**_**, he was on top of me. He was a real person right now, the man who has dark tealed blue haired, pale skin liked death vampire, he's wearing a unfamiliar suited to him like a suited with 3 strap belts on it and 2 belts on his both arm, it was very attractive to me a deadly sin took over me it was a lust, he's just seduce me, it's not like me anymore… I was totally freaking out but my body still not working and I want to scream but there's no words came form my mouth, it was a slowly heavy breath. I felt hot and something burning on my whole body.**

Biggs: Ninja Stalker Johan!

"_**There's no escaped from me Ju-Chan~"**_**, he down on me smell my neck. I can his hot breath on my right cheeks and he licked it. I was totally scared what he wants to do me. Yes~! He wants to claim my virginity. Oh god~ someone help me…**

Jessica: _(drools)_

Eric: _(face palm)_ Here we go again…

Earl: Jessica looks satisfied .

"_**You'll be fine my Ju-Chan~… I'll be gentle"**_**, he whispered into my right earlobe then he licked it again. What he's doing to me like some lollipop? But in deep inside on me, I was totally enjoyed it, I tried to denying and ignoring I like this. Yeah this is new feeling, burning to my whole body something going to release on me. I feel my both cheeks are red or hot on my face.**

Biggs: Oh, God, I think she's actually going to write out the scene!

Eric: Just leave the poor kid alone…

Biggs: They should just leave *us* alone.

"_**You're such a cute and adorable"**_**, then he touched both hand to my cheeks… slowly… slowly… he kissed me with gentle kissed. I tried to back away but realized to myself I was kissing him back. What heck is going on here? This is not me. This is not me!… I'm never experience kissing someone in my life except this boy who stole my fist kissed last we meet in the weird dream.**

**His head now on my left neck, he kissed gently and then sucked it, a little bit hurt but it was pleasurable on me… It was totally turning me on. My mind is totally blank at this time. After that he back away and I can sees face was totally evilly smile at me. I heard a zipped on my pants and I look down then I can my both pants and my personal boxers are down to the both knees. Now there's no escaped right now. I shut closed my eyes. Oh~! I don't want to see what he's doing to me. I know it's too late to back away this time.**

"**Now**_**… I know this is your first time,,, don't worry my Ju-Chan~… you will surely love this**_**", I can feel there's a hot and wet on **_**my precious thing**_**. Then I open my eyes to see what he's doing.**

Biggs: Squick!

Eric: I'm not sticking around for this. I'm going to get something to drink! _(leaps up from the table and scrambles into Biggs' kitchen)_

Biggs: Don't forget your medication! _(snags brain bleach and follows in similarly frenzied run)_

Jessica: Yay, I get my time~ You don't mind this, do you, Earl?

Earl: It's not my thing, but I'll keep you company .

**Oh my god… my previous thing is inside on his mouth. I back away because he was teasing me and playing my precious thing. I can feel pressure on my stomach something is going to explode. It's almost… Almost…**

**I heard my door suddenly opened, it was Jim with happy face but in one second he was staring at me.**

"_**Ooops~!**_** Sorry I didn't mean to disturb you little brother", Jim shut it closed the door immediately.**

"**Please continued what you're doing, I'll be waiting for you in dining table… The breakfast is ready", I can heard Jim outside the door.**

Jessica: Damn! Still better than nothing.

Earl: Biggs! Eric! I think you're alright to come back now!

_Biggs and Eric slink in cautiously, relieved to hear no reading and resume their places._

Jessica: What *is* quite worrying though- _(shoots glare at the others, who exchange puzzled looks)_ -is that Jim walks in on this devastated 14 year old boy, assumes he's masturbating and then tells him to continue until he's finished _then join them for breakfast!_

Biggs: Breakfast? Damn, Johan's slow.

Eric: Nothing about him escaping or being seen either. Maybe he's just a delusion of Judai's. Because, right now, I can't fathom any other explanation.

**Now I was totally blushing embarrassing moment, then I looked to my surrounding.**

**"Where...he...", I search the boy but no trace in my room. I wonder what really wants from me. But thank god... Either I was happy because Jim save my ass from this mysterious boy or I'll be sad cause didn't not finished. The feeling is gone. I just sighed and depress on my face. What the... why I should be upset, I didn't know who was he or why he keeping stalking on me.**

**I dress up my pants, cleaned myself like as casual look. I walked down to stairs and go to the dining table. I can see into window it was morning sunshine. The weather seems good and nice warm.**

**"If you wondering... We tried to wake you up from dinner last night but you're sound deep sleep", Dad said to while sipping his hot coffee.**

**"Oh yeah~?... sorry.. I think I was really tired yesterday", I blushing now while Jim looking at me while teasing smile on his face. I turned my face away from him. I was stead beside him.**

**"So~ how morning Little Brother", Jim said with teasing tone on his.**

**"Good... and thank you", I was eating pancakes and eggs. Within less minute I eat them without left over to my plate.**

**"Wow~! You're a monster food little brother...", Jim shocked how i eat my meal within less than a minute. I just was laughing to them.**

Earl: Monster food! Sounds good.

Eric: At least he still eats in the same manner as the Judai I know.

Biggs: But he's not, he's your Allen now.

**"Of course I didn't take dinner meal right... my big brother", I just grinned at him**

**"Ahem~ I'm sorry to interrupt you boys... But Jim do you have an important errand right now, I think she will kill you if you're going late on your meeting place", Dad said still drinking his hot coffee while reading a newspaper.**

**"Oh SHIT~!.. I've almost forget. Asuka will killed me if I late", Jim rushing to exit main door.**

**"Where's he going?", I asked dad.**

**"To investigate your crime scene... we're finding a clue that's the person dump to your car with your sister", dad said... I bowed my head. Yes I miss my big sister but.**

**"Judai... there's a person wants to be your tour guide in this town... ", Dad smile at me.**

**"Sure~! Sweet~! I can't wait see my new town", I smile brightly with exciting feeling I was. Then Dad spoke.**

Biggs: No swearing in front of the kid!

Earl: What do you make of this tour guide? It's not really a wise idea if it's not one of them. Judai hasn't shown any trauma after his sister's death, but it looks like he's burying it. He's still got it, hiding it.

Biggs: Maybe it's Emo-Cowboy Kiryu.

Jessica: So long as it's not Nico or West.

Eric: Or Johan.

**"Oh shit~! I'm late for the meeting... sees yah tonight Judai-kun~ have fun...", then he goes outside and ride off his car to his meeting place.**

Biggs: I said no swearing in front of the damn kid!

**"Now I'm alone again", then I cleaned up the dining table and wash the dish plates, I was about to going to my room suddenly there's a door bell... so I walked to the main door and opened it.**

Jessica: To reveaaaaaal…

**"Hi~! Judai-kun~!", it was him.. Yeah no doubt, my secrets crush... I blushed immediately, I really did miss him. When I woke on the morning he was replacing by Asuka, he said he was night shift worker nurse. But hey he's wearing white polo shirt as simple as clean, deep dark blue jeans and brown combat booths. He was totally attractive guy to me. If ever I was girl maybe I was glopping at him right now, but there's no hell I'm going to do that... I'm a guy, but right now... I think I'm a gay because of this Johan.**

Eric: Dammit…

Jessica: Yay, special time with Johan~

Biggs: You really don't grasp the concept of rape between boys, do you?

Jessica: I prefer not to acknowledge it as such.

**"Oh~! Johan... Wait!.. How did you know where I am living", I asked with confused still in my face.**

**"Well, I was volunteer to be your tour guides for today", he smile sheepish on his handsome face while rubbing his head back. I was totally red tomato face right now. I didn't expect him he's the one who will spend my entire day. But deep inside me, i was totally happy for that.**

Eric: That's not answering the question.

**"Okay.. Wait... I'll be back for few minute. Please come in", after I guide him to our living room. I turned to go upstairs going to my room, picked some special clothes for today.**

**(After 10 minutes)**

**"Uhm... Sorry Johan if I did wait you for so long... let's go", I can see Johan staring me quietly. I was wearing my fave clothe, well it just simple clean because I'm just wearing Plane red polo shirt, dirty black jeans and red maroon converse shoes.**

**"Okay... but Judai... your so look good at that attire... I like it", he turned face away from me. I can see his blushing. **_**'Wow?... he just..'.**_

**"Let's go Judai, we have to go... I have so many stored surprised for you", he smiling at me again. Again I was stunned... **_**'God why he has soooooo angelic face can stop your heart beat within second.'**_

Biggs & Eric: _(mock gagging and wretches)_

Jessica: Oh, shut up. *Children*.

Eric: We don't want to see this surprise of yours!

**We walked thru woods forest railed road, silent it's a big awkward to us. But I managed to break up the silent.**

**"Johan... do you have worked today?", I asked with politely.**

**"To be honest?... Yes but I request permission to the head of the hospital to give me some day off at least 1 day.", I shocked what he said to me I wonder it because of me?**

**"If you wondering why I'm here and take a day off...Yes! Judai I I'm here to help you... Remember? The first time we've meet on the rooftop, I will help you out this messed anything I could, I'm here to give you some relaxing today to relief your stress about bad happenings a few past days you had, I know you're being depress despite of all happening after you found out your sister die and about your left eye.. And ... specially you mention about this man... I'm can't stop worrying about you... You... make me crazy.", Johan said those wonderful words. I want to thank him but. He hugged me suddenly with tender touch thru to my body it's like I'm safer to his arms. I can smell his wonderful scent it's like addicted to smell it.**

Biggs: It's a trap.

Eric: Supposing the Johan we've seen trying to seduce and rape Allen is actually a darker side of him that the normal one isn't aware of. A *yami* of sorts, whoopee.

Biggs: I'm quite worried for the author if this is all based on her nightmares. Maybe she should take up insomnia.

**"Judai, I really like you... please if ever anything bad happens to you, i... i... don't know what to do.. It's like... I'm...", Johan back away from the hugged and staring with his beautiful emerald eyes I can sees he's truly concern about me , if he knows I really appreciate what he's doing to me.**

**"Let's go... I think 2 meters away to the town is over there", he pulled my right hand while running like couples always do. I smile. I really tender smile of me.**

**"Thanks Johan", I whispered even he didn't heard or not. I really do like him too.**

**After few minutes we manage to Crash town, it was like old city on the movie, like old times era. But it was really nice. We manage to goes around, Johan show me where's the market that I can buy something I need it, he show me where's the hospital where I was being confined how I meet Johan, and lastly Johan show me his favorite place.. It was park with beautiful fountain design, a design I never seen in my entire of my life... it was really hard to describe it. The design there's a large statue white dragon in the middle of the fountain and there are 7 beasts on the tail of dragon.**

Eric: Huh, Crash Town got a facelift.

Biggs: I'm curious to know if the statue is meant to be some kind of reference to the Crimson Dragon and Signer Dragons. After all, we don't really get much detail about it, why bother bringing it up if it's not important?

**"Wow... Johan this place is... awesome", I looked at him; Johan just smiling at me and nodded. He takes again my hand and goes sit to the chair branch where near to the fountain. Were seated and looking onto water flash on the dragon mouth.**

**"Judai, Did you enjoy it?", I nodded and blushed. Every time I can his warm smile I've always had heart break. It was... LOVE...**

**"Johan, how long you been live here?", I asked him quiet curiosity on my own tone.**

**"Maybe a few months, I volunteer here and help people needs to care of it. That's my ambition to help other as I far as I could to do them...", Johan stopped and he looked thru to my eyes.**

**"Now my mission is to help you... Please Judai tell what's bothering you. I know there's something hiding from you. Like I said I can sees ghost too? So maybe I can help you", Johan staring at me with absolutely determination on his eyes.**

**"Johan... are... you sure? You see?", then suddenly Johan phone ringed.**

Jessica: Huh, maybe the 'yami' theory is right and Johan really can see ghosts.

Earl: Obligatory phone interrupting the scene. Never overdone.

**"Sorry Judai. Wait a minute", I just sighed and staring at him. While Johan face was irritating something I think it's from hospital. After 5 minutes he turns off the phone.**

**"Sorry Judai. One of stupid friend of mine on hospital did something stupid... I promise I'll be back 2 hours. Sorry but I have to go. Bye", Johan run away from me. I just smile at him. I know it's stupid to be sad. But I can't say that. He's a nurse volunteer to help the people needs him and me... I'm just a kid who bring some bad luck on the people are close to me. Then I remember Johan we didn't go to the bookstore. Yes~! Reading Books is my fave hobby, so I search where the bookstore is. After few half minutes I manage to find it. It was small and old unique shop. I enter the shop**

Biggs: Nice tour, Johan. Way'd to leave your group!

Eric: People in this fic are just too stupid and careless. How'd poor Allen wind up with _them_?

**"Welcome to Crash Bookstores... What I can do...", he stunned like a sees a ghost. Then I shook his head.**

**"My name is Daichi Misawa the owner of this store... Sorry if I was acting so strange to you. You see"**

**"No... I know it because of my left eye right... It's okay, I always ready to used that", I sheepish smile at him.**

**"Where I can find legends about the demons and devils?", yes I was hoping to find out who's the person chasing me and trying taking advantages on me, I know he's not a human why? It's because he can enter my dreams, sneaking to my room and mostly he was totally scary person. Only supernatural being can do that those awful action and supernatural.**

Jessica: _(mimicking Judai)_ Yes, I know, I have a freaky eye. Now do you have a book on devils and demons? I promise you, I'm a perfectly normal kid.

Biggs: Subtle. That's one way to start things off.

Eric: Holy crap, Misawa exists!

**"Go to the 2nd section on the last end of shelf", I nodded at him go the shelf I was looking.**

**"Hmmm... demons... nahh... where is it", then there's a weird dark aura I can see the old book inside the shelf. I took it out but I can see it's was red little diary with locket on to it the small book. I tried to find how I can open it. Then there's a small voice whispered to my ear.**

**"**_**Hey~**_**", a small voice... I looked around but I cannot see a thing.**

**"**_**Hey~!... I know you can hear me and can sees me... just look at the floor**_**", when I was looking at floor. I can see a head. I was stunned...**

**"AHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhHHHH~!", I screamed I was seeing a small head on the floor a transparent like a ghost. Then Misawa tapped me right shoulder.**

**"What was about screaming little man", he asked me with worried on his face. Then I looked at the floor where's the head was. He just vanished.**

Eric: Weird.

Jessica: Very weird.

**"Hey... what's that... a book? I never seen that before wait? It's that diary of yours... hehehe. You are a child", I smiling at him while rubbing my heads back.**

**After few minutes again, I buy some map of the crash town so I can know where's I'm going but still I was carrying the little red diary. I'm going to the park again to meet Johan. I can see he was standing on the middle of the fountain, after he found out me and run into me with tightly hugged.**

**"Johan... i... can't breathe", Johan back away and release me to the death hug.**

**"What's that", Johan pointing what I'm holding it was red dairy I found out from the bookstore.**

**"I found out to the store but the owner he didn't own this book, he think it was my diary.", Johan nodded.**

**"So why you carrying this... isn't your diary anyway", I just realize he was right.**

**"So...", then my back suddenly feels creepy out cold something going wrong. Then I looked at Johan staring wide open on his eyes to my back. I managed to look back...**

**"Ahhhhhh~!", I cans sees the floating head, the head was earlier. Me and Johan running away from the park then we end to the blocked street.**

Jessica: Isn't bonding time magical?

Eric: You're weird.

Biggs: Very weird.

**"JU- *pant* ...Judai... *pant* what was that *pant*, Johan asking me while taking his own breath**

**"I... *pant* don't know...*pant*. It was head I found out*pant*. After I touched this little red diary", I was catching my breath.**

**"**_**Stop... Please he-help me",**_** we turned around I can sees the floating head. It was a lighted blue haired and gray eye with small reading glasses. I gulped.**

**"What to do you want from Judai", Johan hissed and he was now front of my view trying to protect me something.**

**"**_**Don't worry. I won't hurt you guys... I need help, if you did it properly, I wouldn't bother you anymore and I can go to the straight to other world**_**", then there's a click like Rei said something to me about this other world. I move away from Johan protecting act.**

**"What we can do for you Mr.?", I looked to his eyes. His expression was happy and relief, like Rei reaction before.**

**"**_**You see that diary... that's mine...there's a very important inside that diary, very important information... I want to deliver that book to my big brother**_**", he said with relief voice.**

**"And who's is that?", Johan asked with deadly voice, Johan acting strangely now before he meet this head floating ghost.**

**"**_**His name hi Ryo Marufuji**_**", he said. I smile ignored mumbling from Johan saying he's just using us. I know he's just worried about me, maybe he thinks this floating head; one of them will hurt me.**

**"Okay, I'll do it I promise. What's your name?", I asked with warmly smile at him.**

**"**_**My name Sho Marufuji... i... was murderer by an insane man who addicted the flesh from human body, I was one of his meal. That's why you can see me, I have no body. Only he left was my head. After that I was wondering here for long 5 years ago... but today I'm going to other world. What's your name Mr. nice guy**_**", he smiled a real smile**

Biggs: This one needs help.

Eric: Poor Sho. I know he was pushed around in the anime, but to become a cannibal's dinner. He doesn't even say if the guy was caught and arrested. Is he still hunting people?

Earl: Everyone seems to have someone they know, close to them even, die.

**"My name is Judai Yuki... nice meet you Sho", he blushed and nodded.**

Biggs: Can't blush. Ghost.

**"**_**Okay... I'm going now... tha-...",**_** then there's a black shadow coming from the ground within second the shadow grabbed Sho head and swallow with in second. I was stared at him. Before he disappeared, Sho something saying important to me but Johan grabbed me and take away from the place Sho was eaten by from the dark shadow.**

Jessica: Ouch. He kept his head for 5 years, then it went to meet the rest of his body. These ninja shadows are damn annoying.

Eric: Johan's clingy. Too clingy.

**"What's wrong with you Johan...Sho need our help", Johan shook his head with das smile on his face.**

**"I'm sorry Judai I'm just protecting you; Later that Judai. We have to go Ryo and asked what that red diary is", I nodded and forget about Sho saying to me. I know what he's trying saying to me.**

**'**_**Be careful.. He'**_

Biggs: A warning. About Johan, I'm guessing.

Jessica: Stop guessing, that's borderline spoilers for us.

Biggs: Not like this isn't predictable enough as it is.

**After walked marathon; we here at the main door of the Crash Hospital main building. We're about to walked to the hall then suddenly there's a lot screaming on the emergency room. Of course I was totally curious about it. I sneak to it behind Johan was following with me.**

**"Jim!... Hang on... I know you can do it!", I stunned I heard Ryo was screaming at poor lifeless body of Jim beside him Asuka was totally wreck her boy. It was totally UN describable, Asuka leg is smashed, her both arms are missing and his face was bloody shower on it. My body become jelly can't stand up property. Then I heard there a beep sound I can sees the monitor was dead line. There's no question about it. Jim is death right now; Ryo still saving poor Jim. Then Johan shook me away from the scene.**

Jessica: Is there nothing they won't subject this kid to?

Biggs: How can Asuka still be alive? That's some brutal punishment.

**"Johan... This is my fault... they're die because of me... there's demon obsess at me", I cried and screaming on the right should of Johan. While Johan trying to calmed me down , comfort me and saying.**

**"This is not your fault", he still comfort me after I fall asleep.**

Eric: I prefer 'passed out from the stress and overwhelming emotion'. But the result's the same, could have been described worse.

Biggs: How much torment must this kid go through? It's only been three chapters.

Jessica: Three? Great, we've got another two to endure.

Biggs: Not quite, the fifth, and supposedly final chapter, hasn't been posted. You're in luck.

Eric: How is this 'in luck'? This is dragging on longer than any other fic we've done.

Biggs: Because we're doing it probably and reading the whole thing.

Eric: Good show of charisma and endurance. It's like a test .

**A brunette boy walking on the hallway and then...**

**"Judai~! Help me", Johan screaming for help.**

**"Johan! ... Where are you!", Judai running faster to just find his beloved friend Johan. He's running in the big hallway, every on the hall there's a different kind unique style door, a brunette tries open the of theses door.**

**"Johan!", He open the white door, but there's no one there. It's empty blank white room.**

**"Johan! Are you there!", Brunette open again another dark gold door. And again it's empty blank dark gold room.**

**"Johan! God Dammit~!... Where are you", he open again another red door but still no one there it's empty blank red room. It was a big maze on this hallway. He's getting annoyed and gives him more scared and frustrating, every minutes passed on, he was scared. He did really scared what will happened to his beloved friend, he didn't want to see his beloved friend are going die on the hand of this mysterious man killing his all love one's like his Parent's, Yubel, Jim, and Asuka. A few minutes he heard a bluenette boy.**

Eric: Sounds like the third season of GX in a nutshell. Y'know, with some bite marks in it, but close nonetheless.

Jessica: Showing this dream is probably the only justification that Allen would get for passing out, completing ignoring the shock of Jim and Asuka just a moment ago.

**"Judai help me! ahhhhhhhhhHHHHhhh!", Johan screaming for pain on his voice. Judai become alarmed for this, he didn't want Johan is going to die soon. He run and search from the voice screaming in pain.**

Earl: Random caps and random lower case .

**"Johan!", the brunette boy running on the hallway, he didn't want to check these annoyed doors to just wasting his time, until he reached the end of the hallway... it was a familiar door , a large double deck golden white door.**

**"Dammit I know this door", the door how he met the dark bluenette boy with orange tealed eyes for the first time in the weird dream before Yubel wakes him up from nightmare.**

**"I have no choice", Judai kicks the double deck door with the loud **_**"Thud".**_

**"Jo-!", he stopped Seeing the dark bluenette boy in this room. It was a large room, the design it's like gothic era time, black, red and gold color. Everything it so damn beautiful views.**

Biggs: Does everyone in fanfics have to be in love with the gothic? It won't be long before there's a Yuugiou version of frigging Wuthering Heights…

Jessica: Don't tempt the people.

**"**_**Oh My~!.. Ju-Chan~... you're late... Come here. The dinner is ready**_**", the dark bluenette boy seated on the luxurious dining table like king sized. The dark bluenette smile evilly and flash his glowing tealed orange eyes thru the deep chocolate brown eyes of little brunette boy.**

**'**_**w-what happened'**_**, Judai did move against his will. He walked toward dark bluenette haired and seat by beside him.**

**"**_**I made this for you... you will truly love this Ju-Chan"**_**, the dark bluenette haired spoke and open the silver cover over the plate. **_**"I made this for you with my all my love my Ju-Chan~". **_**The brunette boy looked at the plates and he got immediately stunned and freighting face expression from his sees.**

**"AhhHHHhhhHHHH", Judai scream all on his high pitch voice for seeing 5 head on the table plates meal. The First head is Yubel, Jim, Asuka, Mr. Samejima, Ryo, and lastly... Johan...**

Jessica: Eh? What the hell is all this doing in the mind of a 14 year old?

Biggs: …alright, screw it. I changed my mind; the word count's stretched out enough as it is already anyway. Judai gets targeted by people, Ryo dies when shit hit's the fan, Samejima shows up, look at Sho's diary, some story about a prince of hell wanting the son of Haou and, surprise surprise, Maria *Sakura*, turns out Sho was the one who took Yubel and Judai when the hospital exploded, Samejima tells Judai to meet him somewhere, he finds this forest that's on fire and it looks like he might be on the edge of Hell.

Earl: And breathe .

Biggs: _(exhales heavily)_ Okay, I'm done.

Eric & Jessica: _(sigh with relief and slump in their places)_

Earl: Commendable effort, guys .

Biggs: Well, you did help us out a bit. Who knows, maybe I should blow up my door more often.

Jessica: You?

Biggs: Anyway, we're done. And updated much quicker than usual, who knows, maybe we'll actually get to keep this up and pretend we have a schedule.

Jessica: We haven't been this quick since we started.

Eric: I'm amazed we actually met again on a Friday.

Jessica: Shocking, I know.

Eric: Hey, whose fault was it that we got completely thrown off?

Jessica: I don't live in a cage, it's possible for you to get through to me.

Earl: Well, I'll take my leave; I've got some ass to kick. I'll go see if I can find Allen online .

Eric & Jessica: _(exchange anxious looks)_

-End-

**Stepping Through The Wall**

Biggs: Almost 18.000 words across 22 pages.

Eric: Urgh, we made it…

Jessica: Eric, you're not looking so good.

Biggs: Oh really? Nice to have you back then.

Eric: You can keep quiet.

Biggs: Maybe it's best we don't riff a fanfic that thoroughly like that for a while. It went on *far* too long.

Jessica: Cruel and unusual punishment? Thanks for that, Biggs.

Biggs: In which Judai Yuki becomes Allen Walker, Johan plays his psycho stalker with a crush and everyone dies.

Eric: And what a wonderful story that was…

Jessica: Somehow, the author managed English more so than English-speaking authors we've seen. We have to commend her on that. Though we should do it with less shout outs…

Eric: I liked Fubuki.

Jessica: I liked the Spiritshipping.

Eric You would.

Biggs: I think it was all a cycle repeating itself with each chapter; there was the dream at the beginning and Johan had to keep showing up with his creepy voice, trying to seduce this kid because of some contract he made with the dad.

Earl: Easy, Helena might come after you .

Biggs: To be honest, I stopped feeling scared by the second chapter.

Eric: The font was schizophrenic. Bold, italic, bold *and* italic.

Jessica: Still, one of the better pieces we've seen so far.

Biggs: Somehow. Though that might be because you two say it picks elements from another source.

Eric: At least it achieved dark effectively. Unlike some of the stories we've seen so far. And the rape was… well, minimal as far as Allen… I mean Judai was concerned.

Biggs: Gratuitous rape; the greatest tool of a fanfic writer. At least one working with the Yuugiou series.

"Go beyond the unreadable! Kick good writing to the curb! Don't believe in canon, believe in fanon that subverts the canon! That's the Yuugiou Fandom way!"

**-The Writer's Angry Note of the Week-**

Writer: No-one's too good for a beta. No-one. Bollocks to FFN and its document manager! Give Earl his dialogue hearts back.


	10. Zexal's Special Fandom

The year 20XX. During times of political and economic unrest, no human alive is tackling the true crisis that grips the Earth; measuring the quality of Yuugiou works on. In a world mostly lacking heroes willing to rise live, death and certain boredom to carry out such a mission, only three people will step up and take the challenge head on.

Our heroes are;

1. Biggs Nortons, an ex-Fanfic writer with a serious chip on his shoulder.

2. Eric A. Wedge, a honest-to-Osiris hardcore Yuugiou fan, owning all manga volumes, with every anime episode downloaded, and little to no knowledge of the card game.

3. Jessica Chomsky, no relation to the 'Other Chomsky', as rabid and misinformed as rabid misinformed Yaoi fan girls come.

-Yuugiou: Mystery Card Game Theatre-

_Unsure exactly what day of the week it is; Biggs, Eric and Jessica have managed to locate Biggs' coffee table and seated themselves around it in wait of another exciting installment of Yuugiou fan fiction to add to their collection of treasured gems. Just the three of them, for the sake of restoring the status quo._

Biggs: I thought you should know I got a letter from the writer about a while back when they were actually making an effort to send us the next assignment, but their brain kept shutting down from whatever horrors await us.

Eric: So basically, we're looking at something so bad that the writer him/her/itself lost the invisible leash their sanity is on several times?

Biggs: _(opens letter)_ Oh calm down. It's just a poorly crafted excuse about being busy since getting into university and being surrounded by people… and enduring this gruelling challenge would be like slitting their wrists with sheets of paper then a rounding point about marathoning episodes of Zero Punctuation. That and something about being more generally cynical. Meh.

Jessica: Also read: _Procrastination!_

Eric: I get it; it's a sympathy campaign. 'I remembered how shit life is and got a little down about it'. How do you think *we* feel reading this damn stuff?

Jessica: _(snatches Biggs' copies of the fic)_ Oh come on, it can't be tha…

_Biggs and Eric eye Jessica curiously._

Eric: Jess? Is everything okay? It's not really that bad, is it?

Jessica: There are five fics here-

Biggs: Yeah?

Jessica: -Zexal fics-

Eric: Wonderful…

Jessica: And I see yaoi in them!

Biggs and Eric: _(rise violently)_ WHAT?

Jessica: _(gleefully giggles)_ Finally, Zexal's proven itself useful for once.

Biggs: Zexal is only useful for Konami – 'Hey, buy our new cards that are so much better than the Synchros you were all bitching about three years ago'. Alternatively, 'bitch about these new cards we're throwing out whilst erasing the last lot you didn't like'.

Eric: This one… sounds like the best yet. Jess, hand me that paper, I have a sudden urge to rub it lovingly against my wrists.

Jessica: Only if you wrap them in bubblewrap first.

Eric: _(groans)_

Biggs: Seeing as you've taken over, Jess, why not give us the good news about what broke our beloved writer?

Jessica: Okay, up for slaughter today are _"Gender Copy"_ by amuto-tadamu-kukamu, _"Black Trouble"_ by DaireySyns, _"Kathy's Sister"_ by LuvLuvLuvAnime, _"What is rape?"_ by Twisteria Lullubee and _"Two Souls, One Deck"_ by Final-Master X2.

Eric: So, Rule 63, I don't want to even know, the obligatory Mary Sue, the obligatory gratuitous rape and a title very similar to a certain pornography clip that has haunted many an-internet wanderer. Lovely, Zexal, your fanbase may be the most special ever. And I don't mean in a good way.

Biggs: _(sets laptop on table)_ Okay then, give me a minute to get them up. Jess can keep the hard copies as a memento of this wonderful occasion.

Jessica: Uh… thanks?

Eric: Which train-wreck should we deal with first then?

Biggs: Let's go for the obligatory Mary Sue. Jess can work for her yaoi.

Jessica: At least I get it this time.

Biggs: Yeah, yeah. So according to the site, _"Kathy's Sister"_ by LuvLuvLuvAnime is pretty recent and still ongoing. Sounds like fun. The summary only works to excite me further.

Eric: I sometimes think you don't have any other mode than sarcasm.

Jessica: At least the first chapter is good. Oh wait…

Eric: You don't pull it off so well.

Jessica: You want me to use air quotes to show off when I'm sarcastic or something?

Eric: Could be your thing.

Biggs: Children, please. The first "chapter" awaits.

**Chapter 1: Misuki**

**Okay, from my last story, I had to create a chapter that held the information about my oc. So, I'm going to do it on this one. VERY BORING CHAPTER! But, I have to do it so I won't have to describe her during my story and it will waste time and it will beall hell!**

Eric: Boring, eh? Is that because it features your character?

Jessica: The author's being pretty considerate in not describing their beautiful, magnificent, perfect OC over and over again. Then again, they had no duty to throw it all into the story and call it a chapter. Why not dump it on your profile for all to see and show off how wonderful she is like everyone else?

Biggs: Fight the power!

**Name:**** Misuki (I have no idea what's Kathy's last name!)**

Eric: Doesn't have one. Moving on.

Biggs: Wow, you pick up things quick. I take it you're enjoying Zexal?

Eric: I _said_ "moving on".

**Age:**** 12**

**Gender:**** Girl (obviously)**

**Personality:**** She's always shy and very childlike. She is forgiving and she cries when things go ****totally**** wrong. She has a very childlike voice that makes people go 'Awww'. Other than that, she's very confident and cares about her sister Kathy who cares about her too.**

**Appearance:**** (She has two appearances) She wears the same outfit as Kathy but colored white and her stockings are rainbow colored than black and white. Her second appearance: She wears a blue, sleeveless sailor shirt, a blue skirt with black stockings, and white shoes. She has light blonde hair and wears glasses that are similar to Kathy's. She also has hazel colored eyes and a very childlike face.**

Jessica: And there you have it. Original Character Style-Guide, Choice B: If the character is the sibling of a canon character, design them to resemble the character to painful degrees, right down to the clothes.

Eric: _(sigh)_ Yeah, subtle in having her wear white to contrast Kathy's black. Yin-Yang siblings, just what we need. I'll be in the corner waiting for the cat fight over Yuma.

Biggs: Yikes, you went there. You sure you're not watching the dub to be reduced to terrible puns like that?

Eric: May as well be…

Jessica: So… yeah… that's the first chapter. So maybe we should just skip on ahead to the next and actually find out how warped Zexal is.

Eric: It warped Yuugiou to something almost beyond recognition. Maybe this should be considered payback.

**Chapter 2: Milk that Made Me Met Him**

_**Dear Diary,**_

_**From yesterday's me, to today's me, everything had been always the same. To you, it's another story. My big sister, Kathy, had been telling me a lot about this boy named Yuma so much. I never got to meet him. I only saw him once… when he dueled my sister for some reason. The thing that creeps me out about him is this floating alien that keeps on following him now and then. I heard at school that Yuma was a horrible duelist at first but suddenly, he started to get better at it. I think that alien is the one that helps him most of the time. I have no clue. The thing that distracts me from knowing him more is the guy that kept on following me around now and then ever since my parents died. I told Kathy not to do it, but she felt bad and I did understand her. So she did it.**_

_**Love,**_

_**Misuki.**_

Eric: _(facepalm)_ Christ… here we go; the OCs who can see Astral despite the fact that no-one outside Yuma can.

Biggs: This certainly isn't written in the style that one would write in a diary – it's something for her eyes only, why does she need to elaborate on details like that fact that Kathy's her sister and this someone has followed her since their parents died?

Jessica: To be honest, I'd like to know what exactly makes her so special that he does. And what this thing is Kathy has done. But then that would risk enjoying the story, I have to save myself.

Eric: You're a warped girl.

**It was a beautiful evening at the cat mansion where Kathy and her younger sister, Misuki, lived in. Kathy was surrounded by all the cats that cared for her and they were unhappy.**

Biggs: Yes, elaborate on the fact that Misuki is Kathy's younger sister. You haven't rammed that down our throats enough yet.

"**Oh no. Not again." Kathy said to herself nervously as she tried to look for her sister back and forth for help.**

"**Misuki, we've got trouble!" Kathy called out.**

**Misuki popped her head out of her room and stared at Kathy with a worried look. She still wore her white clothes that were similar to Kathy's. Kathy stared at her, reflecting Misuki's facial expression.**

"**Kathy, I checked everywhere and there is no a drop of milk anywhere." Misuki replied calmly.**

"**Does your restaurant sell free milk then?" Kathy asked. Misuki shoot her head. "Okay, here's the plan. I will try to stall the cats while you go to the supermarket and buy five gallons of organic milk." Kathy explains.**

"**Hai! I will be as fast as I can!" Misuki replied as she dashed out of the door.**

Jessica: The speed of characters amazes me sometimes…

Biggs: I dread this whole 'your restaurant' business – don't tell me this kid somehow owns a business; we've had that in Yuugiou. And it's not like other anime are keeping away from that concept.

Eric: Still trying to wrap my mind around why a restaurant would sell *free* milk.

**She walked through Heartland calmly and entered the supermarket that was not far from her home. She had enough time to bring the milk back home before her shift starts, so she has nothing to fear. When Misuki reached the milk aisle, she saw three men hanging out in the corner. She tried not to make eye contact with the three because she knew trouble will be on her way. The five gallons were heavy, but she still managed to carry them. Without looking, one of the guys took his leg in front of where Misuki was walking and she tripped with all the milk emptied on her clothes.**

Eric: Right, so she walks through Heartland even though the supermarket isn't far from home? Makes sense. Totally makes sense.

Biggs: At least she doesn't own the business. One small consolation.

Jessica: That does nothing to ease the jumping between tenses. Make your mind up already.

"**Ha ha ha! I'm sorry little girl, but I didn't even noticed you were coming!" the man laughed.**

**Misuki tried not to cry because the guys are wasting her time and her sister will be very disappointed if the milk isn't brought home right away. So without saying anything, Misuki took another five and walked away. The second man grinned and threw a soda can on her head which made her drop the milk once again.**

"_**Don't cry, Misuki.**_**" Misuki thought to herself.**

Eric: Don't think they're making up their mind, Jessica.

Biggs: This store really needs to find a better source of milk who can actually seal their products properly.

Jessica: Crazy idea, why not get a trolley.

Biggs: Or put commas instead of full stops at the end of dialogue? It would make much more sense.

**So once again another five gallons was taken and this time, the third guy didn't say or do anything to her. Misuki made a sigh of relief and paid at the register. Misuki walked home until she heard footsteps behind her. Using her instincts, Misuki sensed that it was the three men from the market. Misuki, walked a little faster and faster until she started running. The three men ran after her. She felt that tears were about tos tart quickly so she still kept holding them in. She then founded a place to hide while she was ahead of the goons, and luckily, they left. Misuki made a second sigh of relief as she started to run back home. Her arms started to hurt from all that carrying and when she wasn't looking, she bumped into someone and once again, the milk spilled.**

Eric: Urgh, there's being a klutz and then there's this. It's not funny, even if we were drunk, high and inhaling happy gas, it wouldn't be funny.

Biggs: Again, invest in another source.

Jessica: I'm amazed that no-one questioned her at the till; clearly she'd be drenched at the aisle would be flooded with all that milk. But nope; we'll let the soaked girl being stalked by three not-rapists head off without any word of help.

"**Oh no! Why?" Misuki shouted sadly as she feel to her knees and started to cry real hard.**

"**Gah! Oh, I'm sorry I was just in a rush and I didn't get to see where I was! Please don't cry!" a boy with spiky hair explained quickly.**

**The boy stared at the sobbing girl for a moment and it reminded him of somebody. Then out of nowhere, a blue floating alien appeared right next to him.**

"**Yuma, I think I saw this girl before." The alien explained as Yuma stared at him with a confused look. "I remembered the time when you dueled that girl, Kathy, she just stared at us during the duel." He explained.**

"**Man, you should inform me if there is some kind of weird person that are always suspicious to you, Astral." Yuma replied. "Anyway, how do we get this girl to stop crying?" Yuma asked.**

Eric: Cause asking Astral would work. Yuma's hopeless with girls, but Astral's beyond hopeless.

Biggs: Yuma's way with words is just as terrible as the author's consistency with tenses. He's either referring to that one instance of a suspicious *person* or he's on about being warned about suspicious *people* in general. Somehow, the author seems to be trying to cram both into one sentence.

Jessica: Next line, guys. Next line.

**Astral went to help Yuma by remembering one of the shows that he watched on TV once where this guy went to calm his girlfriend down by giving her a kiss on the cheek and giving her a hug.**

Biggs: Hooray, let's have Astral support pairing Yuma with the OC!

Jessica: It's going to take more than a kiss on the cheek and a hug to calm down a distraught girl, let along your frigging girlfriend.

"**THERE IS NO WAY I AM GOING TO DO THAT, ASTRAL AND YOU KNOW IT!" Yuma shouted with a huge blush on his face.**

"**Well you have to do one or the other Yuma or were out of options." Astral replied which made Yuma's blush fade slowly.**

Eric: There are other ways of calming someone than sticking your lips together and shipping characters…

"**Okay, fine! I'll do it! But not the kissing part!" Yuma told him.**

Jessica: Huh, they actually took that idea on board.

**Yuma walked towards the sobbing girl and knelt down in front of her. Yuma looked back quickly at Astral as he nodded with his arms crossed. Yuma sighed and widened his arms for a hug. His arms caressed Misuki warmly and slowly, her crying slowed down. Yuma's grip on Misuki tightened and she blushed enormously. She wanted more but it ended to soon as Yuma slowly went to let go of Misuki. They both started at each other and Yuma finally said:**

"**I did that for you to stop crying." Yuma whispered softly. "It's the only thing I can do. And I am really sorry aobut the milk." Yuma apologized. "I can go and help you buy some if you like."**

"**Um… okay. And my name is Misuki by the way." Misuki replied.**

"**And I'm Yuma! We should duel someday." Yuma replied back.**

Biggs: Wow, one-tracked mind.

Eric: I'm not holding my breath. They're already dropping hints about these two liking one another, before long, they'll blush regularly and whatnot. It almost makes me want to read for Kathy finding out and tearing into Misuki.

Jessica: Correct me if I'm wrong, but in the diary, she referred to Yuma as creepy. I fail to see why she would want to fall in love with someone she deemed creepy.

Eric: Oh there'll be a way, there always is.

"_**That name…**_** Misuki thought to herself. Then she had an idea/**

"**Well, what about we duel on Saturday?" Misuki asked. Yuma's eyes widened with happiness as he nodded happily.**

**A few minutes later, Yuma was at the cat mansion and Kathy answered the door.**

"**Great! Your back!" Kathy said happily as she stared at Yuma. Kathy quickly took the milk and served it to all the cats. "Thank you Yuma for helping out." She told him as she entered the house.**

**Misuki stared at Yum happily.**

"**Well, I guess I'll be going." Yuma suddenly said as he took off.**

"**Wait, Yuma!" Misuki called out. Yuma stopped at his tracks and stared at Misuki. Misuki walked slowly towards him and asked softly, "Can… um… we be… friends?" Misuki asked looking down at her feet.**

"**Sure! Why not!" Yuma replied as he said goodbye and left without saying a word.**

Jessica: I think I'm forgetting her name, quick someone remind me.

Biggs: Someone remind the author there are other ways of linking actions other than commenting that a character says something 'as' they perform a certain action. Repetitive much?

Eric: I may be behind in Zexal, but I don't remember Kathy behaving so lax around Yuma. So… dare we move onto the next chapter?

_**Dear Diary,**_

_**I was able to meet Yuma yesterday after a milk frenzy and I think I can understand Kathy's feelings about him. It's not like I like Yuma, I just understand the feelings. I I was able to go to school more often, I would know more about Yuma, but I got a job to attend to to support Kathy and the other cats. So I'm out ofluck anyway. I expected him to be more serious but I guess being funny and cheerful would fit him. He interests me a lot.**_

_**Love,**_

_**Misuki**_

Eric: Hang on. It's bad enough that we have two pre-teen girls living alone in a great mansion, but now there's no financial support outside a 12 year old's job which keeps her away from school? Where the hell are the Japanese social services?

Jessica: Do you really want to know the answer to that? Those three guys might as well have been them. It's like your time away and watching Zexal erased understanding the concept of logic completely.

**Misuki closed her diary slowly and closed her eyes. Her job prevented her to meet Yuma and stay with her sister more often. The managers was too sharp and mean to let Misuki have a day off. Misuki works in a Maid Café and all the maids were like her best friends, but when the manager kept watching them, all the girls were too scared to make eye contact with her. Luckily, the manager pays everyone a lot of money. She would sometimes have a whip with her and when one of the maids mess with her, they get a full time whipping.**

**Misuki took that image off her head and started to get dressed. For it was another day of torture. "**_**I don't need to worry! Besides tomorrow is Saturday!**_**" Misuki thought to herself cheerfully.**

Biggs: I'm pretty sure there's some illegal stuff in there. Looks like all the authorities are taking a break whenever Misuki's got a shift.

Eric: Hey, don't you complain that the boss is too strict and a bitch when you've got a 12 year old choosing work over education. One would have thought the parents would have left behind some form of financial support. And maybe some family to help raise these girls.

**A few hours later, the café was closing and all of the maids were lined up in one horizontal line facing the manager who was walking in front of them side to side. The woman was no ordinary women, instead she was not far or thin, nor tall or short, just right and she really has a face with sharp eyes that makes babies cry. She was the devil's wife!**

Biggs: There's something for your CV; "previous employers: Devil's wife". Surely there's someone better to work under in a place like Heartland, she sounds more like someone you'd be desperate enough to work under in Satellite.

Jessica: Her description is so distorted that I can't make any sense of it; she's not ordinary, just right, but we get no indication of what she actually looks like outside a horrible description of her eyes and claiming she's the devil's wife. Right now, I've got the image of red skin and horns growing out of her head. That's one café I'd rather stay away from.

"**Now, I was really impressed with the way you girls had a boost of speed in serving customers… but not that impressed," the manager commented who stopped in front of Misuki and stared at her. "Misuki, why can't you be like these girls here? This job is so~ simply for little girls, even a monkey can do it!" she shouted at her angrily.**

**Misuki looked up at the woman slowly and she could sense fear in her soul when she looks at those evil eyes.**

"**It's just… I've been thinking a lot," she answered dramatically. The manager's eyes gone wide. "About… someone."**

Jessica: Oh, I wonder who.

Biggs: She can't be like the other girls because she's special and 12 and should be in frigging school. Why do I bother?

"**Then why don't I knock some sense into you so you can be better!" the manager shouted as she took out her whip. "Get down on the floor!" she commanded to Misuki.**

Biggs: Kinky.

**The other maids stared at the Misuki with sad eyes that shows how sorry they felt for her, for as the devil rolled up Misuki's shirt back up and one burning slash gone through her back. Then another and another. Misuki's anger boiled within her as she felt that she wants to kill the evil woman so hard as she tried to keep her tears in. Then a voice spoke to her.**

"_**Take me off and this will all go away! No pain, not fear, just happiness in your life!**_**" the voice persuaded Misuki as she ignored it.**

Eric: Yeah…. I'm with Biggs. There's several charges that could be brought against this woman from that passage alone.

Jessica: Meanwhile, Misuki's suffering from schizophrenia. That's what we're calling it; I refuse to acknowledge whatever power she's got until it has a reasonable explanation.

Biggs: You'll enjoy playing in La-La Land without us then, will you? Don't hold your breath…

Eric: The tense problem is getting worse. You think the author's grasp on reality and grammar worsens the further they get in the story?

**When the whipping was over, the maids went to put bandages on her back to stop the pain and blood from starting again. It was sunset and when Misuki came out of the door, her tears went all out.**

**Misuki turend around and saw Yuma starting at her. She ran to Yuma and went to hug him while sobbing on his shoulder. Misuki was glad Yuma was there. After what she's been through, all she wanted was for someone to comfort her for a while.**

Jessica: Well, wasn't that convinent? Yuma just so happened to be passing the dodgy maid café that Misuki works at right at the moment she emerges.

Eric: Does this story actually have a plot or is it just us witnessing misfortune after misfortune being piled on this girl to maximize sympathy for her? Because if it's the latter, it's failing miserably. If anything, it just makes me despise her more.

"**Misuki… what happened?" Yuma asked as he went to let go of Misuki.**

"**I just… want to stay with you for the rest of the day. 'Til then I will explain." Misuki answered.**

**A Few Hours Later:**

"**Some story…" Yuma said to Misuki in his room. Misuki nodded.**

"**Yeah… now you know my story." Misuki replied. Yuma patted her back but Misuki twitched in return.**

"**Sorry, I forgot about your injury." Yuma said. "Hey, wait! I almost forgot about the duel tomorrow! Better prepare my deck!" Yuma exclaimed as he grabbed his deck and went to the roof.**

Biggs: Story-telling should be made a sport if it takes that long.

Jessica: How can Yuma 'forget' about her injury and then move on to the subject of a duel the next day? Surely she'd rather he comfort her, not that I can be bothered to read that.

**Misuki giggled and examined the room. Quite small, but enough for one person to handle. But something caught Misuki's eye… the Emperor's Key. She walked towards it and held it in her hands. She focused on it and suddenly, it started to glow. But nothing happened.**

"**You're not the one I expected, Misuki." a voice came out behind her.**

**Misuki paused in fear and turned slowly. In her soul, she screamed, but on the outside she almost did leaving out a gasp. "**_**It's him! The alien that kept on following Yuma around everyday!**_**" Misuki exclaimed in the inside.**

**Oh boy! Who did you think she saw? Reviews and NO FLAMES!**

Eric: Oh, I do wonder. There are *so* many blue aliens floating around Yuma nowadays, it's hard to figure out which one exactly it is.

Biggs: Hey, it's Yami. Long time no see!

Jessica; Hang on, hang on. She doesn't go to school, but knows that Astral hangs out with Yuma all the time. Does the knowledge of OCs ever miss out anything?

Biggs: Apparently not. Nor does any improvement in sentence structure and use of tense appear within the author's mind.

Eric: You see? This is what Zexal does: it rots your intellect and leaves you a dribbling shell of a human.

Biggs: Fan fiction in general does that. We used to be decent citizens of society – albeit a little sinister – now look at us.

Jessica: Speak for yourself, I can still function.

Biggs: You get a burst whenever there's the promise of yaoi.

Eric: Uh… what's with this next chapter? It's a question on how to proceed. What's left of the author's creativity has been eroded completely. The day fan fiction writers stop asking their audiences how to proceed, I will be slightly happier.

Biggs: You can be happy?

_Eric glares at Biggs._

Jessica: He has a point – it's not like world-famous novelists go around asking their audience what they want to happen – all hell would break loose. I mean, Rowling didn't change her mind because everyone was whining that the series would be ruined if Harry kicked the bucket.

Eric: Don't… just don't.

Jessica: I'm on your side here – if people are going to write a story, they should decide what happens before publishing it rather than leaving it to the audience who will scream for their OTP.

Biggs: The result is no better – if you have the promise of a duel play a role, at least show it. Hey, guys, the climax is going to be offscreen cause the writers forgot how to play the game so Yuma just wins over the bad man. Hooray!

Eric: _(raises an eyebrow)_ Okay? For the record, Astral, your finale is going to be even worse than Atem's.

Jessica: He was happy. But that's getting off-topic.

"**YUMA~!" Misuki called out as she went to the attic and accidentally hitting Yuma.**

"**What is it?" he asked. Misuki was out of breath so she grabbed Yuma's arm and dragged him downstairs. There was nobody.**

Jessica: I'm confused as to where they are – first they were in the attic, then Yuma climbed onto the roof. When did she go downstairs? Or… huh?

"**But I saw a blue alien around here…" Misuki said.**

"**Blue alien?" Misuki nodded. "Maybe he left…" Yuma suggested trying to make sure he doesn't mention Astral at a time like this. "Misuki, let's just go to bed." Yuma said. "You sleep upstairs."**

Biggs: And the Sleepover of Shipping begins.

"**O-okay…" Misuki replied as she disappeared from the room. Yuma made a sigh of relief.**

"**Yuma, why didn't you tell me that Misuki was here?" Astral asked from behind making Yuma jump.**

"**I thought you would stay in the key!" Yuma answered angrily. "Anyway, you shouldn't interfere when Misuki and I duel. She would totally freak out." Yuma suggested.**

"**Okay."**

Eric: Alternatively, you could find out why she can see Astral even though no-one else can. Isn't that an idea?

Biggs: The world of fanfic writers. Common sense; you lack it, you're in.

**The Next Day:**

**Yuma and Misuki walked through the park in search of a nice dueling spot.**

"**So you are Cat-chan's little sister?" Yuma asked. Misuki nodded.**

"**Hai! She is a wonderful sister!" Misuki commented. "This spot might be okay!" Misuki pointed to an open ground where nobody could bother them**

"**I go kattobingu!" Yuma said happily.**

Biggs: Really, is it that hard to refer to your own character by "she"? Will something terrible happen if her name isn't plastered everywhere across this thing?

Eric: I'd like think so. Then we can move on with our lives.

**After the Duel:**

**Now Hope, attack God Sophia!" Yuma commanded. Misuki lost the duel.**

Eric: She has a monster with 'God' in its name. I just… I'm not even going to bother…

"**Good duel, Yuma!" Misauki said as she took off her D-gazer.**

"**Yuma!" a voice came out.**

"**Cat-chan!" Yuma said.**

"**Yuma, I saw your duel and Kathy paused. "Miki-chan, where were you? I was starting to worry." Kathy said.**

"**Miki?" Yuma quested about how Kathy called Misuki. Misuki blushed in embarrassment.**

"**That's my nickname. It's like Misuki, but without the "su". Misuki explained.**

Biggs: Misuki Misuki Misuki, Misuki Misuki?

Eric: _(groans)_ That's not even funny. I'm sick of that name enough as it is.

"**Miki, were you with Yuma?" Kathy asked in suspicion.**

"**Um…"**

Jessica: Here we go. Watch as Little Miss Name in Every Sentence talks her way out of this.

"**She just had a hard time somewhere." Yuma said defending Miki. Kathy nodded.**

"**Okay, well then. Let's go home, Miki." Kathy said. The two ran home until Miki paused. She turned to Yuma and waved a goodbye. Yuma waved back.**

Biggs: Yuma in a skirt, interesting.

Eric: _(shudders)_ Well, I'm having nightmares tonight.

Jessica: If she's going to be forgiven easily, at least give something more than a nod and 'Oh, okay then~'.

**At the Cat Mansion:**

**Miki sat on the stairs and wondered about Yuma and that alien she saw yesterday. It gave her nightmares when she thought of it. So she decided to spy on Yuma to find out more about the alien.**

**Somewhere in Heartland:**

**Miki was in her white cat costume, up in a tree, staring at Yuma. It seems Astral didn't appear yet. Everywhere Yuma went, Miki followed. She nearly failed but there were so many places to hide. A few hours had passed and it was already sunset. No progress. So she gave up and called out Yuma's name.**

Biggs: So she gave up on being a stalker with a crush…

"**Yuma!" Yuma turned and saw Miki.**

"**Miki-chan, what are you doing here?" he questioned.**

"**I just wanted to stop by and meet you again." She lied. Yuma blushed. "Can I join you by watching the sunset with you?" she asked.**

"**O-okay." Yuma answered. Then a man came out of nowhere and started to call out:**

"**Rice-cakes! Get some here for free!" the man called out. Yuma licked his lips.**

Eric: There people have no sense of business. They're going about things the wrong way… kind of like those girl scouts from a while back.

Jessica: _(shudder)_ Now *I'm* having nightmares tonight.

"**I'm going to get some. Wait here." Yuma informed. Miki nodded.**

"**Why were you following Yuma all day?" a familiar voice came out.**

**Misuki turned slowly and once against stared at Astral in shock. Her mouth stood open and she was about to scream at any moment. Yuma turned and noticed that Astral scared Miki again. So he kept some rick-cakes in one arm and covered Miki mouth with the other.**

"**Miki, do not scream. That alien is my friend Astral and he will not hurt you, okay?" Yuma whispered seriously. Miki nodded slowly.**

"**Astral…" Miki said. Yuma sighed in relief as he ate all of his rick-cakes one by one.**

**Thirty minutes Later:**

**After a few explanations about Astral and the Number Cards Miki stood silent.**

"**Some story…" Miki commented. "Oh, I almost forgot!" Miki took out a pink slip from the café. "You can come if you come if your guys want." Miki said. Yuma nodded.**

Biggs: People really need to think of better ways of responding to stories like these. Changing the subject doesn't work as well as they think.

Eric: She's plugging her café so Yuma can come over, see her in that costume and suddenly fall in love with her.

Jessica: I thought all the protagonists since Judai were hopeless in understanding love.

Eric: Judai came around, Yusei didn't… regardless of what the Faithshippers think. Yuma's too young and dumb to think like that, it's even been noted by Astral.

"**Where are we going?" Astral asked Yuma.**

"**We are going to a maid café and eat whatever we want. Or what I want." Astral rolled his eyes.**

"**Don't worry, Astral. There will be a time when you could eat someday." Astral and Yuma looked puzzled. "Oh no! Cat-chan might be worried. I got to go. Bye!" and with that Miki left the two.**

"**What does she mean by ****someday****?" Astral asked.**

"**I have no idea, Astral. But maybe this girl might know something about you." Yuma replied.**

Jessica: And wouldn't that be an original twist, nothing like all those female OCs who knew about Yami.

Biggs: 1 down, 4 to go. No wonder the writer's brain kept melting. It's only going to get worse from here.

Eric: Great. What about reviews?

Biggs: Mostly blind praise from the uncreative readers. Same old, really. Let's move on. Next tab is _"Two Souls, One Deck"_ by Final Master X2.

Eric: Hooray, Zexal's answer to porn…

Jessica: At least it's not that long. This should be over quickly… and if we're lucky, painlessly.

**Prologue**

**A Dream Death**

Jessica: Yup. We're getting lucky here, guys.

Eric: Of course, because all deaths are peaceful enough to be compared to dreams. If this is another fic centred on making us feel sorry for the central character, I might just have to rub my wrists lovingly against the edge of this table.

Biggs: I look forward to that.

"**And with that I win again Josh," a girl with light brown hair said as she cleared her cards off the pool tale her and her best friend Josh had been dueling on.**

Eric: Well, it's a subtle start, I suppose. They don't have Duel Disks so resort to 'pool tales'. Um… yeah…

"**Damn how is it that you can always beat me even when you're down 7000 to 300?" Josh asked as he angrily glared at her.**

"**Don't know, guess I'm just lucky."**

Jessica: Or a Mary Sue.

Biggs: I believe she would be down 300 to 7000.

Eric: Why is it the majority of OCs not named Hikari or Sakura have such westernized names that it hurts? If this takes place in Japan, I'd like to meet this guy's parents so I could throttle them for being so bland.

"**What I don't get mentioned in your victory speech?" her other friend Liam asked also cleaning up his deck. The three friends had had a three-way duel.**

Biggs: Is that what they call it nowadays?

Eric: He's 'her friend', but not 'his'?

Jessica: She's a whore. That's what this title means; they have a threesome, that's the fic.

Eric: Lovely.

"**Um no, because I whooped your ass in the first three rounds."**

"**Alright that's because I only got spell and trap cards and I would have won-" the girl cut him off.**

"**If I had gotten out Obelisk or Ra." She finished in a mocking tone. "And per the rules of this little bet I get the decks of the losers."**

Biggs: Wow, some friend. She makes you two look like angels.

Jessica: She's a brat, I don't like her – cocky, self-centred.

Eric: I'm no expert on Duel Monsters, as everyone knows, but Obelisk and Ra would require 3 monsters. He would won if he'd gotten one of them out, but had nothing to use as sacrifices. Riiiiight…

Biggs: Speaking of the Gods, the fact that he has them means this must be a real-life fic. Watch as they go in to watch the latest episode of Zexal and get sucked into the anime's world. That's never happened before.

Jessica: These people get more original with each update.

"**Yea alright here," Josh said handing over his deck.**

"**Fine," Liam said reluctantly handing over his deck, which he had aptly named Graves and Gods due to the fact that the deck was a Gravekeeper's deck with two of the three Egyptian God cards. "At least I still have my Xyz cards."**

Biggs: And? She just took a whole deck of cards. What idiot would wager their entire deck?

Eric: Plenty of people. Their problem is that there's no messiah protagonist to save them. Unless this brat is one, but she just *took* the decks, there's no helping those guys.

"**Yeah but I don't need them seeing as I have my own set of Numbers cards," the girl said smugly. "Alright now out of m house before my mom gets home." And so her friends left as the girl did her chores.**

Jessica: Wonderful piece for work, isn't she? She's got Gods, Numbers and an attitude to match.

Eric: If the author's out to make us hate this character, they're doing a brilliant job. Somehow, I get the feeling that's not what they're going for though.

Biggs: The flow is choppy and, again, the language restricted. I'm tempted to demand 'as' be banished as a word.

Jessica: You just said it.

Biggs: That doesn't count.

**As she walked along the side of the road to school the next morning she heard a screeching sound from behind her. She turned and there was a car that was swerving uncontrollably on the other side of the road. Common sense told her to hop over into the grass and keep walking on the grass but she thought the car wouldn't even come close to her. Was she wrong? Dead wrong. The car hit her full force on the right side of her body. On the spot it collapsed her right lung, broke every bone in her right arm and left and broke three ribs, one of which punctured her collapsed lung. She was dead before the ambulance arrived.**

**Crying people everywhere, friends and family. The casket lay open letting everyone pay his or her final respects to the girl who died too young.**

Biggs: And so Jerkass OC died and the fic came to a close.

Jessica: Unfortunately, there's more. Suppose her guy friends get depressed and go yaoi to get over the grief.

Eric: Or just call dibs on her cards.

Biggs: But again, the pace is off. Another paragraph and everyone would have gotten over the whole thing.

**I woke with a start frightened at the dream I just had. **_**That girl was me or was supposed to be me.**_** I thought to myself. I tried to go back to sleep but after that dream I just couldn't fall asleep. I reached over to my nightstand and turned on the light. I grabbed my deck and started looking through it. The deck I liked to use was a light fairy deck but something caught my attention, in my extra deck there was an extra card. I looked at it, it was Number The Beginning. It was a light fight type so it fit with my deck but I had never seen this card before. **_**Oh well,**_** I thought to myself. **_**I should try to sleep**_**. So I put my deck back turned off my light and fell back asleep.**

Biggs: It was all a dream?

Eric: Wow, I'm so relieved…

Jessica: 'Number The Beginning'. Uh, no.

Eric: And it just so happens to fit with her deck. Oh, it wasn't there before, it's a card never seen or heard of, but that's fine, just go back to sleep like nothing happened. That's how you should deal with that kind of scenario.

Biggs: You're going to love this next bit, Eric.

**The next morning on my way to school I saw this girl walking ahead of me and I realized she was in my class. So I caught up to her.**

"**Hey I'm Jessica," I said to her.**

Jessica: …

Biggs: Oh yeah, you'll like it too, Jess.

Eric: Nice to meet you, I'm Jerkass B.

Biggs: Eric, what are you doing? Don't call her a Jerkass, she'll haunt you.

Eric: Ah, I see. It's all an illusion – Jessica's dead, of course.

Jessica: What? Don't start that again, help me out, Eric.

Eric: Sorry, but I don't want to jeopardize whatever's ahead. You understand, right, Jess?

Jessica: You…

"**I'm Kotori," she said back. We continued to walk to school talking about different topics. Once we were in class we took our seats and began to do our work. Once we were released I went into the court yard with my D-Gazer and my Duel Disk all ready to go for a duel.**

"**Hey you want to duel?" I heard someone shout from behind me. I turned to see a kid with spiky black hair with red spikes in the front.**

Eric: Yuma? It's frigging Heartland, and the best these people could come up with for their kids is Jessica, Josh and Liam? _(sigh)_ If I were Japanese, I'd feel offended by these authors.

"**Sure I'll duel you." I said. We set ourselves up and I took the first move.**

**Jessica (4000 Yuma (4000)**

Eric: Yuma, you can't win. You're part of her lifepoints.

Jessica: Oh hai, close-bracket.

Biggs: Taking bets now.

_A crash from the door follows, filling the apartment with smoke from the collapse of the door once more. Jessica covers her head with her hands, waiting the inevitable. Biggs and Eric stand from their respective seats, recognizing the silhouette growing through the smokescreen._

Biggs: Ah yeah, forgot that you'd show up if a duel actually happened.

Eric: Long time, Yonban.

Yonban: My fellow duel admirers!

Jessica: Maybe we should skip this duel and move on to whatever poor plot we have waiting.

Yonban: Ah, young Earth girl, it is a pleasure to meet your acquaintance once more.

Biggs: Sorry, Yonban, she's dead.

Yonban: I see. _(turns back to Jessica)_ I'm sorry for your tragic loss.

Jessica: Biggs!

_Earl appears in the destroyed doorway._

Earl: Hey, Biggs. Nice hole .

Biggs: Don't worry, Earl. I'll get someone over to fix this in a bit.

Earl: Okay then. Have fun with everyone .

_Earl heads back into his apartment whilst everyone else returns to the coffee table._

Jessica: Okay, where were we?

Yonban: A great duel to decide the fate of the world began, thus beckoning me here to fulfill my duty!

Eric: Did you show him Zetman or something?

Biggs: Don't look at me. If he says something about being a 'hero of justice', then you'll know.

**I looked down at my hand and almost dropped it. In my hand were not my cards. They were Gravekeeper's cards. "These aren't my cards," I said to myself.**

Biggs: Yes, you just said that. Well done, tell us a third time for those of us too retarded to pick up on that fact already.

Yonban: Oh tragedy! There must be some way of coping with this misfortune. Come, Jessica, do not despair, but use the cards to pull off victory against this devious opponent.

Eric: What are you talking about? It's Yuma! He wouldn't know how to destroy the world if you set it up and give him a big red button to push to finish the job.

Jessica: Hang on. Gravekeepers. Liam had Gravekeepers… and Egyptian Gods. She isn't…

Biggs: Damn it, Jess, why do you always go for the deck with the Gods!

Eric: What happened to the porn?

Jessica: Sh- Shut up! It's not me!

"**I know their mine," a voice said next to me. I jumped and looked were the voice had come from. Standing next to me was a girl about my age with short light brown hair and sparkling green eyes. I recognized her instantly.**

"**You're the girl from my dream," I said.**

"**Yes I am now can we get to the duel, I want to see what you can do with that deck." And with that I went on with my turn.**

Jessica: See, Jessica isn't dead. It's the brat from the first chapter.

Eric: Fine, I suppose we'll have to acknowledge you again.

Yonban: It's a miracle!

Jessica: Don't make me regret coming back to life…

Biggs: This other girl is clearly supposed to be some form of Yami and Astral lovechild. She's still got that attitude, wonder which side she got that from.

Eric: They weren't her cards. They were Liam's – she stole them in a crap bet. Yugi never considered Red-Eyes as property of the Rare Hunter after he won it off Jonouchi.

Biggs: So, they exist in one world and she moved into the Zexal world, for whatever reason. Probably none other than to get Jessica involved with Yuma and Astral.

"**First I'll set two cards face down, then I'll activate the field spell Necrovalley," I said as the face downs appeared and then Necrovalley took effect, turning the field into a desert like valley. "Then I'll set one monster face down and end my turn."**

Yonban: A strong start, keep at it, Jessica!

Biggs: Why does everyone insist on putting full stops inside the speech marks? Must be some form of grammar degeneration lurking about in the Zexal archive.

"**Alright my turn now," Yuma said drawing his sixth card. "Okay I'll set one monster face down as well and that will do it for my turn."**

Yonban: Oh, Yuma, you missed out on a perfect opportunity to launch the first strike.

Eric: Which is exactly what Yuma would do. He wouldn't play it safe; he's a reckless character, nothing like this.

"**Okay, I draw and flip the Gravekeeper's Spy,(AK-1200→1700 DEF 2000→2500"And this allows me to summon a Gravekeeper's monster with 1500 or less ATK so I'll summon Gravekeeper's Assailant.(ATK 1500→2000 DEF 1500→2000)**

"**Overlay them," the girl next to me said.**

"**But you don't have any Xyz cards in this deck," I said.**

"**Just do it." I gave in and did it.**

Eric: _(sigh)_ She's just an OC version of Astral. Just like how too many authors like to give themselves "yamis". Develop Dissociative Identity Disorder then come back.

Jessica: How does she expect an Exceed Summon if there are no cards in her deck to summon?

Biggs: You know what's coming.

Yonban: Yes! Open the Overlay Network and bring forth victory!

Jessica: What's an Overlay Network?

Yonban: The gate through which Exceed, or Xyz, Monsters may enter battle through. When two or more monsters with the same level appear, it becomes possible to Exceed Summon a monster with a Rank matching the monsters' levels. Those monsters then become units which can be detached in order to activate the Exceed Monster's effect.

Jessica: I see… Synchros were confusing enough…

"**Fine I overlay Level 4 Gravekeeper's Spy and Level 4 Gravekeeper's Assailant," the two monsters mentioned became dark purple orbs that flew up into the sky. "With these two monsters I construct the overlay network," a black hole appeared and the two orbs flew into it. "Exceed summon Number The I stopped looking at the card I was about to summon. I looked at the girl for confirmation, she nodded. "I summon Number The Ending." With that a man in a black cloak appeared in front of me holding a wooden staff that was toppedwith a glass orb filled with darkness. (Rank 4, Spellcaster, ATK-2500, DEF-2500)**

Yonban: And there it appears! Um… truly a rare card as I've yet to hear of it

Eric: Don't bother, it's a fanmade card. There's no point in trying to understand it.

Biggs: Punctuation lagging again. The lack of anything signalling a pause actually makes it look like it's 'Number The I stopped looking at the card I was about to summon'.

Jessica: There's a mouthful. It's definitely not a ace copy, not Dark Magician.

"**Astral I think this might be a tough fight," I heard Yuma say but I didn't know who he was talking to.**

Eric: Would help if you listened to the name.

Biggs: So there's Number The Beginning and Number The End. Dare I ask what's coming next?

Jessica: The chapter title was 'Number Infinity'. You best not dare.

Biggs: The first lines are just a recap of the last chapter's closing. Do these people really think we've got dementia or something?

"**Well when you finishing talking to your self my monster will attack your face down." With that my monster shot out a ball of darkness at the face down monster. The card flipped to revile a monster that looked like a man fused with a castle.**

Biggs: 'Yourself'. It's one word. Don't get me started on 'revile'.

Jessica: I find this vile. Does that count as close?

Biggs: Closer than what she was intending.

**Gogogo Golem, once per turn he is not destroyed by battle," Yuma said but his monster shattered before his eyes.**

"**Sorry, but with The Ending on the field all other monster effects are negated and with that my turn ends." The ghost girl said. The boy looked like he hadn't heard so I repeated what she said. The boy looked stunned and he looked down at his hand and I swear you could see the gears turning in his head.**

Eric: Yeah, no. Unless Astral's turning them.

Yonban: Such a shame, Yuma. But you can come back from this. There must be a way to bypass The Ending's power and seize victory.

Jessica: Pick a side, man!

"**Alright then I guess it's my turn." He drew his card and grinned. "I summon Ganbara Knight (Level 4, Warrior, ATK-0, DEF DEF-1800) and with that I can special summon Kagetokage (Level 4, Reptile, ATK-1100, DEF-1500). First a man holding two oversized shields appeared and then a lizard made out of shadows appeared on the field. "Now I overlay my two level four monsters," Ganbara Knight and Kagetokage turned into yellow and purple orbs respectively and flew into the black hole that had appeared in the middle of the field. "EXCEED SUMMON, NUMBER 39 HOPE THE ASSPIERING EMPIROR! (Rank 4, Warrior, ATK-2500, DEF-2000 Yuma shouted as a warrior appeared with a glowing 39 on his shoulder. I looked on at it not realizing that this card could be my downfall. "Now Hope attack the Ending, Hope Sword Slash!" Hope grabbed the sword that hung on his waist and threw it at The Ending.**

Yonban: Huzzah! Yuma's ace card. These two titans have the same power, so this clash will no doubt be something grand.

Biggs: IT'S A NUNBAZUUU! I FORGOT HOW TO TURN OFF CAPS LOCK!

Eric: One word: ASSPIERING.

Jessica: FIRST-PERSON NARRATOR CAN'T NARRATE FOR CRAP.

"**Sorry if you were hoping to destroy my monster in a suicide attack your hoping for nothing, activate Negate Attack," I sad as my trap flipped up. Then a swirling barrier appeared in front of my monster, stopping the attack from connecting.**

"**Fine I'll set two cards and end my turn." He said.**

Yonban: Hang in there, Yuma. You can triumph over this demonic Ending so long as you fight with hope. Uh… and Hope!

"**Alright I draw," I looked at the card in my hand and couldn't believe what I was holding.**

"**Believe it cause it's there," Ghosty said. In my hand I was holding Obelisk the Tormentor. "Play Xyz Rebirth, it will special summon the two monsters you used to summon the Ending." When she said that I saw her plan.**

Yonban: Is this not Xyz Reborn? That card possesses a different power.

Biggs: Must be another original card.

Yonban: I see. But the cards used to Exceed Summon remain on the field, I would have expected the units to be required in the Graveyard in order to Special Summon them.

Eric: Apparently not. This is an OC, the rules of the game do not apply.

"**I activate Xyz Rebirth," as I played the card the two orbs surrounding The Ending flew off and became Gravekeeper's Spy and Assailant. "Now I sacrifice all three of them to summon out Obelisk the Tormentor!" I shout as I play the Egyptian God card. The field began to tremble as the clouds darkened overhead. I saw lightning flash in them and tehn they began to swirl and from the centre of the mass of clouds Obelisk began to descend I heard a few people gasp and as I was about to commence an attack my D-gazer short circuited so I had throw it off my face but when I looked up I couldn't help but gasp to. Standing in front of me and everyone else was a fully real Obelisk the Tormentor all around us peoples D-Gazers started to short circuit as well and soon everyone saw what I saw and then their eyes turned towards me, at that moment as their eyes fell on me I got nervous and I panicked. I ran away as fast as I could so that they would stop staring at me.**

Jessica: Oh hai punctuation. How's your holiday going?

Biggs: So many 'ands'. It hurts. That last passage actually hurts. It even breaks English for a moment.

Yonban: So terrible. This is what happens when Yuma sells the Egyptian God cards; they come back to haunt him. And Jessica. Now the world will be plagued by this menace's rampage.

Jessica: Luckily for us, we don't have to endure that. That's the last update this fic had.

Eric: I feel somewhat lucky.

Biggs: So the title wasn't referring to porn or sex. It was just throwing a girl to act as Astral to an original character. Said character inheriting her deck. Lovely. Why did we waste our time with this crap?

Jessica: Contract?

Eric: _NO!_

Jessica: What? No, no. I *meant* Biggs uses his contract as an excuse to carry on.

Eric: _(eyes Biggs suspicious)_ If you're going to mutate, do that elsewhere.

Biggs: Huh?

Eric: Never mind. So I assume that later, these two would combine in the same way as Yustral.

Jessica: Shipping names?

Eric: No, it's Keyshipping. And it's shit.

Biggs: They'll overlay their souls alright. But we won't enjoy it.

Biggs: Alright, as for reviews, it looks like the audience for Zexal fics is filled with deluded fangirls with no sense of creativity or the capacity to make a review longer than a third of a line. Again, all praising the fic so far. Poor fools.

Jessica: How about we tackle this rape fic? Best to get it out of the way.

Biggs: We could always avoid it altogether.

Jessica: It'll never work.

Biggs: _(disgruntled sigh)_ Fine… you're getting a yaoi vibe from this, don't you?

Jessica: _(shrug)_ Only one way to find out.

**Astral had been by Yuma's side for hours while he wrote in his journal of the days events. Astral was patient. Astral was calm, but Astral was bored. Every time he tried to peek at what Yuma was writing he would cover it with his arm and shoot the spirit a dark glare.**

"**A journal is private," he said.**

"**Why?" asked Astral.**

**Yuma sighed, "It's a place for someone to record their personal thought without fear of being judged," he explained.**

"**But I am not here to judge you," began Astral.**

"**Yeah right," snapped Yuma.**

"**I mean it. Other than your dueling strategy… It's not my place to judge anything you do… I rely on your example. I make observations, I do not judge what I see. I learn from you, Yuma."**

Eric: Yuma's certainly… calmer. And more thoughtful. Though I highly doubt it would take hours to write in a journal. That would be the day's events.

Jessica: Though I doubt he knows how to shoot dark glares, especially towards someone like Astral.

Biggs: I don't even want to know what he's writing.

Jessica: A confession of love for Astral, obviously.

**Yuma was so irritated his eyebrow was twitching, "Fine," he gave in, "I'll let you read today's entry, as long as you promise to shut up." He tossed the blue spirit his journal.**

**He began to read it, "I am not an idiot, " he whispered inaudibly and continued reading.**

Biggs: Someone's testy.

Eric: _(puts his face in his hands)_ Just wait until you find out why.

_**Today I ate outside to avoid the people who glare at me and call me crazy in the lunch room… There everywhere now. Sometimes I think my best friends doubt my sanity… Eating outside turned out to be way worse though. I ran into the gym teacher and he grabbed me, if Tori hadn't come to find me he may have raped… Astral was oblivious though.**_

Jessica: That old Sonic Sez comes to mind; 'If someone tries to touch your body in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, that's no good'.

Eric: _But_ it doesn't necessarily mean you're going to get raped. How the hell does a 12 year old kid with no concept of love or sex know about rape?

Biggs: Elementary, my dear Eric. He stumbled on this site.

Eric: Oh boy…

**Astral lowered the small leather book, "What is rape?" he asked. Yuma's eyes suddenly became large and he snatched the book back from Astral.**

**He looked at it for a second, "You floating idiot! That was yesterday's entry! You weren't supposed to read that one!" he snarled.**

_**Again with the idiot remark,**_** Astral swore he was never going to let that go.**

Biggs: Someone's testy.

Jessica: Suppose he would if there had been some form of attempts rape the day before. Then again, there'd need to be evidence it was heading in that direction to actually justify it. He's certainly cynical, even of his friends. This isn't the Yuma I'd expect from Zexal.

Eric: It's simple – Yuma must be on his man-period.

Biggs: You'd know all about that.

"**I'm not sure what the problem is, I merely asked a simple question. What is rape?" said Astral.**

**Astral's innocent was enough to fade Yuma's anger, he sighed again, "It's the worst possible thing one person can do to another person."**

Eric: Does mind rape count? Because if so, you're doing that to us now…

Jessica: I want to see what else is above murder. I understand the author's choice for rape being pinned at number 1, but I'm curious about the order beneath all that.

Biggs: You're demented.

"**How so?" asked Astral, "It it painful?"**

"**Usually, but not always… Sometimes you just feel numb…"**

Eric: He sounds like he's talking from experience. _(cringes)_ Maybe that's why he assumed things were heading in that direction – it's happened between him and that gym teacher before. Oh Heartland, why you a colourful version of Satellite all of a sudden?

"**How is it bad if it doesn't really hurt?"**

"**Well, it **_**does**_** hurt… just in a different way sometimes…" Yuma thought for a second, "It's put on a whole different sat of standards because it's compared to affection."**

"**And affection is?"**

**Yuma bowed his head and threw his hands up in the air in a helpless gesture, "A kiss on the cheerk, a hug, holding hands… Stuff like that."**

"**What's the difference between that and rape?" asked Astral.**

"**The only real difference is affection is taken willingly, rape isn't…"**

Jessica: In all honesty, in terms of describing affection, Yuma's doing a pretty good job. If he were a serious protagonist, I could see him acting like this.

Eric: Unfortunately, he's not a serious protagonist. This conversation is far too awkward anyway.

Biggs: Nit-picking under the major issue here – *set* of standards. Other than that, I'm left wondering what one has to go through to feel the need to write something like this. I pray it's merely anti-rape and warning the happy fangirls to stop using it as a qwertyuiop'ing plot, or worse, using it to bring two characters together.

**Astral only tilted his head to the side like a confused kitten.**

"**Affection makes you feel good, rape does the opposite." Said Yuma desprately.**

"**How so?" asked Astral, uncrossing his arms.**

"**I can't explain it."**

"**There must be some way you can show me."**

Jessica: _(nosebleed)_

Biggs: _(rolls eyes)_ Oh Jess… grab a tissue already.

Eric: If you're asking for it, Astral, then it's not rape.

Biggs: …It's not just anti-rape warning the happy fangirls to stop using it as a qwertyuiop'ing plot, or worse, using it to bring two characters together, is it?

**The moment he had finished the sentence, Yuma grabbed him by his wrist and pulled him down onto his hammock, rolling over on top of the thin spirit.**

**For the first moment in his life, Astral was about speechless, "Yuma?" he asked, unsure.**

**The scarlet eyed duelist's expression was unreadable as he grabbed Astral's wrist's and pinned them above his head.**

**He squirmed weakly, "What are you doing?"**

**Yuma said nothing, simply leaned down and pressed his lips into his neck. Astral watched his every move with apprehension. He began to apply more pressure with every move of his lips against the tender blue skin, and Yuma's own expression was beginning to darken as well. He looked angry, as if he were letting all of his resentment out with this kiss. Yuma also looked as if he were really beginning to enjoy this, this terrified Astral most of all…**

Eric: ACK! STOP IT! THAT'S ENOUGH OF THAT!

Jessica: What? No fair.

Biggs: _(shudder)_ Jess, it goes into a full-blown rape scene. We're not looking at that. We've got a small enough audience as it is. You've got the paper copy, just go brave that in your own time.

Jessica: Well what do reviews say?

Biggs: Judging from the majority of them, it looks like Black Mist is manipulating Yuma or something. And probably more scenes just like that. Wonderful.

Eric: That one's particularly disturbing.

**Its not rape if u like it! XD …It is wrong that i like this? DX … poor Astral(**

Eric: YES, IT IS!

Biggs: You enjoy watching someone being sexual abused? A traumatic experience that people go through that occasionally leads to the destruction of their life afterwards? Well, um… Zexal fandom, you truly are special.

Jessica: Outside the yaoi, this fic's pairings are strange.

Eric: You mean including the yaoi.

Jessica: Well, seeing as Yuma's 12, his gym teacher possibly going after him brings in pedophilia. As much as I love the idea of Astral and Yuma together, I can't help but wonder about why a 12 year old boy would want to engage sexually with an alien. Strange crossbreeding that is.

Eric: Quick, let's move on. The doctor told me to stay away from the most harmful stuff, seems you wanted to bring it all in. I've got an extra dosage of brain bleach to take tonight.

Jessica: Bring some along next time, will you?

Eric: When you're hospitalized.

Biggs: Alrighty, let's give Jess her yaoi and be done with it in one go. We're going with _Black Trouble _by DaireySyns. Sounds like fun.

**A 13 old boy with red eyes, black hair with two little side spikes and couple of pink bands sticking out to the air looked out of the bedroom window. Thinking about what his childhood friend had said.**

**-Couple hours ago-**

"_**Yuma is there something wrong?" Kotori asked.**_

"_**Huh, what? Yeah I am fine. Why asking?" Yuma said surprised.**_

"_**Well lately you have been daydreaming a lot." She explained.**_

"_**Yeah so. You know I don't pay a lot attention in class."**_

_**Kotori sighed." No I mean. In the past you sleep but know you just stare out of the window with a smile."**_

_**Yuma swallowed. He didn't think someone notices, of course he didn't take Kotori in count.**_

"_**So what you're thinking? Whatever it is, it's making you smile." Kotori asked in a teasing tone.**_

"_**N-nothing." Yuma stutter.**_

"_**Oh, or is it a sometime?" Kotori said getting closer to him with a smirk.**_

"_**NO!" Yuma yelled making Kotori jump.**_

"_**Relax Yuma I'm just joking." Yuma felt his cheeks burning a bit of shame. He didn't meant to yell that last part.**_

"_**Sorry Kotori," He apologizes.**_

"_**It's okay Yuma. But does this mean that it is about someone?" Kotori carefully asked. Yuma started to twirl his finger. How is he going to explain this?"**_

"_**Euhm well. Yes." He said.**_

_**Kotori was surprised at this."Oh do I know her?" If it was Cathy she going to die right on the spot.**_

"_**Itsnotaheritsahim."Yuma mumble.**_

Jessica: Hooray!

Eric: Astral. I'd guess Shark otherwise, but it's Yuma and Astral that this fic's listed under.

Biggs: This pacing is horrid. And the tearing apart of the English language makes me soul cry.

"_**Come again?" Kotori asked.**_

"_**It'snoaheritsahim," Yuma said a little bit louder but still too fast for Kotori to understand.**_

"_**Yuma! Stop mumbling and answer me." She said a little irritated.**_

"_**IT'S NOT A HRT, IT'S A HIM!"Yuma yelled frustratd. But afterwards he slapped his hand on his mouth.**_

Biggs: Subtle~

_**But teenagers froze at the spot and looked at each other with shock. Kotori because she just dicover Yuma was gay and Yuma because he just gave his deepest secret away. They stared at each other, Yuma still with his hand over his mouth, not knowing what to say.**_

_**Kotori was the first who broke the silence."Yuma you're gay?"**_

Eric: Really, people need to recover from these bombshells with a bit more sympathy and treading carefully.

_**Yuma looked away from Kotori, not wanted to see her reaction.**_

"_**Yes." He answered.**_

Biggs: Look at that big paragraph up ahead. Might as well skip over it.

Eric: Gladly.

"_**Why didn't you tell me this before? Don't you trust me?" She said calmly.**_

_**Yuma looked at her and saw a smile on her face. No anger, no disgust, no hate. Just friendship and understanding.**_

_**He smirked a little and rubbed his head." I though you would freak out. Since you kinda like me."**_

"_**Wait? You did notice?" Kotori said surprised.**_

"_**A little bit. I didn't want to hurt you. You're my best friend Kotori. You're like a sister to me." Yuma explained. Kotori sighed." Typical. You always think about another before yourself." Yuma just grinned at Kotori.**_

"_**But who is this guy you have been daydreaming?" Kotori asked, wondering who it could be. Yuma stopped grinning and panicked again.**_

Biggs: So best thing here would be to move on, but do we?

"_**Wait let me guess. Shark?" Kotori guessed.**_

"_**What! No, w-we are just good friends." Yuma said.**_

Biggs: …Of course not.

"_**No? Okay let me think. Uhm well I pretty sure it isn't Tokunosuke or Tetsuo."Kotori said smiling.**_

"_**Scrap Takashi also off the list while you're busy." Yuma said laughing.**_

"_**Well the only is left is Kaito."**_

"_**Kaito! Hell no. He wanted to take my soul. Plus he once stole the key, kidnapping Astral and almost killed him. Why will I love someone like that?" Yuma exclaimed.**_

_**Kotori shrugged her shoulders." Just trying Yuma."**_

_**Yuma shaked his head but laughed. But Kotori was still trying to figure out who it could be. That where all the boys Yuma had contact. There was nobody left.**_

"_**Ha, wait when I tell Astral this. He doesn't laugh often but this got to make him laugh." Yuma sigh. The he took the key, that hanged around his neck, in his hand. "Speaking of Astral. Where is he? I haven't seen him in a while. He went inside key to take a got look of the spaceship." Yuma said worried.**_

_**Kotori looked at him and saw the look on his face. Then it all became clear for her. During his daydreaming he always held the key.**_

"_**Astral." She said.**_

"_**Huh what?" Yuma asked.**_

"_**It's Astral. You love Astral." Kotori pointed at him. Yuma gasped and looked at the ground with red cheeks.**_

Biggs: Is it me, or did Kotori just ship pretty much all the major yaoi pairings?

Eric: Well, pre-Tron family ones at least.

Jessica: Tron? You mean they're going deeper into augmented/virtual reality?

Eric: No. Don't ask.

Biggs: Well that took longer than I would have liked; just get on with it rather than making Yuma a bicycle.

"_**Does he knows?" Kotori asked suddenly.**_

"_**Who know what?" Yuma wonder.**_

"_**Astral silly. Does Astral know how you feel?" The girl said while rolling her eyes.**_

"_**No." Yuma said.**_

"_**Huh, why not?" Kotori asked.**_

"_**Why? Well. What if he doesn't feel the same." Yuma said.**_

"_**You never know." Kotori said.**_

"_**But what if he-"Yuma started.**_

Biggs: Is it that difficult to write that someone is asking something rather than simply speaking?

Jessica: Apparently so.

"_**Yuma listen. What if Astral leaves one day? You will never know if he felt the same. And maybe he will stay because of you." Kotori explained.**_

_**Yuma blinked and wonder. What if she is right? If Astral leaves he always stays with question: did he love me? Then he realized that he didn't want to be stuck with that lifelong question.**_

"_**You know what Kotori? You right. I do want to know." Yuma said more determined than before. Suddenly he hugged Kotori catching the girl of guard.**_

"_**Thanks Kotori. Thanks for the advice. I'm going home and tell him right away." He said before running off.**_

"_**See you tomorrow!" He yelled while waving.**_

_**Kotori waved before she turned to go to her home. There were some tears in her eyes. But she was happy. Happy that Yuma was happy.**_

Eric: That's what they always say. Don't turn this into another _School Days_.

Jessica: _(shudder)_ Stop doing that, Eric.

Eric: You wanted to read rape, nothing I say can top that.

Biggs: Urgh, another flashback. Can't be bothered. Skim mode. Basically, Astral's learned through television what love is, how convenient.

"**Astral will understand what I am saying" Yuma said trying to convince himself. He grabbed the key and took a deep breath.**

" **Okay here I go. Astral? Astral can I have a word with you?" The key just stayed in his hand. Nothing happening.**

"**Astral?" Yuma asked. He started to get worry. "Astral are you okay?" Suddenly the key glowed and Astral appeared before him. Like always he had his arm crossed and looked at Yuma with a neutral face.**

"**Finally. I wonder why you didn't answer." Yuma said relieved.**

"**Do I always have to answer you?" Astral snapped. Yuma flinched. Astral never has snapped at him. He usually very calm and soft against him.**

Jessica: Reversal; now Astral's on his man-period.

_Eric and Biggs exchanged equally puzzled looks._

"**Euh no, but I was worried." Yuma said. An awkward silence felt between them. Astral looked away from Yuma while Yuma looked at the spirit wonder what was wrong with him.**

"**What do you want Yuma?" Astral asked still waiting. Yuma started to play with his fingers." Well I wanted to tell you something important." Yuma said.**

"**Important? Whatever it is, just say it." Astral said not even looking at Yuma.**

**Yuma felt his courage sinking in his shoes. He wasn't sure anymore if he should say it. In his mind he was thinking how he should start.**

"**Well, speak Yuma!" Astral snapped bringing Yuma out of his thoughts.**

Eric: Man-period or not, this is painfully out of character for Astral; he's in a league of stoic with Yami no Yuugi and early-5D's Yusei. Why the hell is he yelling and getting snappy? Obliviously it's part of the plot, even the author keeps pointing out how Astral isn't himself.

Jessica: Astral, Yami and Yusei. Hm~

Biggs: Oh God, you've got her going now, Eric. No, Jess, down girl!

"**Hey don't speak to me like that! What I want to say. Remember when I told you about love?" Yuma said.**

"**Yes." Astral said.**

"**Well, those feelings you told me. I feel the same thing about you. I always want to be near you. Without you I am not complete. When I am around you I feel my heart jump and I am happy."**

**Astral raised one of his eyebrows. "I love you Astral." Yuma finally said. Yuma looked at the floor waiting for a response of Astral. Suddenly he hears laughing. He looked up and saw Astral was laughed.**

Eric: Well… uh… that's not the response I was expecting.

Jessica: What's wrong with him? Astral doesn't laugh, let alone turn down Yuma!

Biggs: I think you've got it the other way around. Actually, I'm confused.

"**W-what so funny." Yuma asked.**

Biggs: Huzzah, someone asked. Now if only there was a question mark to go with that.

"**What do you suspect me to say? I love you to?" Astral said mocking.**

"**Euhm, well yes. I-I mean no." He stutters before he regains his toughness. "You can answer whatever you want. But do you love me or not?" Yuma sais a little angry.**

"**Of course not. Why should I love you?" Astral answered.**

"**W-what do you mean why?" Yuma asked feeling his heart started to crack.**

Biggs: Well, we got there eventually.

Eric: Now we've got this horrible OOC-ness to deal with…

"**I mean, why I should love an annoying boy like you?" Astral said irritated.**

**Crack. His heart broke more.**

"**W-hat?" Yuma said.**

"**You heard me. You're annoying, childish, and loud. You never think twice before you do something. And during your duels you total fail at everything. I don't understand why you want to become a champion in the first place." Astral said with an angry look on his face.**

Eric: My sentiments exactly. Except Astral saying 'totally' works as well as Yami saying 'dude' in _Reshef of Destruction_. Any second now, his cover will get blown.

"**B-but I." Yuma stutter.**

"**I still don't understand why the key came to you. Or why you're the one that open the door. I was better off with some person who can achieve something."**

**Yuma felt tears forming in his eyes. Al those words Astral said were killing him. He never knew Astral though this about him. How long has he been holding this? The tears where falling silent over his cheeks.**

"**Good god, are you crying now? You're so pathetic Yuma." Astral mocked.**

"**Stop." Yuma whisper.**

Eric: Yeah. Stop this crap and get on with the plot.

Biggs: Seems the Zexal community have something about victimizing the central character to a painful degree and dragging out that torment well beyond a period that we care for.

Jessica: But Astral… why?

"**Do me a big favour Yuma. Could you just leave me alone and only call me when a number appear."**

"**Stop." Yuma said while he started to shack.**

Biggs: Huh? I get that the author's profile says they're Belgian, but it wouldn't kill to get a beta reader fluent in English.

"**The faster I get my memory back the better for me. I can't wait to leave you."**

"**STOP!" Yuma yelled.**

**Astral looked at him surprising.**

"**Fine! Go back! Go back into your precious key! And don't worry about me bothering you again!" Yuma yelled while tears where streaming from his eyes. "Your horrible you know that! I thought you were my friend, maybe even more. I thought you weren't so bad. That you just need to loosen up. But your monster! A cold hearted monster! I..I HATE YOU!" He cried even he didn't meant the last part.**

**Then there was a silent between the two. Yuma stood there regaining his breath while Astral stood there with a non-emotional face.**

"**I am glad we are at the same understanding Yuma Tsukumo." Astral said before he retreated back inside the key.**

Biggs: I'm… confused.

Eric: You're not the only one. And I don't think Jessica's in a state to help us out.

Jessica: _(gazes at the paper with tears streaming down her face)_ Why did you…? Poor Yuma…

**Inside the spaceship with the many gears Astral appeared. He chuckled. But then he started to laugh. Laughing evil.**

"**That was most amusing. I thought he just wanted to know why you didn't show up for a couple days. But he surprised me." Astral said.**

"**W-what do y-you mean?" A weak voice said.**

**Astral turned around with a smirk. Slowly his skin turned from his smooth blue skin to pitch black.**

"**Nothing Astral I just got a little fun with your human friend." He said while looking up.**

**Between two gears the real Astral was trapped by black sludge. His body was covered with bruises and cuts. A couple days ago he went inside the key to investigate the spaceship again. Unfortunately he made a confrontation with number 96 the Black Mist. Somehow Black Mist broke out of his prison again. Astral tried to keep his eyes open but he felt so weak. He had fought with all his strength but Black Misty was stronger. And now he was stuck in his days he wonders if Yuma notice he was gone. And when he felt that Yuma was calling for him he felt happy.**

**Then he saw Black mist turning his skin blue and went in his place.**

Eric: Riiiight.

Biggs: Does Black Mist exist in the minds of the fangirls solely for bondage and to interfere with any potential relationship between Yuma and Astral? I know he's 96, but come on.

Eric: it's 69 in reverse, but God, just wait until that shows up.

Biggs: (_shudder)_ I'd rather not.

"**He said he loves you." Black Mist said.**

**Astral felt his heart jump. He couldn't believe it. Yuma loved him.**

**True was. He lied to Yuma about the origin of where he knew those feelings. He didn't saw the on TV.**

Biggs: Choking. Language dying, choking right now.

Jessica: Oh shush. This is emotional.

Eric: It's also jumbled.

**He was afraid that Yuma didn't feel the same thing. Maybe even worse that Yuma will hate him and destroy or throw away the key. So kept those emotions to himself. Being with Yuma was enough. And now he heard Yuma feels the same thing. His heart was so happy.**

**Black Misty somehow was able to see that, because his smirk turned wider. He floated to Astral.**

"**Well since you weren't there I answer in your place." He said.**

"**What?" Astral said shocked.**

"**You heard me." Black Misty said amusing.**

"**What d-did you say t-to him." Astral demanded. Black Misty didn't say anything making Astral angrier. "What DID you say!" Astral yelled.**

Eric: Urgh. This is the real Astral, but he's no closer to being in character than Black Mist's attempt. If he were to keep up that disguise, you couldn't tell those two apart.

**Black Mist chuckled." I said why I should love annoying boy like him?" He answer.**

"**What?" Astral whispered in disbelief.**

Biggs: Black Mist caveman. Missing words.

Eric: Repeating almost everything word for word. Why bother? He wouldn't go into such detail, at least not like this. Skimming over the answer, it may as well be an in-chapter recap.

**Astral shook his head. No, this can't be happening.**

"**But I think the moment you said that you couldn't wait to leave him really broke his heart. The tears where streaming of his cheeks like waterfalls." The Black Misty said cruelly.**

"**Y-you monster." Astral hissed.**

"**Mhh, no I am pretty sure Yuma believes you'er a monster. In fact he never wants to see you again. He was pretty clear about that." The Black Mist said while he snapped his fingers.**

Eric: Oh, Black Mist. You need a hobby. Is this all you're going to exist for? Think we've found Zexal's Divine…

"**Why? W-why are y-you doing t-this?" Astral wanted to know.**

**Black Mist came closer to him. Too close for him. He tried to get away from his black copie but the ooze he didn't let him. He felt the breath of Black Misty in his ear." Because I want you all for myself." He whispered.**

**Suddenly the Black Misty grabbed his chin and forced him to look in his eyes.**

"**And I refuse to share you with a meaningless human like that him. He can't even win a duel when his life depends on it." Black Mist growled with a mad looking in his eyes.**

Biggs: Hang on, so the fandom aren't just shipping a kid and an alien, but now an alien and Duel Monster taking on the form of said alien? I've heard of interspecies romance, but that's ridiculous.

Eric: Never underestimate the fandom…

"**Well I leave you alone now then. But don't worry I will be back soon." Black Mist said before he flew away leaving Astral alone. After couple minutes tears felt from Astral cheeks silently. He didn't sob but his face showed his broken heart.**

"**Yuma. I am so sorry." He said sadly." It's my fault. If I was stronger I would have won from Number 96. Then your heart wouldn't be broken. Instead I would have come close to you and told you that I love you to."**

Jessica: All this talk makes me think of Kingdom Hearts. And all the yaoi lurking in that area. Why don't we wander over there?

Eric: We'll do that when you've gotten over your strange fetishes. Yaoi included.

Jessica: You guys suck.

**Unknowing to both Astral as Black Mist two pairs of big eyes had seen the whole conversation. They were the only who knew the truth. They were the one who could change this all around.**

Jessica: The chapter's over, but there's another. Come on, let's have a look, I want to see what comes of this.

Biggs: Jess, we're already 13,700 words up and we've still got another fic to look at. We're running out of steam; notice how we're lagging in actually riffing this thing?

Eric: Crap, when did these get so big?

Jessica: Aw, come on. I'll buy you guys a round later.

Biggs: Fine, we'll save _Gender Copy_ for another time.

Eric: Joy, we get that to look forward to…

Biggs: Hey, we're getting free booze. May as well take it while the offer's open.

Eric: Fine, but the first instance of rape, we're wrapping this up and getting out.

Jessica: Okay~

**Yuma woke up hours after the sun had gone down. His eyes were stinging from the tears. He first didn't remember falling asleep. But when he saw the key he remembered. How Astral broke his heart and stamped on it.**

"**Man I am glad that Sis and Grandma aren't home. Otherwise they would have heard me." He muttered. Now he didn't have to explain about him crying. It's not like he can tell the truth.**

**He forced to stand up although his heart told him just to lie down and stay down. But he was hungry and he didn't want his friends and family to be worried about him. He stroll to the kitchen and made a dish of the leftovers of yesterday. Yuma tried to swallow but the lump in his throat didn't make it him easy. Suddenly he noticed this deck glowing a little bit.**

"**Huh, what's going on?" Yuma wondered. He stepped closer to his deck. Then the little glow became brighter and brighter. Until the light became so bright that even Yuma had to cover his eyes.**

"**WHAAAA!" He yelled in surprise.**

**He stood there for a while hand covering his eyes. He wonders if it was safe to drop his hands. Suddenly he heard a noise.**

Biggs: And the God cards wormed themselves into Zexal again.

Eric: Don't tempt them.

Jessica: Well it explains who was watching Astral and Black Mist.

"**Kuri, kuri."**

"**Kuri? Mhh, strange that's sound like." Yuma immediately opened his eyes. Surprisingly he saw in front of him Kuribolt and Baby Tragon.**

**The two little monsters where happy that their young master recognize them. With a lot of enthusiastic they jumped on Yuma causing him to fall on the floor.**

"**Wow, guys carefully. What are you two doing here?" Yuma asked.**

**Both stopped jumping and looked at Yuma with sad eyes. Yuma waved his hands." No, no. I don't mind you guys here. I glad to see you. I am just wondering what's the reason you came out of yours cards." Yuma explained.**

**Suddenly Baby Tragon pushed Yuma to his foot (which was amazing for a little guy like him) then they both pushed Yuma back to his room. There they pointed to the key and made a lot of noise like they were trying to say something.**

Jessica: Well, duh. I wonder if that's got something to do with them appearing and the odd behaviour.

**Both started to get desperate. They pushed and pulled at his clothes trying to get him close to the key. Baby Tragon pointed to Yuma, then to the key and back to Yuma.**

**Yuma then figured it out." You want me to go inside the key?" The two monsters yelped out of happiness. But Yuma was lesser happy." Sorry guy no." Kuribolt and Baby Tragon stopped and looked at their master.**

" **Astral is inside key and he made pretty clear he doesn't want me around." Yuma said sadly.**

**Yuma jumped a little bit when the two monsters started to crying loud and making a lot of movements. It was like they were trying to say 'no that's not true'. Of course Yuma didn't understand there language.**

**But the two keep on going trying to get there master inside the key. Yuma sighed. He figured out that the two little monsters weren't going to give up.**

"**OKAY! Okay. I got it. I will come. But if Astral is going to be mad at me for entering his spaceship I am blaming you two." The two monsters nodded approved as long Yuma just went inside the key.**

Biggs: This should be fun.

Jessica: Yeah, I'm looking forward to seeing Yum and Astral reunite after all that drama from before.

Biggs: Jess, when it comes to yaoi, you really need to grasp the concept of sarcasm still existing.

Eric: Either way, this better not involve anything seedy. Again.

Jessica: Oh calm yourself.

**In a flash Yuma, Kuribolt and Baby Tragon appeared inside the key. Yuma looked around. Still this was his second time he was still fascinated by the huge gears of the ship. His eyes went from left to right to up and down. Then he heard the two monsters again." Al right wheat is it that you want to show me?"**

**Then he heard a faint sound. A mumble, a very soft whisper. He tried to hear what is was but the noise of the two and the gears overwhelmed it.**

"**Sush! Both of you. I heard something." He started to float, since he was inside the key's world, to the source of the noise. He knew he was getting closer because the sound was getting louder.**

"**Yuma."**

**Yuma stopped. Someone was saying his name? Then he felt a push in the back. He turned to see Baby Tragon pushing, insisting to go further. So Yuma went further and further. Then he hears it again.**

"**Yuma."**

**Yuma gasped. Now he recognized the sound. It was Astral. But why Astral mumbling his name? Didn't he hate him? Curious, he decided to check it out. But when he arrived at where he thought the sound was coming from, he didn't see Astral anywhere.**

"**Strange the noise came from here." Yuma said wondering . Then he saw the monsters pointed above them. Yuma looked up and gasped in terror. He tried to scream but his voice was struck in his throat of shock. Between the gears he saw Astral. Wounded, trapped in some ooze. Yuma floated up to get closer He didn't care if Astral wasn't going to like this. Yuma wanted to be sure Astral was alright. Carefully he cupped Astral's face in his hands and examines him. Then he notice some tears stains on Astral cheeks.**

"**Has he been crying? "Yuma whisper. He gently stroke Astral's cheek while checking on his wounds.**

Biggs: More jumping between tenses and dumping full stops inside the speech marks. Is there some trend going around the Zexal fandom to use these?

Jessica: It's not just Zexal, they happen everywhere. Now shush, I want to see where this is going.

Eric: I don't…

"**Whoever gave him this wounds it didn't hold back." Yuma said. He looked at Astral worried. Even Astral broke his heart, his love for Astral was too strong to ignore this. He wanted to help his alien spirit. Gently, for not making the wounds worse, he shook Astral.**

"**Astral? Astral please wake up. Say something." Yuma said.**

**Yuma started to get worry when Astral didn't react immediately. He shook a little harder. Then when he hear Astral groan he felt relieved. Finally a sign of life.**

**Astral opened his mismatched eyes to look straight in Yuma's red eyes.**

"**Yuma?" Astral wonder if this was a cruel trick that his mind was playing on him. He thought that the pain and exhaustion showed him illusions.**

"**Astral are you alright?" Yuma asked worried. Astral keep look at him like he wasn't there. Yuma looked down sadly. Astral probably didn't want to see him. Yuma's hands dropped to his sides while he floated a little bit from Astral.**

"**I get it. You didn't want to see me. I understand." He turned his back to Astral." I mean I am nothing but annoying, loud, childish boy. Right?"**

**Astral eyes widened in disbelief. Those words. They were the same Black Misty had said to Yuma. So this means that this was the real Yuma. His Yuma, who he loved with all his heart. He was here. Yuma was really here.**

"**I will leave you now." Yuma said.**

**Astral gasped." NO!" He yelled and tried to get to Yuma. Unfortunately he moved his body too fast causing his wounds to sting. He hissed in pain.**

**Yuma, who had looked back in surprise of the outburst, float back to Astral." Astral be careful." He said.**

"**Don't go." Astral said.**

"**What?" Yuma asked.**

"**Astral looked at him with a pleading eyes." Don't go. I don't want you to leave." Astral said. Then he smiled." Actually I am glad you here. I missed you"**

Jessica: How sweet.

Biggs: It'd be sweeter if it weren't yaoi. And the punctuation wasn't having a party to celebrate coming back from holiday.

Eric: And a competent beta reader had looked over this before it was uploaded. I understand if English isn't the author's first language and it's a good effort, but surely they would want to play it safe by using someone fluent to pick up on the mistakes.

**Yuma head was spinning of confusion. First Astral says he couldn't wait to leave him and now he said he missed Yuma. Yuma looked a little bit angry at Astral." Astral you don't need to slime with me so I will help you. I not that cold hearted like you." Yuma said.**

**Astral shook his head, knowing why Yuma looks so confuse. "No Yuma listen. It wasn't me. I didn't say those horrible things to you." He explained hoping Yuma would believe him.**

Eric: I'd like to think he would. It'd be a pretty elaborate plan for Astral to harm and trap himself inside the Emperor Key just to wait for Yuma to come along and mess with his head some more. There's no guarantee he ever would, leaving Astral trapped forever with a handful of memories and all that.

Jessica: At least this can be resolved quickly; Kuribolt and Tragon will back Astral up. Then we get a happy ending.

Eric: You do. We get to wait until the next meeting when our blissful lives come under threat again…

**But before Astral could answer a black tentacle roughly grabbed Yuma's neck and pulled him away from Astral. Yuma tried to gasp for air before his body banged against one of the gear.**

"**What the hell are you doing you annoying boy!" A voice hissed angry.**

**Yuma looked up and froze. Before him he saw Number 96, the black version of Astral, floating before him. Black Mist.**

"**Hold on! Didn't Tetsuo and I get rid of you!" He yelled angry, pointing at the evil Number.**

**Yuma felt the tentacle getting tighter around his neck." You only locked me back inside my card. So technically you didn't get rid of me." Black Mist sneered." You just let your guard down letting me escape once again."**

**Yuma growled." So it was you who did this to Astral. It was you back who said those horrible things." The cruel smile on Black Mist face confirmed his suspicions.**

"**Yes. It was me. I pretended to be Astral. It was I who broke your heart. But I did mean every word I said. You're the most useless human I have ever met." Black Mist said.**

"**Why?" Yuma asked." Why did you do something like that? What do you gain for breaking my heart?"**

Eric: A lot of OOC awards.

Jessica: He wants to steal Astral! He's threatening our OTP!

Biggs: Quit trying to drag us into your insane fetishes!

Eric: This guy really is just a Duel Monster version of Divine; he'll only appear in fanfics to threaten any shipping between Yuma and Astral as opposed to the actually evil plots he's spinning in his head.

**Black Mist chuckled while more tentacles appeared and wrapped around Yuma's chest and legs.**

Eric: …Except instead of raping Aki, he's got tentacles to do bondage-y things with Yuma. I need a new Yoshida dartboard.

Biggs: Ah-ha, running out of space on the old one, are we?

Eric: I'm constantly throwing things at it whilst watching Zexal, what do you think?

" **I wanted you out of my way. That's why." The grip of the tenacle around Yuma's chest became tighter." Actually I kind of glad you here. Outside the key I can't hurt you. But inside here I can."**

**Yuma tried to gasp for air, but the tentacle around his chest prevented him from that. He felt his lungs and brain screaming for air. Yuma tried to wriggle out of the tentacles grasp.**

"**In here I can get rid of you." Black Misty said. Yuma started to coughed and whimper in pain. Astral was just hanging there looking with horror at the scene before him.**

Biggs: These fangirls get turned on by some weird stuff. Maybe we should have a competition over who's strangest.

Eric: You can judge that on your own. I'm not risking my health any more than I need to.

"**No! L-leave him a-alone." Astral pleaded.**

**The Black Mist turned around to face Astral." You mean I should spare him?" Black Misty asked. The evil number started to look from Astral to Yuma and then back. In the main time, he was thinking. Then he made up his mind." Okay." He said. He loosens the grip of his tentacles, giving place for Yuma to take a deep breath.**

"**It's no fun of killing you directly. First I am going to make you suffer." Black Mist said.**

"**I am not afraid of you or your threats. You can hurt me, but I won't break." Yuma snapped, although he was acting tougher then felt.**

**Black Mist just laughed at the boy futile bravery. This human had no idea what his idea of torture was. He turned his back at Yuma and floated to Astral.**

_**/Huh? Where's he going? Why is he going to Astral? I though he wanted to turture me? So why is he going to Astral? / **_**Yuma though.**

Biggs: Sounds almost like he's complaining.

Eric: Crap, I know where this is going…

**Astral too was thinking what the Black Mist was up to. He was about to ask when suddenly Black Mist pushed his lips on Astral's.**

**Astral froze for a second before he started to make protesting sounds. These Black Mist the space for forcing his tongue inside Astral's mouth. Astral tried to turn his head away but Black Mist hold his head a firm grip. The blue spirit tried to get away with all his might, fighting against the strong ooze.**

**Yuma gasped when Black Mist started to kiss Astral. He also heard how Astral was protesting and fighting to get away from the evil Number. In his heart he felt a sting of jealousy and anger. His eyes became widen when he saw one of Black Mist's hands release Astral's head and started to roam over Astral's body.**

Eric: That's it, I'm out of here.

Jessica: It doesn't go any further, calm down. Looks like the one on his man-period is you.

**Yuma finally snapped out of it." Stop! Don't touch him like that, you bastard!" He yelled. But Black Mist continued his actions. What better way to torture this human than to take his love right in front of him. When his hand was getting too low for Yuma's liking he did the first thing that came in his mind. He opened his mound wide as he could. Then with everything he got, he bites the tentacle that was nearest to him.**

Eric: What better way to torture him than try to rape the… person he loves in front of him? I don't know, I'm more inclined to think choking him was better. But no, now you've opened the window for him to fight back.

**The Black Mist roared in pain, releasing Astral. Yuma then realize that the tentacles were very sensitive. So he tried to dig his teeth deeper into the tentacle. The tentacle released Yuma but he tried to hold on the tentacle he was biting.**

"**You filthy human! Let go!" Black Mist yelled. He tried to throw Yuma off, but the boy refused to let go. The Black Misty started to lose his patience. With a roar he lashed one of the tentacles to the boy. He hit Yuma so hard in the fact that Yuma had to let go of the tentacle.**

**Yuma felt hard on the floor. He hissed of the stinging pain in his cheek and back. But before he could stand up he felt himself pushed on his back. He looked up to see Black Mist sitting on him with a mad look on his face. Yuma swallowed hard, fearing what will happen now. Two black hands grabbed his neck. They started to squeeze hard, cutting of his way of air. Yuma tried to unwind the firm grip, but it was futile. Black Mist's rage made it unbreakable. Yuma moved his body, despairing to get Black Mist off him, He started to kick with his legs when he felt his was getting out of air.**

Eric: You see? Isn't choking him much more effective? Now don't do something stupid like try to rape him as well.

Jessica: Duel Monster and human. I would comment that completes the strange trio of pairings, but that's been done before.

Eric: Luckily, it was only using Dark Black Magician and Black Magician Girl.

Jessica: Actually~

Eric: …what?

Jessica: I was lurking about the Duel Monsters archive the other night… found a fic pairing Magician of Black Chaos with Celtic Guardian.

Eric: …what?

Jessica: Isn't the Yuugiou fandom wonderful and creative?

Biggs: Let Biggs have his dosage of Zexal, it'll make him even more eager to catch up.

**Astral saw it all happening in front of his face. Well most of it. The Black Misty had his back to him, but he saw how hard Yuma was kicking with his legs.**

"**Stop! Don't hurt him!" He cried**

"**Don't worry. I won't hurt him long. When he is out of air it will be all over. And then we can continue where he interrupted." Black Mist hissed not even looking at Astral.**

**Astral's eyes became wide. The Black Mist wasn't hurting Yuma, but killing him. He pulled and struggle against to ooze. He wanted to get out, to help Yuma. But the ooze wouldn't give in, He gasped when he saw the kicking became lesser.**

**Black Mist felt the hands of Yuma losing his grip. They slid over his arms and then dropped on the floor. Yuma's eyes where twitching. The boy was trying to stay consciousness. But it was futile. Yuma felt his last air breath out when he lost it.**

**Before he felt in unconsciousness he was able to whisper one thing. "I love you, Astral." Then his eyes closed.**

Eric: Well, that's Zexal over.

Biggs: That would make this – and Keyshipping – canon.

Eric: _(shudder)_ Hm…

Jessica: It's very touching that Yuma would fight so strongly for the one he cares about and using his… is that his dying breath? Anwyay, he uses his last moment of consciousness to pass on a precious message to the one he loves.

Biggs: You wouldn't have said that if it had been to someone like Kotori.

Jessica: Of course not, from what I've seen of Kotori so far is that she stands on the sidelines and 90% of her dialogue is saying her love interest's name. Just Aki all over again, only she never had a psychotic persona to fall from. That all makes her worse.

**Astral saw how Yuma wasn't moving at all anymore. He heard the Black Mist laughing victorious.**

_**/No! This can't be true. Yuma. No! No! Let me out of this. I want to be with Yuma. Don't go Yuma. I love you. I love you. Let me go. No! No! NO! NO! I LOVE YOU, YUMA. LET ME GOOOOOO! / **_**Inside his mind Astral was screaming for his freedom.**

**Suddenly he felt something warm in his heart. He felt his energy returning. A new power started to grow in his heart. His body glowed with a warm, bright light.**

**Black Mist had notice the light when it started to get brighter. He turned around to see Astral freeing himself from the ooze. He growled and lashed al his tentacles to Astral. But Astral was able to slap them away. A confidence grin appeared on Astral's face, which made Black Mist stumble back in disbelief.**

"**This makes no sense. My power is stronger then you!" Black Mist cried.**

"**True. Your dark power are stronger then my power of Astral World. It's the love for Yuma that is much stronger and brighter than yours. This is the power of my heart! Number 39: Hope! Rise!" Astral called out his most loyal monster. The light warrior with his white wings appeared. He draws his swords out, ready to strike the evil Number. Black Mist tried to use his tentacles as a shield. But, like a scissor cutting paper, Hope's sword slashed right through it. Black Mist screamed in pain before he dissolved into dust. Astral raised his hand. He concentrated to call Black Mist back into his card.**

Biggs: And that's the power of love. It defies all logic and any threat…

Eric: He's still out of character in that grinning and whatnot. That mental rant doesn't help. I'll say it as many times as the Zexal fandom need me to: Astral. Is. _Stoic_!

"**NOOOOOOO!" Astral hear in the distance when the card formed into his hand." And this time I make sure you never get free again." Astral said sternly.**

**Astral concentrated again. Around the card a white-yellow sphere appeared." This will keep you in, you black fiend." He looked at the trapped card with an angry look. Most of all he wanted to rip the cards in little pieces, but he still needed the card for his memories.**

**He was brought back out of his thought by the sound of the two little monsters. He looked away from the card to see Kuribolt and Baby Tragon poking Yuma. They were trying to wake their young master. But Yuma didn't stir.**

"**Yuma!" Astral cried. He felt on his knees next to the boy and scooped him in his arms." Yuma! Yuma, open your eyes please." Astral cried.**

**But Yuma's eyes stayed close. He also didn't response. Tears started to form in his eyes. Was he too late? He laid Yuma's head gentle on his shoulder and started to rock him. He stroked his hand softly through Yuma's hair.**

"**Please, Yuma. Say something. Opening those beautiful eyes. Don't leave me. I can't image a life without you. I…I love you. I love you with all my heart." Astral said.**

**The tears started to fall from his eyes. "Please. Don't take him away from me. He means everything to me." He begged. The two little monsters were looking at the two with sadness. Even Hope felt bad for the spirit and the human. They wished they could help but didn't know.**

Eric: Don't even try to rip off the first Pokémon Movie. Don't rape my sacred childhood movie!

**Astral closed his eyes and hugged Yuma close to him." I love you, Yuma." A tear felt from his cheek on Yuma's face. Astral froze when he felt Yuma stirring in his arms. He heard Yuma groan softly. With hope he looked at Yuma's face. Slowly the boy's eyes opened his red eyes. Astral felt his heart crying out of happiness. Yuma was alive.**

Biggs: And Zexal will resume its scheduled airing starting next week.

Eric: Shame. At least it isn't a complete carbon copy.

Jessica: Hooray, happy yaoi ending.

"**A-astral? Why a-are you crying?" Yuma asked.**

"**I…I thought you were gone. That I was too late." Astral said. Yuma first didn't get what Astral was talking about. Suddenly memories flashed before his eyes. Astral captured, Black Mist kissing Astral and then Black Mist on top of him, strangling him.**

**Yuma sighed in relief. Then he notice he was lying in Astral's arms. This made him blush a little bit. Luckily for him Astral didn't notice.**

"**Yuma, Black Mist told me what happened when he left the key pretended to be me." Astral said. Yuma held his breath. Did Black Misty tell him everything? How he felt about Astral? How much he mean for him? He swallowed. Then he couldn't keep it any longer.**

"**Listen Astral. If you don't feel the same way, I am okay with that. But please don't hate me."**

"**W-what? No Yuma." Astral started. But Yuma continued his blabbing.**

"**If you hate me, I don't think I will survive it. When Black Mist was pretending to be youn my heart broke. And it hurt so badly. I don't want to go through that again."**

Jessica: Aw, how cute. Just when Astral's ready to spit it out Yuma's pouring his heart out about everything.

Biggs: You mean the timing of Astral's capture and how the whole damned thing could have been avoided.

**Astral sighed. It was clear that Yuma wasn't going to let him explain it. He tried to think how he could without yelling at Yuma. Then he came with an idea. If he can't say it with words, then he has to show to Yuma. Without warning Astral closed his eyes and pressed his lips against Yuma's, whose eyes became wide as dinner heart's started to beat faster. Yuma's lips where so soft and warm. They were definitely different then Black Mist's. Astral wanted more. He embraced Yuma and pulled him closer, but not too close so he didn't scare the boy.**

Jessica: Awwww~

Biggs: Seems whenever characters go into overload, the authors' loose grip on language goes with them. Sentences are getting mashed together now, it's not pretty.

**Yuma, who recover from the shock, closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around Astral's neck. Yuma felt how Astral was asking for entrance when Astral's tongue ran over his lips. Shyly he parted his lips to let him in. Astral roamed his tongue around, tasting every part of Yuma's mouth. Astral moaned at the sweet taste of Yuma. The real thing felt so much better than he hoped for.**

Biggs and Eric: _(make gagging noises)_

Jessica: Grow up, you two!

Eric: Well it wouldn't be so painful if they kept description closer to a kiss rather than wording it similar to frigging intercourse.

Biggs: We've already dealt with interspecies breeding once today, not again.

**Yuma was the first one to recover." Astral, does this mean?" He asked.**

**The blue spirit just smiled at him, he stroked his cheek tenderly with his blue hand. "Yes, Yuma. I have the same feelings for you to." Astral said.**

Biggs: There will be a day when people can tell the difference between 'to' and 'too' as well as 'your' and 'you're' and 'their', 'there' and 'they're'.

Jessica: Stop interrupting. This is the good part.

**Yuma didn't say anything at first. Then he covered his eyes and started to cry. Astral panicked.**

"**Yuma! What's wrong? Did I do something wrong?" He asked worried while his hands covered Yuma's. He felt Yuma shaking his head. Then Yuma lowered his hand, to intertwine his fingers with Astral's blue fingers. The tears were streaming of his cheeks but he had a smile on his face.**

"**No, no Astral. You didn't say anything wrong. I'm not crying from sadness. These are tears of happiness."**

**Astral looked confused." Humans also cry when they are happy? So human's emotions can have difference meanings? Interested observation" He said.**

"**Yes Astral. We also cry when we are happy. And right now I am the happiest person in the world." Yuma said. He hugged Astral close to him, who returned the hug with a smile.**

**Then the two were interrupted by noise. They looked up to see the two little monsters jumping happy.**

"**Oh yeah. What are Baby Tragon and Kuribolt doing here?" Astral asked curious.**

**Yuma smiled." Actually, they helped us. If it wasn't for them I would never ever entered the key. Then you will be still captured and I still believed you broke my heart." He explained.**

"**Really." Astral said and smiled at the monsters." In that way, thank you. Your bravery and loyalty saved us."**

"**Speaking of monsters. What's Hope doing here?" Yuma asked when he notices the warrior.**

"**I summoned Hope to destroy Black Mist." Astral answered.**

"**But how did you escape from the ooze?" Yuma wondered.**

"**When you stopped moving I felt something in my heart. I wanted to get out. I wanted to save you. My love for you gave me the strength. It gave me the power to vanquished Black Mist." Astral explained while he stroked through Yuma's black hair.**

Eric: It's like they're ignoring there's such thing as the power of friendship and skip ahead straight to the power of love.

Jessica: At least it got everything resolved. Tell me, how did Yuma's friends help in any way?

Eric: If the author had bothered to include them, it's likely they would have been helpful in some form.

Biggs: The chapter's almost done, we're almost free. Let's just power through the last of it and get down for that round Jess promised.

Jess: I'm going to be very broke tomorrow morning, aren't I?

**Yuma smiled at the soft gesture. He laid his head on Astral shoulder and started to relax. A little too relax. He felt his eyelids getting heavy. Astral notice it." Yuma? You alright?" He asked.**

**Yuma nodded and moaned." Yeah. Just. Very tired." He mumbled. He snuggled closer into Astral's chest.**

**Astral smiled softly and embraced his arms around the boy to keep him warm. "Get some rest. I will be there when you wake up." He whispers in his ears. Yuma nodded and closed his eyes. He felt himself drifting in peaceful slumber, knowing he was save in Astral arms.**

**Yuma woke up by the annoying noise of his alarm. He turned to side to fall out of his hammock. Again.**

"**Auch, auch, auch." He mumbled rubbing his back. "I need to find a way not to fall anymore." Yuma then notice his was in his room. "Hey? I thought I was inside the key?" He wondered.**

**He heard some chuckling and looked up. He saw Astral looking at him with his arms cross and a smile on his face.**

"**I brought you here after you felt asleep for a while. I thought your sister would be worried if she came home and you weren't in your room." Astral explained.**

"**My Sister? Oh right, thanks." Yuma said.**

**Astral reached his hand to Yuma." Here, let me help you up." Astral said.**

"**But you can't? Remember outside they key we can't touch each other." Yuma said surprised.**

"**Trust me." Astral said.**

Eric: Heh, I see the _Aladdin_ parallels there.

Biggs: That would make Yuma a princess. _(shudder)_

Jessica: Aww~ That's so cute~

Eric: Urgh, she's still gushing…

**Cautious Yuma raised his hand to Astral's. He gasped when his fingers touch the soft blue skin of Astral's hand. Blue fingers closed around his hand and pulled him onto his feet.**

**Yuma looked at him with wide eyes. Astral smiled at him before he placed Yuma's hand on his chest.**

"**Because our bonds became so strong, I am able to touch you outside the key." Astral explained.**

**Yuma looked at him like he got the best Christmas gift ever." That's great Astral!" He yelled happy before he hugged him.**

"**Yuma! Get your lazy ass out of your Hammock and get ready for school!" Yuma heard his Sister yelled from downstairs.**

"**Yeah ok Sis!" Yuma yelled back He looked back at Astral before he placed his lips on Astral's. Who happily returned the gesture. After couple seconds they ended to kiss and looked at each other with a lovely smile.**

"**Well I better get ready. But promise me something." Yuma said.**

**Astral raised one of his eyebrows before he asked." What?"**

"**Never leave me." Yuma whisper.**

**Astral smiled and hugged Yuma closer so the boy could lay his head on his chest." Never. I promise you Yuma Tsukumo. I will never leave as long you live." Astral vowed.**

**Yuma smiled**_**/ I won't have it any other way/**_**He thought.**

**Then he looked at the clock." Crap I am going to be late!" He yelled before he jumped down the ladder.**

**Astral just smiled with happiness.**

Biggs: _(leans back)_ And we're through.

Eric: That power of touching one another could only be an excuse so that Yuma and Astral can hold each other and kiss. There's literally no other point to it if no-one else can see Astral and their physical interaction is minimal – even if they could touch one another in the anime, I doubt they would do more than what they do.

Jessica: *But* it was a sweet ending.

Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just get your purse ready.

Jessica: Oh yeah. Hey, where'd Yonban go?

Biggs: Must've left. Anyway, let's go get wasted!

**Stepping Through The Wall**

Eric: Urgh, why did I bother coming back to this crap?

Biggs: Quit your bitching, do that in your own time.

Jessica: At least there were some good things to come out of the Zexal fics.

Eric: Like what? There was literally nothing to enjoy. Only you and your weird yaoi tendencies could have enjoyed that.

Biggs: Rape. Implied attempted rape. Mary Sues. Abuse of the English language. The defenestration of grammar and punctuation. Interspecies relationships. OC versions of Astral. Invasion of Egyptian Gods into Zexal. Yeah, very special, fandom.

Jessica: This is going to be a fun few years.

Eric: And all in 19,000 words. Really, when did these get so long?

Biggs: Think it was when we started tackling _Sealed Love_. Then going after fics in more detail or multiple, as in the case above.

Eric: Oh yeah, we hadn't said anything about WhiteAsukaLover. How's he doing?

Biggs: Enjoying his wrestling fics. Oh, and he didn't like the last chapter as much as the review of his own fic.

Eric: Well we apologize, but this isn't all about you, we happen to riff all kinds of fics. You don't let it then go running back under your bloody rock of delusion.

Biggs: We'll come back to dealing with that fic again when it's your turn.

Jessica: Well, crap, guys. There's another fic that's been suggested. By an anonymous user. Oddly enough, we got added to a C2 labeled "YuGiOh Comedy" the next day.

Eric: Huh, people like our suffering. Nice to know we're doing our job right.

Biggs: Well we're done here, let's head out and put off the next installment for weeks and months.

Jessica: Why do I work with you people again?

Eric: Hey, at least you're still intact. Alcohol is effectively medicine for me right now. You're treating me tonight.

Jessica: Sounds like fun…

"Go beyond the unreadable! Kick good writing to the curb! Don't believe in canon, believe in fanon that subverts the canon! That's the Yuugiou Fandom way!"

-End-

**-The Writer's Angry Note of the Week-**

Life is an attention whore. Now, if you excuse me, I'm going to watch the new Zero Punctuation.


	11. The Lives With Absent Sanity

The year 20XX. During times of political and economic, no human alive is tackling the true crisis that grips the Earth, measuring the quality of Yuugiou works on . In a world mostly lacking heroes willing to risk live, death, and certain boredom to carry out such a mission, only three people will step up and take the challenge head on.

Our heroes are;

1. Biggs Norton, an ex-Fanfic writer with a serious chip on his shoulder.

2. Eric A. Wedge, a honest-to-Osiris hardcore Yuugiou fan, owning all manga volumes, with every anime episode downloaded, and little to no knowledge of the card game.

3. Jessica Chomsky, no relation to the 'Other Chomsky', as rabid and misinformed as rabid misinformed Yaoi fan girls come.

Today our heroes plunge straight into the deep end (well, not exactly..) and tackle WhiteAsukalover's 'The Cruelest Heart'.

-Yuugiou: Duel Monsters Fiction Theatre-

Biggs: _(stretches his arms)_ Well, another summer gone by, another fat load of nothing done.

Jessica: Are you really justifying us not updating for months by claiming we were on vacation?

Biggs: Vacation? Us? Together? You make me laugh, Jess.

Eric: Being around you people normally makes me feel insane, why would I want to waste my entire summer with you?

Biggs: Aw, he does love us.

Eric: Keep quiet.

Jessica: But you told me the doctors said you were recovering well and could carry on with Zexal. Did you dare?

Eric: …I dared.

Biggs: Ooooh~ Do tell.

Eric: I'm not up to date, wouldn't dare at the moment. There are a handful of decent-_ish_ episodes. But nothing anywhere near enough for me to say that I like it in any degree.

Jessica: Bet you were thrilled to learn of Zexal II.

Eric: Yes, cause I love nothing more than knowing there's *more* Zexal I have to endure.

Jessica: Aw, cheer up. It's summer.

Eric: No, Jess. It's not. It's September.

Biggs: And what a summer it was.

Jessica: Huh?

Biggs: Right, down to business, we've put this off long enough. After I thought over last time, we've got a lot less to deal with – ZexalFest wiped us out for way too long. So this time, it's GX.

Eric: Yeah? And?

Biggs: Just two fics today, both short. But they're not oneshots. You can't bitch to me now.

Jessica: So what are dealing with? And Spiritshipping?

Biggs: Jess, please, control yourself, woman. No, this time it's _"The Life of Miranda Truesdale"_ by Heartofgold322 and _"Captured Angel"_ by 666XXXCutieVampierAngelXXX66 6. That's how it's spelt, not a typo.

Jessica: Wait, bunch of Xs, bunch of sixes. This sounds familiar, was she possessed by the devil?

Eric: Miranda Truesdale… Angel… Oh Biggs, why did you-

Biggs: That's right. OCs.

Eric: You *had* to go there. Why straight away into Mary Sue Land?

Jessica: No-one said anything about Mary Sues, you could be wrong. Try being positive for once, Eric.

Eric: Jess; they're Yuugiou fanfics. They're OCs in *Yuugiou* fanfics. Here; in Mystery Card Game Theatre. They're going to be Mary Sues.

Jessica: Hm, good point.

Biggs: Well, how about we get this started – the sooner we begin, the sooner we're done.

Eric: You're buying me at least two drinks after this. Alcoholic drinks.

Biggs: Fine, fine. Welcome back, Eric.

**Prologue**

**I came back from the bathroom and I spotted my brother, he has light blue hair like mine, and blue green eyes like mine. If he's up here then that means… I had a huge grin onmy face.**

Jessica: Uh, I'm confused. Where are they? Are we talking the upstairs of the Marufuji household?

Biggs: Surprise, surprise. The OC sibling has the exact appearance as the canon character. Would it kill people to be original and come up with some different ideas in mind?

Eric: It's not like they can claim the hair colours have to be the same. Between the three of them, the Tron brothers have six shades in their hair.

Biggs & Jessica: …

Eric: Shut up. It's just to make a point. Zexal won't be coming to my rescue any time soon.

Biggs: Riiiight. Anyway, like I was saying, there's a horrid lack of description about the setting, the character – everything, really.

Jessica: Personally, I'm surprised she's not Judai's sister – there're plenty of those fanfics, but they like the cheesy concept of giving the character a name beginning with 'J' as it's the only letter a Yuki's name can begin with.

"**SYRUS!" I ran up to my twin brother from behind and gave him a tight hug, which sent us falling to the floor. Which looks funny to me consider I'm taller then him.**

Biggs: 'Than'.

Eric: You're also not there to watch, so you wouldn't know.

Jessica: Ew. Not just an OC sibling; an OC *twin*.

Eric: And a loud one at that. You'd think Ryo would intimidate her as much as Sho, but nope. I can seewhere this is going.

Biggs: No Indoor Voice.

Eric: Huh?

"**Wha-Miranda! Hey get off!" We bother began laughing.**

"**We made it Syrus! We're in!" I was so happy, we will both be in duel academy with Zane.**

Biggs: Asutoraru, what are capital letters?

Eric: Oh dear God…

Jessica: Wait, so they're at the stadium where they dueled for entry into Duel Academy? Why didn't you say so?

Biggs: That would require being creative and thoughtful of the readers. Too bad that it's obvious the author's going to be too busy getting excited over how amazing their OC is.

"**I helped us both up, he gave me a weak smile, "I barely made it."**

"**I was about to slap that boy for lack of confidents. "But that's not true! You worked so-" I stopped and turned to the field. "Is something going on?" I see a boy on the field with a black jacket with brown hair, he's kinda cute. "Who's that?"**

Biggs: And now we see why she isn't Judai's sister.

Eric: (buries head in hands) Really? *Really*?

Jessica: I might be wrong, but he was wearing grey. Did the author forget there are shades between black and white? Sheesh.

Eric: Miranda really grates me. She's too happy to be a Marufuji. And the story coming set in the first person bugs me. All OC fanfics that come from first person are irritating – you see things from the OC's point of view, but no-one else's. If Miranda sees Manjoume as annoying or Asuka as a slut, that's the only way they're going to be pictured through the story. Not to mention the way many of these writers narrate through the eyes of their characters is plain irritating.

Jessica: Oh, 'confidents'. That's a new one. Into the dictionary you go.

Biggs: She's also going to be moving in on Sho's territory in pining for Judai's affection. That'll be fun for when Kenzan and Johan show up.

Jessica: I approve! Let's get her out of there and get the boys in.

Eric: Down, Jess. No yaoi until after we've actually done some work.

Biggs: Yes, heartofgold322? I'd like to request some actual description and exposition on what the fuck is actually going on? I know it's hard for you and all, being a hyper teenage – or preteen – girl, but could you at least try?

Eric: Someone's hung up. Can't say I blame him.

**My brother turns to the field. "Oh that's Jaden…..he was late so he's going to duel."**

**What the heck. "They just said no more duelists…what makes him so special."**

"**Miranda…" my brother knows how I feel when people are late. I began to calm down and took a deep breathe. "Oh well lets see what he can do".**

Eric: Question marks.

Jessica: Apostrophes.

Biggs: Elaboration on the setting.

Eric: We also get that he's your brother, Mizuk- I mean, Miranda.

Jessica: We don't, however, know how you feel about people who are late. Please explain.

Biggs: I'm betting on that the duel is skipped entirely because Miranda couldn't be bothered. Just like how we missed her duel – not that I'm keen to watch her mop the floor with some random without losing a lifepoint.

Jessica: Hey, it really bugs me that people keep naming their random oneshots 'Bob'. There are other names you can use.

Biggs: Again, that would require creativity. Bob is the single most overused name because it's the first that people can pick from the shallow pool in their heads. Much like Hikari and Sakura.

Eric: (massaging the sides of his head) I wonder how many more of those we'll come across…

**My brother turns to me with a smile, "Right!"**

Jessica: He has a name. Use it!

_***The Duel began***_

_***The Duel ended***_

Biggs, Eric & Jessica: …

_A moment passes before any of the trio can come up with a response._

Biggs: Uh… quickest duel ever?

Eric: I know that they're not clever enough to come up with an alternative plan for the Judai/Chronos duel, but really? Not even a vague account of what happens like most writers who can't be bothered to write duels do?

Biggs: I'm astounded there are so many people that write for this fandom yet can't be bothered with the dueling side – y'know, the part Yuugiou became famous for?

Eric: It's a cast full of pretty boys, what do you expect? Look at Jess.

Jessica: Don't lump me in with these people!

Biggs: You're a yaoi fangirl, you don't know how to duel and you're nuts. You fit right in.

Jessica: I'm offended.

**My brother bawled his hands into fists and threw them in the air. "All right! Yeah Jaden!"**

"**Wow Syrus" But I was happy that he was happy. I turned my direction back on the field….**_**"Jaden huh"**_

_**Looks like I got some competition.**_

Eric: (sighs and presses one hand over half his face) Think of the booze, think of the booze.

Jessica: Didn't you get a stress ball you said you were going to bring?

Eric: Yeah. It broke before I got here. Now whenever I squeeze it, it excretes gel.

Jessica: You used it so much it broke?!

Eric: It was the thought of being here with you two and horrific fan fiction like this. Look at it; the punctuation's all over the place. I think *it's* taken a vacation.

Biggs: Keep your knickers on, it's only two chapters long. So we won't have to endure it that much longer.

Eric: But you promised two.

Biggs: That I did. More torture for you.

Eric: Bastard…

**Chp. 2**

"**You got everything Syrus?" We were on are way to the Helicopter.**

"**Yes Mom!" he tried to act real cute.**

**I got him in a head lock and rubbed my knuckles against the top of his head.**

**He starting laughing, "Hey cut it or we'll be late getting on."**

**I let go of him and huge a huge grin on my face, "Race ya there!" I started to run to the Helicopter.**

Jessica: There's no way helicopters would be used to take students to Duel Academy. Kaiba would be old school like Pegasus and use a fancy cruiser.

Biggs: Minus the fancy.

Eric: With a brother like Ryo and a sister like Miranda, it's no surprise that Sho's lacking in confidence and messed up.

Jessica: Do you think if I give my dictionary to Miranda, it might make for a better story? The vocabulary she's using is severely limited – and she used poor description to get across the fact that she was giving Syrus a noogie.

Biggs: Must be too advanced. A lot of things are.

Eric: 'Are' or 'our'?

Biggs: Just go back to bitching about the poor narrative style, I won't stop you.

"**-Aboard the Helicopter-**

"**Wow this is just great!" There was not a lot of seat opened.**

Jessica: Wouldn't expect there to be. With so many students, I'm sure the helicopter's overflowing. A *plane* on the other hand…

"**It's okay we'll fined a-" just then he spotted someone.**

"**Jaden!" he started walking up to the boy that was late for the test.**

Biggs: Riiiiight…

Eric: That's one spacious helicopter.

Biggs: Asutoraru, what is jumbo jet?

Eric: (facepalm)

"**So your Miranda!" He extended his hand out. "I'm Jaden Yuki".**

Biggs: Can someone please teach these people the difference between 'your' and 'you're'? If I had a penny every time someone got those two or the 'there' family mixed up, I'd have been rich enough to quit this gig years before it started.

Jessica: We love you too.

**He took his free hand and put it to his head. "Thanks!" His smile is cute to. Wait! what am i thinking i just met him**

Eric: You were thinking 'hey, let's screw up GX into a bigger mess than it originally was'.

Jessica: And 'punctuation? I have no idea what it is. Let's wing this, no-one who reads English will point out these grievous errors'.

Biggs: Stop using words that are too advanced for her to possibly think of. You're ruining the fun.

**-10 minutes later-**

**I was listening to "Even in death" by Evanescence on my MP3 player when i heard the piolet make an announcement.**

"**Attention new duel academy students. If you look outside your windows you'll see your new home away from home. Now now i know your excited, but don't shout. It's quite a sight, eh? now then fasten your seat belt and set your chair in an upright position. were going to land, next up the academy island.**

Biggs: Plot Time, it's amazing.

Eric: Who gave this pilot a license?! Let me get to the emergency exit, I don't like this ride.

Jessica: Well look at that, more produce placement. What is it with the Yuugiou community and Evanescence?

Biggs: It's not just Yuugiou, it's all major anime. For some reason, people seem to be able to make a ton of AMVs out of the songs and that obviously carries over into the fan fiction community where all the OCs are obsessed with these gothic or morbid bands.

Eric: This is the part where I'd complain that they're in Japan, therefore, they'd have better music to listen to, but I'm going to just weep into my hands and lament over the use of dub names.

Jessica: You sure the doctor said you're alright?

Eric: I'm sure I was until I came here…

**-Off the Helicopter-**

**Wow this red uniform is so cool, but why am i wearing pants and not a skirt? i saw the blue uniformed girls in skirts, so why isn't mine?**

Eric: Because you're not a girl. There were never any girls *outside* Obelisk Blue. You're making the classic mistake of any OC GX fan fiction who just wants their character to bed Judai or be his sister. Why does Ra Yellow get no love?

Jessica: She's lost the ability to use capital 'I's. The frequent use of 'wow', 'great' and 'cool' are grating. I'm wondering how old this author is supposed to be. Five?

"_**Don't tell me i got jipped"**_** I spotted Jaden and Syrus in red to. Most students were in red, yellow and blue.**

Biggs: As opposed to…?

**We all were standing looking a t.v., i was next to Jaden and Syrus waiting for the announcement. Just then a man appeared on the screen, "Good morning and welcome my students! i am chancellor Shepard head master and you are the best and brightest young duelist in the world! Now please get your self settled in at your signed dorms! I think you'll find them quite comfortable, depending on how you ranked hohohoho!"**

**He just finished.**

**I found Jaden sleeping through the whole thing.**

"_**Really!"**_** i sighed and walked out.**

Jessica: 'Best and brightest young duelist'. Subliminal messaging. Sorry, Judai, you've just been shafted for your girlfriend.

Biggs: Shepard's a right jerkass. His English is also appalling. I'd like to jump on the next high-speed helicopter home.

"**I saw someone in yellow walking past us and jaden turned his direction onto him, "Hey are you in Red to?"**

**The boy smiled and looked at his uniform, "Well lets see…yellow sleeves, yellow buttons, i don't think so".**

**Jaden then looks at his uniform, "Oh i get it so that's why Sy, Miranda, and i are in red."**

Eric: (facepalm) No shit.

Jessica: Any intelligence Judai had was transplanted to Miranda, wasn't it… ?

"**Please don't tell me that you just figured that out know."**

**He looked mad, "So what! ever think i'm color blind!"**

"**No actually i didn't are you color blind ?"**

**Jaden began to laugh, "No but i could've been!" Then he waved good bye. "See ya around the dorm".**

Biggs: Wow, and I thought Judai was dumb in the anime.

Jessica: It's because there's a girl around. Everyone's brains go downstairs whenever there's a girl around.

Eric: Are you insinuating that Duel Academy just became one big slutfest and Miranda's going to go around the whole Red Dorm before the first year's through?

Jessica: (shrugs) Wouldn't be surprised. If Ryo wasn't her brother, I'd think even he would fancy her.

Eric: Oh no… Fubuki's not safe though…

Biggs: Jess, you're going to give him nightmares. Keep it up.

"**You kidding me! Check out the view! this place is great!" Jaden was looking out into the ocean. He turned to looked at me, "Miranda check out the ocean!"**

"**Uhh…i'm good thanks. I'm scared of the water, You see i drowned in the pool when i was 5 and Zane helped me out. Since then i was afraid.**

Jessica: So afraid, she hasn't bathed since that tragic day when she survived.

Biggs: If she drowned, she'd be dead. Surely there's another way of putting the incident into words. Preferably without the use of numbers and lower case 'I's. This one needs that dictionary of yours, Jess.

Eric: And there'll be nothing to come of that fear. It's just something to make the reader feel sympathy for her. It won't become important later on.

Biggs: Until the point where she's struggling in the sea and Judai has to come to her rescue.

Eric: Great, more nightmares.

"**Hey Miranda whats your room number?" Syrus asked.**

"**Let's see…i'm next to you guys!"**

Jessica: Well, isn't that convenient(!) Also, you didn't actually answer the question.

Biggs: The next bit's really not important. She checks out her room, sticks on Evanescence and goes to play Dora the Explorer.

"_**Crap i'm lost!"**_** I don't know where i am. I think i see a someone. I continued to walk down the hall and i entered a duel field. I see two boys wearing blue uniforms.**

"_**Maybe they can help me."**_** I took my head phones off and walked towards them. "Excuse me?" They turned around and just stared at me.**

Biggs: inb4gratitious rape scene/suggestion.

Eric: 'I'm lost. I don't know where I am'. I think she's aware the reader's IQ is dropping as they read.

Jessica: Capital Is, where art thou?

Eric: (raises an eyebrow) The hell?

Jessica: Probably.

"**What is a Slifer slacker doing here?" The boy sounded like he has a texas accent.**

Biggs: Don't insult the nice people of Texas. Give their state a capital letter, at least.

"**Look i'm lost and need to know how to get around! And don't call me a slacker you blue morons! I was ticked, how dare he call me a slacker.**

"**What was that-"**

"**Can it!" he was cut off by a boy with black spiky hair. He stand up from the bleachers and looked me up and down and gave me a smirk.**

"**Well, well I'm surprised that a girl is actually in the Slifer dorm." He walked closer up. And a cute one at that".**

"_**Ugh… what a creep"**_** cool it, Miranda, maybe he can help you look around. "Hi my names Miranda Truesdale." I tried to put a smile on for this creep.**

"**I'm Chazz Princeton Slifer babe." He did not just call me babe. "I could show ya around." He grabbed my arm tightly.**

Biggs: There are no girls in the Slifer Red Dorm. She's just got man boobs.

Eric: Urgh. Manjoume loves no-one but himself. And-maybe-Asuka-in-the-anime. But this author just did what it took the writers two seasons to do in a few sentences and derailed Jhis character tremendously.

Jessica: And he's instantly attracted to Miranda. Definitely not a Mary Sue.

Eric: Oh, and look, because it's Miranda's point of view, the readers will only see Manjoume as a Handsome Lech.

Biggs: But continuing on, Judai and Sho show up to save us all from the rape, the former declaring himself to be the next King of Games in response to Manjoume's lackies doing the same.

"**Can it you two! Maybe the new kids right!"**

"**Uh what do you mean there Chazz."**

"**He did beat Crowler after all and that legendary rare monster of his. I suppose it takes skill to pull that off."**

Eric: Wait, what? Since when would Manjoume suggest that, even as a joke?

Jessica: He's a first-year too. He's just as much a new kid as Judai.

Biggs: Who gave these characters personality transplants? We need our money back.

Eric: And unless the fic is trying to slip into the manga's continuity, Judai's cards aren't legendary or that rare. But it'd be giving the author way too much credit to think that's what they're doing.

"**This sure is a mockley crew." I turned around to find out who spoke. It was a girl about my height with beautiful long blonde hair.**

"_**Wow she's so beautiful and she's a blue."**_** I wish i was beautiful like her.**

Jessica: Too bad.

Biggs: Asuka Tenjouin: Even the girls want her.

"**Sorry if Chazz rubbed you guys the wrong way, all of us Obelisk aren't like that, he's just a jerk, especially with Slifers." She was mad with him.**

Biggs: Captain Obvious strikes again.

Eric: And then a scene of nothing but the main characters messing around and establishing Asuka as a love rival to Miranda.

**-Nighttime Slifer dorm-**

"**Wow.." dinner looked real good, well anything looks good when you haven't eaten all day.**

"**This is are welcome dinner!" one of the students complained.**

"**Forget that! Check out are headmaster, it's a cat!" The student sounded astonished.**

**The cat got up, yawned, then laid back down.**

Jessica: Bob A and Bob B make their appearance.

Eric: Pharaoh – or rather, Daitokuji-sensei – isn't a head teacher, merely a dorm supervisor. Y'know to make sure Miranda doesn't have sex with *every* Slifer student.

Biggs: All the typos. I'm struggling with all the typos. These authors like their pointless scenes, huh? It's pretty much what the rest of the scene is like – a waste of letters and Miranda becoming more of a Judai expy with each minute that passes.

**Just then my PDA went off. **_**"What the-"**_** I answered it, and on the screen appeared that creep Chazz.**

"**Hey Slifer babe, if you want to see a duel come at midnight!" that was the end of the message.**

"**Who is he-AH JADEN!" I hurried out of my Pjs and putted my red uniform on. I ran out of my room and headed to the boys room.**

**I began banging on the door. "JADEN! SYRUS! OPEN UP!" I banged once more, no one answered. As i was about to knock again, A boy who looks like a kola opened the door.**

Eric: Hayato now looks like a can of coke. Wasn't expecting that one.

Jessica: Judai and Sho are too busy to deal with you. Stop interrupting their special alone time.

Biggs: Get those sick ideas out of here. They went to duel Manjoume, no surprise really. Again, the duel's getting skipped.

Eric: Poor Yonban, these people are going to cost him his job.

**I was still watching still not trying to get noticed, **_**"The last thing i want is that creep knowing i'm here!"**_

"**It seems like your friends not coming." i thought i saw a disgusted face, like if he was ticked.**

"**Why would she?" Jaden asked.**

**I thought i saw a tint of pink on his face, "No reason of yours!"**

Eric: Because the author's twisted him so much that he fancies the Mary Sue.

Jessica: These lower case 'I's are driving me insane. Should we start a new drinking game?

Biggs: Kill your liver all you want. I'll do so in my own time, I'm not having these failure of an author be the cause of my death.

**Just then i heard Alexus say something about campus guards. **_**"Well it was fun while it lasted."**_** I appeared form my seat and jumped off the bleachers.**

**Everyone turned their attention to me. I smiled at them and waved, "so you finally noticed that i'm here!"**

"**how did?" Jaden was confused.**

**I took our my PDA and smirked at Chazz, "Got your message Chazzy and like i was trying to say earlier before my brother and Jaden showed up. .K?" I can tell he was made, i just smirked at him and walked out before anyone else did. I decided to wait at the dorm till they showed up. When they did i smiled at them, "You finally showed." I turned around and headed upstairs, to tell ya the truth i was freaking tired.**

Jessica: To tell *you* the truth, we don't care.

Eric: What a disastrous ending – what the hell did she even say? There's nothing there.

Biggs: Instead of actually showing us what was happening, she just kept stating the obvious and pointing out that she knew Character X felt like this. Well done, well done, not a narrow lens at all.

Eric: Does the next one really have to be that bad?

Jessica: Wouldn't be here if it wasn't.

Biggs: Well, to tell you the truth, the other fic – 666XXXCutieVampierAngelXXX66 6's _"Captured Angel"_ – was removed from the site by the author.

Jessica: Geez, I wonder who the angel was.

Eric: Joy, that means we can get out early-

Biggs: Fortunately, I came prepared. A while back, I stole a copy of the fic and saved it in our to-do dump.

Eric: Yo- You're kidding. You came crazy-prepared?

Jessica: Eric, are you deflating?

Biggs: Come on, Eric, you'll love it.

Eric: You're a qwertyuiop'ing troll.

Biggs: I love you too.

**This if the first chapter so give meh lots of good reviewews! Lolz i luv LZprpin.**

Jessica: More lower case 'I's? Biggs, you're owing me two alcoholic drinks after this as well.

Biggs: My wallet, she can't take it.

**It was a dark and gloomy day when the three princeton brothers met Rucoldia (Ruby dis is you) the most butaful girl ever.**

Eric: Lovely. Except you missing a capital letter for 'Princeton'. And that already the OC is a Sue. My money goes on a Black Hole Sue.

Biggs: God Mode Sue.

Eric: Where do you get these names?

**She had long red hair and GLOWING green eyes! She could walk throu walls disapper and fly! she was much more unick then the other girls. Her skin was as fair as a smooth peeled potato and her lips were like a bee's nest sweet and sticky.**

Jessica: What… lovely comparisons. I wish my skin were like a peeled potato and my lips resembled a hive filled with bees ready to sting you the instant you go near them.

Biggs: Horrendous, no?

Eric: It's like GX's version of _My Immortal_… Biggs… this is GX's version of _My Immortal_, isn't it?

Biggs: It certainly looks like it. I thought you'd have some fun with it.

**She was wearing a black tee-shirt for LZprpin and black short shorts and black fishnets and black socks and black shoes with black stuff on it. No make up tho cuz makeup was 4 preps.**

Eric: Entirely black? Preps? It's Ebony's duelling sister.

Jessica: Cue kinky sex with Manjoume only for Shepard to crash the party.

**Slaide and Jagggar and Cheese were just rappin down da street when day saw Rubeyia and she was soo butiful and cheezz ran up to her and was like "ur Like soo kawaii! will you marrey me?"**

**then Clandroia (lolz dis is me) was all like "NO WHAY!" Then she grabed chaze and started to reprogram him to do her bidding.**

Eric & Jessica: It's a Troll Fic.

Biggs: Maybe it's a running gag for Manjoume's name to change every time.

Eric: Biggs, you actually found a Troll Fic.

Jessica: And you kept a copy for after it got pulled down. Does this even count?

Biggs: She wants to be a troll? We can do exactly the same~

Eric: I'm going to need to pray before I pass out tonight.

Jessica: It's fic like this that make Word complain there are too many spelling errors when we start these up again.

***back with Recolda***

**Slaide and jaggar druged rub becuz the wanted ruby to bee their bride. The took her back to their ctsle and tieded her up. When rubyt wook up she was like wtf?**

**end chapter 0ne!**

**lolz was it good?**

Eric: No. Go to Hell.

Jessica: So Clandroia and Ruby are just Ebony and Raven with different names. This… should be… uh, what would be the appropriate word? Not 'fun', right?

Biggs: It'll be fun watching Eric.

**Chaptar tew**

"**We have kidnaped you and now you are are slave!" yelled Slaide. "Ya and we get to see you nakehd and stuff!" Said Jagged all exsited cuz he'd never seen a naked gil before. Ruby was all like "No i don'rt wanna be nakeh and have sex with you! you guys are grosse and old!"**

Biggs: Gratitious rape. Again.

Jessica: Becauses rapists will stop if you just say 'no'.

Eric: This must be the same author with a different pen name – they're making the same typoes. Only with a thousand more.

"**Now bring chazz in from the waiting room back in here our THROWN ROOM!"**

***Back with Dori and chazz in her undgrouwn lair at see world***

"**Play hopstchotch with me chazz!" Dori yelled at him!**

"**Never!" Chazz ran from the wonderful girl.**

**Dori cryed shining tears as her duel spirit Maden in love try to comfort her!**

"**It's okay chazzz loves you!" maden said.**

Biggs: No, he doesn't. Apparently, he loves Miranda.

Eric: Don't start with that.

Jessica: Eric, the only way you're going to get through this is to laugh. It's a Troll Fic, don't let them get the better of you.

Biggs: Don't listen to her, let it get the better of you.

**Slide Started ravieging ruby with his face ass he riped off her black shirt!**

**Ruby was screaming for halp but no Halp came. Jagger was tierd of watching so he took ruby and start rapping at her. Then him and slaid started making out.**

**Ruby's duel spit babycersarus was all sad n stuff.**

Jessica: Wait a minute. You don't think…

Biggs: That it's a Take That to Mary Sues who pair themselves up with canon characters and possess Duel Spirits of their own? I was thinking the same thing. But it's no longer available, guess we'll just have to speculate for eternity.

**Kay dis is chapta three and stuff. Give meh lots of love.**

"**now that you are slave n stuff we have to lay down some rules kaaaay." Said slaide. "lay it on her jagger."**

**Yo I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,**

**So tell me what you want, what you really really want,**

Eric: MAKE IT STOP. MAKE IT STOP.

Jessica: The brothers… singing a Spice Girls song? I… I can't…

Eric: (facetable)

Jessica: Eric? …Eric? Biggs, I think they just killed Eric.

Biggs: They can pay for the funeral then.

"**you under stand now ruby?" asked slaid as jaden sneacked out opening not to be seen.**

**66666666666666666**

Jessica: Bunch of sixes… Now I know why that's familiar – it was that dramatic reading of _My Immortal_ we watched a few years back.

Biggs: Good times, good times. Perhaps we should do a dramatic reading for this. Eric can play the Manjoume family.

Eric: (holding a bottle of vodka) Only if you play Ruby.

Biggs: You swing that way now? And where did you get that from?

Eric: I'm not letting you in on my secrets.

"**Jgger is meh and I'ma give you the rules to say not lock in the bacemen nakedd.**

**1. you must always have a lamp on when your r reding**

**2. You must call meh J-dong**

**3. you must call slaide sexy mamma**

**4. never question my mascara**

**5. slkaide's glout-tee is like a god to you**

**6. you must baith in milk**

**7. or shower with us…!**

**8. stop calling me a sheep**

**9. no I'm not**

**10. shut up**

**11. because I say so"**

**said jagge.**

Eric: (in the process of taking shots)

Jessica: What drinking game are you playing?

Eric: Take a shot every time there's a sentence in this fic.

Biggs: Nice knowing you.

Jessica: But those were some really bizzare rules. Guess it comes with being a troll.

**Dori tied chazz down to her bed and started kissing him and he was all like ""**

**Dori started crying before she raped chazz suicidedly.**

Jessica: She did what?

Biggs: And that's the fourth chapter. At least they're quick.

Jessica: The third chapter was just a rendition of an old Spice Girls song, how does that count?

Biggs: Go ask the writers of all those songfics that exist.

"**Oh chazz i love you so much! why don't you love me?"**

"**I don't know! i think i'm in love with you now thowuog"**

"**Reall? Ohj chazz! i love you!"**

**The two started kissing and rhte n they ansd sex.**

**it was sexy**

Biggs: I can't tell if that's a terrible attempt at genuine romance or a dig at people who have a rape victim fall in love with the offender.

Jessica: It's not yaoi. Don't care. Even under those circumstances, it's high contrived.

Biggs: The size of the author's fingers must be amazing. They're smacking all kinds of keys across the keyboard.

""**With Ruby and theose other guys""**

"**Kiss meh runby!"**

**Jaggert had his arhrms around rubyh and she was crying becus her powers did't work because slide and jagger were in love with her.**

**See ruby was an angil from hevand, buit the henven were duel spits live.**

**She's also a duel spirit.**

**Her card is the most powerfull one ever.**

Jessica: Black Hole Sue *and* God Mode Sue. With the slight drawback that she can't use her powers during sexy sexy times with the Manjoume brothers.

Biggs: One of whom is a rapper and the other a sheep.

Eric: (burst into maddened laughter) That's right – GX ish where everyone is a rapper-rapist thing and the angils rule the worlds.

Jessica: Eric? You okay? You need some shot or something?

Eric: Isfine, isfine~ Read you seksy shit.

Jessica: I think it broke him.

Biggs: I just got a text from the writer – they're losing the ability to type coherently. Watch it, we might deteriorate into the same state as this.

Jessica: Then let's hurry, I'm not going to turn out like this steaming pile of shi-

**It was so powerful that pegasis wanteted to deskroy it, but when he saw the butiful face of runby he couldn't bare to do it so he sealed it away never to be used ahgain.**

Eric: Look how that worked the first time!

Biggs: And how's that doing for you this time?

Jessica: I bet you before long she'll declare being so beautiful is a curse.

**But then Kaiber found it sand he fell in love with her too so he kept her as his daghtar and sent her to dowell acsdemy where she fell in love with Judai Yuki-kun.**

**The two fell in luv imeditetleh.**

Jessica: Why does everytone in this fic fall in love with her?

Biggs: It's astounding what overwhelming beauty and inexistent charisma can get you. I'm assuming it was Kaiba's bright idea to unearth the insanely powerful force that Pegasus sealed away. Like a clever man.

Jessica: Lookit, the worst it yet to come.

**Jaden doesn't use elemental hero cardas any more. inseted he used a cber dark dect rthat he took from Zane because zane is a prep.**

Eric: (laughs psychotically, doubling over in the process)

Jessica: I'm taking him to the doctor in the morning. But that very last line proves it – this is a GX-equivalent of _My Immortal_. No wonder he's lost it. (pats Eric on the back)

Biggs: I like the jump from Judai to Jaden. And what it's done to Eric over there.

**Oh fruubeh I loves you so much we slounld get marrehd.**

**Jaggart kiddsd rubeh, but then dolri showed oup with chansorlar Sheepyard.**

Jessica: "What the hell do you think you're doing, motherfuckers?!"

**No so fast criminal scm!**

Jessica: You did it wrong.

**Sheepyard pointed a gun ar rubhy's captors, Slaed and Jaggard\\\**

**Said Slaerd**

**Sheepyard shot slaed, but slead was a vampiar!**

Biggs: GX meets _My Immortal_ meets _Twilight_.

Jessica: The old tendencies of the fandom are creeping back. Oh, mighty troll, what are you doing?

**Ho No!**

**Dori yelled, because vampiers ar like tottaleh hot n sexy.**

**So Sheepyard shot her.**

Jessica: …R- Right…

**Sheepyard ran to rugby because he was in love with her.**

"**Are you okay?"**

"**I'm fine but I…"**

**Runby was cur off as slab gradded her and bit her neck before carring her away!**

Eric: The writing… it gets worse. The author's sanity declines with the reader's.

Jessica: Eric, maybe you should put that bottle down now.

Eric: Keep off my bottle! It's my only friend.

Biggs: He has a point though – the writing and plot detoriate the further it goes.

**Dori lay on ga grpund, dripping with blood when…Aster Showwed up.**

**Aster was also a vampire because The D is aster's rel father and THED is a vampire.**

"**Oh dori!"**

**Aster yelledinto the sparklin night**

Biggs: Wow, crap, they actually spelt something correctly!

Eric: A parteeeh. It must be thrown!

Jessica: But there are so many Twilight undertones. It kind of hurts. I haven't seen so much sparkling since… Uh…

Biggs: Since Twilight!

Jessica: Shush.

Eric: We have to get Ebony and Ruby to duel – they're sisters. Beautiful, perfect shisters.

Biggs: After Edo pulls his Batman moment and makes everything better.

**But then Chazz is like "**

**No wai bitch! Shes minEa!"**

**Aster glared at chazz and hissed!**

**Chazz rembered the day Ruby and him met.**

Jessica: You mean via rape? Yeah, we saw that too. No need to elaborate.

"**Oh ruby. How I love you. How clod I forget our love!"**

**Chazz Ran far away. to find his true love.**

**Ruby!**

**Manjoume burst into the room with ruby.**

"**Ruby! I know your secret! Your Aster's Sister!"**

**Ronaldo gastped. "O rly?"**

Eric: Ronaldo? Whodat?

Biggs: Ruby before her sex change op.

Jessica: It's a sign that she loves himself. Because she realized her appeal as a man wasn't enough to compete with the likes of Johan, so opted to become a girl.

**ragby gasped agin. "Aster are half-angle?"**

"**Yes, but I am better looking."**

Biggs: Kaworu Nagisa, look out.

Jessica: Nope. Edo's an angle, totally different. And he's got an ego to match.

"**Nuu! Rubeh's mien!" chazz said.**

"**Your nut enough of a man fer her, Chazz!"**

"**Im totes man!" he said arngirly.**

**S: Nu yur no! *Bites ruby's neck***

"**ahhhh" ruanb yelld**

**Slade bit dwn harder nto her neck and litey messaged her breats.**

Biggs: Nothing turns a girl on like biting her neck and massaging her breasts. I should try that some time.

Eric: With Jesh.

Jessica: Eric? The hell's wrong with you?

Eric: A wild Judai-Jaden appears.

"**No… he must complete the the transofmation…"**

"**he tanformaton?"**

"**Yes, jun… Only then can Ruby, be my bride…"**

"**But rubry's minen!" jun wasn't heppeh.**

"**No, jun. She must blecom a daemon so I can wed her and unlock my true wizard powers"**

'**ur a wizard" chazz ssked.**

Jessica: No, he's just Judai.

Biggs: "Ah, but Judai, you're a wizard".

Jessica: He's just Judai. Stop feeding the troll, Biggs.

Eric: Asutoraru… what is legibility?

Jessica: Wow, he *is* out of it.

***With Doreh***

"**Ow…My not being Shotedness."**

"**ar yo okeh, meh luvv?" Asstoro askored.**

"**Whort are you? Whre is chazz?"**

Biggs: Hopefully in therapy. No doubt everyone else will need it by the end of this.

Jessica: Eric certainly does. Forget giving them a dictionary, I'm gonna get this author a shrink.

Biggs: Part of me is convinced they didn't willingly take it down, but it was reported so many times the adminstrators purged it from existence.

Jessica: That scenario worries me. Because they could have easily carried on. Who knows what horrors they could have unleashed by now?

Biggs: I imagine none would have been worse than what is here at the moment.

"**ssssh, loov. i ned to fix yu." Astor used his angle pwers to heel her.**

"**Ow…my pain ez gone."**

Eric: What about mah soul pains? Heal them, ya bashard.

Jessica: Uh… there there? (pats Eric's back)

"**no prblm, door"astr tood up too.**

"**HOW DO YOU NO MY NAM!"**

"**chillaz, plz"**

"**wELL. BYE"**

Jessica: It's been reduced to text talk. That's sad.

Biggs: It went beyond sad with the opening line. The same could be said for us – the readers just stick around to watch us suffer and pity us.

**Door Slapped him**

"**Lird!"**

"**no i rn't lird! He run away to fin hr instead off halping you!"**

"**Blcus I hadn't fixd him to lov me!"**

**Door cryed sucidle tears of pain Asteer conforted her.**

Jessica: The _My Immortal_ vibes get stronger with each segment. I'm struggling to even make out what each character is saying now.

Biggs: I'm willing to bet the author was going through a mental breakdown over the course of the story – even if the Author Notes don't suggest that. Or she started before writing the fic.

Jessica: (rereading the passage) Nope, you've lost me. All I can make out is that everyone loves each other, Ruby is essentially God's gift to humanity and… there's a want for a lot of sexy times. Or something to that effect.

Biggs: I'm still searching for the first instance of wrist slashing. It's bound to come up; the author's not original enough to come up with something that doesn't exist in Ebony's version.

Eric: My Chemical Romance conshert. They have to go to tha and find the antagonist on stage.

"**Wake up me luv" Juudai shook rug genleh.**

"**Ehh?" Rynby opned hre eys.**

"**My demon angle…I lurv u" jalden smooocher her. "Oh Juden, my lruv, I lurv yeh!"**

Jessica: Wow, that's one awkward oxymoron. Or what it's supposed to be.

Biggs: Everyone migrated to Scotland since the last chapter. Odd, really.

Jessica: And the writing's getting worse as well. Take it the author didn't take her pills between chapters.

"**And hve many damon wizard angle babehs, yes?" Ragby loked up at him hopfuly.**

"**We can start nbow!" Jalden kissed klessed her nleck, and squeezed her brest cuz he's a totes perv**

"**Ooh, Jadlen" rby said hapifully.**

**Judai took off her pantiws and put his man part in her gushy woman thing.**

Jessica: "Gushy woman thing"? I… don't think that's how sex works.

Biggs: I don't think anything in this fic works as the author thinks. Especially language.

Jessica: The style does vaguely resemble us when we're messaging each other online. Y'know, if you take away the text talk, typoes and misuse of the English language.

Biggs: So basically… it looks nothing like our styles.

Jessica: I use "babeh" sometimes.

Biggs: Uh… huh…

"**I luv ya two, hoe. You be my bottom bitch." jaden took a drag from his fag**

**Just then zane brock throw da winda. "Give me bak te cbr dork dick!"**

"**No way, u stupid prep!" jaden said jumpin from the bed. BUT HE WAS NEKKID!1**

**Zarn gawked at Jadens huge deck.**

"**ur so big, judai!"**

"**i know, right" judai rofled.**

Jessica: This writing, it never ceases to amaze me. It's like it's lost the subtly, now it just screams "I'm purposely doing this. I'm a trollolololol. Watch my anagram and text talk fic get worse".

Eric: (snorts with amusement) "chr dork dick".

Biggs: Almost every word is missing a letter now. They're trying too hard.

Jessica: Hey, look, Ryo's challenging Judai to a duel… ohwait, that'd mean…

**Zarn whipped it out and delled jaden inta submission.**

"**Take that jarden."**

Jessica: Well... that was going to be my second guess.

Biggs: It's futile, really. This is a fic where sex rules instead of duelling. Duels don't decide everything in this case, it's whoever is the kinkiest.

"**i loves you both!" rab said cryin, cuz she really wanted to do both of them, btu they wudnlt wanna do it 2gether.**

**Zarn len alover her**

"**WE'RE GOING TO HAVE SEXX NOAW! "**

**n den dey did it and jden was rlly sad cuz he culdnt join it becuz he dosnt wana do it with aother guy bcuz hes nut gay, lol.**

Eric: Never a good therapist around when you need one.

Jessica: Nor here.

Biggs: I'm not entirely sure if Ruby and Judai are married yet, but Im sure this constitutes cheating on him in either case.

Jessica: Uh, Biggs? What on Earth is going on in the next scene?

Biggs: From what I can make out,Clandroia's appealing for Edo to help her find Manjoume so she can 'fix' him in order to attain his love. Which he seems to agree to. Oh, there's also a bad attempt at a Pokemon reference by calling Manjoume 'Charzard'. Then somehow, he's there.

"**i love doorki, chap! bt she loves yuu n not meh!" Apter sad lukn down, cuz he relly did love dorp, n he ws all cryin n it was rly sexeh.**

**Chazaksj dnd't care "So?"**

Jessica: The author's just getting a hard-on for these character that she's taken so far from their usual selves that she's losing what minute ability to type that she possessed.

"**switch places with meh! Den doren will love me, n u can talk to ryby!"**

"**Wut?"**

"**ya!" Astr sed gettin xited butt not like dat, guys. grose. "u can be meh, n I cean be you! n den rabyd love ya! Eevee one luves meh… cept door…"**

Eric: I like how the author shoves rape, nudity and consented sex in the readers' faces, then calls them gross for not even thinking Edo was getting sexuall aroused like she was trying to insinuate.

"**Haw do we do that?"**

"**gimme ur cloves!"**

Jessica: Yeaaaaaah. I don't get this. Their hair would still be identical. Where's this plot going anyway?

**Aslert put on CHassds cothes n dyed his har blak n he looked just like chazz! "there!" he sed happie his plan was workin.**

**Chazz glued.**

"**I stell lock like me!"**

**Asder ralled his eye n den made Cherz lok like him.**

Biggs: I don't think that's how hair dye works.

Jessica: Or espionage.

Eric: Or life.

"**Will rubeh love meh noa?"**

"**yup! she toes will loovr ya!"**

"**PARFE!"**

**Jun ran off with new founf joy.**

Biggs: As did the readers – the fic vanished after that last chapter!

Eric & Jessica: Hooray! Drinks on Biggs.

Biggs: Oh… yeah… Forgot about that.

Jessica: Well, we've got no reaction to the latter, but it seems the fanbase may be wising up a tiny degree. The reviews are complains about the author's lack of capital letters and elaboration on what the hell is going on.

Eric: Forget that, s'in the past. S'go get wasted.

Jessica: You mean more than you already are.

Eric: Totes.

**Stepping Through The Wall**

Biggs: So what have we learned today, kiddies?

Eric: Not to come to yours.

Jessica: OCs are bad for yaoi.

Eric: English is sacred.

Jessica: GX writers are worse than those of other fandoms.

Eric: Can't write properly.

Jessica: Eric's a lightweight when it comes to alcohol.

Eric: Jessica's dead.

Jessica: That was last time. Don't bring up irrelevant fics.

Eric: Psh.

Biggs: Wow, you two *do* need a drink. A'ight, let's go on. The readers can just figure out any moral on their own.

"Go beyond the unreadable! Kick good writing to the curb! Don't believe in canon, believe in fanon that subverts the canon! That's the Yuugiou Fandom way!"

-End-

**-The Writer's Angry Note of the Week-**

Deez lng chapahs git les funy de longer dey goo. set yr cloks 4 are Duumsdey Spushil cuuming soon.

(Ouch, my brain)


End file.
